Finding a Home

[Rikki]

Okay, guys, I think this must be somthing like the first ever Jean Brodie fanfic. It's a joint story of Minervas Quill and myself...

Let us know, what you think.

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Finding a Home
By QuillofMinerva and Rikki

It was Friday afternoon, and Jean Brodie sat alone in her flat. It had been about a week since she’d been dismissed from Marcia Blane - a very long week. Even though she had to admit that she had taught her gals less of the accepted curriculum and more of what she saw fit for them she knew she wasn’t a bad teacher. She was dedicated. Dedicated to her students.

But there was something else. When Teddy had said he couldn’t follow where she led she hadn’t quite understood what he had meant. But still… She missed him. She hated to admit it but she missed him terribly. Had missed him all the time since that fateful night she had spent in his studio...

Trying to fight the tears she closed her eyes and sighed. During the last week she had thought a lot about Teddy Lloyd. It was more than she dared to admit but if she was honest with herself … she loved him. That’s why she had avoided him all those years, tried to give him Jenny to replace herself. And Sandy… She should have seen it all along.

Wiping away her tears Jean stood and began pacing her living room. The whole week she’d been debating with herself what she should do. Part of her wanted to go to Teddy and just try to … make things right. Perhaps - just perhaps Teddy would still love her. But then again she just wanted to have her life back - even without the man she loved so much. How often had she wanted to go to the studio, and how often had she not just because she knew she wouldn’t be able to walk away again… It had cost her too much of her self-control to do that. To work with him and see him every day, yet not being able to have him. And that’s what she’s always wanted: have him completely. But he was married to another woman so he could never be hers…

Two days later Jean was on her way to Teddy’s studio. While she walked the short distance from her flat she thought about what she would tell him, how she would explain to him why she came back.

Nervously she climbed the stairs to his studio. She hesitated a little before she firmly knocked on the door. When he finally opened the door she smiled at him shyly.

“Hello, Teddy.”

He looked at her cautiously. This was a moment he had dreamed of for so long, and yet… It was strange seeing the woman he had fallen in love with a long time ago standing there, looking so shy and small… Recent events had certainly taken its toll on her.

“Hello, Jean. Come in.” Teddy stepped aside to let her enter the studio and closed the door.

She walked in silently and looked around the studio, nothing had changed much since her last visit. Unfinished pictures still hung on the walls and the smell of paint and white spirit lingered in the air, she scanned the room and her bright but tired eyes fell upon the one thing that she was yet to see. The portrait that Teddy had done of her all those years ago, the one which he had been trying to get her to come and see. She gracefully walked over the portrait and studied it closely, he had definitely gotten the correct likeness and she couldn’t help but feel that this was probably the best painting he had ever done.

“What do you think?” he asked as he came to stand behind her, he wanted to reach out and place his hands on her but something held him back.

[Rikki]

“I should’ve of come and seen it sooner,” she replied as she closed her eyes and became very aware of his presence behind her “it is very good.”

“I knew you would like it Jean!” he said with a smile, he still couldn’t quite believe that she was standing in his studio again after so long.

Jean turned around and looked at him, she stared into his brown expressive eyes and felt her heart melt all over again. She had thought she had fallen for the artistic side of him but after that one blissful night, she had realised that she had fallen for the man and that had frightened her. She couldn’t deal with the feelings that one night had brought and immediately distanced herself from him but he was always there, where ever she had turned he was there. She enjoyed the attention from him and missed it when he had not been at her side, she would use her profession as guard to ward him off and it never worked. It seemed to encourage him and then she was forced to use her gals, the Brodie set to ward him off. His wife and children also haunted her but she could not deny her feelings and her heart anymore, she had nothing else to lose so she might as well throw herself at his feet.

“How are you Teddy?” she asked with a shy smile, she felt like a silly school girl and nothing like a woman in her so called prime.

“I am fine,” he answered, he wanted her to tell him why she was finally here and not just to make small talk so he decided to ask her out right “Why have you come Jean?”

Jean turned around and looked out of the window. It was hard to admit defeat but that’s what it was. She had been defeated… Defeated by one of her own girls.

