Post by angeldust on Aug 29, 2007 2:16:49 GMT -5
Rating: Safe for all
Author's Notes: There are some Deathly Hallows spoilers *although somehow I think I would have a hard time spoiling for anyone on this site
*. It's been far to long since I've wrote anything yet alone AD/MM but after watching all three of LOTR extended editions with no sleep what so ever when I finally hit the sack my muse popped it's little head out and bit me. It's only short but I had been hoping to do something that wasn't Bella/Voldie for deathly hallows for a while. It hasn't be beta read so I hope it's no to terrible. Strangely enough I could hear Christopher Lee's voice all the way through writing this. Set at the start of half blood prince.
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She doesn’t know I’m watching her. She doesn’t see how my blue eyes have strayed from my paper work to stare at her intensely. Watching as she sucks on the end of her quill, dark eyebrows knotted as she attempts to decipher a child’s poor handwriting. How cruel fate is, after a mere 5 years together we are to be torn apart. She doesn’t know. She is so blissfully unaware that by the time this academic year is over I will be dead. It will happen in one of two ways. She doesn’t care about my blackened hand. Oh how she would, if she knew if my plan fails that black will spread over my entire body - eating me alive until I die a humiliated old man who can not even go to the bathroom by himself. If my plan succeeds however I will be murdered. I would much prefer that latter and I knew if she given the choice so would she.
I am a selfish man. I won’t deny it. Oh how I would love to say I have not told her to spare her the pain, to keep our last days together with that small flicker of happiness in-between the darkness instead of letting her be consumed by fear and looming grief. It would be a lie to say that is my reason. I know not telling her will spare her no pain in-fact it is more likely to intensify it. I am not this noble man they make me out to be. I do not tell her for my own selfish sake. So I do not have to see the fear in those beautiful eyes. So I do not have to see her search desperately for cures. So I can spend my last year on this earth living in the denial that someday Tom Riddle will be gone and I can spend my years in the arms of my love away from pain and death.
It is a fools dream. I know I will not last this year and ever the selfish I would rather allow her to think one of her most beloved friends a traitor then allow her to always only be able to remember me as the tired old man who she was forced to bath and feed on his death bed. I hope dearly that someday Severus Snape will be known as the brave, brave man he has always been – the type of man I always longed to be. I hope dearly that my raven haired beauty will find another to spend her days with. Although my head knows that this shall never be. We had both thought ourselves to old to find love; we had both given up hope decades ago. There is not enough time for her to release her grief and the guilt I know will be left on those shoulders.
“I was thinking Albus,” She smiles across the room at me. That smile, oh that smile that seems to light even these darkest of days. That smile that makes this old mans heart seem to beat afresh.
“Perhaps we should buy a wee cottage for the summers, a little hide-away to escape.”
“That sounds just lovely my dear.”
She will never know.
Author's Notes: There are some Deathly Hallows spoilers *although somehow I think I would have a hard time spoiling for anyone on this site
*. It's been far to long since I've wrote anything yet alone AD/MM but after watching all three of LOTR extended editions with no sleep what so ever when I finally hit the sack my muse popped it's little head out and bit me. It's only short but I had been hoping to do something that wasn't Bella/Voldie for deathly hallows for a while. It hasn't be beta read so I hope it's no to terrible. Strangely enough I could hear Christopher Lee's voice all the way through writing this. Set at the start of half blood prince.*************************************************
She doesn’t know
She doesn’t know I’m watching her. She doesn’t see how my blue eyes have strayed from my paper work to stare at her intensely. Watching as she sucks on the end of her quill, dark eyebrows knotted as she attempts to decipher a child’s poor handwriting. How cruel fate is, after a mere 5 years together we are to be torn apart. She doesn’t know. She is so blissfully unaware that by the time this academic year is over I will be dead. It will happen in one of two ways. She doesn’t care about my blackened hand. Oh how she would, if she knew if my plan fails that black will spread over my entire body - eating me alive until I die a humiliated old man who can not even go to the bathroom by himself. If my plan succeeds however I will be murdered. I would much prefer that latter and I knew if she given the choice so would she.
I am a selfish man. I won’t deny it. Oh how I would love to say I have not told her to spare her the pain, to keep our last days together with that small flicker of happiness in-between the darkness instead of letting her be consumed by fear and looming grief. It would be a lie to say that is my reason. I know not telling her will spare her no pain in-fact it is more likely to intensify it. I am not this noble man they make me out to be. I do not tell her for my own selfish sake. So I do not have to see the fear in those beautiful eyes. So I do not have to see her search desperately for cures. So I can spend my last year on this earth living in the denial that someday Tom Riddle will be gone and I can spend my years in the arms of my love away from pain and death.
It is a fools dream. I know I will not last this year and ever the selfish I would rather allow her to think one of her most beloved friends a traitor then allow her to always only be able to remember me as the tired old man who she was forced to bath and feed on his death bed. I hope dearly that someday Severus Snape will be known as the brave, brave man he has always been – the type of man I always longed to be. I hope dearly that my raven haired beauty will find another to spend her days with. Although my head knows that this shall never be. We had both thought ourselves to old to find love; we had both given up hope decades ago. There is not enough time for her to release her grief and the guilt I know will be left on those shoulders.
“I was thinking Albus,” She smiles across the room at me. That smile, oh that smile that seems to light even these darkest of days. That smile that makes this old mans heart seem to beat afresh.
“Perhaps we should buy a wee cottage for the summers, a little hide-away to escape.”
“That sounds just lovely my dear.”
She will never know.
*huggles Mini* You're so mean to her BUT I love the story.
xXx 
