In the cold light of morning

[angeldust]

Response to Happyreader’s go forth and multiply challenge. The title is the
name of a Placebo song that I find myself deeply in love with at the moment.

Setting: Leading up to Grindlewald's defeat.
While working undercover as a muggle behind enemy lines, Albus is caught by
the Gestapo and brutalized, including being raped. After his release/escape
(up to you), can you guess which Auror is going to help him recover?
1000 points to Gryffindor if you said Minerva McGonagall!

Rating – M for adult situations

(I'm not really happy with this beginning and I was actually going to start it with chapter two but I decided this bit was necessary)

In the cold light of morning

Chapter 1

“Albus… Albus can you hear me.” The voice of Minerva McGonagall broke through Albus Dumbledore’s potion polluted mind. The medi-witches of St Mungo’s had decided it would be safer to keep the wizard under a heavy dreamless sleeping draught while they healed some of his more serious wounds. Albus grunted hoarsely as he felt himself being pulled back into reality. With great difficulty he managed to force his eerily heavy eyelids open, the image of Minerva McGonagall and Alastor Moody leering over him greeted his waking mind. He was confused and though he hated to admit it rather frightened, with no recollection of where he was or how he had got there the only thing keeping him from screaming was the comforting looks on his best friend and new found lover’s faces.
“Welcome back Albus. You’ve been asleep for two whole days.” Minerva smiled happily.
“Wh… Where am I?” Albus asked his voice horse and painful. Why was the back of his throat burning so furiously?
“St. Mungo’s.” Alastor growled. “Brought ya ere’ as soon as those Aurors rescued ya.”
“Rescued?” Albus blurted out shocked. Rescued from what?! He thought to himself straining his memory. Yes he could begin to see it now the Aurors in their smart blue uniforms dragging him. The rest was blank he remembered going to Germany disguised as a muggle to spy on the happenings there. He remembered being caught and then… and then. And suddenly everything that had happened in the past two weeks of his imprisonment flooded his mind, his skin began to crawl, his eyes blinded by an eerie painful white light before he let out a horrified scream and violently began to throw up.

[beMMADfabulous]

Ooh, I like it! *must have more*

[mcgonagallrocks]

This is not bad at all you little nut. I like it alot. like beMMADfabulous said must have more.

**Endora

(PS Old Bloody almost has chapter 2)

[Apocalypticat]

*Applauds* Good to know you've started this. I just posted my anticipation on the challenge thread to find it answered here! Poor Albus! More!

[angeldust]

(Thank you so much for reviews. Thankfully things start to get rolling in this chapter)

Chapter 2

“What happened to him Alastor?” Minerva asked hoarsely her long raven hair and dark Auror robes clashing with the pure white surroundings making her seem out of place and pale. The last time she had seen Albus was three weeks ago when they had finally admitted their love for each other before he went to Germany incognito to find out about what Grindlewald and his new powerful ally Adolph Hitler were planning. She knew he had been captured a week later and had been furiously planning his rescue with Alastor since then. Alastor had been the one to go to Germany with a handful of Aurors on the rescue mission Minerva herself had been detained by vital work back in England. She had rushed to Saint Mungo’s as soon as she had heard the news of Albus’s return she hadn’t expected to be asked by a sobbing Albus to leave him alone or to be forced out the room by concerned healers.

“We found him in the camp in Balzac. It was disgusting Minerva so much death just everywhere you looked every time you breathed. That would be enough alone to drive a man insane not to mention the tortures he would probably of had to put up with. They knew he wasn’t a Jew, Merlin knows what they did to him to try and make him talk.” Alastor watched as the usually controlled woman in front of him buried her head in her hands and let out a single bitter sob.
“Minerva…” He asked gently realization dawning on him. “Are you and Albus…?”
“I need to see him!” Minerva interrupted; she never did allow Alastor to finish that question even years later.

