Good at Heart

[griseldalafey]

It's a beautiful story. I like the way you describe Minerva dealing with her grief.

[Nerweniel]

Chapter Five

Albus held the girl he loved as she cried, caressing her long, raven tresses as she hid her face in his thick, purple robes. He knew very well she did not like to cry in public- and he knew, too, that even he had to consider it as a rare… privilege, almost, to get the right to witness her sadness. Of course he hated to see her unhappy, of course he wanted to watch her smile- but at the same time, he was glad that at least he provided her with someone she could trust. With a shoulder to cry on, even- with someone who would listen.
Months had passed since the horrible news of her family’s being arrested had reached Hogwarts, and it with a worried look in his eyes that Albus had witnessed Minerva undergo the massive amount of sympathy both students and teachers had provided her with. She’d accepted it all with a grateful nod and a smile here and there- but Albus had watched it and known that it would pass.
It had passed. Slowly, the student body returned to its usual life, with little and bigger problems, with homework, with gossips- and he had seen the breach between Minerva and the others gradually become wider and wider until, now, in the end, he knew she was fighting herself. It was a fight he knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t fight for her- and yet that didn’t mean that he didn’t pity her.
As sadness was replaced by anger, and finally by dissappointment, he just sat there and watched- watched Minerva as she paced, raged, yelled- knowing that every single word she spoke was true and rightful, and yet knowing that no-one would understand it.
“How can they be so ignorant? How can they just sit there and go on and on about copying my homework while- while people are dying, being tortured- starving! How can they not care? How can they gossip about- about nothing, while- oh Albus-”
Here she came to a stop, kneeling right in front of where he sat, and in her big, emerald eyes he read every ounce, every single little bit of that silent, ear-deafening despair he’d known had been hidden inside of her for a very long time.
“How can they be what they are and yet grow up unharmed? I don’t want them to be harmed- of course I don’t- and yet why is this so unjust? How can they live in such ignorance?”
Albus knew what he had to reply- and he knew that she knew it as well. It was the truth, the inevitable truth- however painful it could be. But he knew she would never regard it as painful, after all- for if there was anything Minerva McGonagall esteemed more than courage, it was truth.
As he, endlessly tender, rested the palms of his hands against her pale, tear-stained cheeks, carefully guiding her head until it rested atop of his purple-clad lap.
“The same way you, Minerva, lived in ignorance before all this started.”
As she looked up, he knew that she’d understood his words and even grasped the truth in them. Pulling the young, now shivering, woman closer with one arm, he once more spread his cloak over both their sitting silhouettes. As she, almost reluctantly, cuddled up to him, her muttered words were barely audible, yet painfully honest.
“I- I know… I was- I am- an awful person too-”
“Minerva, that is not true, you know it. You are not awful, they are not awful. If anything, it’s human nature that is awful. We were not born to know, see and understand everything right away. We are born not knowing, and we only have a little time to change that- here and there. We’re not made to worry about things we don’t have to worry about.”
As Minerva tilted up her face to him again, Albus knew he’d made the right decision in remarking this. She was intelligent enough to see this as what it was- an information, a comfort, not a reproach, and as softly, only a short moment, her lips locked with his in a short, grateful peck, he smiled as he held her.
“Albus- thank you.”
A mere nod of his said more than a thousand words ever could, and as Minerva leant her head on his shoulder, heartbeat slowly returning to normal again, the man knew, on that very moment, as the starlit sky was stained by the bloody red airplane lights, that he’d do everything to protect this woman he loved. Everything.
It was basically that feeling which made him frown as, moments later, the girl looked up to him- eyes soft and begging, yet equipped with that steely stubbornness he knew so very well.
“Albus,” she said.
“Will you help me to become an Auror?”

[Sola]

This is so brilliant and outstanding!...realy...how ya show minervas restless and helplessnes and how she can trust albus throu such times...makes me think...realy awesome.

Anyway...

