Post by deirdre on Mar 26, 2006 21:43:57 GMT -5
The Tangled Love Lives of Practically Everyone In Existence
By Deirdre
A parody of the many fanfiction ships. No offence to anybody! It's supposed to be weird!
I'm not sure where Girls Night is going, so it might be a while before i update. sorry. so while I think of what the hell i'm going to write for the next chapter, I'm just writing nonsense little one shots.
As you may notice, my title is too long to fit in the subject box!
I don't own anything.
"But I thought Harry was with Ginny?"
"No," said Hermione as she shook her head. "She's with Malfoy."
"Malfoy?" said Minerva slowly.
"Yes me." said Draco as he walked into the room. "But I have it on good confidence that I'm in a relationship with Hermione."
"Really?" asked Hermione. "But you know I'm with Severus."
"Miss Granger!" exclaimed Minerva, standing up quickly. "A student teacher relationship! I'm appalled!"
"You shouldn't be," called Alastor Moody from the next room. "Knowing you Min." He winked suggestively at a photograph of Minerva and Albus. Minerva blushed.
"And I'm not with Miss Granger," explained Severus from the corner of the room as he looked up from the book he was reading.
"Then who are you 'with' as you so eloquently put it?" asked Minerva, putting her hands on her hips.
"Xiomara. Or Rolanda, whatever you want to call her. And Hermione's with Krum."
"Hermione?" called Alastor again. Poppy motioned for him to be quiet but he continued. "Hermione?! Since when do you call students by their first name Snape?"
"I said Miss Granger!"
"No you didn't." said Minerva.
"Fine. But I still stand by the fact that she's with Krum."
"But I thought they broke up?" exclaimed Ron, pausing in his "conversation" with Lavender Brown.
"As did I Mr Weasley." said Minerva.
"They got back together." commented Ginny.
"No they didn't. Hermione and Harry are a couple now."
"I see." said Minerva was she sat back down. After staring down at her folded hands, she looked up.
"You're married to Professor Dumbledore." explained Hermione, answering her unasked question.
"Or you're both secretly in love, and have been for fifty years." piped up Ginny.
"Unless Minerva is Voldemort's wife, and therefore a dark witch."
"But isn't Voldemort with Bellatrix?" asked Ron.
"No, she's with Snape." said Harry, pointing to the potions master.
"But I'm with 'Mara/Ro." protested Severus childishly.
"No your not you're with Granger." said Malfoy.
"But I'm married to Harry and we have seven children!" cried Hermione.
"But I thought Harry was with Ginny?"
"Aren't we a couple?" asked Luna Lovegood earnestly to Harry, flaunting her radish earrings in his face.
"Don't be stupid." snapped Ron irratably, feeling thoroughly confused with the conversation. "You're with Lupin?"
"No she's not!" cried Tonks as she ran over to Remus and hugged him. "I am!"
"But Tonks, I'm with Sirius!"
"You're gay!" exclaimed Tonks with a horrified expression on her face.
"I'm actually not sure." responded Remus.
"He's not," said Sirius as he entered the room and sat down.
"Sirius!" cried everyone in unison. "We thought you were dead!"
"I guess not," he commented as he swung back on his chair. "Besides, I wouldn't want to miss a discussion on the tangled love lives of practically everyone in existence."
"But in a way he's dead." said Ron. "He's a ghost."
Sirius looked puzzled. But when he looked down at his transparent body he shrugged.
"Oh well." he said.
"He's not a ghost!" cried Luna.
"He is." argued Ron.
"No he's not."
"Yes he is."
"Be quiet Ronald!" yelled Lavender Brown. "And shut up Luna."
Luna smirked. "You're just jealous of my good looks," she said smugly as she stood up and began to prance around the room. Everyone wisely ignored her.
"Good evening everyone!" announced a voice.
"Albus Dumbledore!" said everyone in unison. "We thought you were dead!"
"But I'm immortal!" cried Dumbledore as he waved his wand, causing lemon drops to eternally rain from the ceiling.
"Immortal!?!" interrupted Hermione as lemon drops fell on her head. "But Snape killed you."
"Hang on..." said Harry slowly, realisation finally dawning on him.
"Wait a minute..." said Ron, who was looking at Snape with that same murderous expression as Harry.
"Arnold!" cried Ginny loudly, dropping to the floor to pick up her pet.
"Fleur!" screamed Molly Weasley loudly. "You are not wearing that to the wedding!"
"Sirius! Kindly remove your hand from my leg!" yelled another voice, its owner barely recognisable amongst the rabble.
"I love you Draco!" said Harry sweetly with a silly smile on his face.
"I love you Minerva," cried Dumbledore, dropping the floor and pulling out a small box from his robes.
"But aren't you married?" asked Ron with disgust.
"Yes we are," said Minerva with confusion. Albus looked bewildered.
"We are? When were you going to inform me of this Minerva?"
"I thought you knew as you were at my wedding, at the altar!"
"Oh yes," said Dumbledore, finally remembering, but his thoughts were not on the wedding but on the "events" later.
"What about our seven children!" cried Hermione, completely missing the conversation between Minerva, Albus and Ron. Well, she was still shocked about Harry's sudden announcement. "You're gay as well?"
"I said I didn't know!" called out Remus Lupin. "So only he's gay." He pointed to Harry.
