Post by gahhMinerva on Nov 16, 2008 18:01:14 GMT -5
The final installment:
Chapter 10: Moving On
No… no… not anymore, Minerva thought, listening to Albus speak. He could not continue this behavior. It hurt her too much.
“Stop, Albus… stop.” She shook her head rapidly, the tears dropping off her face as it swung side to side. “I can’t take this anymore.” She pulled the stark white sheets closer and began to weep into them, hiding her face from view. Albus’s arms wrapped around her trembling form, but she shook him off.
“Minerva… I am trying to help you. I cannot if you push me away,” Albus said rationally. “Please let me know what is troubling you. Whatever it is, you do not have to fight it alone.”
Minerva turned away. She could not allow herself to fall into his care and believe there was something more. Even if he said… no, he could not mean it. He could not mean love in the same context as she desired. After all, he had said there was nothing, and now there was something? He was playing with her heart over and over again, and now it simply hurt too much.
“Minerva, please don’t do this. Whether you want to admit it or not, you cannot isolate yourself. You have friends here who care about you, and we hate to see you so unhappy. It hurts me to see you in pain. Honestly, dear, I l—”
“Don’t say it,” Minerva cut in. Not those three words…
“I’m sorry,” he replied with frustration evident in his voice. “I’m sorry that I hurt you by caring. I will let you alone for now.” He sighed resignedly and advanced toward the door. Minerva watched his slowly retreating back through the tears continuously blurring her vision. She wanted to tell him to stop. She wasn’t trying to push him away, and she didn’t want him to leave. She swallowed and mustered up her strength to make him stay. He had to stay. She needed him.
“Albus… don’t go. Please don’t. Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Albus, I tried to kill myself! Do you think you should leave me right now?” she cried, her face a mess of tears. “I don’t want to be here… and I especially don’t want to be here alone.” She watched him slowly stop and turn around with his head bowed. He cautiously faced her with a sorrowful face. Clearly he did not know what to say, or even if he should speak at all.
“This is not your fault, Albus. Not completely at least. I think I knew, somewhere inside, that it would come to this. I was always looking to perfect myself… and never was I satisfied,” Minerva explained. “I… didn’t even love myself. I don’t know how I thought you could.” She bit her lip and closed her eyes. She had failed herself. She was not as together as she tried to make everyone believe.
Albus came to her bedside. He knelt down to reach her eye level and grasped her hand gently in the both of his. He swallowed before speaking.
“…Because I did.”
Minerva tried to read his blue eyes as pain, fury, and relief flashed through hers.
“What are you trying to do to me, Albus? You said – and now you’re saying –” She could not even get her thoughts out straight.
“I did. I do. I always have,” he said in fragments. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing – that this would happen.”
Minerva thought she might explode. If the circumstances were slightly different, she probably would have hexed him.
“You lied to me? Why? Why would you do this to me?”
Albus looked almost scared for his life. Fortunately for him, Minerva’s wand was in her robes pocket, and she was currently wearing a hospital gown.
“I was afraid, for you, darling! After Voldemort – who knows where he’s really gone! If he rises again, if there’s another war, I can’t be sure that I can protect you. I love you too much, Minerva. I only want you to be safe.”
“But Albus, we’re safe now,” she said in frustration. “You-Know-Who has disappeared; at least for now, the world is at peace. You know you can’t live your life in fear, worrying about what could happen. If something does happen, you will never know what you missed.”
“I know. I realized that. When—when I didn’t know tonight if I’d ever get to speak to you again, to hear your voice again, to see your beautiful eyes light up – I knew that if I received a second chance, I could never let myself lose you again. I have never been more afraid than I was tonight. Dear, I love you, and I’m sorry. I need you to know that.”
He leaned in and kissed her, lightly and gently on her soft lips. He pulled back, slowly, reluctantly, and they looked sadly into each other’s eyes.
“Please forgive me,” they both said simultaneously. Then they stopped abruptly, bit back their tongues, and waited for the other to speak, resulting in a comfortably awkward silence.
