Post by MinnieQuill on Dec 21, 2006 0:42:17 GMT -5
Challenge no. 71: - A Fearful Husband; A Murderess Wife
I want to make one thing clear before I start. I am not; I repeat I am NOT afraid of my wife. Why would I be? She calm, kind and collected…so long as you don’t go near her ginger newts. Then she’s prone to having homicidal urges.
Okay; now we have that established.
I’m not afraid of my wife.
Much.
I creep quietly toward her classroom and poke my head around the door. She is sitting at her desk marking homework. I chance putting one foot inside the door and she looks up sharply.
“H-Hello darling,” I stutter, all too aware that her wand rests very close to her right hand, which currently holds a quill. Not that that is any consolation. A well-placed quill to the eye can be downright painful. Not that I have experiences with that…not at all…
She looks at me as she reclines back into her seat. I take that as confirmation to come in and place my other foot in the classroom. The door slams shut behind me and I swallow nervously. To clear my throat before I talk obviously. Because I’m still not afraid. Why would I be? When she’s looking at me like a Great White Shark about to attack its prey.
“Yes, Albus?” she says coolly, now replacing her quill on the desk and drumming her fingers against the rosewood.
“I-I just wanted to talk…” I venture cautiously.
Her eyebrows contract until they form one severe line as her fingers increase the staccato beat. I wish she wouldn’t. It sounds too much like the introduction to Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. Great. Now I’ve got da da da daaaaam! Dadada da daaaaaaaaam in my head.
“About…?” she asks, drawing my attention away from her elegant fingers which have desisted their strumming and are now fingering her wand.
I straighten my back and try to assume an authoritative posture. She raises one eyebrow and I slump. What can I say? She has that effect on me.
“Well, Minerva,” I say trying to inject a cheerful note in my voice, “I was talking to Poppy and…”
Bad move. Her fingers tighten around her wand and now she’s twirling it in her fingers. I kick my shin and instantly regret it. I will definitely have a bruise tomorrow.
“You were talking to Poppy…?” she says coldly, “And what did Poppy have to say.”
I can feel my stomach begin to twist and turn. Because I ate too many sherbet lemons, you see. It has nothing to do with the fear that is beginning to flood my insides. Honest to Merlin.
“She…umm…well you know, Minerva, after the stunners and everything you should really…”
I falter as sparks fly from her wand and back into the wall. Because the sun was getting into my eyes in my other position. It has nothing to do with the murderous look I am receiving.
“What are you talking about, Albus?” she says now transfiguring the paperweight on her desk into a mini-Madame Pomfrey. Things do not bode well for the school nurse when Minerva taps the figurine and it shatters into small pieces.
“Well…Minerva,” I continue, all the while cursing my Gryffindor braveness. Fool-hardiness, the annoying voice in the back of my head reminds me. What other idiot would take on Minerva McGonagall when she has PMT?
Three dreaded letters.
P.M.T
They make three dreaded words.
Pre Menstrual Tension.
I really should run in the other direction, but common sense eludes me and I raise my eyes to look at my soon-to-be murderer. I mean wife. Minerva doesn’t have a violent bone in her body. Really.
“Well, Minerva,” I say again, cursing the way that the words die in my mouth, “Poppy thinks you should take it easy. You know get a rest and…”
I falter as Minerva rises to her feet, restoring the Madame Pomfrey figurine with one swish of her wand, before decimating it when she hurls it across the room.
Deep breaths Albus. You’ve been married 35 years. She won’t do anything rash.
I try to back away before forgetting I am already flush against the wall. A quick glance to the doorknob affirms it is unlocked and I lunge for the door. I can escape. I really can. But I forgot that one of Minerva’s fortes is locking charms.
I am still not afraid.
Minerva strides toward me; her robes billowing behind her like Severus’. Severus! He was sure to have some healing potions to fix me after Minerva…no I will not need Severus. I hope. I pray. WHY DO I LOVE A POTENTIAL MURDERESS!!!
