Post by ginger newts on Oct 29, 2004 23:17:16 GMT -5
Alright, well, because we noticed an ad at the top of the page tonight that said exactly the title, Sensiblyquirky and I wrote this little bit of nonsense. We're not entirely sure it belongs in humor, but it made us laugh, so there you go.
Albus Dumbledore For Sale
“Albus, you can’t be serious! A bachelor auction?”
“Why not, Minerva? The money raised will be going to St. Mungo’s, it’s a very good cause, I should help.”
“But Albus, it’s so degrading. I can’t believe you would stand up there on display and let strange women bid on you.”
“Does that mean you won’t be attending the auction to buy yourself an eligible bachelor?”
“I should say not! And I refuse to stay here and help you decide what to wear to such an event. I find it disgraceful that our Ministry and hospital would hold a bachelor auction and even more disgraceful that the Headmaster of our most prestigious school is going to let himself be bought and sold.”
With those final words the deputy headmistress of Hogwarts turned and stormed out of the headmaster’s office, leaving him gaping stupidly at the place where she had been standing. Albus had truly wanted Minerva’s advice on what to wear to the auction and while he hadn’t exactly expected her to be enthusiastic about the idea he was surprised by the vehemence of her objections. Shrugging it off, he pulled out what he thought was a nice set of robes: bright purple with silver shooting stars, and got ready for the auction that was taking place in an hour. Just before eight o’clock, Albus apparated to the hotel in London where the event was being held and checked in with the auctioneer.
Minerva had gone back to her own rooms after she left Albus’ office and paced around for a few minutes wondering why she was so upset with the idea of him being auctioned off. It was just for one date after all and as he had said, he was sure to bring in a good deal of money for the hospital. Albus had always been considered one of the wizarding world’s most eligible bachelors, even before he defeated Grindelwald in 1945, although that had increased his popularity at least two-fold. As she paced, Minerva realized that it was because she didn’t want him to go out with some strange woman; she realized that the reason she had always felt so hostile towards his female admirers was because she didn’t want him to fall for any of them.
This chain of thought led to even more agitated pacing and a good deal of muttering about bloody confusing men. Suddenly stopping her movements, Minerva knew what she had to do, but she must not be recognized. She looked at the clock and realized she only had a few minutes in which to take action before the auction would start, but luckily Albus was scheduled to be last. Minerva rushed around her rooms getting ready, she took a bath and put on her best robes and after a quick bit of magic and a check in the mirror she set off for London.
Albus watched the auction with detached amusement, several young Aurors and Healers in Training brought in very nice sums of money for St. Mungo’s, he was certainly the oldest bachelor in attendance. Before he realized it was coming, it was his turn and Albus felt totally unprepared to face the crowd of chattering women. Some of them had cat-called the other men, he certainly hadn’t expected that! He walked out onto the dias, smiling and accepting the applause with a polite bow of his head, and then instinctively scanned the crowded room for Minerva before remembering she had refused to come. The bidding began and Albus found himself disapproving of each lady who was bidding and watching the door, wishing to see Minerva sweep through it at the last moment and outbid them all. A few moments into the bidding the door did open and his heart skipped a beat, but it was a blond haired blue eyed woman he had never seen before and his spirits fell.
The new woman made her way to the front of the room, bidding from almost the moment she entered.
“Twenty-five galleons,” she said in a strong clear voice.
“Thirty,” another woman countered.
“Thirty-five,” said the blonde woman.
It went on until all other bidders save one had dropped out of the contest.
“One-hundred,” the blonde woman’s voice rang through the room, she was still standing in the aisle and looking very determined.
“One-hundred and ten,” said the other bidder with a note of annoyance in her voice.
“One-twenty.”
“One-thirty.”
“One-fifty.”
“One-sixty.”
“Two hundred,” the blonde woman said definitively, with a true note of challenge in her voice.
The other bidder finally sat back in her chair and relinquished Albus to this blonde stranger, who smiled broadly and triumphantly.
