Freyr

[HappyReader]

This is the product of another fertility plotbunny attack. But with a twist and a dash of lemon, hopefully, at the end. Of course that will go in the lemon section. But for now, enjoy this part!

‘Freyr’

With an inward sigh, Albus Dumbledore really wished they weren’t here. The atmosphere was quite oppressing; what with the pristine white ceiling and walls, the glaringly bright fluorescent lights over head and the impeccably waxed shiny floor that smelt strongly of bleach. Really, the environment gave off a sterile tone which was quite ironic considering what the clinic specialized in. He crossed his legs and tried to think of fertile thoughts.
Beside him in the clinic’s waiting room (a sort of limbo of the muggle medical world) sat his wife, to whom the idea of coming here was accredited to.
“...absolutely daft! Really Albus, the fashion sense of young muggles now days, it-it’s bordering onto pornographic!” she was clamoring in a quiet whisper. For the last ten minutes Minerva McGonagall had been ranting about the shocking display of clothing that represented the muggle fashion styles of the times. He had half listened as Minerva branded one of the designs as being bits of scrap material hurriedly sewn together so that it barely covers the body, slapped with an outrageous price tag and heralded as ‘fashion’, but his mind was elsewhere.
It was safe to say that this all started after Minerva returned to Hogwarts from St. Mungo’s. The Healers there gave her a clean bill of health despite being hit with four stunners to the chest, but they strongly urged her to take things easy from now on. Minerva, being who she was, wouldn’t hear of it. ‘There are things that need to be done, always,’ was her motto and so within the first day of her release Minerva was up in Albus’s office, not only ready for her responsibilities but with an unexpected request of him.
They say nothing motivates you more than a brush with death and in Minerva’s case this was true. Her recovery in St. Mungo’s provided Minerva with time to think about life in general and about her life. And though she was happy with it, with her marriage to Albus, her position in Hogwarts, still, there was something missing all these years. Finally she had put her finger upon it: she wanted a child.
Anything Minerva McGonagall wants Albus Dumbledore will comply (or else!). He would give it to her as long as it was reasonable and within his power to do so. Minerva had asked for a child of their very own and Albus was only to happy and willing to obey. But there was a slight problem. From ‘Should we have a child?’, the question became ‘Can we have a child?’.
Albus assured her they could. His father had married late in his life (at one hundred and eighty-five) and was still able to sire two healthy sons. Therefore it stood to reason that Albus, at a younger age of one hundred and fifty-six, should be able to sire children too. But Minerva would not be satisfied with his reasoning and was determined to seek out a professional opinion. It was fortunate that the resident nurse at Hogwarts, Poppy Pomfrey, was a very close friend and confidant, for Minerva was able to have herself examined by her without fear of indiscretion. When she requested that Albus be examined too, he adamantly refused.
“Very well Albus, it’s alright if you don’t feel comfortable going to Poppy about this. That’s perfectly understandable for even though she is a close friend of ours, this is a delicate and personal matter,” Minerva had said supportively. “Therefore what do you think about going to a muggle clinic? One that specializes in fertility?” After much deliberation, he agreed and an appointment was made at the Glen Waverly Fertility Clinic in Edinburgh.
Gallivanting into the muggle world meant it was necessary to make changes in their appearances in order to blend in. Not so much in Minerva’s case but for Albus, he needed a complete makeover. For starters his hair and beard were trimmed back but because Albus’s hair was of the thick variety, his hair tended to stand on end when cut short. In Minerva’s very amused words, a shortly-cut hairstyle made him look like ‘a tar brush with your lanky height’. In the end Albus was forced to adopt a much cropped look for both his hair and beard, much to his annoyance.
The lines on Albus’s forehead creased even more as he ran a hand through his short hair. His head felt very odd; without the usual mass of long hair tumbling over his shoulders, Albus’s head felt quite light as he moved it about. Earlier when he informed Minerva his findings, his wife bemoaned the fact that his haircut didn’t cause him to be less big-headed. After that little comment, Albus refused to speak to her for a short time.
“Dear, are you quite alright?” she asked after her little outburst received no droll answer from him. “You’re unusually quiet and still. Run out of candies, I presume?”
“Mmmn.”
Minerva frowned at the morose way he was acting. She noticed the furrowed brow and the slightly unsettled look on his face.
“My valiant Gryffindor husband is not afraid of the silly muggle doctor, is he?” she teased dryly.
“Afraid? Pfft! Never,” said Albus. He folded his arms, shrugged his shoulders and looked around the clinic’s waiting room. “I-I just feel uncomfortable here, Minerva, that is all.”
She assumed a thoughtful look, but her eyes held a glint of mischief. “Not nearly as uncomfortable I would imagine had we gone to St. Mungo’s, seeing as how the medi-witches would have their wands near yours.”
Her husband was at a loss for words and turning an interesting shade of crimson.
“Cat got your tongue Albus?” she purred superciliously.
The way he glanced sideways at her sent a jolt of desire through Minerva. Perhaps it was the new look he sported, or the suggestive glint in his blue eyes (very much different to his usual twinkling) or maybe it was the roguish smirk, but whatever it was, at that particular moment Albus looked decidedly appealing and -dare she say the word?- sexy.
“Just the one,” he agreed quietly.
They held each other’s gaze for a long time until they were interrupted by a receptionist calling out their names.
“Mr. and Mrs. Dumbledore? The specialist will be seeing you now.”
They stood, gathered their coats and followed the waiting receptionist. Minerva reached for his left arm to loop her arm with, but Albus maneuvered his arm away and place it around her shoulders. As they walked through a corridor leading to the back of the clinic, passing several pot plants, nurses and doors, Albus’s arm crept lower, went past her waist until his hand settled upon her left buttock where he gave her a rough squeeze and a slap. Minerva held back a gasp and a heated remonstration; she knew that was for taunting him earlier. A quick glance at his smirking face assured that thought.