“I should be the one asking for forgiveness,” Minerva said firmly, not permitting Albus to interrupt. “I have treated you so coldly over the past month or so. I should have honestly accepted your proposal to keep our friendship intact. Instead, I treated you like a stranger. I refused to let you know what my troubles were, as I surely would have in the past. It’s just that – I had already spilled my heart to you. I could not burden you again. You already have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
“Minerva, I’m sorry you felt that way, but you must know that I would always be there for you. If ever you need me, nothing else would prevent me from getting to you – not the Ministry, not even the Minister himself. Your problems are real, and I do not want you to hurt. You could never be a burden to me,” Albus said earnestly. “You need not apologize for anything you have done or said over the past several weeks. I am the one who must plead forgiveness. I caused your pain. It was my sheer stupidity that caused you to hurt. I… I almost killed you.” He plainly struggled to hold back tears while every line in his aged face expressed anguish and remorse.
“Albus… please stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault. It doesn’t even matter who’s at fault,” Minerva said solemnly. “…I don’t want to think about this anymore, Albus. I just want to feel all right.”
Albus moved in and embraced her securely. She rested her head upon his shoulder and let his steady breathing soothe her. He was there for her, solidly present and unwavering, as she should have known all along. But it did not matter what she thought she should have known or could have done. It was all in the past, and dwelling on her supposedly erroneous decisions would not make anything right. It would only cause her to miss out on the good things that life had to offer, and as she had just told Albus, it would not be worthwhile. Now was the time to move on.
“I’m sorry I scared you,” Minerva said. “But, can we— can we just move past this? Let’s not forget, but... rather learn from it? I don’t want to do this again or feel this way anymore. And... I don’t want to say I love you if events will just repeat themselves.”
“Let’s move on,” Albus agreed.
“Promise me you won’t keep anything from me?”
“If you can say the same for me.”
Minerva smiled.
“I can.”
Albus grinned, too, at the sight of the glowing face that he had not seen on Minerva over the past several weeks. She had not felt so genuinely happy in such a long time, and she missed the feeling. Albus advanced his face toward hers, and their lips met in a beautiful kiss that Minerva had been awaiting for decades.
“I love you,” Minerva said.
“I love you, too,” Albus said. “I won’t ever let anything prevent me from getting to you.”
Their hearts and souls met via a passionate kiss once again, and, forgetting all her physical pain and emotional wreckage of her history, Minerva let the love wash over her and completely consume her, filling her with the lightest and most pleasant feeling of joy one can achieve.
Thanks to everyone who read and commented!
Chapter 10: Moving On
No… no… not anymore, Minerva thought, listening to Albus speak. He could not continue this behavior. It hurt her too much.
“Stop, Albus… stop.” She shook her head rapidly, the tears dropping off her face as it swung side to side. “I can’t take this anymore.” She pulled the stark white sheets closer and began to weep into them, hiding her face from view. Albus’s arms wrapped around her trembling form, but she shook him off.
“Minerva… I am trying to help you. I cannot if you push me away,” Albus said rationally. “Please let me know what is troubling you. Whatever it is, you do not have to fight it alone.”
Minerva turned away. She could not allow herself to fall into his care and believe there was something more. Even if he said… no, he could not mean it. He could not mean love in the same context as she desired. After all, he had said there was nothing, and now there was something? He was playing with her heart over and over again, and now it simply hurt too much.
“Minerva, please don’t do this. Whether you want to admit it or not, you cannot isolate yourself. You have friends here who care about you, and we hate to see you so unhappy. It hurts me to see you in pain. Honestly, dear, I l—”
“Don’t say it,” Minerva cut in. Not those three words…
“I’m sorry,” he replied with frustration evident in his voice. “I’m sorry that I hurt you by caring. I will let you alone for now.” He sighed resignedly and advanced toward the door. Minerva watched his slowly retreating back through the tears continuously blurring her vision. She wanted to tell him to stop. She wasn’t trying to push him away, and she didn’t want him to leave. She swallowed and mustered up her strength to make him stay. He had to stay. She needed him.
“Albus… don’t go. Please don’t. Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Albus, I tried to kill myself! Do you think you should leave me right now?” she cried, her face a mess of tears. “I don’t want to be here… and I especially don’t want to be here alone.” She watched him slowly stop and turn around with his head bowed. He cautiously faced her with a sorrowful face. Clearly he did not know what to say, or even if he should speak at all.
“This is not your fault, Albus. Not completely at least. I think I knew, somewhere inside, that it would come to this. I was always looking to perfect myself… and never was I satisfied,” Minerva explained. “I… didn’t even love myself. I don’t know how I thought you could.” She bit her lip and closed her eyes. She had failed herself. She was not as together as she tried to make everyone believe.
