The Choices We Make

[ginger newts]

My first foray into drama. Excuse all the dialogue, there will be less as it goes on.
****
The Choices We Make ~ Chapter 1

Minerva was uncharacteristically sitting nervously on the edge of her chair, looking almost pleadingly at one of her oldest friends. “No chance at all, Poppy?”

“Not no chance, Minerva, there’s always some chance. But it’s very very small, I just don’t want to give you any false hopes. If I may ask,” here she paused, obviously searching for the right way to phrase her query. “It’s just that, um, I’ve never actually seen such a build-up of birth control potions in anyone’s system. Just how long have you been taking these?”

Minerva studied her hands lying in her lap and mumbled something the nurse couldn’t understand.

“I’m sorry, what was that,” she asked.

“Since just after Easter 1935,” Minerva said, looking up suddenly to meet the other woman’s eyes as if daring her to comment.

Of course, having known the woman since they were 11, Poppy did dare to comment. “Since the spring of 1935?! But that was our sixth year of school...” she trailed off, deep in thought. “Why?”

The look she was given and tone of the response would have made Godric Gryffindor himself run the other way. “Why do you think, Poppy. Why do most women take them.” These weren’t questions.

“Well, yes, but...you never dated anyone when we were in school... Did you?” Poppy was clearly confused. Getting no response other than more of the icy glare, Poppy continued. “Alright, then, you obviously did. Who?”

Minerva’s eyes narrowed even further and she hissed, “Who do you think?”

Poppy’s eyes grew so large they looked in danger of actually parting company with her head and her mouth hung openly stupidly for a minute before she whispered, “You and, and......in our sixth year? But, but...he was our teacher!”

“Why do you think we kept it a secret?” her friend snapped.

“I would think you could have told me at least, I thought I was your best friend.” Poppy looked hurt.

“You were, Poppy, next to Albus you still are. And always will be. But what was I supposed to do, whisper it to you over a cauldron in Potions so that slime ball of a teacher would make me repeat it to the whole class? Besides, you had something of a penchant for gossip in those days.”

Now, Poppy really was hurt. “Gossip?! I was never a gossip, Minerva McGonagall and you well know it!”
Minerva sighed. “I’m sorry, Poppy. Really. I guess you weren’t a gossip compared to other girls our age, but you know me.”

Poppy nodded, she’d never known anyone as deeply personal as Minerva and just the fact that Poppy ever conversed with other students had probably given the girl cause to worry that she might tell her secret. She kept quiet and waited for her friend to continue.

“It was too dangerous. To have spoken about it to anyone would have opened up the possibility of the news getting out. You know what Hogwarts is like, sometimes I swear the walls have ears.” Minerva sighed again. “But now you know, Poppy. Okay, so it’s about 60 years too late, but you know what no one else has ever known.”

“And you’ve been a couple all this time?” Poppy was still trying to process this news. Up until an hour ago she had no idea her best friend and the Headmaster had ever acknowledged their feelings for each other. It had been the talk of the school for as long as Poppy could remember, everyone thought they were stubbornly trying to deny their obvious love for each other. And now she found out they’d been together for most of their lives. It was too much.

“Of course. But don’t you dare tell anyone, Poppy Pomfrey,” Minerva’s voice was dangerous.

“I won’t, you know I won’t. It’s just so hard to believe. All these years the staff have been trying to play match maker for you and Albus and you’ve been together all the time. Do you know some of the things people have done to try to push you two together?”

“We’re very aware of the match making, Poppy,” Minerva said dryly. “And you will do nothing to stop it. If people come to you with new ideas, you will help them, you will contribute your own crazy ideas. The rumors and the abysmal, childish attempts to get us to admit our feelings are actually a huge help in keeping it under cover.”

“But why? Why keep it a secret, you’re so perfect for each other. Everyone wants to see you together, I don’t even think the Board of Governors would care at this point,” Poppy was so confused.

“It’s dangerous, Poppy. That’s the reason we never married in the first place, we both have too many enemies. Albus especially,” her voice was very matter-of-fact and she didn’t look as if she regretted her decision at all.

“Not married?!” Now Poppy had new cause for confusion, she might never figure this one out. “But...but...why?”

Minerva sighed, she hadn’t wanted to discuss all this. If she could have avoided it, she would have. Her plan had been to secretly get pregnant, hide all signs of the growing child, deliver during a summer holiday, and explain the child after. But sometimes fate has other plans and after a few failed months of trying to conceive she’d found herself going to her trusted friend for some medical advice. Now she had to tell a long story she never thought she’d have to tell.

[ginger newts]

This is going to be a long one, btw.

