Beautiful Disaster

[mmadcrazyfan]

Beautiful Disaster
Part One

AN; Hello, my darling readers! This is my first attempt at anything angst, so please review. I am not completely sure on whether this is angst or drama, so after I have put the whole fic up, please feel free to let me know. The fic is mainly about how although Minerva seems to be calm and collected, there are a million unseen emotions there just under the surface, and there are some that not even Albus can help her through. Please read and give me you’re opinions.(the first chappie is mainly just an intro, please don’t give up on it because it’s not angsty/dramatic yet. I solemnly swear that this fic will be good)
Disclimer: *sigh* only the plot is mine.
Rating: PG-13 for suicide attempt
ON TO THE STORY !

Minerva McGonagall was sweeping down a corridor in her best robes, her raven-colored hair up in a tight bun. She was thinking about how excited the new students would be to finally be coming to Hogwarts.
Minerva subliminally registered the lamp that was growing brighter and brighter out the window at the end of the corridor, but lamps didn’t just float in front of windows (unless Peeves was bored). The train must have arrived.
She turned down a staircase, her robes rippling behind her. “Hello, dearest.” Said a deep voice behind her. Minerva turned to see a man in bright purple robes, with a long white beard, hair he could tuck into his belt, and twinkling blue eyes.
She felt to corners of her mouth go up a slight bit and registered that she was smiling. The pair fell into stride as they walked down a long, beautiful marble stair case.
“Everything ready?” asked Albus, as he draped his arm around his wife’s waist. Minerva gave him a quick, sharp look (by her normal standards, though, this glare was almost affectionate), and nodded. “Of course it is. I’ve been working all summer to make sure that the castle, the teachers, the lessons, the schedules, and everything else is ready for all the upperclassmen. Then the first years are allowed to send their responses as late as August first, so I’ve only had a month to prepare their schedules and lodgings. But apparently, you haven’t noticed your wife’s absence almost the entire summer.”
Dumbledore looked at the witch beside him with his eyes twinkling. “You need to un-stress, Min.” “-erva.” finished his wife. “You know perfectly well that I only like to be called be my full first name.”
Dumbledore smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “Yes, dear.” He said, and opened the large, golden doors to the great hall. “I suppose I’ll see you at dinner.”
Minerva nodded and stalked off, opening the oak front doors where she knew the upperclassmen were waiting. “Welcome back.” She said. The children all filed past her into the Great Hall for dinner.
She responded stiffly to several cries of welcome shouted at her from across the hall by her Gryffindors. She missed them when they left, she really did. But their return always stretched her to the breaking point.
Everyone had to get back into the swing of things, everyone had to memorize a new schedule, mess up their new robes, learn new spells. And she was responsible for the well-being of all the children when they were in her classroom, plus all of the Gryffindors, even when she wasn’t teaching them. It was all so very stressful.
And Albus was maddingly calm during this whole procedure! As Minerva sat day after day writing letters to the soon-to-be first years, making up schedules for the Gryffindors, double and triple checking with every teacher for every individual student to make sure that the schedule was right, and all Albus could say was how marvelous her hair looked down.
Although, she did rather like the way he looked at her during the summer, when she wore flowery summer prints and left her hair down. She was quite a different person for those three months.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door. She swung the door open and stepped aside to let the eager eleven-year-olds get their first view of their new home.

[mmadforever]

i liked it but i think it is more of a drama than angst, but it was really good!

[gryffindorprincess]

I like it are you going to add to it? If you are I can't wait to read more.