Sola

[Lady Lavendar]

This keeps getting better and better every chapter! Hope to see another update very soon. ;D

LL

[griseldalafey]

That was a very interesting discussion between them... I liked Albus' gentle reasoning

[KayleeTonksLupin]

*can't believe she missed reviewing the last chapter, and shall review both, then.*

I loved the stargazing, how she said which star in Ursa Major was which member of her family, and it made me cry...oh, please let them be all right. And how Minerva made her point about the bombs dropping on Berlin and other places...compassionate Minerva, even in times of trouble...I enjoyed both chapters though they made me cry...

Many Kaylee-wolf treats for you and BIGHUGGLESES for Minerva,

Kaylee

[Nerweniel]

Okay, I'd sort of forgotten I had posted this story on here, so here are three chapters at once ;D.

Chapter Six

For a moment, Albus really didn’t know what to say. No matter how well he knew her, no matter how much he’d read her obvious seriousness from her eyes- this was a question he hadn’t expected for a single moment. Deep down, his first reflex was to refuse- not because he didn’t want to help her with everything and anything, but simply because as she sat there, beautiful and radiant and mature- and yet at the same time, with the moonlight reflecting in her huge, wet green eyes, so terribly vulnerable as well.
Deep down, all he wanted to do was keep her close to him- close to him, where he could watch her and guarantee her safety, so that, despite his incapability to save her people from their undeserved fate, he could at least save this one, wonderful witch whom he loved more than anything in the world from that fate.
And yet, in those very same, vulnerable eyes, he couldn’t but see the determination- the strength of her, the strength that her family had, too, and the strength which they most probably needed so desperately at that moment in time. He could read them, see them all, her family members- all pictured together in those big, green eyes of the girl who was, by some twist of fate, chosen among them to be the one to survive.
At that moment, Albus knew he could not say no to her. He could not refuse her his support, no matter how much he feared for her, no matter how strong his urge to protect her was. It wouldn’t be fair to her to keep her from doing the only thing she could possibly do to help- not to her, and not to her family.
“I will, Minerva. I most surely will- if you really want to.”
It was his love for her that made her add the last five words. If she really wanted to. And deep down- and he was ashamed for those thoughts- he wished she’d refuse- but he knew Minerva McGonagall way too well to ever believe in that possibility.
“I do. It’s been my dream ever since this- horrible war started, and now more than ever- ever since… it happened.”
The sky was still dark as she turned her gaze towards it again and as Albus, noticing the temperature outside had really dropped by now, gently scooped her up in his arms and started carrying her inside, the young, black-haired woman did not object.
“Care for a cup of hot cocoa?”
Having put Minerva down on the sofa in his living room, Albus handed her said cup- and just for once, she did not object. Pensively drawing meaningless patterns into the dark brown surface of the hot liquor with her spoon, waiting for it to cool down, the young witch looked up at her teacher and friend again, then, faintly, smiled.
“I have been quite a nuisance to you tonight, haven’t I, Albus?”
The auburn-haired wizard was quick to assure the girl he loved that no, she was never a nuisance to him- but even quicker was he to gently pull her closer until, finally her head came to a rest against his shoulder and, slowly, he felt her tense muscles relax and her breathing become easier. Tracing silent patterns on Minerva’s emerald-clad back with his fingertips, Albus smiled as he watched her eyelids- slowly, gently- drop.
“Everything for you, Minerva.” were the last words the Scottish witch heard that night.
“Everything for you.”

[Nerweniel]

Chapter Seven

The next months drifted away quickly for Minerva- and years later, she would remember them as the impatient blur they had indeed been. Finally having found a goal in her life, which she’d always felt as so very useless, Minerva was glad when she could, finally, look forward to something again- and her last months before graduation passed without much things happening.

She studied hard for her NEWTs, though- and the result was amazing indeed. At the graduation ceremony that year, Headmaster Dippet was glad to announce that for the first time since his Deputy Headmaster had graduated from Hogwarts, another student had managed to receive an O on all their NEWTs.

And Minerva was proud- but only because she knew that she could hardly have started Auror training with any less. She was proud of herself, of her achievement, but even stronger than that pride was the bitter knowledge that she no longer had a family to join in that pride. Her classmates’ parents were nearly all there at graduation- and though she knew the steel smile she’d pasted on her lips in the morning fooled most of them, Minerva knew only too well that Albus could read the hidden hurt in her eyes. How could he not, after all.