*****
Chapter 2
'Time to start talking,' Minerva told herself. “We talked about it, of course. In fact, by the time we graduated Hogwarts I was engaged to Albus, but we planned to wait a couple of years in order to make it seem a bit more proper and not create any nasty questions about when we got together. Then Grindelwald happened. After he attacked my family, we fully realized the dangers of being at the front of the resistance against him. When Albus defeated him, we both had to virtually hide afterwards because Grindelwald’s followers were still out there torturing and killing any who had fought against them, even attacking their friends and families. That’s when Albus decided it would be too dangerous for me to be his wife. He even went so far as to try and break up with me. But you know me.” Here, she smiled a little, but it was a sad sort-of smile. “I wouldn’t hear of it. I loved Albus with all my heart and soul, I still do, and I wasn’t about to give him up. However, I also recognized the dangers of us being married, so I talked him into forgoing the formality. We’ve spent our entire lives as husband and wife, there’s just no record at the Ministry of Magic to prove it. And that’s the way we wanted it. I’ve never regretted that decision, not for a minute. I couldn’t have lived my life without Albus, so I made a choice. Even in later years, when it seemed the threat had passed, we didn’t feel the need to marry. It had been so long already, what was the point. There’s no need for ceremony and convention when you already feel married. Then, there was Voldemort...twice...and we were glad we had never made a public declaration of love. It was hard enough being seen as close friends, Albus still worried that I would be in danger because of my close association with him here at the school.” Minerva paused for a moment and sighed again. “That’s one of the reasons we’ve never had children. How to explain them? What would people think if, for example, I – a seemingly very proper upstanding member of society and a teacher, unmarried no less – had a child that looked uncannily like the Headmaster? Even if we said it wasn’t mine, people would talk. Albus always wanted children though, I could tell. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve both loved working with all the kids here at the school, it’s been like having the biggest family ever imaginable. I’ve often felt like a mother to my Gryffindors. It’s not the same as raising one of your own, though. Now, I’ve realized that my time is almost up and I guess I just decided to make the most of it. I did the math and figured if I got pregnant now, I would have the baby about mid-way through the summer holidays and then I wouldn’t have to miss any time teaching. You really don’t think I have a chance?”

Poppy had studied her friend carefully while she was talking, she didn’t think Minerva had ever said so much all in one go, except probably while lecturing. She recognized that for the other woman to have told her such a long and personal story meant something, it was a sign that their nearly 70 year friendship was still very strong. 'You’ll never have friends like the ones you had when you were 11,' she thought, 'I’m so blessed to still have at least one of them in my life. But what about the baby?' She took a deep breath and looked her friend in the eye. “Well, like I said, you can never say there’s no chance. But, Min,” use of the old nickname earned her an icy glare, “you’ve been taking birth control potions for over 60 years, that’s not a light matter. It’s going to take a while to get all that out of your system before you’ll have a chance to conceive. You really can’t plan these things for your own convenience you know, you’re going to have to face the fact that if you do get pregnant you might have to deliver during term time. Besides –“

Minerva interrupted, “And what, have the baby in the middle of a Transfiguration lecture? Oh, that’d be perfect.”

“Would you please hold the sarcastic remarks. This is not an exact matter, even at the best of times and I’m trying to give you some medical advice here.” This time, it was Poppy’s turn to glare. She loved Minerva, but sometimes the woman’s constant use of sarcasm to cover up other emotions was draining. Poppy waited, looking Minerva directly in the eyes, for confirmation that she understood what the nurse was asking. Minerva just nodded so Poppy continued. “Thank you. Besides the fact that you’ve been playing with your hormones for the better part of your life and it will take some time for them to calm down again, you’re not getting any younger, Min. Don’t look at me like that, I know how old you are because I’m just as old and what I’m about to tell you applies equally to myself so don’t go getting offended and giving me that ‘McGonagall how-dare-you look.’ You’re not getting any younger, and quite frankly, the chance of a woman your age...fine, our age...having a baby is very small anyway. I’d say you’ve only got maybe a year left before you experience what my mother so endearingly called ‘the change.’” Her voice had taken on a low, mock dramatic tone for the last two words, trying to set a some-what lighter mood before she continued. She didn’t want to completely destroy her friend’s hopes, but the woman needed to face facts. Poppy knew she was strong, but she also knew that Minerva was deeply emotional. Although she never displayed many of them, aside from anger, and would never let on, Poppy knew the news that she had no hope of becoming a mother could devastate her. The fact that she had come to her for an “expert opinion” and then shared her life story meant that this was something she wanted very much. Looking kindly, but not patronizingly at her old friend, Poppy continued. “Actually, Min,” another icy look, “lately I’ve thought you were experiencing it already. I didn’t check you for that just now, but I could...if you wanted. Two years ago, my child bearing years ended, and while every woman goes through it at a different age, you’ve got to be getting close. Some of the signs I’ve seen lately have lead me to think...well...” she knew she didn’t need to finish.

Minerva just nodded, she had noticed these “signs” Poppy was talking about and had secretly hoped maybe it meant she was going to have a baby. Maybe it was time to face the truth. She was getting old. Had she been a Muggle, she knew, she would be considered a little old lady by now, but for a witch she was really only middle aged. Still, some things didn’t last forever. She had chosen in her youth to forgo a proper marriage and everything that went with it, like a family, and for most of her life being around the children at the school was enough. Recently, though, it had started to effect her more deeply when the children went home for holidays or graduated and she realized that no matter what she did for them during the school year she would never be anything more than their teacher. It would have been nice to have a child with Albus’ auburn hair and sparkly blue eyes and he’d talked dreamily more than once of having a miniature version of her running around. Minerva smiled wistfully and brought herself back to the present. Standing and assuming her usual brisk, matter-of-fact manner she patted Poppy on the arm and thanked her before leaving her friend’s office.

