Funeral Revelations

[muriel2532]

eloquentphoenix said:

'Albus had his arms wrapped tightly around Minerva's waste...' that ought to be 'waist'.

And to answer your question, well, in my heart it will always be ADMM forever and I truly can't picture her with anyone else. I know she'd be alone, but it just doesn't work for me. I adore them as they are. The only other ship I can even think of is probably MMSS. And don't worry anyone I'm not being turned or anything silly like that I just think there is potential there. Kind of, I think he could love her, I don't think she could love anyone like Albus. I've read bits of MMSS, MMRL, MMSB, MMAM, MMHG(?), MMRH and for me I didn't like any aside from MMSS a little bit. I think he is in love with her. So yes. MMSS, not sure how that would work though :S But I wouldn't stop reading the story even if it was a pairing I didn't like because I'm committed to reading this now.

Thanks for pointing out the mistake. "Waist" is indeed what I wanted to write and what makes sense - but stuff like that just isn't picked up as a mistake by Word.

As for your other MM pairings: I think you won't be too disappointed. I have discovered two very nice stories over the weekend on fanfiction.net, one MM/SB and the other MM/RL. Both were very good in my opinion, but both were set during or before OotP. So I guess that makes it three MM/other male character pairings which I can stomach, but Sirius or Remus definitely won't be the one for Minerva in this story.

[muriel2532]

Thanks for reviewing Chapter 5 everyone!

I have to disappoint you though: I won't be able to update this until at least the 16th of June since my exams have finally arrived and I am stuck with writing five-hour papers four days a week for the next two weeks. After that I'm just not up to writing anything else and I tend to indulge myself by reading other people's fics instead.

[muriel2532]

Chapter Six

Minerva shares the story of the near misses with her friends

Rolanda looked at Minerva reprovingly and said „Come on Min, you can't bait us like that and then just leave us hanging in there...“. Minerva looked as though she wasn't sure whether she was ready to share the story of the near misses with her friends but she started to speak anyway. She had just realized that sharing some more of her history with Albus – especially some of the more light-hearted stories – with her friends might help to lift her spirits just a little.

„Well, I'm sure you remember the strange kissing thing Albus had for a while? Where he used to kiss every female member of staff whenever saying goodbye after a meal or a meeting?“ Her friends looked at her somewhat confused but then Poppy said „Oh, I remember. That must have been almost six years ago. I thought it was highly inappropriate at the time and very much out of character for Albus.“ „Yes, I remember, too, now“ Pomona chimed in, „As I recall it all started with a rather passionate kiss he gave you, Minerva, before leaving at the end of one of the staff meetings ...“. „Well, yes“ Minerva explained „He kissed me goodbye out of habit without realizing what he was doing until it was too late and to cover up he gave Poppy a french kiss as well saying that it was 'his new thing'. And I do remember you, Rolanda, saying that you wanted one too after that.“ „I couldn't let you girls get away with the good stuff all for yourselves and miss out myself“ Rolanda said with an embarrassed smile. „Albus just liked kissing me in public so much that he kept his 'thing' up for quite a while until I ended up telling him that even though I loved being kissed in front of everyone else for once and pretending that we weren't hiding anything, I didn't like the idea of him kissing all the other female members of staff just to cover up his real intentions. So he gave it up eventually“ Minerva continued. Thinking back to the whole episode the women broke into fits of laughter.

„The other episode had even more potential for embarrassment“ Minerva said after finally getting a hold of herself again. „You literally walked in on Albus and me sharing a bath, Rolanda. We were enjoying a nice soak in my tub when you barged in asking whether I wanted to come to the Three Broomsticks for a drink with you and the girls. Luckily you had the decency to knock before you entered which gave Albus the chance to dive underneath the water after performing a quick bubble-head charm. I tried my best to cover him with the bubbles of foam but if you had actually stepped into the bathroom instead of lingering on the doorstep I am sure you would have realized that I wasn't alone and you would have pestered me forever to find out who I was enjoying myself with. It was a narrow escape as it is as there were candles lit everywhere which I am sure you must have thought strange and Albus forgot his champagne glass as well sitting on the edge of the tub. That should have given us away really, but you were quite blind that night, possibly thinking about what you were going to drink at the pub already.“

Minerva's cheeks were slightly rosy now and her friends looked at her with laughter in their eyes. „Well Minerva, those sure were some close misses and I'm sure there's lots more that you're not telling us about ... And I am even more surprised now that we never 'caught you in the act' so to speak. We were absolutely unaware of it. You acted the 'just friends' part very well indeed“ Rolanda said.

