Freudian Relationships

So we have seen this in the books. (admmfics.proboards22.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1185485146&page=1)

And Minnycat was wondering:

if you are married does your spouse remind you of your Father (or mother), or if you are dating someone does that person remind you of your father (or mother), or if you just like someone does that person remind you of your father (or mother)?

[MinnyCat]

how the heck is this a poll?

and as for my boyfriend reminding me of my dad...... I am not gonig to comment on my own question becuase what I say sometimes has a way of getting back to him. And I really dont want that.

Well for me, I have to say sorta. Sometimes I'll notice small things and then laugh at it. But not completely.

[misshoneychurch88]

Well I'm the only daughter of a single mother, so I'm a bit messed up when it comes to that. I hope not, since my father is a bit of an idiot adn not what I wat to be like or be around, though one guy who I had a major thing for(dating my best fried at the time, so nothing came of it)did get on really well with my father, but it was the interesting bits(love of music, interest in indie films and off beat stuff) not the bad(emm how does one say not the sharpest tool in the shed).

I'm actually much more attracted to guys like my Grandpa and my uncle...who in the long run were more like dads anyway.


ok now I'm just overanalising(whoa spelling misshap). I should stop

[Apocalypticat]

Hmmm... if I REALLY REALLY squinted... then I CAN see EENY-WEENY similarities... Otherwise no. But I have definitely noticed a tendency for guys to demand an almost maternal role from me every now and then.

[beMMADfabulous]

This is from coming a psychology major (starting college Aug. 16th), but I think that a lot of people are too ready to dismiss Freud's view on relationships and whatnot because they're "squeaked" about it. Honestly, it's not that he's saying you have a hidden desire for your parent of opposite gender; it's about subconsciously learning that your father (if you're female) is the prime example of what it takes to be a husband/father, no matter how bad he was. For example, if a girl is raised by an abusive paternal figure, she is probably (I say probably because I don't know the percentages) at a higher risk of marrying someone abusive or having a marriage that doesn't work out. It's definitely not her fault, and it's not what she wants. That's just how the brain appears to work.

The human mind is a funny thing, folks!

[MinnieQuill]

Also coming from a medical background (gotta love my parents), I've grown up debating Freud and I have to say that the whole thing is a tad simplistic for my liking. On a whole, I think beMMADfabulous has it in a nutshell, but going deeper the whole thing (for me) doesn't feel quite right. Though that is true (percentage wise) about people modeling their spouse etc. on their parents.

It's also interesting to see that if someone abuses their son (for example), then the son has a higher chance of abusing their own children. Just something I find quite peculiar, though it is true that the human mind is bloody wierd. Then there are those who seem to overcome that and are fantastic parents.

And to actually answer your poll; yes, if we're talking generally then my bf is similar to my father. They share some characteristics but are far enough apart for me not to think 'ew'. The only real thing I want is someone I can have an intelligent conversation with. A few people have commented that my relationship is similar to that of my parents. And if that's true then I am really bloody happy. My parents still hold hands *aww moment*

[StormAngel]

hmm.... I can't really comment on that except there seems to be a slight similarity between the choice of guys I prefer to go along with and my dad.

But it's kind of weird that some percentage of relationships that starts off with an abuse in the younger years usually causes the particular party to pick a partner similarly. I'm not very sure on that though...

Weird humans and our minds.

[notoriousscrat]

I find my boyfriend resembles my uncle more than anyone else, but he and my father are pretty damn similar. All three are full of odd facts (including a lot of war and technology stuff), not openly emotional at all and incredibly logical (NASA scientist, lawyer and future lawyer). The similarities would probably be even more pronounced if my father did not possess a rather dramatic personality disorder (boderline personality disorder).

I've always held the opinion that Freud's views are BS in so much as they cannot be scientifically disproven (any good theory should be able to be disproven, otherwise its pretty meaningless) but with that said, he was on to something with a lot of what he said. I do think people tend to like people like their parents for their mates. I see it as likely that we are somewhat genetically prone to this. We inherit the attraction one parent or another had to certain traits.

Mind you, one must take this all with a grain of salt. While I adore my boyfriend's mother a lot (she's like a second mother, really) she and I are very much opposites, especially if one looks at our Myers-Briggs personalities. I'm an INTP and she's an ESFJ.