“Albus Dumbledore,” she says sweetly, kneeling beside me and smiling softly. Well baring her teeth anyway. Still; it’s a start.
“Albus Dumbledore,” she repeats, now running a hand through my hair. I close my eyes. She has stroked that really sensitive spot right behind my…
OUCH!!! My ear!
She yanks me upright and I find myself pressed against the wall with a wand to my throat.
“What did Poppy say?” she hisses, her wand perilously close to my jugular vein.
“Thatyoushouldtakeabreakfromordermissionsandtakeiteasy,” I say all in one breath.
Minerva steps back and my hands flies instinctively to my wand. If I have to duel her I will. I love her too much to let her risk her health. That is if…
My wand! It’s not there!
“Albie, darling,” Minerva says in a tone she would use if addressing an unruly five-year-old, “Do you really think you can stop me?”
“Y-yes…” I squeak bravely, “If I have to stun you I will make sure you rest.”
Stun. Bad word. Very bad word.
Minerva looks to swell with rage and I cringe. But when she speaks it’s in a curiously soft voice.
“Albie, darling,” she says again in that sickly-sweet voice.
A bit like Umbridge. Umbridge! Don’t even go there!
“We’re going to see, Poppy,” she continues, tucking my wand, yes that’s right, MY wand, into her robe pocket.
“H-how nice,” I stutter.
I find my hands tied behind me with conjured rope as I am marched to the Hospital Wing. Poppy must have heard us coming because she is ready for Minerva and leaps out from behind a bed.
“Petrificus totalus!”
Needless to say the curse doesn’t hit Minerva as, hopefully, intended. But rather yours truly who falls to the ground as stiff as a board.
Uh oh
I can see the look of horror Madame Pomfrey’s face as she looks up and blinks, both slowly and yet startled at the same time.
“Now, Min,” she says cautiously.
Bad move. No one calls Minerva, ‘Min’. VERY bad move.
Minerva’s eyes narrow into slits as she calmly points her wand at Poppy who takes the iniative.
“Expelliarmus!”
Minerva pivots easily away from the red light before turning back to look at Poppy whose mouth has fallen open. Why did I teach Minerva how to duel? Why?
Minerva tilts her head to one side before flicking her wand. Poppy disappears. Where did she go?
A mouse scuttles in front of me and I inwardly shudder. Minerva isn’t the Transfigurations Professor for nothing. Even when she was first year student she was better than many of the seventh years. Then again she is the most powerful witch of the generation.
The mouse squeals as Minerva leans down and picks it up by the tail.
“Now, Poppy,” she says in that voice so reminiscent of Umbridge, “Usually I would transform and chase you about the castle but…” She smiles and pokes the mouse playfully. “Instead I’m going to put you in a nice little cage because you told me to rest. Isn’t that nice of me?”
The mouse nods adamantly and receives a vision of bared teeth in response. Minerva conjures a cage from thin air - complete with bedding and a mouse Ferris wheel – and places it gently on Poppy’s table. The mouse Poppy is placed gently inside and the cage locked tightly with a complex charm that only Minerva will be able to lift.
“Now, Albus,” she says turning her attention to me who is still lying on the floor. “Blink twice if you agree that I am more than fit to continue Order business.”
What other option do I have?
I blink twice.
“Splendid!” she says beaming.
And she waves her wand and releases me from the curse.
I smile.
She scowls.
Oh dear.
She turns on her heel and marches away from me. I notice with a smile that her cheeks are flushed and her hair has escaped from its bun. She always did look beautiful when she was angry.
Maybe I should threaten to not let her go on Order business more often.
A quick glance at Poppy who is now running frantically on the Ferris wheel dispels this idea.
Maybe not.
The End.
Author's note:- I do not own Harry Potter. And forgive this piece of insanity. Cheers. Minniequill
That gave me a much needed laugh and put a smile on my face. Very well done!