[Jestana]

Hmm! How very interesting! They certainly don't need help getting in the mood! *grin* Bravo! More please?

[Catwoman99]

What a great beginning! There is more to come, right? I hope they find that all is in order with um...Albus' plumbing. Cuz they sure seem eager to start trying!

-April ;D

[Nerweniel]

We want more! And let's hope that Albus's... necessary parts... are ok, hehe ;D... Great chapter, gimme more .

Love,

Liz

[Sensiblyquirky]

Cannot wait for more! Very nice first chapter. Keep it up! ;D

Christy

[Miss Q]

More, please! Loved this part.

M

[punurple]

*giggles* I'm trying to imagine Albus with short hair and beard, and smacking Minerva's arse! Too funny! Awesome story.

punpun

[TabbyForever]

Well i for one hope alls in order down below for our fav couple!! Seeing as this is such a good start to the story, i hope and am pretty sure the rest will be as good as this!!hehehehe...
Umm am just trying to imagin our heros in a fertility clinic!!!!hehehe
Tabs

[HappyReader]

Hey! Here's the next bit. Please be aware that though the facts are accurate, I have no idea how the procedure goes in clinics. I have a degree in B.S. ;D

Freyr: Part 2

The smiling receptionist brought them to a halt just outside a closed door at the back of the clinic. The atmosphere here was a more welcoming than the waiting room, the shades of muted blue and green easing Albus’s discomfort somewhat. She knocked twice and after the door opened, she took her leave.
“How do you do? My name is Doctor David McLellan.”
The doctor stood just in the threshold wearing the expected white lab coat seen on muggle doctors. He was a youngish man of about thirty with dark blonde hair and a serious disposition. He extended a hand and after the customary handshake with each of them and the exchange of pleasantries, Doctor McLellan guided them to two chairs in front of his desk. His office was a modest one. Along the walls of the office were the doctor’s certificates and credentials as well as images of the human reproductive organs; informative posters outlining their functions, how they work and numerous disorders. Albus immediately averted his gaze to the floor.
“Mr. and Mrs. Dumbledore, is it? Interesting last name, Dumbledore; it means ‘bumblebee’ in Old English, does it not?”
Albus looked up impressed after they made themselves comfortable. “Yes, that’s correct.”
The doctor smiled a little as he sat across them behind his desk. “My grandmother often spoke in Old English. ‘Dumbledore’ was the name of her favorite collie. Though she explained to me the meaning, she never explained why she named him that.” His demeanor and tone became professional. “Now, what can I help you with today?”
There was an awkward pause as husband and wife silently looked at each other with looks that suggested the other ought to speak first. Minerva shook her head irritated when Albus set his jaw and staunchly refused to speak.
“We are here primarily for my husband because we are,” a pause, “trying for a child. I thought it best to consult a professional for their opinion.”
Doctor McLellan steepled his fingers. “I see. You wish to undergo a sperm test?”
Fighting a blush, Albus nodded. No sense in boldly charging in headfirst into the unknown, Gryffindor or no. So he asked, “Just what exactly does this test entail?”
“There are three aspects of your sperm the test will examine and determine; quantity, motility and quality. All three are important for they affect your fertility,” the doctor said, looking at Albus, “and therefore your chances of conceiving. With quantity, it goes without saying the higher your amount the better you stand at getting your partner pregnant. Motility will determine how well the sperm moves; this especially important as it is quite a struggle to reach the fallopian tubes from the girl thingy. Quality, lastly, will examine the overall structure of the sperm. Though a man may sire children throughout his life as oppose to women who experience menopause, the older you become the less…quality the sperm will be. Many in fact might be defective; ill-formed for example like bent tails, or the DNA they carry may be incomplete.”
“Are you saying it will be useless?” asked Minerva quietly, her expression tense. Albus forgot his discomfort momentarily and rubbed her upper arm in support; it pained him to hear the fear and sadness in her voice. “That there is no chance for us?”
“No Mrs. Dumbledore, there is always a chance. I did not mean to sound so discouraging, but you must be made aware of these factors, madam,” said Doctor McLellan soothingly. Minerva looked a little relieved. “Mr. Dumbledore, would you like to collect the sample now?”