Minerva smiled at her friends widely saying „It has been a relief sharing some of my happier memories with you. But I am afraid I will have to ask you to leave now. I still have to do a lot of packing if I want to leave for our cottage in the countryside tomorrow.“ „Where is this cottage of yours in the countryside anyway?“ Poppy asked. „I'm afraid I can't tell. Only Albus and me knew of the location and I am not going to reveal it now. It's a place where I can bring up my children in safety and anonymity and I am not going to endanger that. If you ever need to contact me there's a charmed letterbox in the Headmaster's office which will deliver any letters to wherever the current Headmaster or Headmistress is at. I'm sure your letters will find me that way.“ „Okay, we will leave you to your packing then“ Pomona said „but we will see you at breakfast tomorrow to say our goodbyes, won't we?“ „Sure, I will come down for breakfast and I will bring the kids with me this time. They've never had breakfast in the Great Hall and I'm sure it will be a wonderful experience for them“ Minerva replied. At that her friends got up and left Minerva to pack together her belongings, sending her back down memory lane ever so often when she picked up a photograph or other little things that reminded her of her time shared with Albus.

Please read and review! As I am sure any die-hard Friends fan like myself would have noticed the above scenes are based on episodes of Friends in which Chandler and Monica have trouble hiding their new-found romance from their friends.

[kissofdeath]

Lol! Loved the bits with Friends scenes. High five for the die-hard Friends fans. Loved this chapter. This story is just getting better and better!

[MinnyCat]

omg! I love friends and I till didnt catch it! lol.
I cant believe I just found this story! I never read through storys that have been going to for a while, but this one draged me in! I love it!! Keep going!
And you English is really good. Some people who have English as a 1st language can write this well. I am probably one of them. lol.

[muriel2532]

Thanks to kissofdeath and minnycat for reviewing. I will try to update this but I can't promise anything. In any case if I do update we will see Minerva leave for the countryside and receive a surprise visit.

@minnycat: I probably try harder than a native speaker not to make any mistakes because English is not my mother tongue and I don't want to completely embarrass myself ;-))

[MinnyCat]

That makes sense. lol. What does it say under your Avatar thing?

[muriel2532]

@minnycat

"Per aspera ad astra" is a Latin quote from Seneca the Younger and means "through hardships to the stars".

It has been my motto ever since graduation from high school (where I did four years of Latin), but when looking it up for the proper English translation on Wikipedia I discovered that it is also the motto of NASA and the South African Air Force. And a common variant "ad astra per aspera" ("to the stars through hardships") apparently is the state motto of Kansas, too.

To me it just means that even if life isn't always easy and smooth we can still "reach the stars" so to speak!

[KristaMarie]

I absolutely adore this story. Your English is excellent, no need to worry!

[kankulex]

I can't believe that I haven't discovered this story until now! It's fantastic! And as for you english - ich habe versucht, einige Stories auf englisch zu schreiben, und deine sind eindeutig besser!
I'm looking forwart to reading more!

[lemonygingersnaps]

Lovely Update!! I love friends and that was cracking me up! :-D

[muriel2532]

Thanks everyone for reviewing!

I already have an idea for the next chapter. We probably won't hear too much about Minerva's departure from Hogwarts as there really isn't much to say about that. Rather we will see her settle into her new life at the cottage and maybe receive a mysterious gift ...

[muriel2532]

Chapter Seven

Minerva leaves for the countryside and receives a surprising gift ...

As promised Minerva went down to the Great Hall with Tait and Aimée the next morning to bid her farewell to colleagues and friends. Tait and Aimée were quite amazed by the charmed ceiling and also by the fact that the food appeared on the head table on a simple wave of their mother's hand.

