Post by fallingmoon on Aug 22, 2007 8:08:44 GMT -5
50 Ways To Scare, Embarass And Generally Piss Off....Minerva McGonagall!
1. Ask her if she's in love with Dumbledore.
2. Tell her that she takes herself too seriously.
3. Join a makeup company (such as Mary Kay or Avon) as a distribution girl, stay every day after class and offer her some products from the 'mature line'.
4. Ask her if she's in love with Snape.
5. If she says no, say in an undertone, "Denial is the first phase Professor!"
6. Ask if you can call her 'Minny.'
7. Call her Minny anyways.
8. When she gives back your homework with the grade 'T' on it (T for Troll), shove it back in her face and say in a singsong voice, "You are a troll....and you look like one too!" - to the tune of Happy Birthday to you, you're (insert age here), you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
9. Throw a pot of ink at her in class and say you were trying to transfigure her into one of Freud's ink blots.
10. Push her into a secret passageway with a banshee, listen to them shriek at each other for hours and let her out. Then run, run away.
11. Walk up to her after class, You: Professor?
Her: Yes?
You: Babbling bumbling band of baboons, babbling bumbling band of baboons, babbling bumbling band of baboons...
12. Walk up to her and ask "Professor? Are your wrinkles natural or did you pay a Healer to have them done?"
13. Bribe Peeves to smash up the Transfiguration department for real. Again and again and again...
14. Storm into class late with a lacy, lingerie-type bra and fling it at her saying "Sorry I'm late Professor but Professor Dumbledore wanted me to return this to you!" and slump down in your seat.
15. When her birthday rolls around, bring in a large cake and a jumbo box of candles. Stop, look at her and say "I don't think I've brought quite enough candles."
16. Take a picture of her and say you will develop it. Don't bring it next class and when she asks why you didn't bring it, say "Well, when I tried to print it out, the computer told me 'Warning: Too many wrinkles! Too many wrinkles, ABORT PRINTING ABORT PRINTING!' and it exploded." Smile sweetly.
17. Offer to put the image into Photoshop to try and get rid of some wrinkles so that you can develop the photo, come to class and when she asks why you didn't bring it again, look down at your shoes and mumble. When she tells you to speak up, scream "My laptop exploded okay? It couldn't take the many crevices of your face!"
18. Ask her if she knew Adam and Eve. When she asks you who you're talking about, say, "Well, I figure you're around the same age, them being the first people on Earth and all."
19. When she's in cat form, kick her and when she changes back, act surprised and say "Oh I'm sorry Professor! I thought you were Mrs. Norris!"
20. Repeat number nineteen every time you see her in cat form.
21. One day, when you see her in cat form. Walk by and watch her relax, turn around and dump pumpkin juice on her.
22. Put on hooker red lipstick, kiss the collar of Snape's robes repeatedly. Steal all of Snape's robes so that he only has those to wear. When he shows up to dinner in the Great Hall wearing them, plant the lipstick in McGonagall's bag and knock it over in the middle of dinner. Exclaim loudly, "Oh I'm SORRY Professor, hey look, your lipstick is the same shade as the one on Professor Snape's collar!"
23. Pause, then say "Or is it Severus to you?" Wink suggestively.
24. "Or perhaps Snivellus?"
25. "Or even Snivelly?"
26. "Or is it," pause dramatically, "AHH AHH HARDER SEVERUS FASTER DEEPER!" moan and gasp suggestively.
27. In fourth year, walk up to her and ask very seriously, "Professor? Have I failed my OWLS?" when she tells you that they're next year say "No they're not." When she says they are, say they aren't. Argue in that tone with her pointlessly for two hours, insisting that you have already taken your OWLS and that you demand to know your scores.
28. Repeat number twenty-five for three months.
29. In fifth year, before the OWLS actually start, maybe a month before, stand in front of her at the dinner table and stare at her hard. When she asks just what the bloody hell you are doing, reply "I'm trying to use Legilimency to find out the exam questions."
30. When she tells you that you don't know Legilimency, say you do. Argue pointlessly with her over the matter for hours.
31. When she confirms for the umpteenth time that you do not know Legilimency, look over at Snape and say, "Hey Professor? If you teach me how, I'll tell you all the dirty thoughts McGonagall has about you!"
32. Sneak into her bedroom while she's sleeping. Hover over her, staring. When she wakes up and starts screaming, grin creepily and say, "The mind is least alert when one is asleep Professor."
33. Follow her into the bathroom and wait outside her stall. When she comes out, stare rudely at her as if you don't know her and go in.