Albus, blue eyes glazed over at the terminology of this sensitive topic and thinking of nothing but getting this over and done with already, opened his mouth to say ‘yes’. Minerva spoke over him and answered ‘no’. She was certain that her dear husband was aware what the ‘collecting’ entailed (she was quite sure anyhow) but Minerva was equally sure he would not wish to do it here.
Doctor McLellan accepted her answer nevertheless and didn’t question Albus directly again. It was apparent just who wore the pants in this relationship.
“Very well. We can discuss the arrangements for the collection of the sample at the end of this appointment. To be frank Mr. and Mrs Dumbledore at your ages, the chances of conceiving are quite low. However, this does not mean it’s impossible. In order to help you I will need your records from your GPs.”
“I have mine here doctor,” Minerva held up a neat manila folder prepared prior to this appointment filled with false documents she had Poppy create for her and handed it to him. She glared at Albus. “My husband on the other hand has refused to see a doctor for the last 15 years and as such has no records to show you.”
‘Mr. Dumbledore’ folded his arms and rolled his eyes.
Doctor McLellan’s light brown eyes flickered from side to side as he scanned the documents. A mischievous smile. “‘Minerva’, is it? Quite a peculiar name; I’ve never encountered a goddess before. Should I make a sacrifice? Leave an offering? Or perhaps I ought to burn incense?” Minerva favored the doctor’s well meaning ribbing with a smile and chuckle. Albus gave him a glare that Severus Snape would have been proud of. “And your GP is a doctor P. Pomfrey of Hogsmead?”
“Yes, our local doctor as well as a good friend of ours.”
“Yes I see. Hmmn, it says here you were born August 18 1953, that makes you…” he paused as he did his mental maths.
“Fourty-three,” Minerva informed him proudly. Despite her real age of seventy-two Minerva certainly looked like a middle aged muggle woman. Her hair was still lustrously black, her figure still slim and firm. Any age lines upon her oval shaped face only added grace and subtle elegance; it accentuated her beauty rather than mar it.
Doctor McLellan looked nonchalant as he asked her his next question, but his tone was delicate. “Very good madam. Ah, your doctor has not recorded this important information…therefore may I ask if you are still receiving your monthly period?”
Albus was glad he was not drinking anything as the beverage would have sprayed it out in surprise all over the good doctor’s pristine white coat and, from the looks of it, expensive tie and shirt. Minerva on the other hand was unfazed and answered, ‘Yes, I am.’
“Would you say on a regular basis?’ enquired the doctor. “Have you missed any of your periods in the last few months?”
“Yes, it is on a regular basis. No, to the other question.”
“Mmmnhmmn,” the doctor murmured. “Do you find the flow to be regular or light?”
Good heavens! Albus was stunned. How can she be calm about such personal questions? Granted this fellow was a doctor and allowed to ask…such questions, but he wasn’t Minerva’s personal doctor! She didn’t even know him; he was a complete stranger. And further more, gentlemen did not speak of such things! And gentlemen certainly didn’t ask ladies about their women’s business. Not even to their wives!
He looked around the office to gaze at something that would distract him from the current discussion. Then he remembered the posters; instead Albus focused upon the pot plant in the corner. He identified it as a ‘Fortune Plant’. Unfortunately that was all he knew about it so it didn’t distract him for long.
For the sixth time in the same quarter of an hour, Albus wished he still had his bag of sherbet lemons with him and cursed himself for eating them all so hurriedly in the waiting room. So he sat and twiddled his thumbs, blocking out the conversation being carried out beside him.

[Catwoman99]

Oh dear! Poor Albus! How uncomfortable he must be. The Minerva wearing the pants line was funny! ;D

This reminds me of a Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine:
"I knew what the doctor wanted, I just didn't know how he planned on gettin' it. Did he take matters into his own hands? Was it like a dairy? or what?"

Looking forward to more!
April

PS. Sorry about the censoring of the word "vagina"...I've taken it off the list of censored words. The board came with a pre-existing list.

[HappyReader]

Hey Catwoman! It's cool about the censor, dun worry! It's funnier if you read it now, because the doctor seems so professional in his explanation until you read the 'girl thingy' part!! LOL! ;D

Thanks for your help and review!