The auctioneer, one of the nurses from St. Mungo’s, called out “Sold!” sounding very excited. “Mr. Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Order of Merlin First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards, sold to Miss, er...”
“Smythe,” the blonde woman filled in for her.
“Right, to Miss Smythe, and thus ends our first St. Mungo’s bachelor auction. Many thanks to all our bachelors and bidders. Each of the bachelor’s holds a card with details for your date, to take place immediately following the auction. Thank you all again and have a wonderful evening.”
The crowd broke apart, chattering excitedly, all of the winners going to collect their dates. Albus stepped down off the dias and walked toward Miss Smythe, smiling awkwardly and extending his hand.
“It’s nice to meet you. Shall we?”
She inclined her head in a nod and took his arm as they walked out of the ballroom, but she stopped him before they could leave the hotel and pulled him into a secluded alcove in the lobby.
“There is something you should know,” she said a bit nervously.
Albus gestured for her to continue and she took out her wand, making him nervous until she turned it on herself. With a brisk wave of her wand, Albus’ jaw dropped and it took him a moment to find his voice. She waited nervously for his reaction. Finally, after what felt like hours, he spoke.
“Minerva?”
"Yes,” she nodded. “I realized that I couldn't bear the thought of another woman winning you in this auction, but I didn't want to be seen bidding on you. Are you terribly disappointed?"
"I have never been less disappointed in my life."
“Albus?"
"When I was up there on that dias and all those women were bidding for me, I realized that I wanted you to be here and bidding. I kept watching the door hoping you would sweep in at the last moment and out bid them all."
"Well then I'm glad I did."
"As am I my dear."
"So what is this date we are supposed to go on?" Minerva asked with a note of amusement in her voice.
Albus pulled the card he had been given earlier out of his pocket, “Dinner and dancing apparently, although suddenly I find I’m not in the mood for dinner.”
“What are you in the mood for?” she asked, almost breathlessly.
“You, a bottle of wine, a roaring fire, and perhaps some dessert,” he said softly yet huskily.
Albus Dumbledore For Sale
“Albus, you can’t be serious! A bachelor auction?”
“Why not, Minerva? The money raised will be going to St. Mungo’s, it’s a very good cause, I should help.”
“But Albus, it’s so degrading. I can’t believe you would stand up there on display and let strange women bid on you.”
“Does that mean you won’t be attending the auction to buy yourself an eligible bachelor?”
“I should say not! And I refuse to stay here and help you decide what to wear to such an event. I find it disgraceful that our Ministry and hospital would hold a bachelor auction and even more disgraceful that the Headmaster of our most prestigious school is going to let himself be bought and sold.”
With those final words the deputy headmistress of Hogwarts turned and stormed out of the headmaster’s office, leaving him gaping stupidly at the place where she had been standing. Albus had truly wanted Minerva’s advice on what to wear to the auction and while he hadn’t exactly expected her to be enthusiastic about the idea he was surprised by the vehemence of her objections. Shrugging it off, he pulled out what he thought was a nice set of robes: bright purple with silver shooting stars, and got ready for the auction that was taking place in an hour. Just before eight o’clock, Albus apparated to the hotel in London where the event was being held and checked in with the auctioneer.
Minerva had gone back to her own rooms after she left Albus’ office and paced around for a few minutes wondering why she was so upset with the idea of him being auctioned off. It was just for one date after all and as he had said, he was sure to bring in a good deal of money for the hospital. Albus had always been considered one of the wizarding world’s most eligible bachelors, even before he defeated Grindelwald in 1945, although that had increased his popularity at least two-fold. As she paced, Minerva realized that it was because she didn’t want him to go out with some strange woman; she realized that the reason she had always felt so hostile towards his female admirers was because she didn’t want him to fall for any of them.