Albus lay perfectly still in the center of his hospital bed staring up at the ceiling, his eyes misted over as if he had retreated to some hidden place in the darkest corner of his mind.
“Albus…” Minerva greeted him quietly as she took a seat next to him. She had no idea of the thoughts that ran through his mind in those few moments where he didn’t answer her. Images of their first and only kiss shattering in his mind by the memories he had acquired in the past two weeks. How could he possibly touch her now after he had been contaminated by that place, by that man.
“Albus.” She repeated again placing her hand over his. Before Albus could even register what he was doing he felt his mind begin to replay scenes from the past two weeks he flinched horribly and ripped his hand away from her. The hurt look that crossed her face was only there for a second before she quickly covered it with a mask, but it had been there long enough for Albus to see it and long enough for it to become embedded in his mind. He couldn’t go on like this flinching every time someone came near him, that… that man was behind him now he couldn’t allow his mind to break into a frenzy every time somewhere came anywhere near him.
“The healers said you’re wounds are fully healed. You’re free to go tomorrow, I want you to come and stay at my flat for a while I don’t like the idea of you being alone up at that school.” Albus was about to protest when Minerva interrupted him. “Just for a while Albus, just so I can make sure you’re fine. The healer’s want you to see a psychiatrist; just once a week I’ve heard about her often in the ministry she’s very talented Albus.
The healers think it would be best if you just spoke to her. You never know you may even remember something that could be useful to the ministry.” She spoke fully expecting Albus to protest. She was horrified when he just nodded and returned to staring at the ceiling.

[beMMADfabulous]

Aww. I'm so glad you updated! That was sad. I can't wait to see where you take this.

[mcgonagallrocks]

Poor Albus. This is a really good story.

**Endora

[lemonygingersnaps]

WOW - I love this!!! :-)

[angeldust]

( it may not seem it now the painting is very important keep that in mind ;D)

Chapter 3

Minerva’s apartment was located on the seventh floor of a posh block of flats over looking Diagon alley. The apartment was spacious consisting of two bedrooms, one bathroom, a large living room, a joined kitchen and dining room and a study which Albus supposed would have been the third bedroom at one point. Each room was lusciously decorated with portraits, books and artwork.
Minerva showed him his room; it was large and airy with a huge king sized bed, wardrobe and bookshelf that were filled with many various works. Minerva seemed to have found space for at least one bookshelf in every room.
“I hope this is to your liking this window has one of the best views in the whole apartment.” Albus just nodded in answer to her, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to hold a proper conversation with her since his return from Germany.
“Who painted this?” He finally spoke after walking around the room for many minutes and finally stopped in front of a dark painting. It showed a woman sitting on a bed curled up into a corner, tears flowing down her cheeks her hands raised up to her face as if she was trying to place a barrier between herself and the world. The whole picture was made up of grays and blacks.

The woman in the picture held a remarkable likeness to Minerva.
“It’s one of mine. I come to look at it sometimes to remind myself that things could always be a lot worse then they are. But it’s quite morbid so I keep it in here so no guests have to endure it. I can move it if you wish.”
“No… I like it.” Albus spoke truthfully. Minerva was right this picture most certainly helped to put things in perspective, his situation could definitely have been a lot worse. It could have been Minerva who was imprisoned in that dreadful place not him.
“Are you quite sure?” Minerva asked comfortingly.
“Yes I am Minerva!” Albus snapped irritably. It seemed ever since his freedom his mood’s had been changing so drastically he hated never knowing how his own mind would answer sometimes he would become so angry and
irritable and at others he would become so frightened and startled it was like being imprisoned again but only this time in his own mind.
“Of course.” He heard Minerva’s curt replay before she left him to unpack.

Albus’s sleep that night was fitful and plagued with nightmares. His mind seemed insistent to keep playing those same memories over and over again and even when he was awake, odd day dreams interrupted his thoughts leaving him frightened and drenched in sweat. He rose from his new bed and headed for the kitchen, hoping to distract himself from any nightmares and flashbacks.
How he wished he could just be his old carefree fun loving Albus again but every time he tried those memories kept leaping forward in his mind leaving him to sob in a small heap like the woman in Minerva’s painting.
Before he could reach the kitchen he found Minerva huddled over the fire place talking quietly.
“It is to be expected Minerva,” He heard Poppy Pompfrey’s voice call out from the fireplace. “We have now idea to what extent he was brutalized he is bound to suffer some kinds of trauma.”
“But I don’t even know what to expect from him anymore Poppy, I can hardly manage to get him to respond to me it’s as if he’s miles away hidden in his own mind and then when he does respond he’s so irritable and his mood changes so often!” Minerva sobbed.
“No one ever said this would be easy Minerva, you just have to wait it out. He will return to you Minerva.”
“He doesn’t even seem to remember me Poppy. He hasn’t said a single word about us, about that kiss.”