[Sensiblyquirky]

Poor Albus. I do so hope you give them a happy ending.

Can't wait for more. Have a lovely weekend,

Christy

[TabbyForever]

Hehehehe this story is just getting better and better!!!!
Keep at it, hopefully all will be well and they'll be able to...yada yada yada...you know what i mean.
Tabs
keep up the good work

[punurple]

When I saw the "girly thingy" I cracked up! My brother is now wondering why I'm choking on my OJ... darn those sensors.

I love this anc can't wait to read more!

[glow=red,2,300]punpun[/glow]

[Miss Q]

;D I just have to say that I can't wait to read the next part! And the line about who's wearing the pants... not to forgett the 'girl thingy'.... ;D ;D

M

[Stoneygem]

It was apparent just who wore the pants in this relationship. ;D

Oh dear, what a line...you have me so laughing out loud here. This is so funny.
I just can see Albus getting worked up over the doctor asking Minerva those questions. Makes me think, how he would react, if he actually had to be present during a obgyn exam (muggle style of course). He'd be scandalized out of his wits....

Keep it coming, please

[HappyReader]

Thank you guys for your kind words and support. Here's the next part and please keep in mind the note in the previous part. Facts = accurate; procedure = ad lib. I tried to keep it professional, hope it seems it!

Freyr: Part 3a

Meanwhile Doctor David McLellan was explaining to Minerva that she was soon to reach menopause, a natural development in a woman resulting in the ending of her period and thus fertility. He went on to outline that women approaching menopause may have difficulty conceiving and bringing to term a healthy pregnancy. They were at a high risk of suffering miscarriages, stillbirths or giving birth to a child with complications such as down syndrome.
Minerva listened attentively but was not worried. Poppy assured her witches experience it quite late in their lives; the timing was proportionate to their lengthier lifespan. So if muggle women experience menopause at around their late 40’s to early 50’s, then witches would experience it around their 80’s to 90’s. That meant Minerva still had a good decade and a bit on her side.
“Your doctor writes that you are in perfect health, with no complications at all…oh, wait--” The doctor frowned as he read this particular part of the document. “It says here you were hospitalized after you suffered a stroke earlier this year.”
Minerva tensed and her hand involuntarily moved up to her collarbone where four hideous scars were situated, given to her by Dolores Umbridge and three other Aurors in an unprovoked attack in June. She stressed to Poppy that no hint of her assault with four Stunners be mentioned in the documents. Reigning in the anger she felt at her friend, Minerva reason with herself that Poppy only had her best interest at heart and felt it necessary to inform the fertility specialist of her delicate condition in the form of a stroke.
“That is correct,” she answered slowly as Doctor McLellan looked at her. “Doctor, do you think that my condition may give me difficulties?”
“Possibly. I can’t say for sure as it all depends upon the patient. Which leads me ask, are you up for this pregnancy? Your body is but what of your mind?”
Minerva assured him that she was. She was positive that her iron resolve would see her through. Also, if she were to prepare for this child as well as having Poppy guiding her along the way and Albus forever by her side, she was convinced all would be well.
“If you are sure, then by all means go for it. I can tell that you are a strong woman Mrs. Dumbledore and I wish you the best.” The young man gave her small smile. “Now as for you Mr. Dumbledore, if you could kindly answer my following questions I can build up a rough profile about your health.”
Doctor McLellan took pulled a pad of writing paper towards him on his desktop and took his fountain pen from his shirt pocket, a curious muggle writing instrument. Minerva owned one too, given to her from her grandfather, the very same one he himself used to use. But it was merely novelty gift; she never used it.
“To begin with, how old are you Mr. Dumbledore?” continued Doctor McLellan.
Minerva looked at him when he didn’t answer. Albus wasn’t paying attention to what Doctor McLellan was saying because he was too busy staring at something on the doctor’s desk. He certainly found something to distract him. Oh good Merlin help me, he was thinking with horror, there’s even a wax cross section model of the male genitalia sitting on the doctor’s desk! And it was pointed towards him, too.
“Your age, sir?” repeated the doctor.
“Oh! Ah, fifty-six,” lied Albus, startled when Minerva elbowed him in the ribs. As the young doctor noted this, inwardly he was chuckling to himself. He had heard of some people going to extremes when lying about their age, but Albus was quite willing to bet his entire sock collection they hadn’t shaved off an entire century like he had just done.
“Fifty-six?” questioned Doctor McLellan suspiciously, looking up at them from his writing. Albus and Minerva shared a quick alarmed glance. “Then may I offer my congratulations sir? Despite the hair you look hardly more than forty-eight.”
The couple released soft sighs in relief. He smiled awkwardly at the doctor’s admiration. “Thank you.”
“Do you have a family history of disorders such as diabetes, heart disease or anything else?”
Albus shook his head, which felt weird because his hair was so short.
“Have you undergone major surgery in the past?”
Again he shook his head.
“Do you undertake regular exercise?”
“Er, no?” Albus felt a little guilty as Doctor McLellan frowned at his answer.
“Are you a regular smoker?”
“Heavens no. It’s a filthy habit,” said Albus in surprise.
“That’s very good to hear, sir. Smoking reduces sperm production, thus lowering fertility. Much the same applies for alcohol and other drugs. How often do you consume alcohol?”
“Not often, only at special or social occasions as well as the odd goblet of merlot at every other second day of the month.”
Doctor McLellan looked up at them again for a second time but this time with a bemused look on his face. Minerva was glaring at him and Albus was trying not to grimace. In times of extreme discomfort he had the unfortunate capability of becoming asinine. Well, even more than usual. And right now Albus was feeling far from comfortable. The doctor thankfully did not comment but returned his attentions back to his entry.