[ginger newts]

Chapter 3
After her talk with Poppy, Minerva had gone back to her office to try to distract herself by grading papers. However, she’d found that her head was swimming with too many thoughts and memories to focus on anything. She stared unseeing into the fire for the better part of an hour before she decided that this course of action wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Knowing that Albus had gone to the Ministry for a meeting that would last most of the day, Minerva had snuck into his office and “borrowed” his pensieve. She took it back to her room and locked herself in with a strong locking charm, putting a second charm on the door to warn herself if anyone, including Albus, approached. Minerva poured all of the thoughts and memories concerning her relationship with Albus that had been swirling through her head into the shallow basin and took a moment or two to compose herself before looking at them, then she prodded the shimmering silvery surface with her wand and watched as memory after memory played before her in no particular order.

~~~
She was seventeen and about to sit for her N.E.W.T.s and had taken to studying in Albus’ office while he marked papers and planned the next day’s lessons. They didn’t talk much, just enjoyed the comfortable silence of the other’s presence and the quiet and gentle scratching of quills and turning of pages. Eventually, she felt his eyes on her and looked up at him sitting on the other side of the large desk. Taking in his expression she raised an eyebrow in question.

“Actually, my dear, I was just wondering what you were thinking. You haven’t turned a page in several minutes,” Albus could easily have broken into her mind on his own to find out, but he would never violate her trust in such a way. If she ever expressed a wish to keep something from him, he would respect that, knowing that she would come to him in time.

She nodded, “I was just thinking about what it would be like when I leave here. It’s going to be odd not seeing you every day.”

He sighed, “I know. I’m not looking forward to it either, but you’ll be close by at least.”

That was true. Minerva had managed (with the help of Albus’ good friend Nicholas Flamel) to secure herself a place as a research assistant at the Transfiguration Institute in Edinburgh. She was very glad she would be staying in the country, it meant better chances of weekends and holidays with Albus. She nodded and smiled half-heartedly at him.

“I’ll miss you though. It won’t be the same doing my homework without the rustling of sherbet lemon wrappers across the desk.” This time she favored him with a rare, but wonderful real smile.

He laughed, “Indeed, I’ll have to send you some so you can at least open them and think of me.”

“Albus! What a waste, you know I can’t stand those things. It would be absolutely silly of me to take any with me.”

This time he laughed at her serious expression and stern tone of voice. “You lecture quite well, you know, I think you’ll make an excellent teacher some day.”

“Yes,” she said thoughtfully. “Too bad I have to wait for my finance to retire before I can have the job I really want.” Now it was her turn to laugh as he pulled a mock hurt face.

“You would take an old man’s job?”

“Old my arse,” she shook her head, “you crazy fool.” Minerva sighed again, “ I really am going to miss this.”

****
Now she was in her mid-20's, standing on a battlefield somewhere in Germany. There were bodies everywhere, it was impossible to tell at first glance who was dead and who was merely stunned or knocked out from some other spell, but Minerva was looking for only one man.

“Albus!” She ran across the field to a spot where two bodies lay, far from the others, a cloud of smoke slowly lifting off them and threw herself to her knees next to one of the bodies. “Albus?”

“I’m alright, love,” he said weakly, using her arm for the support he needed to sit up. “Is he...?” He trailed off and pointed at the other body.

Minerva looked over. The other man’s eyes were open, but void of any life, his body was stiff and still. She nodded, “You won, darling, he’s dead. You’re going to be the hero of the wizarding world.” The last statement was said without any trace of discernable emotion, she knew what this victory would cost Albus emotionally, he’d hated the idea of having to kill anyone even the darkest wizard ever known to Europe. “Are you okay though?” She looked him over. His nose was bleeding and appeared broken and there seemed to be blood soaking slowly through his robes over his left leg.

Albus nodded, “I think so. What about you?” He looked at her with a concerned expression.

‘I can’t believe he’s worried about me when he’s just fought Grindelwald,’ Minerva thought. “Yes, love, I’m fine. A few scrapes and bruises, nothing to worry about. You look like you could use a healer, though.”

He had to agree, but the few healers that had come with them were busy sorting out others who looked worse off so he waited. By the time they got to him there was no way to fix his nose without leaving it crooked and the wound above his leg had started to heal so that he was left with an odd scar consisting of many thin lines twisting over his thigh and knee.

*****
A much older Minerva sat on a stone wall in front of a Muggle house somewhere in England.

“I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?” She knew he wouldn’t miss the significance of her using his last name when they were alone. Of course, there was always the chance that someone could have followed either of them, given the events of the day, but his relaxed manner convinced her he wasn’t worried about intruders. She addressed him as “Dumbledore” because she was hurt that he hadn’t told her where he would be, he had made her worry all day about him, and she was angry because he had left her out of his plans yet again. Not to mention the fact that she’d spent the day sitting on a brick wall in a stranger’s garden. And a horrible stranger at that.

He didn’t acknowledge any of this when he answered, however. Of course, he’d been calling her “Professor” all night. “It certainly seems so.”