[mmadcrazyfan]

Beautiful Disaster
Part Two
AN: Welcome back, welcome back! I have missed you all!
Disclaimer: This is mine. (only it’s not) And the pope is Jewish.(only he isn’t) And Brittany Spears is a good, loving mother.( I shouldn’t even have to say anything here)
Minerva had to restrain a smile every year when the new students walked in, because she didn’t want their first impression of her to be one of a smiling softie. She wanted to make sure that they realized that even if Hogwarts was meant for their enjoyment, it was mostly built for their education.
A few children were shaking, some smiled feebly up at her. Minerva let her hard glance soften as she looked around at them, seeing them shaking and sweating at the sight of the gigantic entrance hall, and at the guesses of what would happen soon…their sorting.
“Welcome to Hogwarts…” she started, giving them the normal welcoming speech. As she spoke, she registered how many of these children were the spitting image of the parents that had passed through these halls so many years ago.
That little boy must be Alice and Frank’s. Good lord, he was in mother in every sense of the word. Same face, same clumsiness. She looked down at his wand and registered with a pang that it was Frank’s. She missed the children that has passed on everyday…
She finished up her speech and told the children to clean themselves up, because there were to be up in front of the entire school. She eyed Alice’s boy’s robes, and a red- haired boy’s dirt covered face. He had the same freckles that Molly Prewit had. She had married Arthur, so this must be that last of the Weasly boys.
She slid out of the door and closed it behind her, making her way up to Albus’ office to get the sorting hat.
After grabbing the sorting hat and the hat’s stool, she went back to the side chamber. “We’re ready for you now.” She said, and tried to look comforting to the shaking 11-year-olds.
Minerva began the sorting . The kids were absolutely hysterical during this time of year… they would literally sag on the stool with relief when their house was called. She scanned the first years cueing up to get sorted as she called their names.
That one was Leigh and Mark Abbot’s little girl, she had her mother’s nose and her father’s hair…..that was Gianna and Sergio Fawcet’s son…and that one. Oh, that one.
She could almost feel the tears springing up in her eyes as she looked at him, he looked so much like his father. This must be little Harry. Good heavens, his eyes were so very like his mother’s.
The sorting was over, and Albus had gotten up to speak. She faintly heard him boom out some ridiculous series of words and rolled her eyes as the rest of the hall laughed.
Why was she so detached? Not just from her emotions, but from everything this evening. Shoe would not cry. She wuld not allow herself to be upset in front of the children, he could not do that to them.
Albus sat down beside her and squeezed her knee underneath the table clothe. No one else noticed, no else saw. She felt herself tremble the slightest bit at his touch, and pulled her knee out from under her husband’s hands.
He looked at her questioningly for a split second and she replied with a split-second look that plainly said “later.” He gave her a concerned glance that no one else in the hall caught and turned back to Professor Snape who he had been in conversation with.
Minerva let her eyes wonder over the children for the rest of the evening, but suddenly getting flash-backs of these children’s parents, even if they were seventh years that she had taught for ages.
Why was she being so very sentimental? Why tonight?

AN 2: I'm sorry, i should have been more specific. this has six parts to it. the first part was just a prolouge, thats why its not angsty yet. it should all be up by the end of the week.

[gryffindorprincess]

That was great can't wait to read more.

[mmadcrazyfan]

Beautiful Disaster
Part Three
AN: Here we go again! Any chance on some more reviews? *puppy dog eyes*
Disclaimers: Wait, did I make any money?! *checks pocket.* apparently not. *Sigh* then I suppose that nothing but the plot is mine.


Later that night, Minerva was checking the Gryffindor common room to make sure no children stayed up. (tomorrow was their first day of classes, after all), and then walked back up to she and Albus’ rooms.
Upon entering the room she was swooped down upon by her husband. “Did I do something? What, darling? What is troubling you, let me help..”

Minerva shook her head. “You cannot help me, but thank-you for the offer.”

“You don’t know whether I can help or not.”

“Yes, I do.”

Albus surveyed his wife over his half-moon spectacles and she got the normal feeling of being x-rayed, but although she was used to it, that didn’t mean she enjoyed it. “Don’t you dare!” she said as she slammed her mind shut to the old wizard in front of her.
“You don’t know why you’re upset, do you?” asked Albus.