[HappyReader]

Part 3 was actually bigger than 10 000 k, so it was divided in to two...

Freyr: Part 3b

“Alright then. Now this next question is always awkward to ask but necessary. Forgive my infringement upon your privacy sir, madam, but may I ask how often do you engage in sexual intercourse?”
There was absolutely no way in God’s green earth he was going to reveal such intimate and private information to a complete stranger; no matter what their qualifications were and not for any reason or degree of necessity. His busy brows raised high on his forehead. Albus clenched his teeth together lest he let his mouth hang wide open at the boldness of the question. Also it would prevent him from releasing the heated retort (and a hex) he wanted to let loose at the doctor.
Seeing his jaw muscles twitching and his blue eyes blazing away with indignation, it was Minerva’s turn to offer him support. She placed a comforting hand upon her husband’s arm and patted it in a soothing manner. He immediately sought her hand with his and held it painfully tight.
Doctor McLellan held himself admirably well under the angry glare of the most powerful wizard of the times; he was only flinching a little. “I do apologize for any distress the question caused but please understand the reasoning for it.”
“I-It’s quite alright Doctor McLellan, I would imagine it is as unpleasant for you as well,” said the usually stern Minerva graciously while flushing. “But, ah, I can honestly tell you my husband and I do enjoy a-an active sex life, perhaps more often than other couples of our age group.”
“Hmmn, I see,” nodded the doctor to her, glad to avert his gaze from Albus. He scribbled down his notes. “Then that is most fortunate as it works towards your advantage of course.” Then, with a mixed apologetic and apprehensive look at Albus, Doctor McLellan began to ask, “Although your wife states you have such an active sex life, do you find that you have any problems with obtaining and maintaining an erecti--”
“None whatsoever!” was the almost frantically barked out reply.
Albus saw the doctor immediately scratched out a word on his word pad; he could not make out what the word was from where he was situated across the desk and nor could he read it upside down, but Albus was certain it began with the letter ‘V’, had the letter ‘i’ somewhere and ended with the letters ‘gra’. Taking a deep breath, the great wizard exhaled it slowly as he tried to regain the sense of calmness he was well-known for.
Remember the reason for being here. Surely you can endure a few moments discomfort if for a good cause? And what better cause than to see a joyful Minerva holding our child?
He looked in Minerva’s direction and Albus saw that she was gazing at him with a distressed, almost pleading expression. At such a look right then he was prepared to do anything for this woman (not that he wouldn’t before). He would gather all the stars for her if she demanded it or die trying. Minerva was so deserving of many things and damn him if he could not provide what she wanted, in light of all she had given him over the years, her devotion, love and support. Especially after the way she selflessly sacrificed herself in his stead the past year. Albus gave her a wink and a bright smile to reassure her; a brief one armed hug brought a smile to her face too. Minerva rested her dark haired head on his shoulder and they settled to listen to Doctor McLellan’s findings.
“Mr. Dumbledore after evaluating your answers and seeing you as you are now, I can see no reason why you cannot try for a child. At the state of your healths, I’d say offhand you have a 35-40% chance of conceiving. Of course, after analyzing your sperm sir I will know for certain.” Albus winced at the ‘your sperm’, especially when being spoken by a man. “Upon your departure one of our nurses will hand you a kit containing the container for the sample, instructions for storage and transport. Lastly, may I impart that if you wish to boost your fertility then you must also consider you diet. Now this applies to the both of you.”
“I’ve already outlined my own diet but I am not sure which foods to serve my husband. What foods in particular would you advise doctor?” asked Minerva, sitting up alert.
“Foods that contain the vitamins and minerals needed for spermatogenesis. Zinc being the foremost. In fact, here,” Doctor McLellan turned and retrieved an orange pamphlet from the shelf behind him. “This should provide you with all the information you require. If you have any other questions then please, feel free to ask.”
“I have one,” said Albus, still a little prickly. “How am I supposed to…collect this sample?”
The good doctor stared at Albus with a look on his face that clearly said ‘You’re kidding me, right?’. Doctor McLellan turned and said to a mortified Minerva, “Mrs. Dumbledore, I’ll leave this in your hands. Submit the sample when you are prepared. The testing should take no longer than 3 to 4 days and you will be contacted about the results when they are ready. You may schedule for another appointment then so that I may go over them with you and your husband.”
“Thank you Doctor McLellan,” said Minerva briskly, rising to her feet. She grabbed her bag and coat. Albus got to his feet too, but he was looking perplexed for the doctor hadn’t answered his question. “I do hope that pun was unintended.”
“I assure you madam, it was,” said the fertility specialist, holding the door open and giving them a small bow as he saw them from his office.