“I’ve lost everything, Teddy… Not only my job, but my gals – they were my vocation, my life.” Tears were rolling down her cheeks now. Hurriedly she wiped them away, not wanting Teddy to see her cry.

“But what does that have to do with me?” Gently Teddy stepped behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders. He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent – that intoxicating scent of her rose perfume and her skin.

When he felt her turn to face him he opened his eyes.
“I need you, Teddy… I love you, I’ve loved you all the time.” The last was barely a whisper but he heard her nonetheless. These were the words he’d been longing to hear for so long. But why now?

She had pushed him away for so long. Oh, he still loved her, of course… But still it came as a surprise to him. On the one hand he was happy finally to hear these words but he wasn’t sure he could forgive her instantly. Her behaviour had hurt him a great deal – avoiding him without so much as an explanation…

“Why do you say that?” His eyes searched her face for a sign of emotion, anything that could make him believe her. But it was so difficult. So difficult to believe she meant it. How could she have walked away from him like that when she loved him?

Jean looked at him, slightly hurt. But what did she expect? She’d treated him like … well; she had avoided him after that night. How could she have just expected him to believe her like that?

[Rikki]

“Because it’s true.” It was a simple statement but laden with emotions. Her shoulders slumped slightly but she regained her composure immediately. Straightening her back she looked into Teddy’s eyes and smiled.

“I don’t expect you to believe me. Too much has happened.” With that Jean turned towards the door. It was better for her to leave now. Obviously Teddy couldn’t or didn’t want to forgive her…

Teddy watched her head for the door, could he allow her to walk out of his studio and possibly out of his life for good. He felt torn into directions, he loved her like no one else and would give up everything to keep her in his life but he had to ask himself, was she worth it? Did she truly mean the words that had come out of her mouth and reached his ears or was she here because she had nothing else in her life, would she use him to help re build her life?

“Jean,” he said as he ran to the door and stood before it, preventing her from leaving the studio “You just can’t waltz back in here and say that to me then waltz back out of here. That is not the way it works Jean!”

“I did not waltz in!” she pointed out

“Whatever you did Jean,” replied Teddy “you can’t hide behind your gals anymore. You have to face me on your own two feet. I am a man and you are a woman, we are grown ups Jean and there is no need for childish behaviour.”

Jean looked at Teddy with surprise, his words had stung her but she also knew that what he had said was mostly truth. How could she expect him to welcome her with open arms after all she put him through, she had flaunted her relationship with Gordon in front of him and used the her gals to tempt him away from her. He was looking at her so intently that she felt goose bumps appear on her body, it felt as though he was staring deep into her eyes and reading her soul. She didn’t feel unnerved by this but she did feel slightly uncomfortably, he had never looked at her like this before. His eyes were demanding answers from her and she wasn’t sure the answers she had would satisfy him, she wasn’t even sure that they satisfied her. What he said had been true, they stood opposite each other as man and woman, not teacher opposite teacher or artist opposite critic. She didn’t have anyone to hide behind and no one she could offer him apart from herself and that’s what she wanted to do, she wanted to give him herself and make it up to him. She didn’t mind about being his mistress or having to keep their love secret because when it came down to it, he would be hers for most part. She pulled her eyes from his and looked around the studio, she couldn’t help but notice that all the portraits of women and girls that hung up around the studio and the ones that were laid out on the floor resembled her.

“I am not hiding from you anymore Teddy,” she finally said as she looked back at him “but I know that I have done nothing to convince you that my words and feelings are true. I have hurt you deeply in the past and I know that I will not be easily forgiven but I had to come and tell you, I just had too.”

“Not only did you muck up your life Jean,” he said “but you also destroyed others. Dammit Jean! I love you and I can’t stop but would we destroy each other?”

“I don’t know, Teddy. I … It’s just … I’m so confused at the moment.” More tears dwelled up in her beautiful blue eyes and down her cheeks. Angrily she wiped them away.

[Rikki]

So he still loved her. If the situation hadn’t been so complicated she could have laughed now. After all these years Teddy Lloyd still loved her.

Teddy looked at her and her tears. He took her gently in his arms, whispering comforting words. Somehow it would work – it just had to work.