And then they proceeded to leave little Harry Potter, the child who had just defeated the most feared dark wizard since Grindelwald, on the doorstep of his Muggle aunt and uncle. They had left him to spend a miserable ten years being neglected and put down, never knowing he was special – not knowing he was a wizard and especially not knowing he was a famous and beloved wizard. She’d known James and Lily since their own school days and had stayed friends with Lily when she left Hogwarts, in fact Minerva had been present at baby Harry’s christening when Sirius Black, another former student, had been named godfather to the boy. It broke her heart to leave the shivering infant on that doorstep in the middle of the night. The poor boy’s parents hadn’t even been dead for a day and here he was, leaving the magical world for an unknown future. Minerva had remained angry with Albus for quite some time after that. She would have been happy to raise the boy, but he hadn’t even asked, she took it as a sign that he doubted her parenting abilities. That, or he believed she truly did not want children and that hurt too.

“I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall.” He nodded to her.

‘Yes, I expect you shall, when I turn you out of my bed later,’ she thought. It was one of the darkest times in their relationship.

[ginger newts]

It cut me off! Here's the rest of chapter 3.

*****
After the war with Grindelwald was over, Minerva had returned to the Institute of Transfiguration in Edinburgh and resumed her education and research. She was in now her mid-30's and had already made a name for herself in Transfiguration circles, publishing articles at a rate of almost one per month and traveling widely to give guest lectures when Albus’ head unexpectedly showed up in her fire.

“Albus! What are you doing here? It was my turn to call you,” she was so happy to see him, but then something occurred to her and her voice turned serious as she knelt down on the hearth rug to talk to him. “Has something happened?”

He looked grave, “Yes, but nothing for you to worry about. Our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor met with an untimely accident during one of his classes.” She gasped and he nodded. “Yes, a stunning spell from an over eager seventh year went awry, got past his shield and well, he just died in the hospital wing a couple of hours ago.”

“Oh no, the poor man. And the student, how is he dealing with it?”

“He feels terrible, of course. Wouldn’t leave the professor’s side in the hospital, but he’s been given a dreamless sleep potion for now.” Albus sighed, “I guess you’re wondering what all this has to do with you?”

“Vaguely,” she answered, “do you want to come over and talk about it?”

“Yes, but I can’t. I’m expected in Armando’s office in a few minutes. Actually, I’m to report to him with some news.” There was a pause. “Some news from you.”

“From me?” Now she was confused.

Albus’ head nodded again. “They’ve asked me to take over the position as they can’t find anyone else qualified in a short period of time and well...How would you like to be Hogwarts’ new Transfiguration teacher? You’d have to start right away, I’m afraid. They’d expect you to begin with the Monday morning class.”

“I’d love to, of course. I’ll have to talk to people here though, I don’t know if the Institute will be willing to let me go on such short notice. But I’ll do what I can. I’ll call you tomorrow morning?”

“That will be fine. And, Minerva, if they won’t let you go we’ll understand. However, you’re everyone’s first choice. Especially mine,” here he smiled for the first time since the conversation began. “But I want you to know that this has nothing to do with us, I wasn’t even the one who put forth your name. That came from the Board of Governors with a quick second from Armando. They’ll be sending you an official owl in the morning, but Armando knew we were friends and wanted me to give you a head’s up.”

“I appreciate that. I’ll go to the Head of the Department right now and talk to him.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to you tomorrow then. Good night, love.”

“Good night, Albus. Try to get some sleep tonight. I love you.”

And so, two days later Minerva began her career as Hogwarts’ Transfiguration teacher.




********
Any feedback at all? Oh, there's a lemon coming in the next chapter...but be warned, Minerva is very young in this one.

[Jestana]

Wow. Interesting take on their relationship. I definitely want to see what's next (not just because it's going to be a lemon).

[Miss Q]

This is a really good story so far! And I love it! I hope that you'll get back to present day and try and solve their problem one way or other!??

Please keep writing!!!!!!

M

[ginger newts]

Warning: Underage lemon coming up. Jestana, I agree, this is not my usual take on them at all. Also, I think I made her too young so I went back and added a year. I honestly don’t know where this one came from, the premise sort of attacked me on the way home and the rest has really just written itself.

Chapter 4
Minerva was sixteen and she’d been in love with her professor and Head of House for nearly five years. He was equally in love with her and life was wonderful. They had both tried to fight their attractions, believing at first that the other would never return the feelings and later that it was highly inappropriate. Finally, the Christmas of her sixth year, they had given up and admitted they were in love. They had been spending far too much time alone together to go on pretending and both were glad they had stopped trying. The spring term had been wonderful for both and yet had brought them many new problems. Now, instead of pretending to each other, they had to pretend to the rest of the world. It is not an easy thing to have found your soul mate and to be unable to shout it from the roof tops, or in their case the Astronomy Tower. Under the pretense of helping him with his grading and lesson plans or of having advanced Transfiguration lessons, they had spent many hours in Albus’ office. Sometimes they just talked, sometimes they did work, and other times they spent quiet intimate moments together. It was so hard for both of them to go their separate ways at curfew when Minerva had to return to her dormitory, but that was the way it had to be. They had made a choice to pursue a relationship and for now it must stay hidden, eventually they planned to be able to tell all their friends and family and even though people would scorn their age difference neither cared.

