Post by Hogwarts Duo on Jan 23, 2007 15:10:51 GMT -5
SUMMARY: Minerva McGonagall is skeptical about the new computer Albus Dumbledore has had installed at Hogwarts. It is supposed to make her life easier but instead provides her with more questions than answers. This is a completely AU, and hopefully humorous, look at what Minerva might find if she searched the internet.
RATING: SAFE FOR EVERYONE!
Minerva sat down in front of the newest addition to her office. It was rather refined looking she admitted to herself. Surely something so small and sophisticated would be harmless. Albus had told her not to worry and that it would make things much easier in regards to all the paperwork they had to do every year. Since she trusted him implicitly she decided to give it a try. After all the work he had gone through to get the thing to work at Hogwarts, in her office alone of course, it was the least she could do.
She looked around and found the power button and switched it on. It whirled quietly and several pictures and words flashed across the screen. She hummed to herself as she waited for it to….boot. She grinned as she confirmed that she had indeed used the correct terminology. The rather large handbook had been intimidating but she had read it several times front to back. She never went into anything unprepared if she could help it.
Finally the main screen popped up, the one she recognized from the pictures, and she eagerly clicked on the start menu to bring up her very first program. As she looked at the blank spreadsheet before her she realized that perhaps she was out of her depth. Albus had hired a wizard to come in and show her how to set everything up. The man was supposed to have spells which would transfer their current parchment forms directly into the program of her choice. However, she wasn’t holding her breath because based on the few stories she had heard there would be problems…there always were.
She decided to go on the internet instead and to search around. She had heard a few very promising reports of it from her students and decided it would be nice to spend some time seeing what all the fuss was about. Surely that would be easier to navigate then the daunting spreadsheets.
As her fingers slowly picked their way across the keyboard she found a search engine, one that was suggested in a journal she had read. The first item she typed in was the name of her favorite muggle restaurant. The results were overwhelming but she found their official site which listed their current menu. Fascinated she was soon lost within the World Wide Web.
________________
Albus was sitting in his chair reading quietly while a fire burned brightly behind him. It was late, very late, and Minerva still hadn’t returned from her initial bout with the computer. He had decided this was a good sign. Surely if things had not been going well she would have given up on it long ago. And since things were going well, he hoped, and they were the only two at the castle for the time being he had decided to leave her to it and had instructed the house elves to be sure she had dinner at some point in the evening. Still, perhaps he should at least make a trip to her office just to be sure. He set the paper aside and had just readjusted his spectacles when the door to the chamber was thrown open and a flushed Minerva stormed inside.
“You won’t believe what I found….to think we never knew…until today that is…why if you had never insisted on getting that thing we would still be living in the dark…”
Albus interrupted her tirade just as she waved a stack of parchment at him. “Now calm down my dear and tell me what happened.”
Minerva took a deep breath and sat in her usual seat as Albus prepared her a cup of tea. She was still flushed and her eyes were sparkling in a way he had not seen in a long time.
“Now why don’t you start from the beginning?”
Minerva took a sip of the tea before she began to speak but her voice still held the edge of excitement and anger it had held earlier. “I started up the computer and decided to go on the internet to look around. It’s amazing Albus. You can find anything you want on there. I saw the menu to our favorite restaurants. Pages and pages of links on magic, tea, chocolate, cats and even a few on phoenixes, though nothing practical. It was when I did a search on my own name that the trouble started.”
Albus frowned as he wondered what on earth could have been upsetting about searching on her own name. There probably wasn’t much, if anything at all, considering they lived in a society set apart from that of the muggle world.
“There were just as many pages of links on me as there were on phoenixes I think. It was unbelievable. There were even pictures, though the woman in them resembles me she is definitely not me.”
At this point she shoved a piece of parchment under Albus’ nose and he saw a stern looking woman starting back at him. She certainly did bear some resemblance to Minerva. It was then that a few connections sparked in his mind and he found himself wanting to groan at what he would need to explain.
“And I didn’t confine my search to just myself after what I found. Here are some pictures of two men who are supposed to be you. This first one is more true to your form but really how can people we have never met go on the internet and pretend to be us? And it appears that the muggles believe it as well.”
Albus looked at the additional pages he was handed and smiled. He thought he looked rather well. However, the look on Minerva’s face kept him from commenting.
“That isn’t where it stops,” she continued in an outraged voice.
“It isn’t,” he questioned weakly.
“No, unbelievably there are also stories about me. Why according to the muggles I have slept with everyone from Remus Lupin to Xiomara Hooch.”
“I am sure they were just using their imagination,” he responded.
“Well they certainly are good at that because I am not the only one who has slept with half of the wizarding population,” she decreed before shoving even more parchment into his hands.
He wasn’t sure what he was going to say but he knew he had to say something to keep Minerva from exploding. Unfortunately no matter what words he used he was bound to be sleeping on the sofa tonight.