For if there was one thing she’d dreaded her graduation for, it had been the goodbye of her Professor, friend- and lover. She knew that, though they could now, gradually, bring their relationship out in the open, she’d miss being close to him all day. She’d miss the late night chess games, she’d miss stolen kisses between classes- but most of all, perhaps, she’d miss his presence- the knowledge that he was near and that despite everything, there was still something left to survive for.

In a way, Minerva was scared of herself and her own reactions to the relative loneliness she was heading for. Of course she’d not lose him the way she had lost her parents- suddenly and unexpectedly- but still. Most of all, perhaps, she was afraid to give in. Albus had told her about all rumours, no matter how horrid, which he had heard about the Nazi camps her parents now resided in- because she’d asked him to be honest with her. He had done so, and she appreciated it- even though there wasn’t a night when she didn’t wake up from a nightmare in a ball of sweat, only to see, with the eyes of her mind, the figures of her sisters, her parents, her grandparents, in the darkness of the corners of the room.

He’d told her, too, that she had to stay realistic and that, no matter how much he hoped for them to survive, the chance was very slim indeed.

BBC mentions gas.

And yet why had she been chosen to survive, then? When she’d been eleven, she’d asked herself the question why she had turned out to be witch, while neither of her sisters looked as if they had so much as one trace of magic flowing through their veins- but never had she imagined that circumstance to have such consequences.

In a way, it was her magic which had saved her- and yet the question “Why?’ remained. Why her- why not the others- especially, why not Tosia? Though Minerva was two years her sister’s senior, somehow she had always admired the younger girl. Though she’d of course been very young, it had always been obvious that of the three sisters, the middle one was destined to be the beauty- with her, like Minerva’s, black hair and her dark, big eyes. Her brains, perhaps, had never been quite as quick as Minerva’s- but still she had been a clever young woman, and along with her naïve, intuitive goodness she’d been a perfect little angel indeed.

So perfect that even Minerva thought it hard to be angry with her- to envy her- and it frustrated her. True, Minerva had always had a courage, a determination, unknown to the younger girl- but still. The two girls had had their arguments- and somehow, Minerva felt they had mostly been her fault.

And that, the girl breathed, leaning her head on her hands, one night, wasn’t a pleasant realization at all.

In her dreams, she always saw the same image. And though she didn’t miss her other family members any less, it was always Tosia. Dirty and thin, huge eyes begging and silently, silently asking Minerva that one, accusing question.

Minerva, Minerva, why have you left me alone?

And the young witch knew it was unfair to herself to torture her own mind with these visions- but she could stop neither them, nor the questions they provoked and kept on provoking.

Tosia, Tosia, I have never left you.

[Nerweniel]

Chapter Eight

To my dearly beloved sister, Meredith, who, despite not exactly wanting to read my angstfics, still rocks . As you see, you do get a bit of fluff .

Minerva McGonagall heard her own heels clacking against the uneven pavement, and with a suppressed, sleepy yawn, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as she, briskly, walked on.

It was five in the morning, and the new Auror-in-Training of the Ministry of Magic felt slightly guilty about not having gone to sleep at a decent time the previous night- but then again, she inwardly defended herself with a smirk on her lips, at least she had gone to bed early. The only problem, which wasn’t really a problem, was; so had Albus.

She smirked again, then pulled her long, tartan cloak just a little tighter around her thin shoulders, then walked on.

Granted, five o’clock was a rather bizarre time to start the first day of her three years of Auror training- but then again, these were bizarre times to start training, too. Minerva didn’t really care, anyway- all she wanted, had always wanted, ever since her family had disappeared, was to fight for her people- and getting up at half past four was really the least of sacrifices, in that case.

Albus had not objected to her enrolling, in the end- not that he had expected him to. He knew her well enough, after all, to realize that, young as she was, she was a very free woman indeed, and as much as she loved him, she was not willing to let that freedom of choice go. He wanted to keep her safe, true- but just as well did he know that he could not keep the possibility to fight from her.

They hadn’t bothered to keep their relationship a secret after her graduation, even though they hadn’t exactly yelled it from the rooftops either. He was old enough to be her grandfather, after all- and especially Albus was painfully aware of the negative reactions that could possibly follow. Their closest friends knew, though- and were happy for the couple, too, because quite frankly, Minerva thought with a smile, Albus and her were made for each other- and they knew it.