34. While in there, scream "Oh God! The smell, the smell! It's horrible!" and run out screaming.
35. At dinner, sit in a group of your friends and point and whisper at her making fanning motions with your hands and disgusted faces.
36. If Transfiguration starts to get boring, grab yourself around the neck and start screaming "OH GOD! He's got me! Voldemort's got me, he's gonna kill me! No, he's gonna make ME kill me!"
37. Continue screaming for a few minutes then fall off your chair and pretend you're dead.
38. When everyone starts panicking, get up calmly and start prancing around on the desks like a ballerina screaming "THE FLIGHT OF THE FANCIFUL UNICORN!"
39. Repeat numbers thirty-four to thirty-six two days in a row.
40. Make a deal with Harry to stand outside the classroom. Have him peeking in the classroom so he can see what you're doing. Take out a voodoo doll that bears a resemblance to Snape and poke it in several places with your wand. Have Harry scream every time you poke the doll.
41. After a while, grin at McGonagall and say "Aren't you going to go save your lover Professor?"
42. When she scowls at you, poke the doll in the nads and have Harry scream in a high-pitched voice. Watch her run off mumbling something about Peeves.
43. Regardless of your gender, constantly accuse her of staring at your boobs.
44. Get a washing machine; enlarge it to make it about fifteen feet high. Drape a giant curtain over it, leave a small opening. Paint the inside black to make it appear as if it is a secret tunnel. Ask McGonagall to go investigate, when she goes in, shut the door and turn the machine on.
45. Lean back with some friends. Heck, grab some popcorn. Watch her and make 'I don't know how to turn it off' faces. Laugh. Loud.
46. When the cycle stops, help her out and say you will escort her to the hospital wing. She will most likely be very out of it and not be able to see where you are taking her out of shock. Walk forward a bit, turn around and push her back into the machine.
47. Two words. Spin. Cycle.
48. Say "I work for Lord Voldemort and he's watching you. His voice is in the back of my head all the time," pause and whisper, "literally. I took a leaf out of Quirell's book."
49. Watch everyone get all freaked out, as they try to persuade you to shave your head so they can remove Voldemort, say "NO! I have a better idea! Let's exorcise him out!"
50. Set up everything needed for a ritual and start twisting and screaming maniacally as if the foulest demon dwells within you.
I found this on quizilla.com I love numbers 1 and 14.
1. Ask her if she's in love with Dumbledore.
2. Tell her that she takes herself too seriously.
3. Join a makeup company (such as Mary Kay or Avon) as a distribution girl, stay every day after class and offer her some products from the 'mature line'.
4. Ask her if she's in love with Snape.
5. If she says no, say in an undertone, "Denial is the first phase Professor!"
6. Ask if you can call her 'Minny.'
7. Call her Minny anyways.
8. When she gives back your homework with the grade 'T' on it (T for Troll), shove it back in her face and say in a singsong voice, "You are a troll....and you look like one too!" - to the tune of Happy Birthday to you, you're (insert age here), you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
9. Throw a pot of ink at her in class and say you were trying to transfigure her into one of Freud's ink blots.
10. Push her into a secret passageway with a banshee, listen to them shriek at each other for hours and let her out. Then run, run away.
11. Walk up to her after class, You: Professor?
Her: Yes?
You: Babbling bumbling band of baboons, babbling bumbling band of baboons, babbling bumbling band of baboons...
12. Walk up to her and ask "Professor? Are your wrinkles natural or did you pay a Healer to have them done?"
13. Bribe Peeves to smash up the Transfiguration department for real. Again and again and again...
14. Storm into class late with a lacy, lingerie-type bra and fling it at her saying "Sorry I'm late Professor but Professor Dumbledore wanted me to return this to you!" and slump down in your seat.
15. When her birthday rolls around, bring in a large cake and a jumbo box of candles. Stop, look at her and say "I don't think I've brought quite enough candles."
16. Take a picture of her and say you will develop it. Don't bring it next class and when she asks why you didn't bring it, say "Well, when I tried to print it out, the computer told me 'Warning: Too many wrinkles! Too many wrinkles, ABORT PRINTING ABORT PRINTING!' and it exploded." Smile sweetly.
17. Offer to put the image into Photoshop to try and get rid of some wrinkles so that you can develop the photo, come to class and when she asks why you didn't bring it again, look down at your shoes and mumble. When she tells you to speak up, scream "My laptop exploded okay? It couldn't take the many crevices of your face!"
18. Ask her if she knew Adam and Eve. When she asks you who you're talking about, say, "Well, I figure you're around the same age, them being the first people on Earth and all."