“There is a rather good explanation,” Albus started. Minerva arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms as she waited for him to continue. “Remember several years ago when Ms. Rowling visited us for an interview?”
Minerva looked surprised then resigned as she leaned back in her chair and waited for him to continue. Albus wasn’t sure if he should tell her everything but if she had access to the internet he figured he might as well get it all out in the open.
“You recall she heard about the war through a relation and was interested in relating it as a cautionary muggle children’s story.”
“Yes, I am well aware of all that. It was a scandal but eventually the Ministry saw it as an opportunity and gave her permission. They requested we meet with her to go over some details. I already know the books were published though I never did receive a copy. It must not have been very popular.”
“That isn’t exactly true,” Albus said tentatively. “You see an owl did bring us our copies as they were published but after reading them I thought you might be upset about some of the inconsistencies.”
“Inconsistencies?” Minerva questioned.
Albus smiled in reassurance, more for himself he decided later. “Everything was told from Harry’s perspective so she had to leave a lot out. Things like our marriage didn’t come into play, in fact a lot of our work wasn’t mentioned at all. I die toward the end of the series and Severus must have really been in a snit during his interview because he was portrayed as even more harsh than he usually is in class.”
“Is that even possible,” Minerva heard herself saying before she realized all he had relayed. “She killed you? You mean not only are we not married but she had you killed?”
“Technically, yes. And did I mention that the series was made into a very popular set of movies?”
“There are movies as well,” Minerva exploded. “And you didn’t feel I should know?”
“It wasn’t like that,” Albus said as he tried to backpedal.
As he waited for the inevitable show of her temper for keeping something like this from her, Albus kept his head bowed. When silence reigned for more than a minute he looked up. She sat there leafing through the rest of her papers, a pensive look on her face.
“Minerva?” he questioned gently.
“I suppose that explains quite a bit about the pictures of people who are us, but are not us. And to why all of these muggles have been writing stories about me and you.”
Albus knew this was his moment to act before she decided he was at fault after all. “And we know the truth my dear. That is all that really matters.”
Minerva looked up and met his warm, sparkling eyes with a loving look of her own. “Well we are not quite the only ones. I found many stories featuring the two of us.”
Albus smiled and held out his hand to her. Minerva stood and went to him, settling herself happily on his lap. Their lips met and each was lost for several long moments. Albus was the first to break it, letting his mouth travel down to her neck. Before allowing herself to be seduced by her husband, she couldn’t resist adding one more comment to an eventful night.
“And darling, I would brush up on my transfiguration skills because you will be staying in the sitting room tonight.”
The End!
RATING: SAFE FOR EVERYONE!
Minerva sat down in front of the newest addition to her office. It was rather refined looking she admitted to herself. Surely something so small and sophisticated would be harmless. Albus had told her not to worry and that it would make things much easier in regards to all the paperwork they had to do every year. Since she trusted him implicitly she decided to give it a try. After all the work he had gone through to get the thing to work at Hogwarts, in her office alone of course, it was the least she could do.
She looked around and found the power button and switched it on. It whirled quietly and several pictures and words flashed across the screen. She hummed to herself as she waited for it to….boot. She grinned as she confirmed that she had indeed used the correct terminology. The rather large handbook had been intimidating but she had read it several times front to back. She never went into anything unprepared if she could help it.
Finally the main screen popped up, the one she recognized from the pictures, and she eagerly clicked on the start menu to bring up her very first program. As she looked at the blank spreadsheet before her she realized that perhaps she was out of her depth. Albus had hired a wizard to come in and show her how to set everything up. The man was supposed to have spells which would transfer their current parchment forms directly into the program of her choice. However, she wasn’t holding her breath because based on the few stories she had heard there would be problems…there always were.
She decided to go on the internet instead and to search around. She had heard a few very promising reports of it from her students and decided it would be nice to spend some time seeing what all the fuss was about. Surely that would be easier to navigate then the daunting spreadsheets.
As her fingers slowly picked their way across the keyboard she found a search engine, one that was suggested in a journal she had read. The first item she typed in was the name of her favorite muggle restaurant. The results were overwhelming but she found their official site which listed their current menu. Fascinated she was soon lost within the World Wide Web.
________________
Albus was sitting in his chair reading quietly while a fire burned brightly behind him. It was late, very late, and Minerva still hadn’t returned from her initial bout with the computer. He had decided this was a good sign. Surely if things had not been going well she would have given up on it long ago. And since things were going well, he hoped, and they were the only two at the castle for the time being he had decided to leave her to it and had instructed the house elves to be sure she had dinner at some point in the evening. Still, perhaps he should at least make a trip to her office just to be sure. He set the paper aside and had just readjusted his spectacles when the door to the chamber was thrown open and a flushed Minerva stormed inside.