[Sensiblyquirky]

Oh wow, I can just picture Albus' glare, and when he asked how they got the sample-oh all i can say is hmmmm oh dear. Very well done, and I'm looking forward to the next chapters.

Christy

[Catwoman99]

Oh my gods, does Albus really need to ask how they get the sample? I love that the doctor said he'll leave that in Minerva's hands. Hehehe. Poor Albus.

And the mention of Viagra was great. I had a strange fic running around my head about Albus and Viagra (I even wrote a few paragraphs for it) but I don't think I'll ever finish it. Entirely too silly!

Update again soon!
-April ;D

[punurple]

Poor Albus! So utterly confused! Perhaps Minerva can help him.... I loved it and can't wait to read more!

punpun

[TabbyForever]

Oh i love it!!!!
I was laughing out loud while reading this entry!!!
It was just soooo funny...hehehehe i love the viagra pun and leaving it in mins capable hands is poss the best idea all round!!!!hehehehe
Well done....as ever, totally hanging on your next entry!!!
Please post again soon!!!!!
Tabs

[Jestana]

Oh, dear! I'm so sorry I missed the second and third parts before now! It's absolutely hilarious!

Mrs. Dumbledore, I’ll leave this in your hands.

Heehee! That can be taken two different ways! Whee!

It must have been nice to be called Mrs. Dumbledore for a change. I wonder if the doctor's grandmother knew of Albus or Aberforth or something. *ponders*

Jestana

[mascaret]

ROFL! You are too incredible.

[HappyReader]

*cringes* Sorry about the wait; my other projects keep vying for my attention. Here you are...

