Post by palanfanaiel on Jun 16, 2005 13:40:01 GMT -5
;D Well this is not exactly a discussion, but it's not a fic either, just some silly stuff I wrote late one night...
Here’s 50 ways to piss off our ‘beloved’ potion teacher, or 50 ways to significantly get quite an amount of “T’s”…(Troll) and a spectacular way to loose the House Cup. Or you could just get expelled. If you try this and any of the above happens, be glad that’s just it. It could be worse. Think of all the potions he could make you suffer with…(Gulps)
1. Buy him some shampoo.
2. While you at it, ask him when was the last time he took a bath!
3. Ask him if he knew, he had some similarities of a vampire. Then add preposterous ‘though you’re not sure if he has fangs’.
4. At the exact moment when he looks like he’s going to kill you, stick a bundle of garlic, a pair of crucifixes you had hidden beneath your cloak, right up his face, all the while conjuring sunlight with your wand. Act disappointed when he doesn’t react, as you thought.
5. When in class making a love potion, which only will be one time in all your Hogwarts years, accidentally spill it over him and make sure the first thing/person he sees is your cat, owl or rat. Now you’re of course wondering why we just don’t make him see ourselves instead of an animal, but think of having Snape looking at you adoringly. All the time! He wouldn’t be Severus Snape anymore, and that’s my friends is called blasphemy.
6. And when it comes to the exams tell him, your cat, owl or rat would considerably like him a little more and maybe consider a date, if he gives you good, and I mean really good grades.
7. Admit you’re madly in love with him… and start stalking him!
8. When he complains to Dumbledore about you and your sexual pestering, tell the Headmaster Snape’s got it wrong. And he’s the one harassing you!
9. Start spreading untrue outrageous rumours about him.
10. Especially rumours making him grumpier than before would be preferably.
11. Imitate Hermione, and when asked ‘say you just like him using your name’ instead of giving an answer. Smile sweetly at him and ignore his snapping response.
12. Sneak up on him and scream “Buuuh” This will work best if you do it daily all year, or at least from the start of term till Christmas.
13. Correct everything he says. And start making arguments about your returned homework - like he doesn’t know a damn thing about potions, and you’re brainier than him. Even though it’s completely far-fetched.
14. Stare at him with open awe in class and never look away. Even if that means not doing what you’re told to do.
15. Enchant his robes to break out in singing with music every time he takes points from Gryffindor. Which in fact means he’ll be walking around with robes singing all the time.
16. It would be best if the song is the Weird Sisters: I'm a Filthy Slimeball.
17. Teach him meditation - to get rid of his grudge against the world and it’s habitation in generally.
18. Greet him every time you see him with an over-thrilled ”It wouldn’t hurt to smile Sevie, yeah come on, yes you can do it, seeee”.
19. Wake him a morning (before 5 a-clock) by running around his chambers screaming ‘Death Eaters and You-Know-Who are attacking Hogwarts’.
20. When he wants to expel you for scaring the wits out of him, excuse yourself with ‘you have a habit of sleepwalking’.
21. Start calling him “Slimy git” instead of professor or sir.
22. When he tells you to show proper respect towards a teacher dryly reply “Sorry Sir”. Only to mutter “Slimy git of a Death Eater” under your breath, though loud enough for him to hear.
23. Remember the Bogart incident!
24. Well, help him with remembering it every single day too.
25. And as smart as one can be, you of course took a picture of the Bogart incident.
26. Make as many copies as you can and hang them up all over the school.
27. Make headlines for all the pictures. Like ‘Snape goes feminist’ or ‘Snape’ true nature’ or make a before and an after picture…
28. Enchant the pictures, so nobody but you can get them of the walls.
29. Exclaim really loudly every time, when he’s in hearing area, ‘That Sirius Black was so handsome, and he really wasn’t a murder, he’s a hero!
30. Make sure to add James Potter in the conversation, talking about him like he was a God.
31. Start a Harry Potter fan club! P.A.S.A.E.S. (Potters amazing Society against Evil Snape)
32. Where your head purpose is to annoy Severus Snape.
33. Secretly at the same time start a Severus Snape fan club! Where your head purpose is to show anyone, that Snape in reality is misunderstood and nice beneath all his sneers. S.N.A.I.B (Snapes Notorius Attitude Is Bogus).
34. Make badges for your fan clubs, flashing them at any teachers, especially Snape.
35. Call him ‘The man with a bad hair day’!
36. Taunt him about his Death Eater tattoo. ‘Earnestly, what did you do to get such a grim tattoo! I mean when having a tattoo shouldn’t it at the least be somewhat cool’!
37. Play matchmaker!
38. Give him flowers when nobody really wants to go on a date with him ‘Better luck next time’
39. Mock him for his taste in underwear in his schooldays!
40. Remember to add ‘if he was growing fur too in his schooldays!’
41. Convince everyone in class – Or ‘imperius’ them – to sing a birthday song for him.
42. If you’re really persuasively –or truly have the hack of the spell – convince everybody to buy presents for him too.
43. Tie him to a chair, and make him watch pictures of Harry Potter as a baby!
44. Enchant a ‘Kick me’ sign to float at his back. And make sure he doesn’t notice.
45. Put up mistletoes all over the school. Make sure to enchant them, so within two meters reach, you have to kiss the nearest person.
46. Make sure to take pictures of it.
47. Edit them in your computer, you’ve borrowed from a muggle – remember to make them embarrassing and twisted – and blackmail him with them.
48. Try to become his best friend!
49. Decorate his chambers – in pink!
50. In your several detentions with him – which you’ll have if you try any of the above – act as if you enjoy them, and try the best you can to make them longer.
Heh heh... =)
Btw, I'll post one on McG soon...