“You won’t believe what I found….to think we never knew…until today that is…why if you had never insisted on getting that thing we would still be living in the dark…”
Albus interrupted her tirade just as she waved a stack of parchment at him. “Now calm down my dear and tell me what happened.”
Minerva took a deep breath and sat in her usual seat as Albus prepared her a cup of tea. She was still flushed and her eyes were sparkling in a way he had not seen in a long time.
“Now why don’t you start from the beginning?”
Minerva took a sip of the tea before she began to speak but her voice still held the edge of excitement and anger it had held earlier. “I started up the computer and decided to go on the internet to look around. It’s amazing Albus. You can find anything you want on there. I saw the menu to our favorite restaurants. Pages and pages of links on magic, tea, chocolate, cats and even a few on phoenixes, though nothing practical. It was when I did a search on my own name that the trouble started.”
Albus frowned as he wondered what on earth could have been upsetting about searching on her own name. There probably wasn’t much, if anything at all, considering they lived in a society set apart from that of the muggle world.
“There were just as many pages of links on me as there were on phoenixes I think. It was unbelievable. There were even pictures, though the woman in them resembles me she is definitely not me.”
At this point she shoved a piece of parchment under Albus’ nose and he saw a stern looking woman starting back at him. She certainly did bear some resemblance to Minerva. It was then that a few connections sparked in his mind and he found himself wanting to groan at what he would need to explain.
“And I didn’t confine my search to just myself after what I found. Here are some pictures of two men who are supposed to be you. This first one is more true to your form but really how can people we have never met go on the internet and pretend to be us? And it appears that the muggles believe it as well.”
Albus looked at the additional pages he was handed and smiled. He thought he looked rather well. However, the look on Minerva’s face kept him from commenting.
“That isn’t where it stops,” she continued in an outraged voice.
“It isn’t,” he questioned weakly.
“No, unbelievably there are also stories about me. Why according to the muggles I have slept with everyone from Remus Lupin to Xiomara Hooch.”
“I am sure they were just using their imagination,” he responded.
“Well they certainly are good at that because I am not the only one who has slept with half of the wizarding population,” she decreed before shoving even more parchment into his hands.
He wasn’t sure what he was going to say but he knew he had to say something to keep Minerva from exploding. Unfortunately no matter what words he used he was bound to be sleeping on the sofa tonight.
“There is a rather good explanation,” Albus started. Minerva arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms as she waited for him to continue. “Remember several years ago when Ms. Rowling visited us for an interview?”
Minerva looked surprised then resigned as she leaned back in her chair and waited for him to continue. Albus wasn’t sure if he should tell her everything but if she had access to the internet he figured he might as well get it all out in the open.
“You recall she heard about the war through a relation and was interested in relating it as a cautionary muggle children’s story.”
“Yes, I am well aware of all that. It was a scandal but eventually the Ministry saw it as an opportunity and gave her permission. They requested we meet with her to go over some details. I already know the books were published though I never did receive a copy. It must not have been very popular.”
“That isn’t exactly true,” Albus said tentatively. “You see an owl did bring us our copies as they were published but after reading them I thought you might be upset about some of the inconsistencies.”
“Inconsistencies?” Minerva questioned.
Albus smiled in reassurance, more for himself he decided later. “Everything was told from Harry’s perspective so she had to leave a lot out. Things like our marriage didn’t come into play, in fact a lot of our work wasn’t mentioned at all. I die toward the end of the series and Severus must have really been in a snit during his interview because he was portrayed as even more harsh than he usually is in class.”
“Is that even possible,” Minerva heard herself saying before she realized all he had relayed. “She killed you? You mean not only are we not married but she had you killed?”
“Technically, yes. And did I mention that the series was made into a very popular set of movies?”
“There are movies as well,” Minerva exploded. “And you didn’t feel I should know?”
“It wasn’t like that,” Albus said as he tried to backpedal.
As he waited for the inevitable show of her temper for keeping something like this from her, Albus kept his head bowed. When silence reigned for more than a minute he looked up. She sat there leafing through the rest of her papers, a pensive look on her face.
“Minerva?” he questioned gently.
“I suppose that explains quite a bit about the pictures of people who are us, but are not us. And to why all of these muggles have been writing stories about me and you.”
Albus knew this was his moment to act before she decided he was at fault after all. “And we know the truth my dear. That is all that really matters.”
Minerva looked up and met his warm, sparkling eyes with a loving look of her own. “Well we are not quite the only ones. I found many stories featuring the two of us.”
Albus smiled and held out his hand to her. Minerva stood and went to him, settling herself happily on his lap. Their lips met and each was lost for several long moments. Albus was the first to break it, letting his mouth travel down to her neck. Before allowing herself to be seduced by her husband, she couldn’t resist adding one more comment to an eventful night.
“And darling, I would brush up on my transfiguration skills because you will be staying in the sitting room tonight.”
The End!