This chain of thought led to even more agitated pacing and a good deal of muttering about bloody confusing men. Suddenly stopping her movements, Minerva knew what she had to do, but she must not be recognized. She looked at the clock and realized she only had a few minutes in which to take action before the auction would start, but luckily Albus was scheduled to be last. Minerva rushed around her rooms getting ready, she took a bath and put on her best robes and after a quick bit of magic and a check in the mirror she set off for London.
Albus watched the auction with detached amusement, several young Aurors and Healers in Training brought in very nice sums of money for St. Mungo’s, he was certainly the oldest bachelor in attendance. Before he realized it was coming, it was his turn and Albus felt totally unprepared to face the crowd of chattering women. Some of them had cat-called the other men, he certainly hadn’t expected that! He walked out onto the dias, smiling and accepting the applause with a polite bow of his head, and then instinctively scanned the crowded room for Minerva before remembering she had refused to come. The bidding began and Albus found himself disapproving of each lady who was bidding and watching the door, wishing to see Minerva sweep through it at the last moment and outbid them all. A few moments into the bidding the door did open and his heart skipped a beat, but it was a blond haired blue eyed woman he had never seen before and his spirits fell.
The new woman made her way to the front of the room, bidding from almost the moment she entered.
“Twenty-five galleons,” she said in a strong clear voice.
“Thirty,” another woman countered.
“Thirty-five,” said the blonde woman.
It went on until all other bidders save one had dropped out of the contest.
“One-hundred,” the blonde woman’s voice rang through the room, she was still standing in the aisle and looking very determined.
“One-hundred and ten,” said the other bidder with a note of annoyance in her voice.
“One-twenty.”
“One-thirty.”
“One-fifty.”
“One-sixty.”
“Two hundred,” the blonde woman said definitively, with a true note of challenge in her voice.
The other bidder finally sat back in her chair and relinquished Albus to this blonde stranger, who smiled broadly and triumphantly.
The auctioneer, one of the nurses from St. Mungo’s, called out “Sold!” sounding very excited. “Mr. Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Order of Merlin First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards, sold to Miss, er...”
“Smythe,” the blonde woman filled in for her.
“Right, to Miss Smythe, and thus ends our first St. Mungo’s bachelor auction. Many thanks to all our bachelors and bidders. Each of the bachelor’s holds a card with details for your date, to take place immediately following the auction. Thank you all again and have a wonderful evening.”
The crowd broke apart, chattering excitedly, all of the winners going to collect their dates. Albus stepped down off the dias and walked toward Miss Smythe, smiling awkwardly and extending his hand.
“It’s nice to meet you. Shall we?”
She inclined her head in a nod and took his arm as they walked out of the ballroom, but she stopped him before they could leave the hotel and pulled him into a secluded alcove in the lobby.
“There is something you should know,” she said a bit nervously.
Albus gestured for her to continue and she took out her wand, making him nervous until she turned it on herself. With a brisk wave of her wand, Albus’ jaw dropped and it took him a moment to find his voice. She waited nervously for his reaction. Finally, after what felt like hours, he spoke.
“Minerva?”
"Yes,” she nodded. “I realized that I couldn't bear the thought of another woman winning you in this auction, but I didn't want to be seen bidding on you. Are you terribly disappointed?"
"I have never been less disappointed in my life."
“Albus?"
"When I was up there on that dias and all those women were bidding for me, I realized that I wanted you to be here and bidding. I kept watching the door hoping you would sweep in at the last moment and out bid them all."
"Well then I'm glad I did."
"As am I my dear."
"So what is this date we are supposed to go on?" Minerva asked with a note of amusement in her voice.
Albus pulled the card he had been given earlier out of his pocket, “Dinner and dancing apparently, although suddenly I find I’m not in the mood for dinner.”
“What are you in the mood for?” she asked, almost breathlessly.
“You, a bottle of wine, a roaring fire, and perhaps some dessert,” he said softly yet huskily.
And no, I'm not kidding. ;D Although I'd need a Time-turner to go back and catch him before he met Min, and then come back and claim him because I was his first love. 