When breakfast was over Minerva said her goodbyes to Poppy, Pomona and Rolanda, who reassured her that if there ever was anything they could do to help her she knew where to find them and should not hesitate to contact them. Saying goodbye to Hagrid was a tearful event. Hagrid had always been very grateful to Albus for letting him stay at the school and he had developed a particularly soft spot for Minerva after finding out that she and Albus had been married. Seeing the half-giant break down in tears had cost all the strength Minerva had to keep her from shedding tears as well, but she kept her composure. She was not going to succumb to her sorrow there and then because she knew that she would not be able to stop the tears from flowing for a while if she let them fall now.

Back in her rooms Minerva grabbed her tartan carpetbag in which she had placed all her belongings and those of her children after having shrunk them to fit more easily. She didn't take many of Albus' personal belongings as she had not had the strength to sort through them yet. All she took were some of his shirts which still held his distinctive smell of lemon drops. She had taken to sleeping in one of his shirts as his smell soothed her and helped her to fall asleep with happy thoughts keeping her nightmares at bay, too.

After one last glance at their rooms, which would not be used until she returned to the castle, she picked up Aimée and told Tait to follow her outside. When the little group had passed the gates to the school grounds Minerva asked Tait to hold on to her tightly and apparated them away with a soft pop. Seconds late they were standing in front of a delightful little cottage nestled in a beautiful yet somewhat neglected garden. Towering in the background were the mountain slopes of the Swiss Alps.

Albus and Minerva had chosen Switzerland as their home away from home because the wizarding community there was particularly small and had kept itself out of any wizarding wars for centuries. As an added precaution Albus and Minerva had chosen a small Muggle village when they bought their cottage. Whenever they were there they dressed and acted like muggles, confining any magic to the privacy of their home. Albus in particular had had fun doing things the muggle way. And Minerva had enjoyed the fact that in Switzerland they could be a family openly, holding hands in public and playing with their children in their backgarden without fear of recognition.

The cottage was heavily warded, too, so that nothing would happen if muggles approached, but alarms would be set off if anybody magical came close to it. This was intended to give Albus and Minerva the chance to change their appearance on the off-chance that the wizard or witch approaching recognized them, in particular Albus, despite their muggle attire. But in all the years that they had had the cottage, the alarms had never been set off.

When Minerva entered the cottage now with her children, memories of happier times came flooding back to her. It had been here that Albus and her had decided that they should stop trying for a second child and it had been here as well that Aimée had been conceived on an evening when the two of them had left Tait in the care of one of the houseelves and apparated to their cottage for a romantic dinner under the stars and a night filled with passion. Thinking back to this Minerva smiled inwardly. They had tried so hard but once they had stopped trying the result had been almost instantaneous. Hugging Aimée closer to her and planting a soft kiss on the top of her head Minerva remembered the overwhelming feeling of happiness and elation that she had felt when she had found out that she was indeed carrying her second child. Albus had caught her stroking her tummy absent-mindedly with a far-away expression on her face later that day and had silently sought her eyes for answers. When she had finally become aware of his presence and looked up at him, her eyes had shone with such joy that she didn't have to say anything – all that needed to be said had been conveyed by one simple look. Albus had taken her away to the cottage again that night to celebrate and make love tenderly.

The thought of making love to Albus made Minerva snap out of her daydreams. She felt a sudden coldness creeping up on her. Never again would she be able to touch him and be touched in a way that only he could, never again would she feel his skin on hers, never again would she feel as completed as she had been in their most intimate moments. In addition to the emotional loss she was experiencing a physical loss as well. Before she and Albus had gotten together Minerva had been able to suppress her physical desires but now she didn't know how she could ever survive without his touch.

Minerva forcibly shook herself from her thoughts of loneliness and set about unpacking their belongings, making the cottage their permanent home for however long the conflict with Voldemort would last. Minerva was still convinced that Harry would succeed in the end but she was readying herself for a long wait until she could return to the wizarding world.