“I don’t know if I can change, Teddy. But I’ll try. For us I’ll really try.” Looking up at him she smiled weakly. It was just too good to be true. Here she was – having messed up everyone’s lives as well as her own but he loved her. That was what mattered now, nothing else. And he was right. She had hidden behind her gals and her work. But hadn’t she punished herself as well? Hadn’t she denied herself happiness by avoiding Teddy? Her heart had broken over and over again, every time she had met him at school.

Teddy closed his eyes. It hurt him to see her suffer even though she was responsible for her suffering. But he had suffered as well… He didn’t know why he had fallen in love with that temperamental woman in the first place but somehow it had just happened. And now he didn’t seem to be able to live without her. When he talked to his wife he wished it were Jean, when he kissed his wife he wanted it to be Jean, and when he made love with his wife he saw Jean’s face.

“I know, Jean. Don’t cry now. It’ll be alright.” Gently he lifted her face to his and looked in her eyes, searching for something. He seemed to be satisfied with what he saw because a moment later he bent down, very slowly, and brushed his lips over hears. It was a tender kiss, full of love but also fear, fear of being hurt again. When they broke apart, Jean leaned her head against Teddy’s chest and closed her eyes. Today she didn’t quite understand herself – there were more tears dwelling up. But this time they were happy tears.

Teddy led Jean to the sofa where they sat down.
“We have quite a lot to talk about.” He said quietly. She just nodded. Of course they had. All the years of hurt and pain couldn’t just be forgotten in a kiss.

They sat on the sofa in silence as they tried to collect their thoughts, each one hoping that the other one would speak first but no one did. Without realising it, Jean had slipped her delicate hand into his rough hand and squeezed it gently.

“Oh Teddy,” she sighed softly “what are we going to do?”

“Well we need to talk first,” he answered “we need closure on the past otherwise we will end up using it against each other.”

“Well where do we start Teddy?” she asked, “So much has gone on and I must admit that I am rather lost.”

Teddy nodded in agreement, he had no idea where to begin either but they had to start somewhere. He thought about asking her about Jenny but then decided against it, he knew that conversation would be heated and he didn’t want her to storm out just when he had got her back. But luckily for him, she brought up a good starting place.

“Remember in the classroom when we kissed,” she said softly “you said I bounced into bed with an artist and were horrified I woke up with a man. What did you mean?”

[Rikki]

“Oh Jean,” he answered, he remembered the exact moment he had shouted that at her and he had thought she had understood “I believed that you thought that because I was a an artist, I would be something more and when we woke in the morning it was apparent to you that I was not.”

“Oh Teddy, that was not the case.” She said as she squeezed his hand gently, “I will admit that the artistic side of you drew me to you but I knew you were a man. I wasn’t ready for the feelings that you evoked in me and that scared me.”

“The audacious Miss Brodie scared of a man,” he gasped, “I find that hard to believe Jean!”

“No, I’m not scared of a man – I’m scared of the feelings I have for you. I’ve never felt so deeply for anyone before, never thought it possible to feel that way for a man.” Jean sighed and leaned her head on Teddy’s shoulder. It was true. She had never loved a man as she loved Teddy – and that frightened her, her own ability to love. Of course she wasn’t inexperienced when it came to love, no, certainly not. But she had never really loved those men; it was mostly physical attraction and perhaps a kind of adoration and the knowledge that they wanted her.

“But… what about Lowther?” Teddy had encircled her waist with his arm, pulling her closer, not quite believing what he’d just heard. He didn’t think it possible that a passionate woman like Jean had never fallen in love, never really fallen in love to be precise.

Jean smiled sadly.
“Gordon… he was… I never loved him. I was merely … I felt…” Jean found it hard to explain what exactly had made her start that affair with Mr Lowther. He wasn’t attractive, wasn’t even honestly interested in her. He just wanted a wife, and obviously it didn’t matter much who it was.

“What, Jean?” Gently he turned her face up, looking in her eyes.

“Well, I kind of felt that… I could never really have you. So … I think I was looking for comfort in him.” She shrugged. She felt a bit guilty because she had used Gordon for her own needs but then again he had done just the same thing.