Freyr: Part 4

“Minerva, how in Merlin’s name am I suppose to get this sample?!” Albus rounded on her as soon as they returned to their summer home that afternoon. It was a simple looking cottage in the Scottish Highlands incongruously nicknamed ‘Castle Compromise’. The reason why their home was named so was apparent once a guest entered; the quaint cottage displayed evenly the different tastes of its two occupants. Blue and white fine china stood next to broken yoyos; the furniture in each room had at least one chintz style feature and one practical looking, straight-backed piece; deep mauve wallpaper with yellow stars clashed horribly with green tartan coverlets. The one, well, two rooms that were not shared equally were their separate studies; while Minerva was resigned to putting up with the ever present mess that seemed to follow Albus around their home, she refused to work around it. Therefore her neat and tidy study was strictly out of bounds to him, but Albus’s study door was always open to her.
Minerva swept past him in annoyance and into their home, with her husband close behind. She set down one of their many bags filled with shopping goods that they bought in Harrod’s and other various Lodon muggle stores on the parlour’s coffee table. As a change of pace they purchased items rather than Conjure it. Minerva really enjoyed their time in muggle Edinburgh (if not the fashion) and seeing that he was still rattled over their appointment with the doctor, she proposed that they head to muggle London for the rest of the day for some relaxation. Of course, in her mind relaxation equaled shopping and Albus was too frazzled to protest.
“Think back to your adolescent years dear. Was there any thing in particular you suddenly became…interested in?”
He looked even more confused as he sat down heavily on a chintz settee. “What do rowing and advanced Transfiguration have to do with this?”
She gave him a look that was one-quarter amused, three-quarters annoyed. “Albus, what do normal teenage boys become interested in after they hit puberty?”
Silence.
“Er, quidditch?”
Minerva sighed in despair and covered her face with a hand. Was he purposely being thick?
“Sex, Albus, sex!” she cried and the hand that was covering her face made a wide sweep. He flinched at Minerva’s tone, though most likely he was flinching at the words. “Really! Must you be stuffy about this? You are a grown man and this can hardly come as a surprise to you! I do wish you would stop being silly!”
“I am not being stuffy nor am I being silly,” retorted Albus who was now equally huffy and a touch offended. He sank further into his seat. “I am just living in another century.”
Minerva’s ire faded with his last words, which were spoken quietly. She had not taken into consideration his upbringing or the era he grew up in. The Victorian era was notoriously known for being so straight-laced on several topics, especially about sex, not to mention it was a culture obsessed with propriety; at the same time it was paradoxically known to be one of the most debauched epochs in history. Minerva did not know much about Albus’s family (he was aberrantly tight lipped about them), but she was aware that his mother, Charlotte Elisabeth Dumbledore nee Churle, was a devoutly pious muggle woman with impeccable manners. No doubt she did fine work with her eldest son, however Minerva always wondered what went wrong with Aberforth’s upbringing.
She walked over to his sulking seated figure and knelt before him. When her palms were placed on his forearms and when they started caressing him soothingly and conciliatorily, Albus turned to her, his distress forgotten and his attention wholly upon Minerva. There were times when she could have him erect simply by stroking the skin of his inner arms or by tracing the veins running across the backs of his hands. And then there were times when, with a particular look sent in his direction, Minerva could send his blood thrumming with desire.
“I do apologize for snapping at you my Albus. I did not take into account your upbringing, but earlier today at the clinic, you really were the limit. Honestly, what possessed you to ask such an inane question to the doctor?”
“Contrary to popular belief, my question was asked not out of genuine curiosity Minerva,” he deadpanned. “I am well aware of…how to go about this…collecting. It was more out of shock I suppose. Life inside Hogwarts seems so static; despite the arrival of new students every year, they are always the same: bright, brilliant and so eager to learn magic. It was only when we ventured out of our home that I realized just how much had really changed in the world, both muggle and wizardkin. Imagine! Topics that were taboo during my era are being openly discussed and not necessarily confined to the confidential appointments between a doctor and his client. But never mind all that now, you are forgiven Minerva.”
She shook her head in mock despair and one of her delicate brows was quirked as she said, “Albus, regardless of the many changes of the world there are some things that will never change. Or cannot change for that matter.”
He snorted at her, but not derisively. Minerva was pleased to see his smile return; his smile looked even more charming now that she could see his lips and not the usual twitch of his droopy moustache.
“I apologize too for being a ‘barmy old codger’. My actions today have been prudish and indeed silly; it was selfish of me to think of myself and not of you or our…child. Minerva, I don’t want you to think that I am purposely being difficult on account of not wanting our ba--”
She stopped him before he finished his sentence. His spoken apology was unnecessary, the sincerity and depth in Albus summer blue eyes were enough for her.
“Yes darling, I know. You have reassured me enough times that you want this child and are willing to work ‘overtime’ for him or her,” they laughed softly together for a time before sharing a quick kiss. Minerva’s hands continued caressing him once more. “And let me assure you that I fully intend to take you up on that offer…”
Albus closed his eyes as he leaned forward for another, hopefully longer kiss but was disappointed when he didn’t receive one.
“…but not just yet dear. At this point since all is forgiven, go on and preoccupy yourself until dinner while I do some research,” said Minerva as she tapped his chin with a finger. She stood, adjusted her clothes and held up the pamphlet given by the doctor. “I’ll be fixing supper according to this.”
“Alright, alright,” sighed Albus. He had a few owls to send to Cornelius to write up and he may as well do them now. Also, he was in need of sugar and his comfort things, that being his socks and Fawkes. He stood up too and he made his way to the left door leading to his study.
“And no owls to Cornelius!” she called after him.

To Catwoman99: My brother reckons that it's not sherbet lemons that our Headmaster is constantly poppin' but Viagra! Should we be amused or up in arms? ;D

[Catwoman99]

;D Great update! This just keeps getting better and better!

So, your brother thinks he's popping Viagra, huh? Well he just unwittingly unleashed a plot bunny. What if someone replaced Albus' sherbet lemons with "tainted" ones that have the same effect as Viagra? May have to release that one. :-)

Can't wait for more!

[Jestana]

*giggle* That's wonderful! I love how it stops and looks at the fact that Albus grew up in the Victorian era! If I remember correctly, viagra is blue. How can yellow sherbet lemons be blue viagra pills? *grin* Very nice and I'd be very interested in seeing how they go about 'collecting' the sample. *wink*

Jestana

[TabbyForever]

I really am hanging on updates of this story...its fab,
each chapter just gets better and better!!!!
Well done....roll on the collection...so to speak!!!hehehehe
Tabs

[Inappropriate Goat]

Hee hee albus is a prude...

MM

[HappyReader]

It's taking a while to get to the lemon; please have patience it's almost there! Meanwhile, would anyone care to guess what Minerva's up to though?