Albus came to her bedside. He knelt down to reach her eye level and grasped her hand gently in the both of his. He swallowed before speaking.
“…Because I did.”
Minerva tried to read his blue eyes as pain, fury, and relief flashed through hers.
“What are you trying to do to me, Albus? You said – and now you’re saying –” She could not even get her thoughts out straight.
“I did. I do. I always have,” he said in fragments. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing – that this would happen.”
Minerva thought she might explode. If the circumstances were slightly different, she probably would have hexed him.
“You lied to me? Why? Why would you do this to me?”
Albus looked almost scared for his life. Fortunately for him, Minerva’s wand was in her robes pocket, and she was currently wearing a hospital gown.
“I was afraid, for you, darling! After Voldemort – who knows where he’s really gone! If he rises again, if there’s another war, I can’t be sure that I can protect you. I love you too much, Minerva. I only want you to be safe.”
“But Albus, we’re safe now,” she said in frustration. “You-Know-Who has disappeared; at least for now, the world is at peace. You know you can’t live your life in fear, worrying about what could happen. If something does happen, you will never know what you missed.”
“I know. I realized that. When—when I didn’t know tonight if I’d ever get to speak to you again, to hear your voice again, to see your beautiful eyes light up – I knew that if I received a second chance, I could never let myself lose you again. I have never been more afraid than I was tonight. Dear, I love you, and I’m sorry. I need you to know that.”
He leaned in and kissed her, lightly and gently on her soft lips. He pulled back, slowly, reluctantly, and they looked sadly into each other’s eyes.
“Please forgive me,” they both said simultaneously. Then they stopped abruptly, bit back their tongues, and waited for the other to speak, resulting in a comfortably awkward silence.
“I should be the one asking for forgiveness,” Minerva said firmly, not permitting Albus to interrupt. “I have treated you so coldly over the past month or so. I should have honestly accepted your proposal to keep our friendship intact. Instead, I treated you like a stranger. I refused to let you know what my troubles were, as I surely would have in the past. It’s just that – I had already spilled my heart to you. I could not burden you again. You already have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
“Minerva, I’m sorry you felt that way, but you must know that I would always be there for you. If ever you need me, nothing else would prevent me from getting to you – not the Ministry, not even the Minister himself. Your problems are real, and I do not want you to hurt. You could never be a burden to me,” Albus said earnestly. “You need not apologize for anything you have done or said over the past several weeks. I am the one who must plead forgiveness. I caused your pain. It was my sheer stupidity that caused you to hurt. I… I almost killed you.” He plainly struggled to hold back tears while every line in his aged face expressed anguish and remorse.
“Albus… please stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault. It doesn’t even matter who’s at fault,” Minerva said solemnly. “…I don’t want to think about this anymore, Albus. I just want to feel all right.”
Albus moved in and embraced her securely. She rested her head upon his shoulder and let his steady breathing soothe her. He was there for her, solidly present and unwavering, as she should have known all along. But it did not matter what she thought she should have known or could have done. It was all in the past, and dwelling on her supposedly erroneous decisions would not make anything right. It would only cause her to miss out on the good things that life had to offer, and as she had just told Albus, it would not be worthwhile. Now was the time to move on.
“I’m sorry I scared you,” Minerva said. “But, can we— can we just move past this? Let’s not forget, but... rather learn from it? I don’t want to do this again or feel this way anymore. And... I don’t want to say I love you if events will just repeat themselves.”
“Let’s move on,” Albus agreed.
“Promise me you won’t keep anything from me?”
“If you can say the same for me.”
Minerva smiled.
“I can.”
Albus grinned, too, at the sight of the glowing face that he had not seen on Minerva over the past several weeks. She had not felt so genuinely happy in such a long time, and she missed the feeling. Albus advanced his face toward hers, and their lips met in a beautiful kiss that Minerva had been awaiting for decades.
“I love you,” Minerva said.
“I love you, too,” Albus said. “I won’t ever let anything prevent me from getting to you.”
Their hearts and souls met via a passionate kiss once again, and, forgetting all her physical pain and emotional wreckage of her history, Minerva let the love wash over her and completely consume her, filling her with the lightest and most pleasant feeling of joy one can achieve.
Thanks to everyone who read and commented!