“So, you were never in love with anyone?” Teddy asked incredulously. Jean just shook her head. Teddy was slightly puzzled by her revelation but accepted it. It certainly gave him something to think about – and made her reaction back then a little more understandable.

“Perhaps my reaction after our night together was just … a kind of self-protection. The intensity of these feelings for you was just overwhelming, so I got scared.” Again she cuddled up against his chest, leaving him to his thoughts.

Teddy comforted her and held her close while silently vowing never to let her go again, he loved his woman and she truly loved him. What was life without the presence of love, he had lived in a marriage that held no love but produced children because it was the right thing to do. His wife never understood him or the artistic side of him; she merely smiled and tended to her children. Teddy sometimes felt that she didn’t even know him and felt the marriage had been a waste of life, Jean Brodie understood him. Why couldn’t he have met her first? He shook his head, Jean wasn’t the marrying type and she wouldn’t have wanted to settle down all those years ago and given him child after child. She had told him that marriage was for fools who had no identity and that no one would trap her, Teddy couldn’t help but feel perhaps she wanted to be trapped but the man she wanted to trap her was already trapped. He kissed the top of her head and sighed, they had come so far in just a few moments but there was still such a way to climb. He had questions to ask but he didn’t want to upset the apple cart just yet but the questions needed to be asked and he was the only one who could ask them and she was the only one who could answer them. He was still married and there was no chance that his wife and he could divorce, it wasn’t plausible and would Jean truly be happy with being his mistress? Could he bare to be with his wife while he knew that Jean was alone and wanting him? There were so many questions but he didn’t know if he wanted answers to all of them.

[Rikki]

“Jean,” he said softly as he placed a finger under her chin and made her look up into his soft brown eyes “What does our future have planned for us?”

“I don’t think we can prepare for that Teddy,” she answered honestly “we still have things that stand in our way.”

Jean kissed his cheek tenderly and traced his facial features with a delicate finger; she looked at him as if it where the first time all over again. He hadn’t changed much apart from becoming older, he still had his boyish charm but it was his eyes, his brown eyes that held so much that drew her in deeper.

“Do you remember you said that you could not follow where I went?” she asked him “Can you follow me now?”

Teddy closed his eyes. That was one of the questions he had feared – could he follow her where she led? He didn’t exactly know that. But then again…

“Do you trust me, Jean?” he asked, searching her beautiful blue eyes for the answer.

She looked confused, but nodded slowly. It wasn’t easy for her to trust anyone, last of all a man. But this was Teddy – her Teddy Lloyd, the man she had loved for so long. And yes, even though she was still afraid where that could lead she trusted him with all her heart.

“Yes, Teddy, I trust you.” She raised her hand and caressed his cheek with a long, slender finger.

Teddy nodded in response. He was glad that she trusted him. Perhaps then everything would be fine.

“Then … why don’t you just let go? You don’t have to be strong all the time; you don’t have to be the one in charge. Just be yourself and let me lead you. Let me show you all the wonders of life – and love. I know that you’re not inexperienced but as you’ve never seen the world with eyes of love I want to show you that everything gets a totally new meaning. Follow me, Jean, and I promise I’ll make you happy.” Lovingly he kissed first her forehead, then her eyes each in turn, the tip of her nose and finally her lips.

“I love you, Jean. And I want you to be happy.”

Jean smiled at him weakly. What he had just said sounded so wonderful, so promising. But for her it was so difficult to let go, so hard not to be in control. But she wasn’t sure if she could be truly happy where she was headed before. Her life without Teddy had been lonely even though she had spent much time with her gals – and Gordon Lowther. But that time belonged to the past now. It was over.

[Rikki]

“I know,” she whispered, “But you’ll have to give me time – I’m just not used to being led.”

They sat in silence for some time, just exchanging random caresses and soft kisses, but lost in their own thoughts most of the time. Both of them were determined to make this work. They had already lost so much precious time.

Suddenly the door banged open and a woman stormed in.

“Deirdre!” Teddy jumped up from the sofa and took some steps towards his wife.

“I’m so sick of it! How dare you! Playing around with I don’t know how many women while I wait at home for you, taking care of the kids and the household. I’m sick of it, Teddy Lloyd!” After letting of some steam Deirdre’s gaze went from her husband to Jean who looked slightly green.