19. When she's in cat form, kick her and when she changes back, act surprised and say "Oh I'm sorry Professor! I thought you were Mrs. Norris!"
20. Repeat number nineteen every time you see her in cat form.
21. One day, when you see her in cat form. Walk by and watch her relax, turn around and dump pumpkin juice on her.
22. Put on hooker red lipstick, kiss the collar of Snape's robes repeatedly. Steal all of Snape's robes so that he only has those to wear. When he shows up to dinner in the Great Hall wearing them, plant the lipstick in McGonagall's bag and knock it over in the middle of dinner. Exclaim loudly, "Oh I'm SORRY Professor, hey look, your lipstick is the same shade as the one on Professor Snape's collar!"
23. Pause, then say "Or is it Severus to you?" Wink suggestively.
24. "Or perhaps Snivellus?"
25. "Or even Snivelly?"
26. "Or is it," pause dramatically, "AHH AHH HARDER SEVERUS FASTER DEEPER!" moan and gasp suggestively.
27. In fourth year, walk up to her and ask very seriously, "Professor? Have I failed my OWLS?" when she tells you that they're next year say "No they're not." When she says they are, say they aren't. Argue in that tone with her pointlessly for two hours, insisting that you have already taken your OWLS and that you demand to know your scores.
28. Repeat number twenty-five for three months.
29. In fifth year, before the OWLS actually start, maybe a month before, stand in front of her at the dinner table and stare at her hard. When she asks just what the bloody hell you are doing, reply "I'm trying to use Legilimency to find out the exam questions."
30. When she tells you that you don't know Legilimency, say you do. Argue pointlessly with her over the matter for hours.
31. When she confirms for the umpteenth time that you do not know Legilimency, look over at Snape and say, "Hey Professor? If you teach me how, I'll tell you all the dirty thoughts McGonagall has about you!"
32. Sneak into her bedroom while she's sleeping. Hover over her, staring. When she wakes up and starts screaming, grin creepily and say, "The mind is least alert when one is asleep Professor."
33. Follow her into the bathroom and wait outside her stall. When she comes out, stare rudely at her as if you don't know her and go in.
34. While in there, scream "Oh God! The smell, the smell! It's horrible!" and run out screaming.
35. At dinner, sit in a group of your friends and point and whisper at her making fanning motions with your hands and disgusted faces.
36. If Transfiguration starts to get boring, grab yourself around the neck and start screaming "OH GOD! He's got me! Voldemort's got me, he's gonna kill me! No, he's gonna make ME kill me!"
37. Continue screaming for a few minutes then fall off your chair and pretend you're dead.
38. When everyone starts panicking, get up calmly and start prancing around on the desks like a ballerina screaming "THE FLIGHT OF THE FANCIFUL UNICORN!"
39. Repeat numbers thirty-four to thirty-six two days in a row.
40. Make a deal with Harry to stand outside the classroom. Have him peeking in the classroom so he can see what you're doing. Take out a voodoo doll that bears a resemblance to Snape and poke it in several places with your wand. Have Harry scream every time you poke the doll.
41. After a while, grin at McGonagall and say "Aren't you going to go save your lover Professor?"
42. When she scowls at you, poke the doll in the nads and have Harry scream in a high-pitched voice. Watch her run off mumbling something about Peeves.
43. Regardless of your gender, constantly accuse her of staring at your boobs.
44. Get a washing machine; enlarge it to make it about fifteen feet high. Drape a giant curtain over it, leave a small opening. Paint the inside black to make it appear as if it is a secret tunnel. Ask McGonagall to go investigate, when she goes in, shut the door and turn the machine on.
45. Lean back with some friends. Heck, grab some popcorn. Watch her and make 'I don't know how to turn it off' faces. Laugh. Loud.
46. When the cycle stops, help her out and say you will escort her to the hospital wing. She will most likely be very out of it and not be able to see where you are taking her out of shock. Walk forward a bit, turn around and push her back into the machine.
47. Two words. Spin. Cycle.
48. Say "I work for Lord Voldemort and he's watching you. His voice is in the back of my head all the time," pause and whisper, "literally. I took a leaf out of Quirell's book."
49. Watch everyone get all freaked out, as they try to persuade you to shave your head so they can remove Voldemort, say "NO! I have a better idea! Let's exorcise him out!"
50. Set up everything needed for a ritual and start twisting and screaming maniacally as if the foulest demon dwells within you.
I found this on quizilla.com I love numbers 1 and 14.
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