"But I thought Harry was with Ginny?" said Ron.
By Deirdre
A parody of the many fanfiction ships. No offence to anybody! It's supposed to be weird!
I'm not sure where Girls Night is going, so it might be a while before i update. sorry. so while I think of what the hell i'm going to write for the next chapter, I'm just writing nonsense little one shots.
As you may notice, my title is too long to fit in the subject box!
I don't own anything.
"But I thought Harry was with Ginny?"
"No," said Hermione as she shook her head. "She's with Malfoy."
"Malfoy?" said Minerva slowly.
"Yes me." said Draco as he walked into the room. "But I have it on good confidence that I'm in a relationship with Hermione."
"Really?" asked Hermione. "But you know I'm with Severus."
"Miss Granger!" exclaimed Minerva, standing up quickly. "A student teacher relationship! I'm appalled!"
"You shouldn't be," called Alastor Moody from the next room. "Knowing you Min." He winked suggestively at a photograph of Minerva and Albus. Minerva blushed.
"And I'm not with Miss Granger," explained Severus from the corner of the room as he looked up from the book he was reading.
"Then who are you 'with' as you so eloquently put it?" asked Minerva, putting her hands on her hips.
"Xiomara. Or Rolanda, whatever you want to call her. And Hermione's with Krum."
"Hermione?" called Alastor again. Poppy motioned for him to be quiet but he continued. "Hermione?! Since when do you call students by their first name Snape?"
"I said Miss Granger!"
"No you didn't." said Minerva.
"Fine. But I still stand by the fact that she's with Krum."
"But I thought they broke up?" exclaimed Ron, pausing in his "conversation" with Lavender Brown.
"As did I Mr Weasley." said Minerva.
"They got back together." commented Ginny.
"No they didn't. Hermione and Harry are a couple now."
"I see." said Minerva was she sat back down. After staring down at her folded hands, she looked up.
"You're married to Professor Dumbledore." explained Hermione, answering her unasked question.
"Or you're both secretly in love, and have been for fifty years." piped up Ginny.
"Unless Minerva is Voldemort's wife, and therefore a dark witch."
"But isn't Voldemort with Bellatrix?" asked Ron.
"No, she's with Snape." said Harry, pointing to the potions master.
"But I'm with 'Mara/Ro." protested Severus childishly.
"No your not you're with Granger." said Malfoy.
"But I'm married to Harry and we have seven children!" cried Hermione.
"But I thought Harry was with Ginny?"
"Aren't we a couple?" asked Luna Lovegood earnestly to Harry, flaunting her radish earrings in his face.
"Don't be stupid." snapped Ron irratably, feeling thoroughly confused with the conversation. "You're with Lupin?"
"No she's not!" cried Tonks as she ran over to Remus and hugged him. "I am!"
"But Tonks, I'm with Sirius!"
"You're gay!" exclaimed Tonks with a horrified expression on her face.
"I'm actually not sure." responded Remus.
"He's not," said Sirius as he entered the room and sat down.
"Sirius!" cried everyone in unison. "We thought you were dead!"
"I guess not," he commented as he swung back on his chair. "Besides, I wouldn't want to miss a discussion on the tangled love lives of practically everyone in existence."
"But in a way he's dead." said Ron. "He's a ghost."
Sirius looked puzzled. But when he looked down at his transparent body he shrugged.
"Oh well." he said.
"He's not a ghost!" cried Luna.
"He is." argued Ron.
"No he's not."
"Yes he is."
"Be quiet Ronald!" yelled Lavender Brown. "And shut up Luna."
Luna smirked. "You're just jealous of my good looks," she said smugly as she stood up and began to prance around the room. Everyone wisely ignored her.
"Good evening everyone!" announced a voice.
"Albus Dumbledore!" said everyone in unison. "We thought you were dead!"
"But I'm immortal!" cried Dumbledore as he waved his wand, causing lemon drops to eternally rain from the ceiling.
"Immortal!?!" interrupted Hermione as lemon drops fell on her head. "But Snape killed you."
"Hang on..." said Harry slowly, realisation finally dawning on him.
"Wait a minute..." said Ron, who was looking at Snape with that same murderous expression as Harry.
"Arnold!" cried Ginny loudly, dropping to the floor to pick up her pet.
"Fleur!" screamed Molly Weasley loudly. "You are not wearing that to the wedding!"
"Sirius! Kindly remove your hand from my leg!" yelled another voice, its owner barely recognisable amongst the rabble.
"I love you Draco!" said Harry sweetly with a silly smile on his face.
"I love you Minerva," cried Dumbledore, dropping the floor and pulling out a small box from his robes.
"But aren't you married?" asked Ron with disgust.
"Yes we are," said Minerva with confusion. Albus looked bewildered.
"We are? When were you going to inform me of this Minerva?"
"I thought you knew as you were at my wedding, at the altar!"
"Oh yes," said Dumbledore, finally remembering, but his thoughts were not on the wedding but on the "events" later.
"What about our seven children!" cried Hermione, completely missing the conversation between Minerva, Albus and Ron. Well, she was still shocked about Harry's sudden announcement. "You're gay as well?"
"I said I didn't know!" called out Remus Lupin. "So only he's gay." He pointed to Harry.
"But I thought Harry was with Ginny?" said Ron.
xXx 