Teddy was completely at a loss of words at this unexpected outburst of his usually very calm wife.

Deirdre walked over the Jean and looked at her critically.
“So you’re the one who managed to turn Teddy’s head,” she snorted, “fine, you can have him. I can’t compete with you anyway, so I’m leaving with the children.”

She turned around to face her husband.
“Good bye, Teddy.” Holding her head up high, Mrs Lloyd walked towards the door when Teddy came after her, taking her by her arm.

“Deirdre, wait!”

“What is it now, Teddy?” Impatiently she looked at him, yanking her arm from his grip.

“Where will you go?” He couldn’t believe what was just happening. First Jean walked back into his life – which he was grateful for – and then his wife left him without so much as a warning.

“To my uncle in America. They offered to take me in a couple of months ago when I told them about your constant affairs. I just can’t take it any longer, Teddy. It’s too much. You’re so in love with her… I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us.” Without another look at him Deirdre turned around and left the studio.

Teddy sunk to the floor as though the rug had pulled from under him; he cupped his face in his hands and sobbed. Jean hesitantly got to her feet and walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder before dropping her knees beside him. As soon as he felt her presence, he launched himself into her arms and wept. He clung to her desperately as his heart broke, not for his wife but for his children. They were the only things that made his marriage bearable and now she was taking them from him, he didn’t have a leg to stand on if he wanted to get them back.

[Rikki]

“Oh Teddy!” Jean comforted him as she wrapped her arms around him

“Jean, I have lost them!” he sobbed into her shoulder

Jean sat on the floor, holding on to him while feeling an immense sense of guilt something she had denied herself to feel for many years. She knew that she wasn’t the only woman, Teddy had brought to the studio to paint and they had ended up more than artist and model so not all the blame could be put on her but she was the woman in his studio when Deirdre had stormed in. She had expected more of a confrontation with Deirdre but was relived that there hadn’t been one; she didn’t want to fight openly about a man especially since she had no real claim to him.

“Jean,” said Teddy as he looked up into her blue eyes “promise me, you won’t leave me.”

He sounded desperate as he begged her to stay with his, his voice thick with emotion. She had no intention of leaving him now and she wanted to be beside him throughout it all, she would promise him that she would not leave like his wife had. Jean sighed softly into Teddy’s ruffled brown hair, his wife had mentioned numerous affairs and Jean wondered if Teddy would ever change. Oh he had wanted her for years but what if now he had her, he tired easily as went off looking for more affairs. Jean shook her head to banish the thoughts she was thinking, it was not the time to thinking about herself when the man she loved, had just lost his children.

“Teddy,” she said softly “let’s get you into bed. You need to sleep and things will be clearer in the morning.”

“Will you stay?” he asked

“I will,” she simply said before tugging at his arm to get him up. Carefully she led him towards the bed where she took of his shoes. Slowly she opened to buttons of his shirt and pulled it over his head while he just laid there, tears still streaming down his face. But there was something else in his eyes, not just the pain over the loss of his children. Jean motioned for him to get rid off his trousers before she tucked him in, sitting next to him on the bed and holding his hand.

Gently she wiped away his tears and kissed him. Though she couldn’t make the pain go away she could try to make it easier for him. She was determined to be there for him. When she felt him pull her down she quickly kicked off her shoes and skirt and joined him under the blanket. She pulled him close, cradling him in her arms and comforting when he wept again over the loss of his children.

Jean held him the whole night. At some point she fell asleep too but she was the first one to awake in the morning. Teddy was still fast asleep in her arms, exhausted from the crying. Jean turned her head so she could look at his face. Even in his sleep she could see how Deirdre had hurt him by taking the children away from him.

About an hour later Teddy woke up. At first he looked a bit confused but then he seemed to remember the events of the previous day. A sad smile came upon his lips before he lifted his head to look at the woman next to him.

“Good morning, love.” He kissed her tenderly.

[Rikki]

“Good morning. How are you feeling?” she asked, caressing his back lazily.

“I don’t know. Weird… I think I’ll have to get used to the fact that I won’t see my children anymore.” Sighing Teddy rolled over in bed, lying on his back.