It was during the Easter holidays that their relationship took the final step. Minerva and Albus had been playing a game of chess and lost all track of time. Just after she called out “checkmate” the muggle grandfather clock in the corner chimed midnight.

“Midnight? That can’t be right.”

Albus checked his crazy pocket watch, the one with the planets and stars that Minerva knew she would never be able to read, and confirmed that it was indeed midnight.

“I’ll never make it back to the dormitories unnoticed. Pringle’s been conducting extra searches near the Gryffindor Tower lately because he thinks we’re the ones who’ve been letting off all the dung bombs. Of course it’s the Slytherins. Why would we attack our own common room, honestly?”

Albus chuckled, but then put on his teacher face, “You don’t know that it’s the Slytherins, my dear.”

That earned him a patented icy glare from Minerva, but no verbal response. So, Albus cleared his throat and said, “Well, then I suppose you’ll just have to stay here.”

Minerva was struck speechless for a few moments and then she smiled and said, “You know, I’ve always wanted to sleep in your arms.” Then she got up and followed him through the door into his personal quarters.

Albus gave her a pair of his pajamas in her favorite color of emerald green and, always the gentleman, let her go first in the bathroom. When she stepped back out he could only stare, she had to call his name several times before he answered.

“I’m sorry, love, you just look so...amazing, standing there with your hair down out of its usual braid in my outrageously too big pajamas,” he was grinning stupidly at her.

She smiled and blushed. “Thank you, Albus. The bathroom is all yours now.”

When he came back out of the bathroom a few minutes later, dressed in a vivid purple pair of pajamas, she had turned back the sheets and was sitting propped up against the pillows waiting for him. ‘She’s only 16, be a gentleman.’ Albus kept repeating to himself over and over, his sense of duty trying hard to beat down his bodily reactions to the sight of Minerva in his bed. Needless to say, he was unsuccessful.

Albus crawled into bed next to Minerva and pulled her to him running his fingers through her hair. “Good night, my dear.” He leaned down to give her a good night kiss.

She quirked an eyebrow at him, “Good night, Albus,” and kissed him back, with a little more force.

That kiss quickly lead to many more kisses, and caresses, and then some more kisses. Before he knew what had happened, they were well on their way to doing exactly the thing Albus had promised himself they wouldn’t do, except that Minerva seemed to have initiated it. During one of their long deep kisses, when their tongues had been dueling violently, Minerva had wrapped her arm around his back and tried to pull him down onto herself. Albus had resisted admirably until she had given him such a seductive look that he just couldn’t resist any longer. He had found himself helping her unbutton his shirt. Standing momentarily, Albus undressed himself down to his underwear and climbed back in bed next to a still fully clothed Minerva. He wanted to give her time to warm up to the idea and back out with her dignity still in tact should she have second thoughts.

He planted warm and tender kisses on her neck and collar bone while she slowly adjusted to the feel of his skin next to her, he could feel the apprehension as she began stroking his back, arms, and chest. The nervousness was born out of not knowing exactly what to do and of wanting to please him, he knew. If only she knew what the lightest touch of her fingers on his body did to him! She quickly gained in confidence and he watched with delight as she started to trail light kisses over his face, neck, and eventually chest. Meanwhile, his hands drifted further and further down her body, caressing her through the silky material of his pajamas. Oh, how he wanted to feel her skin against his, but he waited, wanting her to be comfortable first. Minerva was responding to his every kiss and touch and her own kisses and caresses became heavier and more passionate by the moment. As she let her mouth stray to new parts of his body, he let her know when she reached a particularly sensitive spot and was sure to give feedback about what he liked, not that it took conscious effort. He moaned when she ran her tongue teasingly over his nipples and wondered how much longer he could hold out.

After a while, Albus was trailing wet kisses down Minerva’s neck, sucking at her most sensitive places, as his hands stole downward to slowly unbutton her top. He took his time and let his mouth follow his hands, kissing and licking the newly exposed flesh between her breasts and on her flat stomach. Watching her face for any sign of hesitation he reached back up and ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms as she sat up to make it easier for him to remove the material. Again, watching for her reaction, he guided her back to the bed and let one hand creep across her stomach till it made contact with her now exposed breast. Minerva moaned deep in her throat as he gently, at first, then with more pressure massaged the sensitive flesh before letting his lips make contact with it. She had quite a womanly figure already for a girl only just past her sixteenth birthday. After he had lavished both her breasts with much attention, he moved down to her stomach. Then, suddenly, he was kneeling at her feet at the end of the long bed and grasping her pajama pants by the bottom he began to pull them slowly off of her. They were so big on her that it didn’t take much effort and soon he sent the green silk flowing to the floor and began to caress her legs.

[ginger newts]