Headmaster Dippet, one of her lover’s closest friends, had been one of the first to actually rejoice in the match- a wise old Ravenclaw, the Headmaster was open-minded enough to see how happy they were, and he had given Albus permission to share his rooms in Hogwarts with Minerva- as long as she managed not to be seen by any of the students. Her Animagus form- which she had acquired through very intensive training throughout the summer- did come in handy, there, and so far, they had managed quite well.

And now here she stood- in front of her future.

Taking a very deep breath, Minerva nodded. This was what she wanted- and this was what she would do. She was sure.

And even Albus, she added with a soft smile, even Albus…

“You know what, Minerva?” the auburn-haired wizard muttered, as he traced the features of the young woman in his arms with a tentative finger.

Said witch, black, thick hairs all spread out over the bed sheets, merely, lazily smiled, taking her hand in his and gently kissing it.

“Mmhm?”

“You *would* make a wonderful Auror, after all.”

Minerva smiled- then mockingly frowned and lightly gave the man a pat on the chest, green eyes looking genuinely surprised. Though he had agreed with her decision in the end, he still didn’t feel too happy with it, she knew- and this sudden remark surprised her.

It was with an impish smile that he explained- and the young woman rolled her eyes with a grin.

“I know first hand what happens when good tabbies go bad…”

As he started nuzzling her neck, Minerva contentedly sighed- yet at the same time shook her head and grinned.

“I’d only get this bad with you, Albus Dumbledore… you deserve it…”

As he gently kissed her lips again, she felt the warmth inside of her chest grow- and knew he’d recognized it as what it was.

A compliment.

[BlazeFourPaws]

Yay fluffiness in the angst. I love this fic so much and it's progressing nicely. Even better is that Minerva is becoming a highly developed character and whooohooo an auror. Also to be rather crude Albus be getting some. I hope this is updated soon.

[Alesia]

This is just a wonderful story in which to explore survivor's guilt. The flashback of the last chapter was very enjoyable - a little love and a dash of sex.

[Nerweniel]

Chapter Nine

*1945*

“No, Albus Dumbledore, I will not let you go on your own!”

The young witch crossed her arms, green eyes shooting more fire than ever- and as she moved to stand in the door-opening, blocking Albus’s way, the auburn-haired wizard nearly grinned, playing with his wand, a semi-serious look on his face.

“Minerva, dear, you do realize that I can move you away from that door with one tiny swish of this thing over here, right?”

“Oh that you can all right- only you won’t.”

Hands on hips, the black-haired woman linked eyes with the man now standing in front of her- and just for a moment, it looked as if he really was going to shove her aside- be it with his wand or physically- but then, green eyes triumphed over blue ones, and the wizard lowered his wand with a sigh.

“You’re right. I won’t. But Minerva- you have to understand…”

“What do I have to understand, Albus? That you are going to fight my battle, mine, and that you are leaving me behind? That even after two years of Auror Training, you are incapable of seeing me as a full person-”

“My dear, you still aren’t a qualified Auror-”

Albus rested a calming hand on the young woman’s shoulder- but Minerva shrugged it off, and went on, angrier than ever.

“As if that matters to you! As if that matters only the tiniest little bit to you- as if that would convince you to see me as a person, and not as some weak little sick plant you have the oh so noble urge to protect! But you can’t protect me, Albus! You can’t keep me locked up forever and hope that nothing happens to me that way! I’m coming with you, Albus Dumbledore- get used to the idea already!”

There was, once more, a moment of pressure that made the silence in the room go surprisingly heavy, as blue eyes, again, linked with green ones- and only seconds later, one of the two pairs of eyes were lowered.

It was the blue set.

Could he really keep her from doing this, after all? Could he, Albus Dumbledore- could he keep a girl who was technically an adult woman and who had every right to fight that which had destroyed her family, from fighting her own battles?

Could he stop her from coming along with him- merely with the excuse that she was not yet a qualified Auror- while masses of young, unqualified, incapable boys had already given their lives for the cause she so dearly wanted to fight for?

No, he couldn’t.