The next few weeks passed uneventfully. Minerva got more and more used to raising Tait and Aimée alone. Tait started at the local muggle primary school. Minerva had thought about enrolling Aimée at the local kindergarden as well but had in the end decided to keep her „baby“, as she still thought of Aimée, at home with her for a little while longer. She was comforted by her presence and didn't think that she would be able to cope with both of her children away from her in the mornings. That would only lead to her dwelling on thoughts and memories which she tried hard to suppress.

~~~

One morning Minerva was working in the kitchen and Aimée was sitting on the floor in the living room playing with her toys when the alarms suddenly went off. Fear coursing through her, Minerva gripped her wand and ran into the living room, at the same time transfiguring herself so that she now looked like a young blond woman with deep blue eyes. But when she reached the living room the alarms had already stopped, signalling that the wizard or witch who had triggered them had left again already. Turning back to her own appearance Minerva did a quick check of the cottage but found nothing suspicious and then ventured outside, hiding her still drawn wand in the long sleeves of her dress. When she passed the doorstep she almost tripped over. A large wrapped package had been place there. Eyeing it carefully and casting several spells to determine whether it posed any danger Minerva finally picked it up and carried it back into the kitchen. When she opened the package she found a pensieve, several vials with bottled memories and a letter addressed to her. She was shocked to recognize the handwriting.

Dear Minerva,

there are no words to express my remorse and no words to explain why ... but I believe that you need to know the truth as this war is far from over and your loss would be in vain if Albus' death was not cleared up. Memories cannot lie and that is why I am entrusting you with my pensieve and some memories which I saved when emptying my mind in order to avoid the consequences of the Dark Lords prying eyes.

I am not asking for forgiveness as what I did is unforgivable. But I am asking you to view my memories so that I can at least redeem myself in the future by continuing my work for the Order and saving those who I am in a position to save.

With my most heartfelt condolences,
Severus

Minerva was baffled. How did he know where to find her? The existence of this cottage and its whereabouts had only been known to Albus and herself. She decided that there was only one way to find out and uncorked the vial labeled '1', tipping its contents into the pensieve. Bracing herself for what was to come she lowered her face to the misty surface of the pensieve's contents and immediately felt the familiar sensation of being pulled down into it.

A/N: I have already started writing the next chapter. Please read and review and I will put up the next chapter as soon as I get it finished!

[muriel2532]

No reviews yet, but I will still post the next chapter. Be forewarned. This is the darkest chapter I have written so far. And totally out of character for a person from whom we would never suspect something like this ...

[muriel2532]

Chapter Eight

Minerva views some utterly disturbing, yet at the same time enlightening memories ...

~~~

She found herself standing at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. She could hear two people arguing heatedly. One was Albus and the other unmistakably was Severus. Severus was livid. He was shouting at Albus telling him that he could not demand such a thing of him. Albus replied almost as angrily saying that he did not make his request willingly but that it was a matter of necessity. If Draco failed to carry through with the Voldemort's wishes then Severus would have to carry through with the promise he had made to Draco's mother. The Order could not allow for the loss of their only spy – their only means of knowing Voldemort's plans. And lose him they would if he did not adhere to his promise since he had made an Unbreakable Vow, Albus reminded Severus. Severus tried to argue further that the Order could not allow for the loss of their leader either but Albus silenced him quickly, saying that although his contribution to this cause might be greater than that of most others, he was not indispensable. Harry and Severus, he added, were the only people vital to this cause, for it was Harry's fate to face Voldemort in the final battle and it was Severus' duty to support him on the way by gathering as much intelligence on Voldemort's plans as he could. At that Severus turned and made to walk back to the castle, but Albus called him back saying: „I need not remind you of the consequences of disobeying my request, do I? You made a vow to me when you turned away from the dark side years ago to do whatever it takes to bring Voldemort down. You would die and so would any hope of defeating Voldemort. I cannot and I will not tolerate that. So when the time comes, you will do as you promised Narcissa and fulfil Draco's task if he fails to do so himself.“ Severus looked utterly defeated now, a sight Minerva had never seen before. His shoulders sagging he made his way back up to the castle. When he reached the castle doors the memory ended and Minerva pulled herself back out of the pensieve again.

Minerva was dumbfounded. Not only had Severus entered into an Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy. No, he had been forced into one before by Albus when he had turned spy for the Order years ago. Suddenly it all fell into place – the reason why Albus had always trusted in Severus so much and never doubted his loyalty. And suddenly it made sense, too, why Albus had never to anyone – not even her – explained his reasons for trusting Severus as he had. An Unbreakable Vow was powerful, dark magic and something she would have never imagined Albus capable of using to control someone. She shivered involuntarily. The conversation implied that Draco's task was to kill Albus and if he failed to do so himself, Severus would have to do it to fulfil the Vow he had entered into and to keep his cover as the Order's spy. Maybe then Severus had not killed Albus in cold blood but had indeed only been carrying out his duty under the Vow – on Albus' explicit request ...