“Did you really expect him to run into your arms once he returned Minerva? That man has been through so much you can’t expect him to try and build a relationship with you also; just wait Minerva in time it will fall in place. I have no idea what happened in Balzac but I can give you my medical view of what symptoms Albus may display. He’s bound to have nightmares and flashbacks you just need to remind him where he is and that everything he is seeing is behind him. He may suffer some emotional detachment and numbing of feelings don’t try and force him into conversation just talk normally to him and don’t be angered if he doesn’t respond. He’s bound to be very jumpy so keep loud noises down to a minimum and watch out for signs of Obsessive compulsive disorder.
Minerva this is a lot to do are you sure you can cope with this.” Poppy asked caringly.
“Yes Poppy! I’ve just never seen him like this before it worries me.”
Minerva spoke hoarsely her breath labored from trying to calm herself down.
“You can do it Minerva. I have to go now but if you ever need me you know…”
“Of course Poppy, goodnight.” Albus watched as the face in the fire vanished and Minerva turned and saw him her puffy red eyes sparkling in alarm.
“Oh Albus! Are you alight? Would you like something to eat?”

[tanja]

This is so very sad...
I liked the update a lot and I can imaine that the whole situation is very difficult for both of them.
Hope you´ll give us more soon.

[beMMADfabulous]

Aww, great update. I liked how you portrayed Albus and Min's struggles.

[lemonygingersnaps]

WOW - I wonder what turn this conversation will take?

[mcgonagallrocks]

You are just plain mean to everyones favorite headmaster and his deaputy. I thought turning Min into a vampire was mean but you beat me.

**Endora

[lemonygingersnaps]

That is just mean to leave us there. What will Albus do/say???

[littlemorgsi]

Poor Albus. I hope Minerva can be patient with him and not take it to heart when he snaps at her.

[Jessabelle]

Good start. What a tragic expeience for Albus. Please update soon!
- Jess

[prodigyviolin101]

I loved it, please update soon!

[angeldust]

(Mega long chapter I’ve started to bring some History in, in reality Christian Wirth was the lead commander of the Balzac extermination camp. Of course I don't know if he would have done any of things that Albus has suffered but he was a very vile man and honestly I wouldn't put it past him.)


Chapter four

Three days past and Albus felt no change inside him, no returning of normality and balance and no sign of these awful memories straying from his mind. It seemed that when his sleeping hours where no riddled with flashbacks or insomnia he would dream of Minerva but not the sort of dreams he had become used to in the last few months no these dreams where not filled with tales of love and passionate embraces these where the kind of dreams where he would wake up next to her to find her covered in bruises he had caused, dreams where she would cringe at his touch and scream and cry and the things he did to her. Albus supposed that he was taking the place of Christian Wirth in these dreams and acting out all the terrible things that had been done to him to someone else, why he was doing this he couldn’t understand. He supposed it was some form of therapy that his mind was trying to create but Albus found himself disgusted by it. He found it hard to look at Minerva after these dreams fearing that he could still be asleep and would soon begin acting out those terrible deeds of violation upon her.

He often found himself feeling utterly numb around Minerva, where once love and passion controlled his whole being just by looking at her he now felt nothing. But it wasn’t just her thing’s he read in Minerva’s books and in the ‘Daily Prophet’ no longer angered or upset him it just felt that he was numb to everything. Now again the numbness would fade away and once it did Albus found himself wishing it would return the pain was always to unbearable when he could actually feel something. He could tell his numbness was hurting Minerva he had tried so hard to show her some affection but it never came out as it should and it always just seemed to cause more damage then it did good.

