One Second

[gmshed]

A/N: I know what scenario I was thinking of, but I'm interested to know what you think. This is my first poem so it's probably no good.

One second.
That was all.
One second and then she was gone.
She turned to look at me;
No blame, no fear.
Still trusting
For one last second.
Here one second and gone the next.
I had failed her.
I didn’t deserve the look in her eyes.
A look which said all that words never had,
More clearly than words ever could,
In just one second.
The shortest yet longest second I have ever known.
Then she died.
There was a second after that.
A second of silence.
It was broken by the sound of my heart shattering
Into a million shards that pierced my soul.
There was a second after that,
When it hurt to breathe.
There was a second after that,
When it hurt to even exist.
There have been many seconds since
And I believe these are my last.
But I do not fear,
For my life truly ended so many seconds ago
With yours, my love.
In just one second.

[crystalpheonixeyes]

O wow. I really like this. It's so, well, perfect. I love the imagery used.

[mmadlyinlove]

Aw, sweet. Good job. ~mmadlyinlove~

[childminerva]

Very sad...great writing though!

[aphelion]

This is wonderfully written, with some fantastic stand out lines.

I always feel like a cow when I offer suggestions but I do it anyway so I obviously don't feel too bad about it! And obviously you don't have to pay a blind bit of notice. There have been many times when people have said 'well you could change that bit...' and I've bluntly turned around and said, 'No. It's my poem and I like it this way!'

Anyway, the suggestion was to drop the last line.

"In just one second."

I don't think it needs it when the lines before it were perfection itself.

"For my life truly ended so many seconds ago
With yours, my love."

It's like he's been in so much pain since her death that it's impossible to live life more than one second at a time. It's the most powerful line and I always think a poem has more impact if that last line makes you want to just role over and die from the agony of it.

Fantastic. More?

aphelion

ps - what was the inspiration for this?