Minerva knew that she would not find peace of mind until she had viewed the other memories as well. And so she delved into the pensieve again.

This time she found herself on the astronomy tower. She could see Albus slumped against the enclosure, clearly suffering. A few feet away from him stood Severus, his wand pointed at Albus. Suddenly more images began flooding her mind and she realized with shock that she saw herself with Albus. Kissing and hugging. And she saw Albus with Tait and Aimée. Cradling them in his arms, whispering nonsense words, with happiness and pride in his eyes. And then there was their cottage in Switzerland .... Albus must have let down his mental defences and allowed Severus to see his best kept secret ... he had allowed Severus a glance at his family and his secret hideaway! And then she heard Albus' voice, too. Clearly he had allowed Severus to read his thoughts. He was pleading with him silently. She had never heard him plead before. He was asking Severus to carry through with his plan. For the sake of his children. If Severus had been surprised, he hid it well. Without the help of a spy within Voldemort's circle, Albus was saying, he had no hope for the future. He said he knew he was dying already from the potion he had to drink when retrieving the horcrux with Harry. But if Severus went through with his Vow, then his death would not be in vain. It would strengthen Severus' position among the Death Eaters. If he did not carry through with it, he would die and so would Severus. Minerva now saw a look of hatred and revulsion edged on the harsh lines of Severus' face. And then she heard him speak. He was arguing with Albus again. But with even more anger filling his voice. „How can you expect me to do this? How can you honestly expect me to kill you? Have you not just given me all the more reason not to kill you? I might have killed a lonely old man, but how can you expect me to take you away from Minerva? How can you expect me to take away those children's father?“ His rant suddenly stopped and Minerva realized that Albus had summoned all his strength and – taking advantage of Severus' momentary distraction – had cast a wand- and wordless Imperius Curse on Severus. Minerva was so shocked at his use of an Unforgivable Curse that she toppled backwards out of the memory. The last thing she saw and heard was Severus raising his wand and casting the Killing Curse at Albus.

Minerva fell to the ground and began to sob uncontrollably. What she had just witnessed had shaken the very foundations of her world. Albus had used the Imperius Curse on Severus to make it look as though his death had been Severus' doing where in fact it had been ... she couldn't even bring herself to think the offending word. He had resorted to the Dark Arts, an area of magic that he had never associated himself with ... She lay there huddled together for what seemed like hours. The whole scene repeated itself before her inner eye in a seemingly endless loop. But then, slowly, reason kicked in again. Albus had sacrificed himself to save Draco and Severus and to protect the world she and their children lived in. He would not have lied – he had been dying and orchestrating his death had been his last act of Gryffindor bravery ... and a display of cunning worthy of any Slytherin, she had to admit to herself.

Soon she had calmed down enough to face the last memory. She plunged her face into the pensieve one final time.

It was the day of Albus funeral. And she realized from her position at the edge of the Forbidden Forest that Severus must have returned to Hogwart's despite the danger of being caught to pay his final respects to the man who had branded him a murder by putting him under the Imperius Curse and forcing him to perform a spell Severus would have never willingly performed.

She pulled herself out of the pensieve again. Severus had not murdered Albus. Severus was still the Order's spy – if she could convince them to trust him again, just as her trust in him had been restored during the course of the last few hours. She had to contact him she realized. But how? She looked at his letter again. At the bottom of the page an additional line had appeared.

„If you can see this line, I have gained your trust once more. You can contact me by writing on the reverse side of the parchment. It is charmed and your words will appear on its counterpart that I keep with me at all times.“

Minerva picked up her quill and jotted down just five words: „We need to talk. ASAP.“

Please read & review!

[kankulex]

Ah, wonderful! Here is your review!
They have a cottage in Switzerland! Where, where, where?? *looking around*
As always beautifully written although the idea of Albus committing kind of suicide is a bit disturbing.. but anyway: Looking forward to more!

[muriel2532]

kankulex:

Thanks for reviewing again! I guess the idea of suicide does seem disturbing, but maybe on should think of it in terms of the German word "Sterbehilfe" ... he was dying after all.