Yet it was in remarkably short sentences that he spoke up, a mere second later- and with a sigh.

“Alright, pack your things. I don’t know where we’re going. It’s a ministry secret. We leave in five minutes.”

As Minerva left the room to go pack, it was only the slightest twitch of lips that gave away that inwardly, she was smirking.

She’d won this battle.

She would win the next one, too.

[ginger newts]

I love that even when she's so young Minerva can win the arguments. I think Albus chose wisely. Wonder what happens next?

[BlazeFourPaws]

This is wonderful. Minerva can beat Albus in arguements probably in chess as well. He needs her she has strategy and common sense. He needs her level head and he needs her love. Update soon. I love this story so.

[Alesia]

What a great chapter. How could he not let her go? I wonder how many times that scene (with a different subject matter) was played out over the years of their relationship.

[Nerweniel]

Chapter Ten

“ALBUS!”

For a moment, the world froze- and the young woman, knuckles of her right hand white and tense around her wand, turned her head, as if in slow motion, towards the spot where the man in question stood.

Two months had passed, and Minerva, though a little paler and a little thinner, had survived them without any harm. True, there had been the occasional cuts and wounds, or spells gone wrong- but the dark green gleam in her eyes was still undefeated, and the Auror-in-Training badge on her chest still unbroken.

“It’s- okay, Minerva, I’m alright.”

It was true. A quick counter spell had prevented the auburn-haired wizard from a rather nasty curse coming his way- but only just. Still it was his small group which gained a small victory on that day- and so it was with a tired smile on his face that, later that night, the man stretched his back with a yawn, sitting in front of the tent Minerva and he had shared during the past weeks.

“We’re getting closer, Min. Every day- a little. They can’t possibly keep this up- the Muggles are well on their way towards defeating Hitler too, did you know that? Winston sent an owl last night.”

The twinkle in his eyes was optimistic- but Minerva was not fooled.

“Thank God the Muggles have a Minister without a manic fear for everything bird-like, for once. Makes things a whole lot easier.” was her sole, dry reply- and the auburn-haired wizard frowned.

“Minerva, what’s wrong?”

The young witch nearly smiled as she, tenderly, rested a hand against the man’s cheek. He really did know her too well- she had not wanted to bother him with her thoughts- and yet somewhere, she knew she had to tell him. Him, of all people.

“I- I don’t know- it’s just-”

Albus observed the black-haired woman as she frowned, then relaxed- then frowned again, and finally, she exploded.

“Why are we here, trying to get rid of Grindelwald instead of- Albus, shouldn’t we be liberating the camps? You don’t know- you can’t know- who knows how many men and women- how many children die every day we linger here? They’re dying, Albus, I feel it in my blood, in my heartbeat. They’re dying and here we sit- doing nothing.”

The accusation in her last words was as obvious as it was unrighteous- and Minerva herself was the first one to realize that- but not to lower her eyes, as blue eyes bored into green ones, a split second later.

“Minerva, you know that that isn’t true.”

His voice was soft- and hurt- but suddenly, a gush of anger low in her stomach made that she didn’t care anymore- and Minerva McGonagall, more than ever a daughter of the people who’d been subjected to repression for millennia, and who had survived, rose to her full height- which was, the way it always was, a tallness that once more surprised Albus.

“Oh isn’t it, Albus? Oh isn’t it? Is your family dying? Are your people being killed with gas and with I don’t know what, merely because- well, I don’t even know why! Are your parents, are your grandparents and sisters being tortured at this very moment? Answer me, Albus! Are they?”

The man merely moved his head- and with near imperceptible nod, he answered

“No, they are not. Both my parents were murdered back in 1940 by followers of Grindelwald, as well as the greater part of my extended family. Goodnight, Minerva.”

As the fabric of the tent fell back behind his back and hid him from his sight, Minerva’s mouth closed.

She couldn’t remember having felt this bad ever before.

[LadyJolly]

Poor Albus that's really sad. Though I understand Minerva's frustration. I hope you'll write more and post soon. It's a good story.

Lady Jolly

[TartanPhoenix]

I understand that Minerva's upset, but she had better go apologize. Another great update.

