Post by Sensiblyquirky on Sept 28, 2004 14:25:05 GMT -5
Co-author: Ginger Newts (we wrote this over IM last night!!)
A Caged Lioness
"Why" can't I go, Albus? You said yourself it will probably only take a couple of weeks."
"I really don't know for sure how long it will take or what the conditions will be. I would feel better if I knew you were here where you're safe and well."
"I feel fine, why won't you trust me? I don't want you to go alone"
"Minerva, trusting you isn't the issue. I would just feel better if you stayed here, and continued to heal."
"I have healed, Albus. I've been given a clean bill of health. You can't put me in a cage like this."
Walking toward her Albus placed his hands on her shoulders, "I'm not trying to." Turning from him Minerva’s only response was, "Yes, you are."
Grabbing her by the arms Albus turns her around so he could look at her, "Please, Minerva. I don't want to leave you like this. Please understand why I don't want you to go."
"You're going to miss your portkey. Go, Albus. Just go." Looking at her sadly Albus said, "I love you,” and then kissed her turned cheek before leaving.
Once he was gone Minerva walked to the window immediately aware of what she had just done. While staring out over the grounds a few tears cascaded down her cheeks as she whispered to no one, "Please be safe, love."
That night Minerva prolonged going to bed for as long as she could. She had slipped on one of Albus' nightshirts, and his ornate dressing gown; drinking in the smell of him as she gazed into the fire. She spent most of the night berating herself on letting her temper get the better of her. She couldn't believe she had not told him she loved him. She tried to stop her mind from wandering to that inevitable question: What if he never came back? She tried, but she failed. As the tears silently rolled down her cheeks she knew that if something happened to him she would never forgive herself. Rising out of her chair, as if in a daze, Minerva slowly walked toward the bed. Lying down she kissed his pillow, and then hugged it close to her as she whispered: "I love you, Albus. You are my life, please come back to me love" into the night air.
Minerva slept fitfully that night. Each time she would turn in her sleep and reach out her arm for Albus she would encounter a cold empty space where he should have been and she would wake up. Finally at four she gave up, and rose for the day.
Even getting dressed was painful. Every morning Albus would always watch her from the bed, and he always made a little sound of protest when she went to put her hair up. Each article of clothing reminded her of a time spent with Albus, of what he would say when she wore them. He always complimented her no matter how many times he had seen the same robes. Last but most certainly not least she would remove her wedding bands from her finger, and put them on a chain around her neck. Though Minerva could not wear them openly during the day in their chambers she refused to be anything but Mrs. Albus Dumbledore. This morning as she slipped the chain under her robes she wondered if she would ever see the man who gave them to her again.
Walking toward the Great Hall for breakfast was just as agonizing. She and Albus had walked up and down these corridors so many times on the way to their chambers, or back the long way to his, and sometimes he would want to walk them when it was too cold to go outside so he could think, but he always wanted her with him, claiming as his goddess she was his muse.
Sitting next to Albus' empty chair at the staff table was particularly difficult. Meals were always more enjoyable when she had Albus to talk to, but this morning the empty chair looked like a bad omen. Minerva shook herself, omens? She was definitely in a maudlin mood if she was turning to Sybil's branch of magic.
It continued on like this for days: every night Minerva would toss and turn in her sleep, always waking to an empty bed, she would rise early and have difficulty facing every day events because they reminded her of Albus. It seemed that everywhere she turned a ghost of their lives together was waiting for her, ready to make her feel even worse. The loneliness and worry was mixed with guilt over her parting words, what if those were the last words she ever said to him?
The stress of running Hogwarts combined with her concern for Albus quickly wore Minerva out. Her eating and sleeping patterns didn't help matters, and in the first week she had already lost quite a bit of weight. Sitting in front of her vanity at the beginning of the second week Minerva had to laugh at her image. Not an amused laughter, a sad laughter as if she was on the brink of tears. She had never thought she was beautiful, growing up with an older sister every man fawned over taught her at a very young age she was the smart one, not the pretty one. But Albus had always told her she was beautiful, in fact the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. When Albus first met her family she was actually worried he would be taken by Peri, but he wasn't. His eyes didn't follow Peri every time she moved, they followed her. Never had she felt more beautiful.
Now she had circles under her eyes, her face was drawn, and looking gaunt from her lack of food and she knew she looked awful. She wanted to pick herself up; she wanted to make herself look the best she could for when he came home. Nothing would please her more than to actually look like a goddess, but damn it she just couldn't because those last words hung over her like a dark cloud that she couldn't step out from under. Minerva felt trapped, trapped by her words and her emotions; she couldn't take care of herself no matter how much she wanted to. Rising, she took a set of plain green robes out of the wardrobe and put them on, noting the way they hung on her already slim frame, now diminished from over a week of not eating.