As to the location of the cottage - I will have to think about that! I have only ever been to Switzerland twice and I didn't have a particular spot in mind when I wrote this. *rummages through memories at back of brain trying to remember where author went skiing last time*

[StormAngel]

OMG!!! Wonderful update. I love the way you potrayed Dumbledore. And Min's reaction is just so great.

[dianahawthorne]

wow...amazing update... I'm really looking forward to Minerva and Severus's meeting! Great job!!

[gingerkitten]

Wow! Please update this soon!

[muriel2532]

Chapter Nine

Severus and Minerva meet ...

Putting down her quill Minerva adjusted the wards to allow Severus to approach the cottage without setting off the alarm again. And then she waited. It wasn't until she had put her children to bed however that a knock sounded on the door. Breathing in deeply several times, Minerva tried to compose herself as best she could. Even though she knew that Severus was not responsible for Albus' death she did not know how to face him. It would be awkward, so much was sure. If not for her own discomfort, then surely for Severus'. It was clear from his letter, that he blamed himself for Albus' death and attributed it to an action of his own. Minerva moved to the door hesitantly, resting her hand on the door knob without turning it. She stood there frozen for what seemed like hours before pulling herself out of her stupor and opening the door.

The second the door swung open and her eyes came to rest on the Potion Master's face, her heart went out to him. He was glancing at her uneasily from sunken eyes looking thoroughly haunted and forlorn. Minerva moved aside and motioned for him to enter. When he did not step in she grabbed him by his sleeve tugging him inside, feeling his reluctance. After she had closed the door behind him he turned to her. “Minerva I ...” “Don't Severus. Let me speak first. But first of all give me your cloak and come into the living room. I think we will be much more comfortable there than here in the hall way.” This time Severus immediately obliged, shrugging off his cloak and following her into the living room. Minerva motioned at two high-backed chairs in front of the fire place. “Please make yourself at home, Severus, while I fix us a drink. I think we might both be needing it.” With that she walked out into the kitchen to retrieve their drinks. Severus sat down in the chair facing the window and tried to reign in his emotions and gather his thoughts. So far things had been going better then expected. Minerva seemed more composed than himself and he had seen no trace of hatred in her eyes when she had first looked at him. Instead she had given him a look of .... compassion? No that could not have been it. But then again, Minerva was the most compassionate person he had ever known. All throughout the years Minerva had shown understanding and compassion for his plight as the Order's spy. Unlike the others Minerva had recognized the burden that he had been carrying. He realized now that she had probably known a lot more than others, too, being so intimately involved with Albus. But she had clearly not known that he had been bound by Albus to an Unbreakable Vow. Severus was roused from his ponderings by Minerva walking into the room again with two glasses and a bottle of firewhiskey. She sat the glasses down on a low side table and poured each of them a decent shot. Handing one of the glasses to him, she raised hers and whispered “To the ones we love ... and to living.” Severus swallowed hard and tried to speak up again, but once more Minerva silenced him.

“Let me speak first, Severus. When Albus died and Harry said that you had killed him, my heart filled with hatred for you so deep I had never even imagined hating someone before. You had taken away what was dearest to me. I felt as though someone had pulled the ground away underneath my feet. I felt as though there would never be any bright moments in my life again. But I have two wonderful children and their smiles will always brighten up my day no matter how dark the circumstances. I came here to protect them and to heal – to learn how to live with my grief. I didn't expect any visitors, but when your gift arrived I knew in an instance that something was off ... You shouldn't have known where to find me, nobody should. If you did, Albus must have told you. That's why I accepted your gift. And your memories have given me so much. They have shed light on the circumstances of Albus' death. I know now that he wasn't murdered in cold blood. I know that he sacrificed himself. It gives meaning to his death and he will not have died in vain. I know that he used you, too. But I also know that he betrayed my trust – for he never told me that his life was in immediate danger. He might have been trying to protect me but that does not change the fact that I never had a chance to say goodbye, that he was ripped from me without warning. I know I shouldn't blame him – but I do. You however, I do not blame. And you shouldn't blame yourself either. What Albus did is unforgivable. Yet I love him still.”

“Minerva, I cannot share your evaluation of the situation. Even if I was not responsible for Albus' death per se, I am fully responsible for bringing myself into a situation where I had to make an Unbreakable Vow to Draco's mother without knowing what would be asked of me.”