[gingerrose]

My boyfriend reminds me of my dad in some ways. Both are helpful, kind, and good at fixing things. Also, both can turn into a real ass for no apparent reason.
However, my bf is not nearly as fiscally responsible as my father, and he doesn't carry himself with the same amount of silent confidence (instead, he is outwardly arrogant--which reeks of inferiority complex).

[misshoneychurch88]

I definatly think that there is some element of truth to it, however it is just a theory, albeit a very prevalent one. It sort of explains as much as it creates more problems. I find it facinating still, though I do not necesarily beleive it all to be true, but very often one can find some aspect of it in ost of our relationships, but that could simply be attributed to we grew up around our parents(usually) and thus we are probably very similar to at least one of them, and thus share taste in people, or have an attraction to similar traits. I don't think we all want to have ex with out parents...well at least I don't

[beatabeatrix]

sonrisa895 said:

how the heck is this a poll?

Good question. Are we sinply free to comment? My boyfriend is in a way like my dad. They have some good things in common. Maybe it's because deep in my mind I want more people good as my dad to be around But there are also features that I hope they don't share, really

[beatabeatrix]

I hope this theory doesn't mean I'm going to turn into my mum?? I hope not.

[misshoneychurch88]

well remeber what Oscar Wilde said "No man turns into his mother, that is our tragedy, every woman does, that is theirs" or something like that

[EloquentPhoenix]

bemmadfabulous said:

This is from coming a psychology major (starting college Aug. 16th), but I think that a lot of people are too ready to dismiss Freud's view on relationships and whatnot because they're "squeaked" about it. Honestly, it's not that he's saying you have a hidden desire for your parent of opposite gender

But that's exactly what Freud's Oedipus and Electra complexes do say. That's why I dislike Freud so much, because personally I think that's BS, and slightly sick.

The theory of being attracted to people like your parent of the opposite gender... yeah I can see that. It's about example though, I think before genetics, our parents are the first examples we ever get of a relationship and of a carer. And that's why we maybe are attracted to people similiar to our parental figure of the opposite gender. Another reason why I don't think it's genetic, because like misshoneychurch88 said before, she's attracted to people who are like herfather figures and not her father.

And from this I think it obviously depends on the person. See I'm so much like my Dad it's scary. I don't see myself with someone like my Dad, we'd probably kill each other. My sister is much more like my mum, so maybe in that case.

To summarise, Freud=BS and the attraction to people similar to parental figure of the opposite sex I can't see as being genetic, I think we would have found it by now.

Oh, and how do people think this works for gay and bisexual people?

[MinnieQuill]

To summarise, Freud=BS and the attraction to people similar to parental figure of the opposite sex I can't see as being genetic, I think we would have found it by now.

I think Freud was right in some respects, though certainly not all. His theory does make sense in certain ways, you live with your parents, they are normally the greatest influence on your life, so it stands to reason that you will look for a person who has the positive attributes your mother/father has. But that applies to alot of things; teachers, coaches, mentors, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. etc. Does that mean you want to have a sexual relationship with them? In my case? Hell no. That is a line that I find repulsive and will never cross, or even skirt close by to.

I personally, and this just my opinion after a few heated debates on this very subject, think it's more a psychological thing rather than anything else. I know a lot of people who had grown up with step-parents and their partners share characteristics, yet the step-parent isn't blood-related. Not to mention the complexities of growing up, experiences, yada yada yada... the list goes on.

Whether or not it's a genetic thing is another matter entirely and throws up a thousand-and-one other issues. Can personality (well, that's already been proven...sort of...you're born with 1/3 of your personality which is then concreted by age 3), sexual preferences, hell let's throw possible psychopathy in there, be attributed to genes as well?

In all reality, it might take a long time to figure it out. There are three billion genes in the human body, and that's a lot to get through. Science is advanced, but nowhere near advanced enough to systematically go through every single gene to determine what influences what, at which time, in this type of person.

Oh, and how do people think this works for gay and bisexual people?

You got me there. I've read some stuff and there are so many theories, none of which make sense, to me at least. On one side, there are those who say that it does not make evolutionary sense (i.e. what is the point of having sex with someone when no children can be born from that partnership). Not a nice way of looking at human feelings in my opinion. We're a bit more complicated that that. I can't imagine any of us look at our partners and say: "Of breeding age? Check. Of correct sex for breeding? Check. Healthy? Check. All right, let's go!"

On another are the geneticists who have basically said it's a 'blip' and in all reality shouldn't have happened. Again, not really sensitive to feelings.

To conclude; humans are complex, it's doubtful we'll figure out everything about us.