A Caged Lioness
"Why" can't I go, Albus? You said yourself it will probably only take a couple of weeks."
"I really don't know for sure how long it will take or what the conditions will be. I would feel better if I knew you were here where you're safe and well."
"I feel fine, why won't you trust me? I don't want you to go alone"
"Minerva, trusting you isn't the issue. I would just feel better if you stayed here, and continued to heal."
"I have healed, Albus. I've been given a clean bill of health. You can't put me in a cage like this."
Walking toward her Albus placed his hands on her shoulders, "I'm not trying to." Turning from him Minerva’s only response was, "Yes, you are."
Grabbing her by the arms Albus turns her around so he could look at her, "Please, Minerva. I don't want to leave you like this. Please understand why I don't want you to go."
"You're going to miss your portkey. Go, Albus. Just go." Looking at her sadly Albus said, "I love you,” and then kissed her turned cheek before leaving.
Once he was gone Minerva walked to the window immediately aware of what she had just done. While staring out over the grounds a few tears cascaded down her cheeks as she whispered to no one, "Please be safe, love."
That night Minerva prolonged going to bed for as long as she could. She had slipped on one of Albus' nightshirts, and his ornate dressing gown; drinking in the smell of him as she gazed into the fire. She spent most of the night berating herself on letting her temper get the better of her. She couldn't believe she had not told him she loved him. She tried to stop her mind from wandering to that inevitable question: What if he never came back? She tried, but she failed. As the tears silently rolled down her cheeks she knew that if something happened to him she would never forgive herself. Rising out of her chair, as if in a daze, Minerva slowly walked toward the bed. Lying down she kissed his pillow, and then hugged it close to her as she whispered: "I love you, Albus. You are my life, please come back to me love" into the night air.
Minerva slept fitfully that night. Each time she would turn in her sleep and reach out her arm for Albus she would encounter a cold empty space where he should have been and she would wake up. Finally at four she gave up, and rose for the day.
Even getting dressed was painful. Every morning Albus would always watch her from the bed, and he always made a little sound of protest when she went to put her hair up. Each article of clothing reminded her of a time spent with Albus, of what he would say when she wore them. He always complimented her no matter how many times he had seen the same robes. Last but most certainly not least she would remove her wedding bands from her finger, and put them on a chain around her neck. Though Minerva could not wear them openly during the day in their chambers she refused to be anything but Mrs. Albus Dumbledore. This morning as she slipped the chain under her robes she wondered if she would ever see the man who gave them to her again.
Walking toward the Great Hall for breakfast was just as agonizing. She and Albus had walked up and down these corridors so many times on the way to their chambers, or back the long way to his, and sometimes he would want to walk them when it was too cold to go outside so he could think, but he always wanted her with him, claiming as his goddess she was his muse.
Sitting next to Albus' empty chair at the staff table was particularly difficult. Meals were always more enjoyable when she had Albus to talk to, but this morning the empty chair looked like a bad omen. Minerva shook herself, omens? She was definitely in a maudlin mood if she was turning to Sybil's branch of magic.
It continued on like this for days: every night Minerva would toss and turn in her sleep, always waking to an empty bed, she would rise early and have difficulty facing every day events because they reminded her of Albus. It seemed that everywhere she turned a ghost of their lives together was waiting for her, ready to make her feel even worse. The loneliness and worry was mixed with guilt over her parting words, what if those were the last words she ever said to him?
The stress of running Hogwarts combined with her concern for Albus quickly wore Minerva out. Her eating and sleeping patterns didn't help matters, and in the first week she had already lost quite a bit of weight. Sitting in front of her vanity at the beginning of the second week Minerva had to laugh at her image. Not an amused laughter, a sad laughter as if she was on the brink of tears. She had never thought she was beautiful, growing up with an older sister every man fawned over taught her at a very young age she was the smart one, not the pretty one. But Albus had always told her she was beautiful, in fact the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. When Albus first met her family she was actually worried he would be taken by Peri, but he wasn't. His eyes didn't follow Peri every time she moved, they followed her. Never had she felt more beautiful.
Now she had circles under her eyes, her face was drawn, and looking gaunt from her lack of food and she knew she looked awful. She wanted to pick herself up; she wanted to make herself look the best she could for when he came home. Nothing would please her more than to actually look like a goddess, but damn it she just couldn't because those last words hung over her like a dark cloud that she couldn't step out from under. Minerva felt trapped, trapped by her words and her emotions; she couldn't take care of herself no matter how much she wanted to. Rising, she took a set of plain green robes out of the wardrobe and put them on, noting the way they hung on her already slim frame, now diminished from over a week of not eating.