“Albus once said that it does not do to dwell on dreams, Severus. It does not do to dwell on the past either. Your position among the Deather Eaters is stronger than ever now. And you will be an even more valuable spy for the Order. You spoke of redemption in your letter. I think that you deserve the chance to redeem yourself – for your own sake, because I know that no matter what I say you will always feel responsible. That's what distinguishes you from others – you take responsibility even where it does not fall on you. I will call for an Order meeting for tomorrow. I will speak for you and explain what really happened that night. And I will advise them to welcome you back – if I can overcome my hatred they surely can, too.”

“Thanks Minerva. You have always put more faith in me than others and you have always shown me compassion. You were kind enough to disregard my nasty disposition. Albus was the only person I could confide in. I would be happy if I could confide in you like that in the future. For even I need someone to talk to once in a while and I feel more isolated now then ever before ...”

“I have severed all ties with the wizarding world, Severus. I am in hiding. And you are the only person apart from myself and the children who know this place. You might be my only confidant, too.”

Minerva even managed to smile at him at this point. They sat there for a while longer, sipping their drinks, both lost in thought. After a while Severus got up and said that he had to take his leave. They said their goodbyes and Severus had already stepped out the door, when Minerva called him back. “I can't take the children to the Order meeting with me tomorrow. And I can't leave them here alone. I know how much you despise children, but you are the only person I can ask. Severus, would you be willing to watch Tait and Aimée tomorrow?” Severus just gulped and nodded. “Come around at 1 p.m. then. We can have lunch together before I go to Headquarters.”

Severus returned at 1 p.m. sharp the next day. He had been dreading this moment even more than his meeting with Minerva. He had purposely delayed his arrival the evening before to make sure that the children were in bed. But now there would be no escape. He would have to spend the entire afternoon with them. The very idea seemed daunting. But Severus need not have been worried. First of all the kids didn't know who he was and second they were both very well behaved. Thanks no doubt to Minerva, because Albus seemed to have had a rather juvenile streak himself ...

Lunch went well and Minerva soon hugged her children goodbye, telling them to be nice to Uncle Severus. While Minerva was at the Order meeting successfully convincing the Order to accept Severus as their spy once more, Severus occupied himself with playing with her children. It was surprisingly easy. He took them into the garden and watched Tait hover a few feet above the ground on his broom stick. In time the boy would certainly be a good flyer. But for now he had to be reminded that his mother had warned him not to go too high up. Aimée was happily building sand castles and Severus helped her with it. After spending more than two hours outdoors, they headed back in. Tait sat in a corner of the living room reading a book about quidditch while Severus sat on the floor with Aimée peacefully reading her one of her picture books. It was this scene of peace and contentment that Minerva walked in on not long afterwards. She paused at the entrance to the living room, quietly observing the scene before her. Severus was whispering to Aimée in a low, soothing voice, slowly stroking her little head. Minerva was surprised to say the least. She would have never imagined that the dark, nasty Potions Master who admittedly hated children, in particular small ones, could be so gentle when dealing with a child. But it looked as though he had never done anything else ... Minerva cleared her throat loudly, announcing her return. Severus looked up at her smiling. He lifted himself off the floor, bringing Aimée with him. “Mummy's back” he purred into the little girls ear, passing her over to Minerva who took her from his arms and hugged her tightly. Aimée fell asleep in Minerva's arms within minutes and Minerva took her to bed. After she had ushered Tait off to bed as well, Minerva returned to the living room. Severus was standing at the window, his back turned towards her.

“I thought you hated children” Minerva addressed him.

“Why would you think that I hated children?” Severus replied irritably.

“Because you never had one good word for your students. To you they were just dunderheads, wasting your time. And you liked making them uncomfortable and even fearful of you, too.”

“That was just an act, Minerva. You should understand this better then anyone else. Or do you think your precious Gryffindors would ever have pictured you as anything but their strict but admirable Head of House? Do you think they would have imagined you as a loving wife and mother?”

“So you do like children then?”

“No, I don't just like them. I love them. I have always craved having children of my own ... I come from a broken home Minerva. It does not take a degree in psychology to understand that what I would want is what I never had. All I wanted was to marry the woman I loved and live a quiet life with her and our children to be. But that just never happened. I fell in love with the wrong woman. One who didn't love me like I loved her. She married someone else and to this day I cringe everytime I look at her son. He has her eyes, you know.”