“I’m going into Diagon Alley today would you like to come?” Minerva asked him softly. She had taken him into the streets two days ago and it had not been successful. He couldn’t stand to be around so many people, so many people accidentally touching him and he couldn’t stop himself from seeing that same mans face out of the corner of his eye every few minutes. He knew he couldn’t possibly be near him he was still in Balzac but he couldn’t shake of the feeling of that all too familiar presence and the face that continued to haunt him even when he was awake.
“No… I’d rather stay here.” He answered.
“Well if you’re sure…” Minerva answered she wasn’t very keen on the idea of leaving him alone. “I’ll see if I can find you a good book while I’m out.”
Normally Albus would have chuckled and thanked her but now he just nodded and watched her leave with sunken eyes. Once she was gone Albus strode around the house rubbing his hands together nervously and shivering slightly. Since when had be been so afraid to be alone? He thought back the last time he had been alone… it was when he was in the concentration camp dreading Wirth’s next visit which he knew would come. He closed his eyes and felt tears of fright and sadness start to weld up. He had to distract himself before it became too much, before he sank back into those memories. He strolled the house desperately searching for something to distract himself with. He searched Minerva’s study hoping to find some of her Auror work, hoping to see something to do with Grindlewald he would rather face that dark wizard then face those memories again. He knew Minerva was a high authority in the search for Grindlewald and the war that was happening in both the muggle and wizarding world because of him. He couldn’t find anything! Minerva should have something she must have! Yet he couldn’t find anything. He couldn’t understand why he was so desperate to find that information but he needed it, he just knew at the moment it was the only thing that could distract him. Before he could even consider the ethics in his actions he found himself in Minerva’s rooms invading her own personal quarters.

He found a small desk in the corner of the room which was littered with many pictures ranging from gruesome murders to the handsome form of Lord Grindlewald. He took a seat at the table and began to read and instantly his mind became distracted concentrating solely on the facts in front of him.Before he had left for Germany it had been discovered that Grindlewald was not the ordinary muggle hating wizard they had expected him to be for the past two years he had been hiding his many murders by killing only muggle borns and half bloods. It had came to light now that it was not his ultimate goal to destroy muggle borns but the whole wizarding world instead. From what he could gather Grindlewald had a hatred of wizards and Jews, strangely he happened to be both but would never class himself as it. He demanded to be called a ‘sorcerer’ which he somehow believed was initially different from being a wizard and wouldn’t admit anything about his Jewish heritage at all.

It had also been discovered that Grindlewald was strongly influencing the actions of his muggle counterpart Hitler with the promise of magical power beyond all imagination. Since then more had been discovered about Grindlewald’s and Hitler’s plans from what Albus could see all the destruction that was happening around him was due to a world dominating lust of two mad men. He carried on flicking through the many papers when he came upon a file of named pictures; he supposed these where people the ministry believed could be involved with Hitler or Grindlewald. Albus flicked through the pictures and stopped dead when he reached a certain one. He felt himself jump back from the chair and back himself into the opposite corner. Curling himself into the corner and sobbing silently he stared horrified at the picture of the man who had tortured him, who had bullied him, beaten him and raped him. The picture of Christian Wirth fell to the floor as Albus slipped further and further away from mentality.

[mcgonagallrocks]

Brillant idea combining Hitler and Grindlewald. Time periods and personalites work out. Good chapter 4

**Endora

[zoeteproet]

No no no! This story is very sad and good written. I hope Minerva will be home soon, Albus needs her.

[lemonygingersnaps]

WOW - Powerful Update!Please keep it up!

[beMMADfabulous]

Good chapter! Poor Albus. I can't wait to see where you're going with this.

[Orion's Guard]

Wow, I'm really into this plotline, it's not something you see often. (Originality is probably the best compliment as far as fanfiction is concerned). Nice work, and I look forward to seeing where this goes.

[alison]

This is pretty powerful stuff. I enjoy the realism of the scenes-you seem to know what you're talking about with the side effects and such. Please continue!

[Tabby67]

Hey there! I'm reading this on ff.net as well. this is great stuff! Update soon. It really is a wonderful idea puling Hitler and Grindlewald together. Great job! Make Min come home soon!

~Branda

[EloquentPhoenix]

No! I could kill him, how could he? Poor Albus. I don't even know what to say, it's not even real but I'm still nearly in tears. How could he? And Min can't even help him yet, it's so so awful. She does help him? It's going to be okay, isn't it? Eventually? I hope Minerva comes back soon.

