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Post by EloquentPhoenix on Aug 13, 2006 17:11:30 GMT -5
A/N: True drabble, a childish argument, and what it reveals. Fluffy. For DaftPenguinofDoom of fanfiction.net – she’ll know why. I wanted to try out dialogue and drabble, I'm not sure about in-characterness and I might rewrite it with more than just dialogue. Your opinions and any constructive criticism are very welcome. I'm unsure if the pace is a little fast for my liking but I can't seem to change it. Honest advice prettyful please?Now on with the story. I Hate You “Albus! Must you insist upon making so much noise?” “It’s only sweet wrappers, Minerva.” “It only ever is! How on earth am I supposed to read over that infernal racket!” “Well, Minnie-” “Don’t you dare start with the nicknames, Headmaster.” “Headmaster is it? Well, I shall just leave you to your reading and formalities, Ms McGonagall, I’ll rustle my sweet wrappers elsewhere.” “Sit down, please. You can eat your sweets here if you must, try to be quiet though.” “I knew you’d come around to my way of thinking…” “I hate you.” “I love you, too.” Finite
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Post by beMMADfabulous on Aug 13, 2006 17:39:28 GMT -5
lol That was cute. I actually enjoyed reading just dialogue on this one. It really fit the story. Don't worry about the quick pace either (I stuggle with that a lot as well)- it works.  The only thing slightly odd was the line that said, "I rustle sweet my wrappers elsewhere." |
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Post by EloquentPhoenix on Aug 13, 2006 17:42:18 GMT -5
Oops. It should be 'I'll rustle my sweet wrappers elsewhere' Tut, I'm much to careless when editing. Thanks. I'll just go fix it...
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Post by Virtuoso on Aug 13, 2006 18:02:07 GMT -5
AH! I love it.  So cute. |
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Post by crystalpheonixeyes on Aug 13, 2006 18:11:42 GMT -5
just the dioluge did work really well here. ^___^ I love it. I say that alot, either end i am on.^_____^
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Post by furandfeathers on Aug 13, 2006 20:51:40 GMT -5
Awww, this was cute! And I love the last two lines, for me that makes them seem more...real, i guess the word is, because I've responded the same way, although I don't think Albus was joking when he said it Great job! |
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Post by osusprinks on Aug 13, 2006 21:53:36 GMT -5
I didn't think the pace was too fast. I thought it seemed like a real conversation between two people who know each other pretty well. In fact, it's the kind of conversation I can see any couple having often as apart of the normal banter of a relationship. Does that make sense? I loved the last two lines, also.  Thanks for sharing! |
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Post by nicolerose on Aug 13, 2006 22:01:38 GMT -5
haha. that was a childish kinda thing. |
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Post by zoeteproet on Aug 14, 2006 4:09:55 GMT -5
Aaah, I love it, I can imagine Albus saying with a sugarsweetsmile: "I love you too". ;D
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Post by Tabby67 on Aug 14, 2006 6:42:20 GMT -5
Woot! That's cuteness.... Very cute. *does insane dance* Blame it on the hair dye chemicals. |
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Post by prodigyviolin101 on Aug 14, 2006 11:09:51 GMT -5
That was very.... fluffy! =3
It was nice to think of the perfect couple having some issues as well...(laughs uncontrollably for a few moments)
prodigy - I really enjoyed it.
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Post by TheGryffindorSeeker on Aug 14, 2006 15:41:15 GMT -5
awww short and cute
loved it =]
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Post by minnielover on Aug 14, 2006 16:13:26 GMT -5
I Luff the fluff
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Post by FireBird on Aug 15, 2006 9:34:48 GMT -5
Aww, cuteness!
Nice work!
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Post by Mandy McGonagall-Dumbledore on Feb 4, 2016 5:42:17 GMT -5
Awwww that was so cute!!!
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So cute.
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