Minerva’s breathing was quick and shallow, almost every one coming out as a gasp, and she was burning with passion, it was almost agonizing all this teasing. Eventually, Albus pulled himself back up to lay beside her again and kissed her deeply before looking questioningly into her eyes. They were about to reach the point of no return, she knew she could tell him she wasn’t ready and without any further questions he would have them both dressed and ready to sleep. But she had no desire or intention to say such things, she wanted him like she’d never wanted anything in her life. She had been waiting for this moment for some time now and it was heaven. Nodding her head that she wanted to continue, Minerva watched as Albus finished undressing himself. She smiled when she finally saw the evidence of his desire and let her hand slide down to rest on his now exposed hip. Taking her hand gently in his and yet again watching her face, Albus very slowly and carefully brought her hand down to his erection, letting her get used to the idea of touching him. Slowly, she stroked it and then surprised and delighted Albus by bending down to place a warm kiss at the base of his shaft before running her tongue lightly down the length of him.

He couldn’t let that continue or things would be over before they began, so making sure she knew that he wasn’t pushing her away out of displeasure he whispered “Not yet, love,” and gently pulled her head back up to capture her lips with his own. Then he ran his own hand down her body to her thigh, resting it for a moment on her inner thigh tracing soft circles with his thumb before slipping a finger under the last remaining bit of fabric separating them and gently sliding it into her. Minerva gasped and moved her hips to compliment the motions of his hand as he let a second finger join the first. “Al (gasp) Albus, please, I (gasp) want you (gasp),” she breathed. He slowly withdrew his hand and removed the final barrier and then slowly lowered his body over hers, giving her one last long, passionate, loving kiss before they finally came together.

When they were both satiated and spent, Albus laid back down beside her kissing her face, mouth, and neck as he trailed his fingers lightly over her back and arms. Minerva mirrored his actions, smiling sleepily at him. Albus ran his hands through her long dark hair and kissed her forehead before asking, “You don’t regret this do you?”

“How could I, Albus, I love you. There will never be anyone else for me but you, I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time.” Then her face darkened a bit and she said, “Do you regret it?”

Fearing that he’d hurt her, Albus was quick to respond. “Of course not, love, of course not. I just worry sometimes, you’re so young, I didn’t want you to feel rushed into anything.”

“You were, as always, every inch the gentleman, Albus. Please never second guess or regret anything that happens between us. It doesn’t matter that I’m younger than you are. You know age means nothing to me, I’ve never felt young. Even when I was a child, long before I started at Hogwarts, my mother always said I was an old lady in a child’s body.”

“I know, my dear, you are wise and mature far beyond your years. You have what my grandmother used to call ‘an old soul,’ but still you are a teenager. I promise you, though, I will never again doubt a single decision we make as long as we make them all together from now on. Now sleep, love.” With those final words and a last kiss or two the couple fell asleep to dream of their future.

That night, Albus had made a promise that he and Minerva would have to remind each other of time and again during their long relationship. The promise that they would always make all decisions together and they would never second guess them or regret them. It turned out to be one of the most important promises they ever made to each other.

[Nerweniel]

This is so beautiful, touching, really, and the lemon bit was wonderful, even though she's underage ! By the way, this line my mother always said I was an old lady in a child’s body quite shocked me, because that's exactly what my mother says about me... !

Love,

Liz

[ginger newts]

People said that to me too, that's where I got it. Don't worry Q, they're coming back to the present soon and Albus will make a real appearance as more than a memory.

Chapter 5

Minerva was now in her 50's and Albus had taken her to Greece for a two week vacation. It was a wonderful time, for here they were free to truly be themselves and act like a couple since they didn’t know anyone within a thousand miles. It was a glorious time of walking hand in hand on the beaches at sunset and exploring the towns arm in arm, every night they ate dinner in a different restaurant and danced the night away in each others arms.

They were at dinner on the third night, in a dark corner of a beautiful restaurant with candles on the wall above and in the center of the table. Albus was holding Minerva’s hand from across the table and stroking the back of it gently with his thumb. The day had been spent discovering the ancient wonders of Crete and then Albus had suggested they get dressed up and go somewhere fancy for dinner. He looked so handsome in his muggle suit and tie, even though Minerva knew he was dreadfully uncomfortable, she smiled at him and told him how good he looked. After the meal, Albus stood and offered her his arm to lead her onto the dance floor. The couple performed such a graceful waltz that other couples moved aside to watch. They danced until the restaurant closed and then walked slowly back through the ancient city to their room where they spent a glorious night of passion.

The rest of the two weeks passed in much the same way, it was so liberating to be able to express their love in public without worrying if anyone would see them. In fact, on more than one occasion, they were seen snogging on the beaches. It was so hard to return to Scotland and their duties at Hogwarts after that vacation and both vowed to take more time for the other and to make more frequent trips away from their world of secrets. After that, they went on a vacation every few years to some far away exotic location where they were free to act like husband and wife. These trips helped their love stay strong and made it easier to keep their silence when they returned home again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minerva sat for hours and watched as memory after memory played itself in the pensieve, she smiled at some, frowned at others, and fought back tears at still others. The final minutes of her reflection were spent watching not a single memory, but a series of nearly identical moments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minerva and Albus were standing in the open front doors of the castle and watching the carriages carry the students away toward the train that would take them home for the summer. The scene replayed itself over and over, the only difference each time being the clothes they were wearing and the color of Albus’ hair as it went from auburn to silvery white. All the other staff members would turn and go back inside as the last of the students boarded the carriages, but Albus and Minerva would stand and watch until the last one passed through the gates and out of sight. Then, he would slip his arm around her shoulder as hers wrapped around his waist and he led her back inside and closed the doors. There was an air of finality as the door closed, as if something was gone that could never be recaptured.