“I always suspected that you were in love with Lily. But if you loved her so much, why do you treat Harry so badly?”

“It's my way of protecting myself. I do not hate him like everyone thinks. I just can't look at him without being reminded of Lily... I wished I could tell him this, but I don't think that he would understand.”

While he was talking Minerva had moved closer to him. He still had his back turned on her. Closing the distance Minerva wrapped her arms around him from behind, leaning her head against his shoulder blade. She didn't know why she hugged him like this, but it seemed just right. And Severus took her hands in his, holding them close to his heart. They stood there in silence for a long time, just savouring their closeness. Finally Severus loosened his hold on her hands and turned in her arms to face her.

[muriel2532]

Chapter Ten

When Severus turned around in her arms and looked at her Minerva's resolve faded away. She had held him and soothed him, but she needed to be held and comforted just as much. She had not allowed herself to cry in front of another person since the funeral and much less had she allowed someone to hold her while she cried. Severus saw the sudden flash of sadness in her eyes and freed himself from her arms wrapping his own arms around her tightly instead. For Minerva this was the final straw. Giving in to her grief she leaned into his embrace and cried on his shoulder until there were no more tears left. Severus stroked her hair in slow soothing motions and whispered soft words of comfort urging her to let her tears fall freely and to not bottle up her grief anymore.

When her sobs had subsided she lifted her head from his chest, glancing away from him and wiping her tear stained eyes with the back of her hand.

"Thank you, Severus."

With that she turned to him again and reached up, cupping his face with her hands and placing a kiss on his forehead. Her lips lingered just a little longer than necessary and when she felt Severus tensing up she quickly released him. She gave him a genuine smile then and ushered him over to the comfortable high backed chairs near the fireplace simultaneously summoning two cups of tea for them. They sat in front of the fire for hours, just talking. Minerva found it incredibly relieving to be able to talk to Severus about her sorrows and Severus was equally glad to be able to share his anxieties concerning the ongoing war with Voldemort and his role as a spy for the Order.

As the weeks turned into months Minerva and Severus developed a habit of spending their evenings together in front of the fireplace as often as possible. Severus had been installed as Headmaster of Hogwarts following the overthrow of the Ministry of Magic by Voldemort's followers and he now had to deal with the hatred from those teachers and students who didn't know what his real role in the war was and where his true allegiances lay. Only with Minerva could he discuss his inner turmoil. In turn he patiently held her whenever she was overcome by her grief, although her sorrow seemed to subside more and more. Even tough she seemed much more stable now, he had still not been able to bring himself to tell her that Albus' portrait had woken up and that she could talk to him if she so wished. He feared that any progress she had made in the last few months in overcoming her grief would be shattered when she faced Albus again. He himself had had a very hard time facing Albus' portrait.

[bethj4013]

Wow great story I can't wait to read more

[muriel2532]

Thanks bethj4013! I haven't given this story any thought for a long time because no-one commented on the last chapter. I am quite busy in real life, too, at the moment so that I don't think that I will get a chance to continue this anytime soon. Although I would love to give it a try again - maybe at Easter I will get a chance to write something ... but be forewarned - we are going to see a lot more of MM and SS if I do continue with this one.

Cheers,
Muriel2532

[Junora]

It's just so wonderful written.
I had really big tears running down my face.
Please Update soon.


Lottchen

[muriel2532]

Thanks Lottchen!

God I wish I had the time to finish this one. But I am really, really swamped with work right now and I fear that anything I would write would not live up to the previous chapters. I never thought that I would abandon this and I still see myself finishing it or at least adding a few more chapters ... but now just isn't the time.

But I am wondering: Would the AD/MM community at all tolerate SS/MM? Please give me your thoughts.

P.S. For a really great piece of SS/MM (not the romantic type of relationship that I would write about but still very very good) read MMADfan's "An Act of Love".

[Junora]

I think so,
I would love more chapters or stories from you, I think your writingstyle is wonderful.

But Work goes first of course.

BFN Lottchen

[angielica618]

how sad..!!!

[mercifulheavens]

You simply must continue it! It is a lovely story.

mercifulheavens

[ginevrahermione]

So sad, I guess the kids must be pretty torn up as well...