Freyr: 5

It was approximately 6:15 when Albus was called in for dinner. Denied his usual activity of writing up owls and remembering what was discussed in the doctor’s office about regular exercise, he instead spent his afternoon on a long walk with Fawkes around the mountainous area surrounding their home, much to Minerva’s approval. “You look as rugged as the countryside, Albus dear,” she greeted him when he arrived home.
“I certainly don’t feel it,” he wheezed, leaning down to accept her welcome home kiss. Except it was a bit…more than a welcome home kiss. When their lips locked Minerva ran her hands up his chest langurously and slided them over his shoulders. Her slim fingers stroked the nape of his neck upwards to the short bristles of hair at the back of his head. This was the first time his neck had been exposed for almost a hundred and twenty years. It felt odd, but in a good way. Albus couldn’t help but gasp and pull back.
“Minerva?” he asked nervously. In reply she nuzzled into his neck and breathed in his dusky scent. Without his beard this felt incredibly erotic. He was semi-disappointed when she stopped.
“I expect you've built up your appetite with all that walking. Come on then.”
Walking together to their kitchen Albus was told that the dish chosen and prepared by Minerva tonight was braised calf’s liver and mushrooms in red wine. Crisp garden salad with special dressing was on the side; she made sure there were plenty of red tomatoes among the green. The calf’s liver contained the zinc Doctor McLellan advised as well as niacin necessary for cellular processes. The tomatoes were a good source of lycopene, a natural anti-oxidant that help reduce the speed of the body’s ageing process, while the zinc helped maintain the prostrate gland near the testes and improved potency. Minerva also purchased a capsule bottle of the supplement L-arganine which will help increase the volume of semen.
Albus frowned when he eyed the table: it was set only for one. He turned to ask her about it only to catch her throwing on her tartan cloak.
“Darling? You’re going out?”
“Yes, I am,” she replied casually.
“Where?”
“To visit a secret paramour. Don’t wait up.”
“Ah. Shall I leave the porch light on then?”
Minerva chuckled. Honestly. Such a gentleman her husband. Inform him of your extra marital affair and he tries to make the situation uncomplicated for you.
“No, you needn’t bother I shan’t be out long.”
He wrapped his arms around her stomach from behind.
“As you wish, my dear.” Albus kissed her temple softly and whispered gently into her ear, “Whatever this is really about Minerva, can it not wait? I would like your attention and the pleasure of your company for the rest of the evening.”
Without trying to be flirtatious and just being his natural self Albus could cause her to become all giggly like a school girl with a crush. It annoyed her because at some stage in her life she had been that school girl, and though her the object of her teenage infatuation remained the same, Minerva would like to think she had grown up. Leaning her head back into his this movement caused his very bristly beard to scratch against her neck. Oh gods that felt good.
“I’m afraid it cannot darling. There is no contest between you and research sadly.”
Albus released her, clutching his hand over his heart in mock hurt. “Alas! To be abandoned for musty old tomes! Oh the ignominy!”
Minerva snorted at him and picked up one of the two books lying on the table; books were usually littered upon their dining table. Or any surface in their home for that matter. He recognized them both as the ones Minerva purchased in the muggle bookstore in Pell Mell. The one on the table was a hardbound edition on European muggle mythology. He did not see the title of the other in Minerva’s hands. Already the spine of the mythology book was broken from overuse. Minerva generally took special care of any book (she and Madam Pince often exchanged tips on the care of tomes and volumes) but this one seemed to be neglected.
Minerva handed him a slip of parchment.
“Here. I would like you to do whatever is on the list. Don't groan, it's not a list of chores! Oh, and favour? Keep your hair and beard like that. I rather like your new look.” Albus was about to protest, but she cupped his cheek and looked at him with that kind of smile. “Only for the rest of the holidays, Albus. Please?”
He acquieced. Was there ever a time he denied her something?
“Thank you and while I am out you may want to look over that,” said Minerva pointing at a magazine under the book. She pulled on her gloves and after a hurried goodbye kiss upon his bearded cheek, she was out the door. Albus heard the faint pop of her Apparating away.
He pulled the magazine towards him. The title read ‘Men’s Health’. Printed on the glossy surface of the cover was a black and white picture of a sickeningly handsome, half-naked man with a perfect smile, bulging biceps and a rippling muscular stomach posing in a rather…raunchy manner. Albus thanked Merlin that it was a muggle magazine and not a wizarding one with moving pictures.
One of the lurid sub-titles was headed ‘Fertility & You: Things You Should Know When Trying for a Bub’, but the one that caught his attention was the ‘How to Make Her a Screamer in Bed: Ten Tips on Making Her Experience Better (and Ear Shattering)’ located in the sealed section. Albus raised a silver eyebrow at it. Although he was alone in his home he spent a moment looking around to make sure there was no one about before flipping to the back of the magazine.
Minerva surely meant that he read over the piece concerning a man’s fertility but Albus reasoned it couldn’t hurt to peruse the other articles too…