[Sola]

Oh, come on. that was rather short:P
You should write longer chaps...quite like 'I can do anything'....also longer chaps...sure they ment that...somehow. ;D
Anyway 'I've got faith' Min and Albus will be alright later on....because it's already 'been a long road getting from there to here' for them. But it will be 'a long night'...so Min can go say she's sorry.
Throu I like here too.....she's auror...like 'reach every star' and so on....... ???k...psycho..ya

Anyway ....i ment: great chapter

[Alesia]

Nice chapter. I agree that Minerva went too far. She should have known there are reasons to fight and everyone has them. She needs to say sorry. War causes everyone to suffer.

[Nerweniel]

Chapter Eleven

To Oma.

Minerva slept outside the small tent, that night. Winter had started sliding into spring months earlier, and the protection of her thick cloak, along with a quickly cast warming spell, managed to keep the young woman relatively comfortable through the night- perhaps, in different circumstances, it could even have permitted her to sleep, but that was a wish in vain, as she knew very well.

There was nothing left for her but to toss and turn under the tartan fabric she’d covered her restless form with- nothing left for her than to stare at the sky above, at the trees surrounding the tent- and at the tent itself, where he slept, or didn’t sleep, with her words still locked inside of his mind.

Her words- her horrible words.

It was with a firm hand that Minerva McGonagall wiped off the tears on her cheeks. Crying would not do- not now, not over this. This was her fault, not the world’s, not his- hers, and responsibility did not come with tears- at least not for her. With regrets, yes- but never with tears.

It was strange, she pondered, how she, who had never believed that complaining had any use whatsoever, had suddenly, very unexpectedly, even to herself, thrown it all in his face like that- especially because the concept “complaining” was still as repulsive to her as ever before.

But those who do not complain are never pitied.

She snorted. Now had she honestly ever wanted pity? Would she be happier if the world treated her like a porcelain doll- as if she was made of chocolate, as if she could melt any moment?

Now Minerva could honestly answer “no” to that question- and she felt deeply, truly ashamed when she remembered how his blue eyes had looked at her. Despite everything they had lived through together, somewhere deep down, hidden deeply in the steady blue, had always been that twinkle, that… that joie de vivre that had pulled her through so many difficult times.

Now, for the very first time, that twinkle had been entirely absent- and there had only been emptiness- a sort of… broken quantity that even Minerva could not really place. And for this, she could not blame the world- or the war.

Minerva cried, that night, her face hidden deep in the folds of her cloak. It was a near symbolic deed, that- for no-one would have been there to see it anyway, and that was exactly the way she wanted it to be. Hidden, shameful- for in her thoughts, she could see her mother, always the sterner of her two parents, frowning down upon her- and her dad having that disappointed look in his eyes that he had had when she, at three, had stolen a cookie from her grandmother’s box.

Sure, her parents would want her to find them, to save them- but they would not want her to sacrifice everything they had taught her in the process. She was sure of that.

The next morning, it was with heavy circles under her reddened eyes that Minerva threw off her cloak and started the fire to cook breakfast on. It was usually Albus who did this- but she did not have the heart to wait.

Only as she, in a silent gesture of sincere apology, brought him his scrambled eggs inside the tent, moments later- and as he, still without a word, pressed a kiss against her forehead, Minerva McGonagall knew she was forgiven.

On that sleepless night, the young witch learnt something she would never forget.

[TartanPhoenix]

Wow... I'm actually not sure just what to say. This story is amazing, and I think, despite all her outward maturity, there are still lessons Minerva needs to learn. That was just one of them.

[Alesia]

You have chosen a difficult subject and you have chosen to have Minerva learn some difficult life lessons. You have done it incredibly well. These last two chapters, especially when read together, are powerfully pointed and lead the reader down the path of Minerva's growth in maturity. Very gutsy. Thanks

[foci]

Read the last two chappies again. Great. I got goosebumps again. A couple of well-chosen words can do wonders.

[gingerkitten]

Wow! Amazing! Please post more soon!

[zoeteproet]

Oh my gosh, such a wonderful story! Could you please write another chapter, Lies?
Please please please *starts to beg*
Als ge het nie doet ga'k beginnen zagen tegen u op msn ;D
Love,
Sarah xx