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minerva didn’t fight the tears this time, as she watched the final scene play before her over and over, years worth of students left her again and again, eventually leaving to never return. She sat and cried as she realized the sadness apparent in the slump of both their shoulders as they turned away and Albus closed the doors behind them. Why hadn’t she ever realized it before? Every year she watched the children she cared about leave, she watched them grow and mature and then she watched them leave. Most she never heard from again, a few sent sporadic owls for a few years and then drifted off into their own lives, forgetting about their old Transfiguration teacher. How had she never acknowledged that what she was feeling was a desire for a child of her own? A child that would return to the castle at Christmastime, that would bring her grandchildren. A child whose joys and sorrows she could truly have shared, whose accomplishments at school would have brought her a new kind of pride. A child that wouldn’t move on and forget.

A sudden noise alerted her to the fact that someone was approaching. Minerva quickly lifted the charms from the door and composed herself before Albus came in. They spent the evening the way they had spent countless evenings before, drinking tea in front of the fire and discussing school business before retiring to bed. As Minerva snuggled into the warmth of Albus’ arms she reminded herself of their promise not to regret their decisions and decided that as long as she still had him, as long as she could still spend her nights wrapped in his arms, she would be content.

[Dragonlady]

Thank you so much for this story. Few people can write good AD/MM without making it improbable, overly romanticized, or cliched, and you are one of them. I've always thought it unlikely that Minerva would have a child at the age she is in the HP books, especially considering her other duties, and you've taken that into account quite well. Your characterization of Minerva and Poppy is superb, I loved reading the scenes from the past, and I look forward to seeing some interaction with present-day Albus.

[Sensiblyquirky]

I love this story! You are doing such an excellent job with it, and I cannot wait for the next update!

Great work,

Christy

[Nerweniel]

Very beautiful and, indeed, very realistic. I cannot but hope they'll have a child, though... yeah, I am silly .

Love,

Liz

[Miss Q]

This story gets better with each part! And as others had said it's realistic!!!

This story grows on me every time I read it!

M

[Jestana]

Poor Min! To want a child, but face never having one. *sniffle* You've written this very realistically and well. Bravo!

[griseldalafey]

Well, even a small chance is still a chance... I really hope she will have a child. This story is very well-written. Can't wait until the next part

[ginger newts]

Thank you all for your kind words, I really wasn't sure about this story until I read reviews. Dragonlady, I never really see them as parents (especially not as becoming parents during HP time) so I guess this is my answer to that. Anyway, here's the end, I hope it lives up to expectations.


Chapter 6
It had been several months since her talk with Poppy, the school year was almost over, and Minerva had not experienced a menstrual cycle in over two months. She also had not experienced any morning sickness, though her emotions had been extremely acute and her mood swings wildly unpredictable. She was almost certain she knew what it meant, but still had a tiny glimmer of hope that it might be something else. Many women had mistaken babies for menopause, she’d heard the stories. She decided to go see Poppy again just to make sure.

It was the morning before the leaving feast when she finally had a chance to visit the nurse. Her friend gave her some potions and performed a few spells and they waited for results. After a few minutes, Poppy checked the vial on her desk and looked at Minerva.

“I’m sorry, Min, it’s not a baby,” Poppy’s voice was soft and quiet.

“It’s okay, Poppy, I already knew that.” Minerva just got up and drifted out of the hospital wing without saying goodbye.

That night at the feast, Albus noticed her subdued mood and he leaned in and whispered, “Are you okay, my dear?”

The tender tone of his voice made it next to impossible for Minerva to hold back her tears, but she managed and answered him, her voice thick with emotion. “Yes and no, can I come and see you after I check on my students tonight?”

“Of course, you are always welcome, you know that.” Albus was concerned, Minerva never asked before she came to see him, she just turned up.

After a quick stop by Gryffindor Tower to make sure everyone was there and preparing for the journey home in the morning, Minerva made her way to Albus’ office where she knew he would be waiting for her with a cup of tea in front of the fire. Which he was, but after one look at her face he left her tea and his hot chocolate on the table in his office and lead her by the hand into his bedroom.

Sitting down and opening his arms to her, Albus asked softly, “What is it, love? You look so upset.”

Minerva sat next to him and curled into his comforting warmth, allowing her tears to fall freely while he rubbed her back in soothing circles and removed the pins from her hair so he could massage her scalp as well. She waited until there were no more tears and her breathing had returned to normal before she told him.