“And what evidence do you have of that? I am using occulemency against you and I know full well that you do not have access to my thoughts” snapped Minerva

“The answer is written across you’re face.” Said Albus softly

“That’s ridiculous, I do not wear my heart on my sleeve!” Minerva barked back

“This is true, my dear Minerva, however, when you’re emotions are ripping through you like a storm, you have no control.” He replied.

“I beg to differ.” She spat.

“I’m sure you do, but I know you well enough to know that something is tearing you apart inside, and I know that you’re scared, because you don’t know what it is.” Albus said.

“I think I know my emotions better then you do. And if you did know my emotions, then you would know that you’re accusations would try my temper.” Minerva barked.

“Minerva, there are a lot of things that try your temper. I am risking getting you upset with me in the hope that you will come to realize what is troubling you.” Replied Albus, taking a step towards his wife.

“If I don’t know, then you won’t. Talking to me isn’t going to help me.” She replied stiffly. “Talking isn’t going to help them…” her voice lost all it’s earlier snappish manner.

“Them who?” asked Albus, looking carefully over at his wife.

“The children. The ones that we couldn’t save from death, the ones we couldn’t save from fate, the ones we couldn’t save from evil, the ones that we couldn’t save from themselves. The children who would one day raise their own children, the children that would have had jobs and a future.” Minerva said this all in a stony quiet voice, but her eyes were beginning to water.

Albus walked over and wrapped his arms around the Scottish witch struggling to regain control of her raging emotions.

“How long have you been holding this in?”

“Since William. Since we got the news of the first of students that died and went over.”

“Oh, my darling.” Said Albus, as she rocked his wife in his arms.

Minerva stood quite rigidly in her husband’s arms as he attempted to soothe her. She could not bear to lean into him, because she knew that then, she would loose all control.
She now realized why she had been so detached, and why she had gotten uneasy at the touch of her husband at dinner. She knew how badly it would hurt to feel. She had been stretched to the breaking point with stress, she had seen several reminders of the children she was mourning, and she had not let herself mourn at their deaths.
Albus could sense his wife getting more and more uneasy the longer he held her, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go. He realized that she must have not allowed herself to feel sorrowful about the deaths of the children she had adored so very much, and though that she would be more likely to let it out with him then with anyone else.
Although, he may be having the opposite effect by trying to coax her emotions out of her having her shut them away ever-the-more tightly. So far, it seemed as though the latter was the effect.
With a sigh, he pulled away. “Minerva” he began, staring into her deep green eyes. “- I am saying this only because I love you. Cry. Sob. Break something, slap me, do something to let it all out, because this has obviously been a long time coming, and you refuse to do anything to show for the fact that you miss these children desperatly.”
Minerva stared at him looking older then he had ever seen her look. “I can’t, and I won’t. ” she stated.
She walked out of his arms and into their bathroom, and looked longingly at the bathtub. She stripped down and filled the tub as far as it would fill, slipping sleepily into its welcoming warmth.
After taking a sip of the whisky she summoned, she registered that her eyes were watering. She was crying.
Minerva cursed herself and attempted to shut off this emotion, trying instead to get happy, When this failed, she tried to angry. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she was swallowed by a wave of despair and emptiness that she had come to associate with the dementors.
Only when she realized that she could not feel anything but sadness did she let herself feel anything.

[silvertabby]

i love it and i can't wait to read more.

[mmadcrazyfan]

Beautiful Disaster
Part Four
AN: hello, hello! Feel free to settle down and read you’re little heart out (it would be rather appreciated if you reviewed you’re little heart out as well. But no pressure.) This is short, but the next chappie should make up for that, I hope.
Disclaimer: (Why do I even bother putting this up?) Rowlings, not mine.