Turning his head to watch Jean he realized she looked sad. Quickly he rolled on his side, taking her in his arms.

“What is it, darling?” he enquired. The use of terms of endearment had come rather quickly but very naturally to him. Perhaps it was because he’d loved her all along or because of the closeness they had achieved in just one day…

“I was just thinking. But that doesn’t matter now. And we’ll find a solution regarding your children.” Jean cuddled closer to him.

“I know. And it does matter. So what were you thinking about?” Shifting them into a more comfortable position Teddy pulled the blanket tighter around them. It was rather cold now in his studio, the heating wasn’t on yet.

Jean was grateful for the warmth his body and the blanket provided. And the care he showed towards her needs and thoughts. Rarely a man had been interested in more than her body so that was nice for a change.

“I’ve just thought about our future. I mean… I don’t have a job anymore.”

Teddy could hear the sadness in her voice. He knew that it had been quite a long time during which she had only lived for her gals – how often had he heard her say “I’m a teacher, first, last and always”. And now?

“We’ll find something, you’ll see.” He thought about it for a moment. He knew that Jean was an artistic soul so perhaps she should do something with arts. And children, she just loved children.

“Perhaps you could write books… For children… About art.” He looked at her. Slowly she raised her head and propped up on her elbow. Frowning a little she thought about that. It was true – she knew a lot about art, and what she didn’t know Teddy could tell her. So perhaps…

“Yes … yes, I think that would be nice.” She smiled at him lovingly and somehow relieved. She just needed to know what happened in her life, and being without a job and not knowing what would come next was definitely not to her liking. She reached out and cupped his face; she smiled at him before snuggling into his warm body.

“We will be fine Teddy,” she reassured him softly “I just hope you can deal with me!”

“Oh I can handle you Brodie!” he said with a gleam in his eye as he pulled her closer to him and flipped her over on to her back and looked down at her.

He lent down and brushed his lips against her soft ones, he marvelled at how soft and welcoming they were. A mere kiss with her was enough to set his body alight with passion and he had never felt so in tune with someone as he did with Jean. He kissed her deeply, tracing her bottom lips with his tongue as it begged her for entry. She parted her lips slightly and allowed his tongue access; their tongue danced a sensual battle with one another with neither wanting to win as they both wanted to enjoy the kiss. Jean wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body up against his, he moaned into her mouth as her body brushed against hers. Both of them needed to breath and so the kiss was reluctantly broken, Teddy laid his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes.

“I love you Jean Brodie,” he told her with a smile.

“And I love you Teddy Lloyd” she replied before planting a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.

Teddy at last had got his woman and Jean had finally found a home.

[Hogwarts Duo]

YEAH!!! Finally...a happy ending to the story of Jean Brodie! I always wanted them to get together in the end and you girls have made that possible! Woooooo Hoooooo!! Great story! Got any more in the works for our dear Jean and Teddy?

[ginger newts]

Very nice job, ladies. It's so nice to see that Jean got a happy ending after all, the end of the book/movie is so sad. To me it is anyway. Well done.

[Nerweniel]

So cute... I love the ending, why oh why did *I* have to write a sad one :-D! Go you! May the Brodie Fandom rule *grin*!

Love,

Lies

[Rikki]

Thanks, we're really glad you like that story. It was fun writing it so there might be more.

Hugs, Rikki

[Karlynne]

Well now I have to watch the movie again...for the millionth time but I'm not complaining. I'll have to reread this right after I finish watching but I enjoyed this very much. I'm glad you posted it all at once. Karlie

[Rikki]

Well - that decision was rather easy - we didn't want you to started chewing your nails with anticipation.

Hugs, Rikki

[LinZE]

Oh! There simply has to be more to this!!!!!
please?
*grin*
thanks for sharing
xLx

[Rikki]

Well, take a look at "The Kiss". You might just like that.

Hugs, Rikki

[mmadlyinlove]

Yay! I love that movie/book so I was so happy that you wrote a fic to it. Great job. I loved it. Finally, Jean and Teddy were allowed to be together. LOL! Although I did feel sort of sorry of Gordon Lowther, even though I know he didn't love Jean as Teddy did. Oh well. Great job! ~mmadlyinlove~