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Post by EloquentPhoenix on Mar 21, 2006 11:22:26 GMT -5
Evil evil evil! How can you stop there? And only one more to go? Sad it's ending but happy that they're finally there  Update soon! |
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Post by ismaco on Mar 21, 2006 14:25:49 GMT -5
I missed a thousand posts... sorry! I've just caught up  Your story is great (even if Minerva's virginity still freaks me out a bit), I'm really enjoying it! I just can't believe that you split your story JUST there... I agree with everyone else: that was cruel and evil. PLEASE update soon!!! Love, Isabel |
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Post by Erica Dawn on Apr 4, 2006 20:46:22 GMT -5
Please, please, use a spell check!!!
I also think you focused on the wrong thing, shopping over chess. I think you stretched out shopping a bit more than it needed although that could just be me. I've never needed to know the precise number and color of shirts involved.
I think perhaps with a bit forethought, maybe writing it in MS Word or something with a spell-check, then copying it into a post and using a beta, it's not too bad for a first story, but don't be afraid of creative criticism either. Those who are merely praising you while not giving you advice on how to grow as an author are not helping you. Still, I'm impressed that you have so many character thoughts for a first-timer.
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Post by Erica Dawn on Apr 4, 2006 20:56:00 GMT -5
Whoops, didn't realize that there was more than one page!
The second page has better use of commas and capitalization although you still need to be careful with ill vs. I'll. You keep forgetting to capitalize i. Remember that it's I want to get something, not i want to get something.
I'm also not sure about having Min remaining a virgin, but poetic license, to each his own or her own in your case.
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Post by Erica Dawn on Apr 4, 2006 21:14:52 GMT -5
It felt so wonderful she had always thouht that all those authors of the trashy romance novels had excagerated when they had described kissing your love but they had not her kneees really felt weak and her mind was going numb.
Be careful about too many letters, like the es in knees...unless it was for dramatic emphasis, but I don't think that was necessary for that sentence.
“We eat our breakfast sat next to each other everyday and have done for years why break a great tradition when we can just move it to a new location.”
“We eat our breakfast sitting next to each other everyday and have done for years why break a great tradition when we can just move it to a new location.”
Never thought of it that way or as a reason to have breakfast in bed together.
Watch out for verb tenses.
Excellent use of capital I on page 3, a bit rambling during the prelude to sex, but probably mirroring their thoughts which would be just as rambling. You should also use more commas for the more Dickensian sentences.
But woohoo, Albus and Min hooking up!
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Post by ismaco on Apr 5, 2006 19:50:40 GMT -5
Oh dear... I do think it's great. Hopefully, you'll update soon! Isabel |
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Post by nemi on Apr 9, 2006 6:32:10 GMT -5
How did I possibly miss this update?! That was really cute, I love the dialogue and I can't wait for the next (and last ;_;) chapter. And I also agree with everyone- that was a really cruel place to stop. Regarding what Erica Dawn said, I don't think the story has been affected - it's absolutely brilliant - but in future it probably is best to write chapters in a program such as MS Word first and then post them here |
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Post by helpful alias on Apr 10, 2006 10:26:32 GMT -5
I was under the impression that by posting here we all agreed to the storyposting guidelines, which include, I quote:
"2. Spell check. Spell check. Spell check. Every word processor should be equipped with a spell check button. Be sure to click it before you post your story, your readers will appreciate it. This goes for character names, spells, and places. Please check the Harry Potter Lexicon or the books to ensure that these are spelled correctly. If English is not your native tongue, spelling errors are understandable, but please make every effort to find and correct them before you post your story.
3. Please check your punctuation and grammar. If you know you’re bad at one or both of these you may want to consider finding a beta reader to help spot these errors. We understand that not everyone is perfect, but there are basic rules that everyone should follow: the first letter of a sentence is always capitalized, as are the names of characters and places; dialogue is enclosed in quotes; a period goes at the end of a sentence; etc.
4. Do not use the message input box as your word processor. We would prefer you to first type it up on a word processor and cut-and-paste the story into the message box. This is to help ensure the use of a spell checker. If you feel that you have to type your story straight into the input box, please be sure to check your spelling and punctuation BEFORE you hit the post button. Furthermore, if you do spot an error after you’ve posted, you do have the ability to edit your post after the fact. The “modify” button is right there, between the “quote” and “delete” buttons, next to the subject of your post."
People rarely comment on the lack of spell checks and on grammar mistakes. If they do, it's wiser to take their advice. Authors should respect their readers by trying to post with a spell check, as should reviewers their authors.
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Post by bethj4013 on Feb 6, 2007 11:55:46 GMT -5
What your going to leave us there please update soon
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Post by EloquentPhoenix on Feb 6, 2007 14:13:35 GMT -5
There is a complete version of this up somewhere, I'm sure of it...
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Post by bestwishes4Maggie! on Aug 16, 2011 16:45:13 GMT -5
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Post by Mandy McGonagall-Dumbledore on Jan 24, 2016 15:02:35 GMT -5
I read this in ff.net and I loooooove it!!!! Really great job!!
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Update soon!