Minerva pushed herself further down into the warm water and bubbles as to try and push the cold, empty feeling that was swelling up in her chest out. She closed her eyes and felt thousands of memories with thousands of people she could never see again race across her mind and flash before her eyes.
She felt the tears well up from under her eyelids but didn’t do a thing to stop them. She let tears that had wanted to fall for more then twenty years, when one of the first students she had taught had been rumored to go over to the dark side.
“William, how could you?” she whispered to the air around her. Memories of a bouncy eleven-year-old Huffelpuff floated into her mind, and she could not imagine this little boy killing himself, nor anyone else for that matter.
She let the memories swallow her, and relived times of children whom she had taught, taken care of, and basically helped raise since they were eleven. She loved teaching, she really did.
This would be her 34th year of teaching. 34 years of children that had classmates that had either died or gone over. The pain she felt was inexpressible, and the fact that she had kept it bottled up all this time made it all the worse. She sobbed. She hated sobbing, it also so melodramatic.
She didn’t want to feel this ever again. She didn’t want to feel ever again. She slipped further and further down into the water in her the tub until her sobs no longer rang out in the linoleum bathroom.
She was surrounded by a comforting nothing, and her mind was to busy screaming for oxygen to feel emotional turmoil. The sick thing was, Minerva was enjoying this. It was much easier then feeling.
Suddenly, the sweet silence of what she supposed must end up evolving into death ceased to exist as a deep, panicked voice rang out somewhere above. Before Minerva knew it, she was being lifted up into a towel and pulled into someone’s arms. The sobs started again. Minerva regretted this. It had been most peaceful without them.
She realized that the sobs were coming from her, and tried to stop them without much success.
“Minerva, don’t you dare! You have far to much to live for, what would the children do without you? What would I do without you?” said Albus as Minerva continued to sob unrestrainedly onto his shoulder.
He began to cry as well. She had felt such turmoil ripping through her that she felt that ending her own life was the only way to end it, and he couldn’t help her. He couldn’t stop the one person he loved more then life itself take her own life.
They stood like that, each crying for their own reasons, trying to escape from their own demons, until the tears simply would no longer come

[silvertabby]

omg! the way you described it...i mean, did you ever try to kill yourself or wanted at least or are you simply that fabulous?

[mmadcrazyfan]

i am as happy-go-lucky as you can get, so i suppose i am simply that fabulous =) lol.
thank-you, you're guys reviews have been very encouraging. im updating nooww...

[mmadcrazyfan]

.

Beautiful Disaster
Part Five
AN: Ay- yo! (sean kingston! You’re waayy too beeaaaatiffuull giiirrrrlll! That’s why it’ll neevverrr wooorrrkkk…) heh. Sorry. I randomly burst out in song a lot. Anyway…How goes it? Well, here we go again.
Disclaimer: See above.


Once Albus was done crying, he looked at his wife, who was leaning against him with silent tears pouring down her porcelain cheeks.
“Why?” he asked. “Why wouldn’t you let me help? Why would you turn you’re back when I tried to help? Why would you leave me? Why would you leave the children?”
Minerva looked up at him with sorrow obvious in her jade eyes. “I did not think about leaving you or the children. I just thought about not feeling anymore. Today, it became obvious that I could not pretend that I do not feel sorrow anymore. I thought it would be easier to feel nothing at all. As for turning my back, I knew that I would lose control if I got to close to you. You are the one I love and trust most, and at a simple touch from you, I melt. I could not let myself melt, especially not tonight.”
“But what is so very upsetting about tonight?”
“My darling, I have been so very stressed out over the summer, so that is a little part of it, but this is the class with more children of more parents that have passed on then any before it. And most of them resemble their parents. It was just hard to see all that. With all of these things added on to fighting with you over why I was upset in the first place, I suppose a lot of feelings I have not let myself feel in a long, long time came out tonight.”
“But how could you ever feel so much pain that you would want to leave me?” said Albus.
Minerva looked guiltily into her husband’s eyes. He looked distraught, as though this entire ordeal had been his fault. “I was not thinking of anything else buy my pain, and I am so very sorry for that.” She said.
Albus shook his head. “You need not apologize for your mourning, my darling, I sorry if I made you feel that way.”
Minerva nodded. “My poor little babies…” she said, beginning to tear up again. “Gone forever from this world and yet I am still here sitting here with you. I don’t deserve life any more then they do. They would love to be alive, and yet here I am selfishly attempting to take my own life. I am a horrible person, Albus.”
“No, Minerva. You were a distraught person. There is a monumental difference. And I miss them as well. When Frank was tortured, I visited him every day for three years, hoping to Merlin that he would be himself again. When he wasn’t, I blamed it on myself and haven’t visited him for several years. I would love to go see Frank and Alice now, but I’m so afraid of what I’ll find. Augusta said they have both gotten so much worse of late.”
“You told me you were at the ministry, and that’s why you left for hours at time after Voldemort fell. I could have gone with you.” Said Minerva.
“A prime example of how I have made as many, if not more, mistakes then you, dear.” Replied Albus.
Minerva looked right into his eyes. “I don’t care how many mistakes you make, you’re still mine and I love you more then anything, you old coot.” Said Minerva. She then dropped a kiss onto his lips and cuddled herself into his arms. “Don’t let me go…”she whispered.
“Never.” Said Albus.