And Placebo

Amy

[angeldust]

Chapter Five

Half an hour passed before Albus through his traumatized state of momentary insanity heard the front door click.
“Albus?” The voice of Minerva McGonagall called through the house but it was not Minerva’s voice that registered in his mind, that ‘mans’ voice was the only thing he could hear playing around his mind. He felt a presence enter the room but he was unable to see the owner of the presence or its intentions.
“Albus!” Minerva whispered again as she closed in on the shivering man cramped in the smallest corner of the room. He looked of vulnerably, so lost nothing like the Albus she had known. Albus stared through blind eyes the image of his cell in Balzac imprinted on his eyelids, so real he truly believed he was there once again. He felt two hands lay themselves softly on his cheeks gripping his face in a comforting gesture, but the gesture was false he was sure. He was certain those hands could only mean him harm.

Christian had often comforted him with seemingly friendly gestures just adding to Albus’ torment before he did something dreadful to him and this was but another one of his tricks. He gripped the wrists of the offending hands knowing full well that fighting would just result in more torture but also realizing that he had to try just this once, just this time. He pushed the offender easily to their feet his hands still gripping the assailant’s wrists painfully. He tripped blindly letting go of the wrists as he fell, he could hear the offender’s footsteps loud and clear slowly edging around him. He snapped his arm out his hand coiling around an ankle in a snakelike fashion, the attacker fell along side him with a strikingly familiar gasp.
It sounded like a woman’s gasp but no that couldn’t possibly be it was surely another trick. He grabbed the assailant’s legs rolling them onto their back, he pushed himself blindly up the offenders body and grabbed their wrists again as they came flying towards him in a strike of self protection. He pinned them to the floor staring down at his victim with eyes of venom, plotting his next move.

“ALBUS!” The scream broke through the barriers, crashing down each one of his tormented memories, collapsing the world around him until it once again resembled Minerva’s bedroom. He glanced around him not once letting go of the wrists in his hands. It was definitely Minerva’s room, how had he come to be here, had he been here all along, what in Merlin was happening to him?
“Albus…” He heard Minerva whisper quietly in an almost pleading fashion. He turned his attention back to the person he was pinning… it was Minerva. Horrified, he stared down at her. Her eyes where large in badly hidden fear, her lips split and blood gushing down her chin staining her porcelain skin. Her striking hair falling out the customary bun, she was beautiful even in this disheveled state she was stunning. It had been a while since Albus had been able to think about his lover in such a fashion, he had believed he would be numb to those feelings of awe and amazement that he had once found when looking at her. It took him a few seconds to remember the current situation; he gasped releasing her wrists and clambering off her lithe form.

“Minerva!” He whispered shocked, how could he possibly apologize for this! How could he possibly explain and correct what had happened, he truly must be insane to be able to act such things against the woman he supposedly loved. “I thought, I thought you where…”
“It’s alright Albus, no harm done.” She answered clambering to her feet, her eyes staring at him with the oddest and most disturbing expression he had ever seen. Was that hatred in her eyes, hatred aimed at him for doing such a dreadful thing, hatred at herself for not being able to defend herself for leaving herself at his mercy. Yes, Albus recognized that look it was one that he had found in his night at Balzac and one that still haunted him now. It was the same fear, the same worry, the same hatred that someone had violated you in such a way and you had been too weak to possibly stop them.
“Please Albus stop apologizing, I’m alright.” She stammered through his many apologizes. “I know you would never intentionally harm me. Tell me what happened.”
“I saw things,” Albus answered from his position on the floor. “I saw memories but I was reliving them.”
“Oh Albus,” She whispered comfortingly advancing towards him he guessed to offer a gesture of comfort perhaps a hug, he flinched involuntarily as soon as she same close stopping her in her tracks.
“I won’t ever let him have you Albus.” Minerva spoke softly gesturing to the picture on the floor, Albus had forgotten how observant she was. “I won’t ever allow him to harm you again, we will catch him Albus and the two men that control him I promise you and they will meet their own punishment.”

[beMMADfabulous]

AWW!!!!!! That was so sad. Minerva is so strong to deal with all of that. I'm glad Albus realized it was her before it was too late. Great job! I can't wait for more.

[EloquentPhoenix]

*shivers* Poor Minerva, it was horrible, because he was trapped. I'm so glad she's so strong, enough so to be there no matter what. But he thought she was stunning Improvements, no? Enjoying it very very much, even if it feels horrible for them.

However:

“I thought, I thought you where…”

Should be 'were', not 'where'. That's all.

[nicolerose]

AH! Update soooooooonn! like yesterday soon! its so good! i love it!