“I didn’t tell you, but I stopped taking the potions earlier this year. I thought maybe we could have a chance to have a child now that Voldemort is finally gone for good. I know there are always future threats, but time was running out so it seemed like now or never. I was wrong, it was already too late. Poppy confirmed it for me this morning, but I’ve known for months, I can’t have children anymore, time is up. Oh, Albus, I’m so sorry. I know you wanted children, I’m so sorry we waited so long, I’m so sorry I can’t do this for you now.” There were tears in her eyes again by the time she finished.

Albus placed a hand under her chin and lifted it up so she was looking into his eyes, which were filled with concern. “Don’t apologize to me, my dear. Don’t apologize at all. It’s nothing that’s your fault, nature merely took its course and decided for us. Perhaps we weren’t meant to be parents with so many other children to look after. Minerva, it was a decision we made together long ago...we decided together. Do you remember the promise we made to each other after our first night together?”

She nodded.

“What was it?” he prompted.

“That we would always make decisions together and never regret them afterwards. I’m trying, Albus, I really am. It’s just so final. You always think there will be time for something, later you tell yourself, there will be time later, but eventually later runs out and there is no more time. A few months ago I borrowed your pensieve and I watched memories of us for hours, the very last was a series of memories of all the years we’ve watched the children leave for the summer like we will tomorrow. I never realized until I watched them all in sequence just what we were both feeling in those moments. Be honest, Albus, do you regret not having our own children?”

He thought for a moment before answering. “No, my dear, I do not regret it. It might have been nice to have had our own family, but it also might have been miserable. Every choice we make and every action we take has such varied and far reaching consequences that there’s no way to predict what might have been. What if our children had felt neglected because of the hours we spend on school matters, the hours you especially spend caring for other children? What if the students had been neglected because you chose to spend that time with our own children? I know you, I’ve watched you with your young lions, you would have been just as upset to neglect them. What if the outcome of this war, or the one before it had been different and one of us were injured or killed or our children had been targeted? There would have been many chances for misery, but yes also many chances for joy. I suppose those are the risks any parent takes, we simply chose not to take them. It was the right choice for us during the years when most of your contemporaries were having their families and I do not regret making it because we decided together and truly felt that it was for the best. Students here come and go and I know it makes you sad to watch them leave, but don’t think about it that way, Minerva. Think about how many lives you’ve touched, how many of our former students have gone on to lead extraordinary lives. That’s partly due to you, my dear, to your influence, to the time they spent under your care. Think about those things and try to be happy with the choices you’ve made.”

“Thank you, Albus. How do you always know just the right thing to say? I am happy with our life, I’m happy with you and I do love my students. I guess it’s just that the realization that you cannot have something tends to make you want it suddenly. As long as I have you, I’ll never truly regret anything we’ve done. It helps to know you don’t regret it, I was worried about your reaction.”

Albus leaned down and kissed her softly, “I think perhaps your current situation is wreaking havoc with your emotions, have you ever felt this way in the past?”

Minerva shook her head no.

Kissing her softly, Albus said, “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

That night, Minerva slept in a pair of Albus’ huge pajamas again, it was a habit she’d picked up over the years when she was upset or he was traveling because it reminded her of their first night together, of the comfort that was Albus, and of the promises they had made. She slept soundly, wrapped securely in his embrace and awoke only slightly apprehensive about the day’s events.

However, Albus had made a decision the night before and without realizing it so had Minerva. That morning as the students boarded the carriages and left the school for the summer, they started a new tradition. Instead of waiting until they all passed out of sight, they turned and walked inside together as the last student stepped into the carriage. Albus lead Minerva back to his rooms and drew a warm bath complete with lavender bath salts and they spent an afternoon relaxing and enjoying the comfort of each others arms, knowing that they were embarking upon a new stage of their lives and their relationship.

The End

[Jestana]

*sigh* That's so beautiful! I love it! A very nice way to end the fic. Bravo!

[griseldalafey]

Beautiful end. *sigh* I still feel sad about the fact that they can't have a child of their own, but then again, so are they. The story was so realistic. Well done.

[Miss Q]

Thank you! This was a great ending albeit sad that that she didn't get that wish fulfilled... But I think that made it all the more realistic.

Thanks again for a great story!

M

[Nerweniel]

Ok, this was such a beautiful ending, very realistic, and I am just a romantic idiot, but I still think it sad they couldn't have children . They seem to deserve it so much, you know? But I liked this, very much, and thanks for writing!

Love,

Liz

[HappyReader]

Oh, that's so sad! I like stories that balance the fluff with sadness, bravo!

[Sensiblyquirky]

You did an excellent job with this fic. A more realistic ending, becuase though I would love to have AD/MM have a child the kid would probably feel neglected, and we don't want that.

Well done,

Christy

[Dragonlady]

Excellent. It definitely lived up to my expectations and more. A perfect ending to a wonderful story.

[TabbyForever]

Wow, a very powerful and very true to life fic for soooo many people!!!
Well done, you handled it so well....Albus's speech in the last chapter was so powerful!
This may sound extream but this story has taken my breath away as i've been reading it!!!!
I'm so impressed, you've done a great job!!
Tabs

[Mandy McGonagall-Dumbledore]

I love it! Great job! Sweet Ending!!