AN 2: only one more to go =)

[mmadcrazyfan]

Beautiful Disaster
Part Six
AN: So. This is the end. *sigh* I have loved every moment of it, dears. Please R&R
Disclaimer: nope. Nada. Nilch. Zip. El Zipo (not mine)

It was a month after Minerva’s dance with death, and although she was teaching and taking away points with the best of them, in the privacy of her rooms she was a mess. Whenever Albus got back home, they would simply sit in each other’s arms, trying to forget the pain they both felt.
Albus would try to get Minerva to talk, he was so very afraid that one day she would just jump off the Astronomy tower. Minerva would try to get Albus to just shut-up and hold her, she was so afraid that he would leave her because she was being so depressed.
One evening, Albus was sitting with Minerva in his arms. He was holding her head against his chest as she cried, and he was crying as well. Neither of the pair was quite sure why they were crying, but they had both agreed that getting their emotions out was a good thing, so neither of them even attempted to stop the flow of tears.
Albus stood up rather suddenly, taking Minerva with him. She looked at him questioningly, and he put her down saying “I need to go see Frank, Minerva. I haven’t seen him since I left seven years ago. What if he is doing better? We don’t know that!”
He took Minerva’s hand and dragged her down the secret passage that led from their rooms to the entrance hall, and then walked down to the Hogwarts appiration point. He spun on the spot and they ended up in front of St. Mungo’s. Minerva was looking at her husband as he strode through the glass into the main building and saw the guilt and the sadness written all over his face.
She could try and stop him, but that would only result in that fact that his pain would stay. Minerva tried breathing deeply as Albus lead her blindly by the hand up to Frank and Alice’s rooms. She didn’t know if she could handle seeing two of her babies, hurt and broken, but she knew how much Albus needed this.
Her husband pushed open the door to the room that Minerva knew must be Frank and Alice’s.
“Hello, you two. How are you?” said Albus upon entering the room. Minerva squeezed his hand and walked in behind him.
“Oh my heavens.” She whispered, clutching at the neck of her traveling coat.
Albus took a step towards her, knowing that she only did that thing with her robes when she was finding it difficult to hold in her emotion.
Albus grasped her hand as they both walked up to what must have been the Longbottoms. But Minerva thought that there was no way that these two people could have been the bouncy 16 year olds she was always telling off for snogging in the halls, could not be the aurors that she had worked with on countless occasions.
“How are you?” she asked, hoping that her voice didn’t sound shakey. The pair of people laying on the bed, looking so fragile that they could have been made of glass, looked up at Minerva and Albus.
The woman smiled and the man looked confused. For the first time, Minerva saw the people that were there before. Alice’s smile was her trademark, and Frank had a bit of a hard time picking up on transfiguration. He always had that look on his face in class.
Minerva smiled down at the couple and said “Well. We haven’t seen you two in a while. Your son is doing fabulously at school, he has so many friends and he tries so very hard. He has quite the work ethic, although I am displeased to inform you that he got in a fight with a few Slytherins at a Quittich game.” “Blame it on Frank, dear, he was always up for a fight” She added in an undertone to Alice. Alice always told Minerva to blame anything silly she did on Albus.
Minerva kept on a brave face for the rest of the visit while Albus made his heart-felt apologies for not visiting the pair for a long, long time.