Here’s 50 ways to piss off our ‘beloved’ potion teacher, or 50 ways to significantly get quite an amount of “T’s”…(Troll) and a spectacular way to loose the House Cup. Or you could just get expelled. If you try this and any of the above happens, be glad that’s just it. It could be worse. Think of all the potions he could make you suffer with…(Gulps)
1. Buy him some shampoo.
2. While you at it, ask him when was the last time he took a bath!
3. Ask him if he knew, he had some similarities of a vampire. Then add preposterous ‘though you’re not sure if he has fangs’.
4. At the exact moment when he looks like he’s going to kill you, stick a bundle of garlic, a pair of crucifixes you had hidden beneath your cloak, right up his face, all the while conjuring sunlight with your wand. Act disappointed when he doesn’t react, as you thought.
5. When in class making a love potion, which only will be one time in all your Hogwarts years, accidentally spill it over him and make sure the first thing/person he sees is your cat, owl or rat. Now you’re of course wondering why we just don’t make him see ourselves instead of an animal, but think of having Snape looking at you adoringly. All the time! He wouldn’t be Severus Snape anymore, and that’s my friends is called blasphemy.
6. And when it comes to the exams tell him, your cat, owl or rat would considerably like him a little more and maybe consider a date, if he gives you good, and I mean really good grades.
7. Admit you’re madly in love with him… and start stalking him!
8. When he complains to Dumbledore about you and your sexual pestering, tell the Headmaster Snape’s got it wrong. And he’s the one harassing you!
9. Start spreading untrue outrageous rumours about him.
10. Especially rumours making him grumpier than before would be preferably.
11. Imitate Hermione, and when asked ‘say you just like him using your name’ instead of giving an answer. Smile sweetly at him and ignore his snapping response.
12. Sneak up on him and scream “Buuuh” This will work best if you do it daily all year, or at least from the start of term till Christmas.
13. Correct everything he says. And start making arguments about your returned homework - like he doesn’t know a damn thing about potions, and you’re brainier than him. Even though it’s completely far-fetched.
14. Stare at him with open awe in class and never look away. Even if that means not doing what you’re told to do.
15. Enchant his robes to break out in singing with music every time he takes points from Gryffindor. Which in fact means he’ll be walking around with robes singing all the time.
16. It would be best if the song is the Weird Sisters: I'm a Filthy Slimeball.
17. Teach him meditation - to get rid of his grudge against the world and it’s habitation in generally.
18. Greet him every time you see him with an over-thrilled ”It wouldn’t hurt to smile Sevie, yeah come on, yes you can do it, seeee”.
19. Wake him a morning (before 5 a-clock) by running around his chambers screaming ‘Death Eaters and You-Know-Who are attacking Hogwarts’.
20. When he wants to expel you for scaring the wits out of him, excuse yourself with ‘you have a habit of sleepwalking’.
21. Start calling him “Slimy git” instead of professor or sir.
22. When he tells you to show proper respect towards a teacher dryly reply “Sorry Sir”. Only to mutter “Slimy git of a Death Eater” under your breath, though loud enough for him to hear.
23. Remember the Bogart incident!
24. Well, help him with remembering it every single day too.
25. And as smart as one can be, you of course took a picture of the Bogart incident.
26. Make as many copies as you can and hang them up all over the school.
27. Make headlines for all the pictures. Like ‘Snape goes feminist’ or ‘Snape’ true nature’ or make a before and an after picture…
28. Enchant the pictures, so nobody but you can get them of the walls.
29. Exclaim really loudly every time, when he’s in hearing area, ‘That Sirius Black was so handsome, and he really wasn’t a murder, he’s a hero!
30. Make sure to add James Potter in the conversation, talking about him like he was a God.
31. Start a Harry Potter fan club! P.A.S.A.E.S. (Potters amazing Society against Evil Snape)
32. Where your head purpose is to annoy Severus Snape.
33. Secretly at the same time start a Severus Snape fan club! Where your head purpose is to show anyone, that Snape in reality is misunderstood and nice beneath all his sneers. S.N.A.I.B (Snapes Notorius Attitude Is Bogus).
34. Make badges for your fan clubs, flashing them at any teachers, especially Snape.
35. Call him ‘The man with a bad hair day’!
36. Taunt him about his Death Eater tattoo. ‘Earnestly, what did you do to get such a grim tattoo! I mean when having a tattoo shouldn’t it at the least be somewhat cool’!
37. Play matchmaker!
38. Give him flowers when nobody really wants to go on a date with him ‘Better luck next time’
39. Mock him for his taste in underwear in his schooldays!
40. Remember to add ‘if he was growing fur too in his schooldays!’
41. Convince everyone in class – Or ‘imperius’ them – to sing a birthday song for him.
42. If you’re really persuasively –or truly have the hack of the spell – convince everybody to buy presents for him too.
43. Tie him to a chair, and make him watch pictures of Harry Potter as a baby!
44. Enchant a ‘Kick me’ sign to float at his back. And make sure he doesn’t notice.
45. Put up mistletoes all over the school. Make sure to enchant them, so within two meters reach, you have to kiss the nearest person.
46. Make sure to take pictures of it.
47. Edit them in your computer, you’ve borrowed from a muggle – remember to make them embarrassing and twisted – and blackmail him with them.
48. Try to become his best friend!
49. Decorate his chambers – in pink!
50. In your several detentions with him – which you’ll have if you try any of the above – act as if you enjoy them, and try the best you can to make them longer.
Heh heh... =)
Btw, I'll post one on McG soon...
Why must we pick on my dear Potions Master? (Though, I admit, I did laugh at them) 
. Great job, am looking forward to Dumbly's!
