Post by aphelion on Nov 18, 2006 20:59:03 GMT -5
This is from Minerva's pov, set after the war with Grindelwald. She's a little bit messed up and this poem is everything she can't bring herself to say to Albus.
It's the longest poem I've ever written but stick with it! You like ADMM, right?
Warning: some bad language.
I'm No Hero
You used to think me soft
You used to think me warm
But I see it in your eyes
You don’t think that anymore.
‘Back then’ I was a lover,
I was completely yours,
But now I am a frigid bitch,
A veteran of war.
They like to call me hero
Because I saved a few:
Like they don’t know I sent
So many more to fight and lose.
My men, they were good people all,
Now all of them are dead.
You know I’d save them if I could
And take their place instead
And that’s what’s in your eyes tonight
- An overwhelming fear
That I am someone you can’t save.
That I’m not really here
But standing on a battlefield
That physically has healed
Yet in my mind it’s crowded
With the men whose fates I sealed.
Standing on a battlefield
Filled end to end with blood:
My men, my friends, the enemy
All face down in the mud
And you can’t lift that burden
Nor stop me in the night
When I scream and flail and flounder
And wake up drenched in ice.
You try to calm my breathing
And whisper soothing words
But I can’t stand your comfort
When I deserve to hurt.
How am I to tell you
What you cannot understand?
You staged the final battle
But what of the slaughtered lambs?
You ended all the hardship
And don’t think I’m not grateful
But I can’t help but feel this way:
Resentful, sometimes hateful.
I envy you your peace of mind
- I killed so many, you so few -
I wish I didn’t feel this way,
I don’t know what to tell you…
I know that everything’s messed up,
I know I’ve been unfair.
These days I feel so dead inside
And I don’t want to share
This awful agony I’m in;
This deep despairing void;
The fear the love I had for you
Is utterly destroyed.
I feel like joy is lost to me,
I cannot laugh nor smile,
I only feel the emptiness.
My every day’s puerile.
These are the things I cannot say,
Can’t bear for you to know.
I’m sorry for the cold façade,
It’s out of my control,
I loved you once with all my heart
But now that heart is stone.
I know that I must leave you now
And figure out alone
The thoughts that tumble through my head
And leave a churning wake,
I need to smooth the ripples of
The last few years’ mistakes.
I cannot say when I’ll be back,
If I’ll be back at all.
I know you’ll find this hard to take
For you’re afraid I’ll fall
Without the anchor of your love
And infinite compassion.
I have no reassurances
To offer so I’ve fashioned
An argument, a feeble plea
For you to trust in me.
I am a bird, locked in a cage,
That you must now set free.
I have a path to follow
That has forked away from yours.
You cannot go where I am going
Nor fight the demons I have forged.
I know I must go under
Though I may drown in the attempt
For what is my life worth
If I can’t live it with intent?
When I went off to fight
I must admit I never dreamed
The ideals for which I fought
Would be a hollow victory
But here I am and so it is
An ending I did not foresee;
I have another war to fight
Though it is fought internally.
I have to gaze into myself
And come to terms with what I see
Or I am doomed to live a half-life
Knowing only misery.
Aphelion
It's the longest poem I've ever written but stick with it! You like ADMM, right?
Warning: some bad language.
I'm No Hero
You used to think me soft
You used to think me warm
But I see it in your eyes
You don’t think that anymore.
‘Back then’ I was a lover,
I was completely yours,
But now I am a frigid bitch,
A veteran of war.
They like to call me hero
Because I saved a few:
Like they don’t know I sent
So many more to fight and lose.
My men, they were good people all,
Now all of them are dead.
You know I’d save them if I could
And take their place instead
And that’s what’s in your eyes tonight
- An overwhelming fear
That I am someone you can’t save.
That I’m not really here
But standing on a battlefield
That physically has healed
Yet in my mind it’s crowded
With the men whose fates I sealed.
Standing on a battlefield
Filled end to end with blood:
My men, my friends, the enemy
All face down in the mud
And you can’t lift that burden
Nor stop me in the night
When I scream and flail and flounder
And wake up drenched in ice.
You try to calm my breathing
And whisper soothing words
But I can’t stand your comfort
When I deserve to hurt.
How am I to tell you
What you cannot understand?
You staged the final battle
But what of the slaughtered lambs?
You ended all the hardship
And don’t think I’m not grateful
But I can’t help but feel this way:
Resentful, sometimes hateful.
I envy you your peace of mind
- I killed so many, you so few -
I wish I didn’t feel this way,
I don’t know what to tell you…
I know that everything’s messed up,
I know I’ve been unfair.
These days I feel so dead inside
And I don’t want to share
This awful agony I’m in;
This deep despairing void;
The fear the love I had for you
Is utterly destroyed.
I feel like joy is lost to me,
I cannot laugh nor smile,
I only feel the emptiness.
My every day’s puerile.
These are the things I cannot say,
Can’t bear for you to know.
I’m sorry for the cold façade,
It’s out of my control,
I loved you once with all my heart
But now that heart is stone.
I know that I must leave you now
And figure out alone
The thoughts that tumble through my head
And leave a churning wake,
I need to smooth the ripples of
The last few years’ mistakes.
I cannot say when I’ll be back,
If I’ll be back at all.
I know you’ll find this hard to take
For you’re afraid I’ll fall
Without the anchor of your love
And infinite compassion.
I have no reassurances
To offer so I’ve fashioned
An argument, a feeble plea
For you to trust in me.
I am a bird, locked in a cage,
That you must now set free.
I have a path to follow
That has forked away from yours.
You cannot go where I am going
Nor fight the demons I have forged.
I know I must go under
Though I may drown in the attempt
For what is my life worth
If I can’t live it with intent?
When I went off to fight
I must admit I never dreamed
The ideals for which I fought
Would be a hollow victory
But here I am and so it is
An ending I did not foresee;
I have another war to fight
Though it is fought internally.
I have to gaze into myself
And come to terms with what I see
Or I am doomed to live a half-life
Knowing only misery.
Aphelion