As soon as Minerva and Albus got home from their spur of the moment hospital visit, Minerva started to cry. “They didn’t deserve that, they should be raising their son, so should the rest of them that died.” She said through her sobs.
Albus held her, rocking her in his arms. She cried in the crook of his neck and he shed a few tears as well.
“I shouldn’t have stopped visiting him, that was childish and stupid. He needed me, and I stopped visiting him.”
“You visited him today, darling. You apologized.” Said Minerva through her tears.
“But I still made a huge mistake.”
Minerva looked right into his eyes. “I don’t care how many mistakes you make, you’re still mine and I love you more then anything, you old coot.” Said Minerva. She then dropped a kiss onto his lips and cuddled herself into his arms. “Don’t let me go…”she whispered.
“Never.” Said Albus.

Six years later, a lone woman was bent over a grave, not letting herself cry, because there was no one to comfort her. Her raven colored hair was pulled into it’s tight bun as ever, although there was something different about her, she seemed broken inside and out. She was chalk-white, and shaking uncontrollably.
“I love you more then anything, you old coot. Don’t let me go.” She whispered. The wind began to blow, and she could have sworn she had heard the swaying trees whisper “Never.”
Only then did she let herself cry, doubled over with the emotional turmoil of letting a loved one go. Her husband. Her rock. Her hair was whipping around her face while the wind blew around her, her face was chalk white and her eyes were swimming with tears.
She sat down on the ground and seemed to simply give up, collapsing onto the grass into the heart of the emotional storm.
A figure dressed in all black stood at the edge of the forest, tears streaming down his cheeks. His robes blew about him, making look more bat-like then ever, crying for the man he had lost, crying for causing this beautiful disaster…

AN 2:Okay, the guy at the end was Snape, if you guys didn’t get it. Oh, and the last chapter was never supposed to be in this fic, it was only supposed to be the last couple of paragraphs of this chapter up with the last chapter, but I thought that Albus going to see the Longbottom’s again gave closure (in the privacy of my own mind I think that it lulled you into a false sense of security before springing more sad stuff on you. Mwahaha!) Just wondering if you thought it could do without the Longbottom’s…? Please let me know what you think. LOVE YU GUYS! <3

[gryffindorprincess]

I loved it. I'm still crying.

[silvertabby]

I'm crying. the end was so very, very good. Poor minerva...poor me...poor world...sob. You made me cry on Christmas eve!(you evil...)

[mmadcrazyfan]

*hands tissue*
thankyou!..and..sorry bout the whole crying thing..

[mercifulheavens]

Lovely story, my dear. I was enthralled by your poetic style of writing! And now I'm weeping all over my computer... such a lovely piece of Angst!

[goldencat]

Just found this story and although it made me nearly cry I have to say that you've made a good job. It 's not worth it to hide your emotions because one day they'll get you anyway. One can try yet it's impossible to do it forever.
So, altogether I really like it.

[Katheryn Mae]

I can't seem to get away from these "near-death" or "death" stories with Minerva can I? This is the third one I've read (or re-read) this week. Lovely!

~Katheryn Rose

[ginevrahermione]

Like Kelly Clarkson's song, Beautiful Disaster. Beautiful writing, nice job dear

[mistressquill]

*Sobs* That's so sad. I seriously nearly cried. It took all the willpower I had not to cry, LOL. Really good story. Thanks so much for sharing.

[monkey-in-a-tree]

its perfect the way it is