Into the Lions' den

[Trulyamused]

Quit whining and grow up Apollo, your Mother rocks.
Great stuff here. I can't wait for more.
I still chuckling about Sevy in bed with Min.

Wonderful,

Truly

[Alesia]

I am not sure Mina shouldn't blow up her son after that comment. Apollo really needs to get a clue about women, let alone his mother.


PS the whole conversation about sex is very funny.

[gingerkitten]

I loved the discussion that Poppy, Pommie and Xiomara were having while Albus and Minerva were yelling. Update soon please!

[idealrain]

“Oh bugger off Apollo!” Minerva snapped.

Apollo, shocked, retrieved from the fireplace.

“Well, that was surprising.” Pommie commented. Xiomara and Poppy exchanged looks; privately agreed Apollo probably deserved it.

“…of course I want to have sex with you! I constantly want to have sex with you. If I had a time-turner, we would be having sex twenty-four hours a day!” Albus yelled.

“Then why haven’t been you coming to bed with me? I’m so frustrated because you haven’t touched me in a bloody week. You have been disappearing right after dinner and coming home late and barely touching me! I feel so ugly!” Minerva sobbed.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to be touching you. Why didn’t you tell me you could have sex?”

“I thought you didn’t find me attractive now!”

“Should we mention that they are being really loud and the students could probably hear them?” Poppy wondered.

“Nah.” Pommie and Xiomara said.

Conjuring up some popcorn, Xiomara pointed out “This is free entertainment.”

“You’re right, Mara.”

“How can you even think that? You’re always sexy to me, especially when pregnant! Your breasts are bigger and your whole body is so sensitive that I could barely touch and you come. Why didn’t you ask Theoriski about sex today?”

“Because I already owled him last week. He gave me a list of tips and positions we could try. But you never came to bed early enough to try them!” Minerva pouted.

Albus touched her face. “What kinds of positions?” he asked in a low voice.

“I could tell you but I think showing would be better. One of them is called ‘eye of the tiger’….” Minerva purred.

“Really? Well, you are very catlike…” Albus’ hands moved lower. Minerva gasped.

“Um, guys. You’re still in the staff lounge with other people.” Poppy pointed out.

“Ah, well. Professor McGonagall, should we continue this discussion elsewhere?”

“It would be my pleasure Professor Dumbledore.” With that, she took his arm and went out of the lounge in the direction of their chambers.

Xiomara, Poppy and Pomona looked at each other, amused.

“I think I’ll find Severus now…” Xiomara mused.

Poppy shrugged. “When in Rome?” she asked.

“When in Rome.” Pommie agreed.

On the way out of the staff lounge, they ran into Dennis Creevey.

“Have you see Professor McGonagall?”

“Um, she’s busy with school business.” Poppy replied. Pommie couldn’t hold back her snicker.

“Oh, well.”

“Let me give you some conventional wisdom, Mr. Creevey. Never mess with a pissed off McGonagall.” Poppy said.

Dennis looked at the school nurse and replied,

“You learn that the first week of school, Madam Pompfy. “

And with that he went to bed.

“I guess some people never learn. “ Pommie laughed at the comment and began to walk towards her chambers.

[BlazeFourPaws]

Laughs hysterically. Perfect. I love this. Oh man perfect. More please.

[gingerkitten]

That is so funny!! The popcorn was great! I would do that too! Please update soon!!!!

[idealrain]

I actually started the epilogue. it has rubber duckies. just thought i'd share.

[Alesia]

this story is always good for a laugh! thanks and I can't wait to see what you do with the rubber ducks. My question is do they have horns?

[BlazeFourPaws]

Devil duckies rule. Especially when they are transfigured from other things like oh possibly somewhat whiny suns.

[idealrain]

all Apollo haters please go to the common room for a treat!

[BlazeFourPaws]

yay!

[JKMcGonagall]

This story is so funny. I can only begin to imagine what you are going to do with the rubber duckies in the epilogue.

I loved Rolanda's comment about Albus and Minerva's conversation being free entertainment. Also loved it when Poppy wondered if they should tell them that they were being really loud and Pommie and Rolanda said "Nah." Heh heh heh heh.

Keep it up and I will be looking forward to the rubber duckies someday.

Kay

[idealrain]

“Teach your pupils well”

Minerva groaned and hit the alarm clock. It was Saturday, she knew. A day she could lie in bed and do nothing. Nothing at all. Serena and Filius were taking the third years and up to Hogsmeade, and she and Severus were….

“Oh, shit!” Minerva realized which Saturday it was.

“Ah, you’re up.” Albus’ eyes sparkled when he saw Minerva remember which day it was.

“Albus, dear darling husband, I don’t suppose you would take over for me.” Minerva smiled sweetly.

“Not at chance.”

Minerva thought for a second. “But I feel sick.”

“You didn’t feel sick a couple hours ago.” His eyebrows rose.

Minerva blushed. “But the questions are so awful. You don’t know…”

“I do know. But it’s your responsible. Although how did you rope Severus into this? He won the bet….”

“I had Mara threatened him with giving naming rights to Aurora.”

“Ah. That would do it.” Albus glanced down at his wife, whose cheeks were still flushed with sleep. “ Do you need to go over anything before class? I would happily give you notes on the practical side.”

Minerva mulled the thought over. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m mad at you.”

“Because I’m making you teach sex ed?” Albus asked increduously

“Yes, and because I can get hormonal now.”

“Ah.” Albus didn’t feel like being turned into a mouse so he decided to let that comment slide. “Would you like help getting dress?”

Minerva scowled at him. Since reaching her seventy-ninth birthday, she had needed more help from people. Of course being seven months pregnant with twins didn’t help any.

Albus laid her last two clean fitting dresses on the bed. Minerva glared at both of them.

“I don’t like those. They are too hot.”

“For Merlin’s sake….fine picks a dirty one and cleans
it.” Albus reminded himself to be patient.

“Oh, you are so helpful.” Minerva picked her favorite dress and muttered a cleaning spell. She paused, thinking. I actually need the idiot’s help. “Albus? Could you please help me?”
.
Two months or less. He chanted silently. “Of course my dear.”

They managed to get Minerva dress in a short amount of time, only an hour this morning.

“What time is the class?” Albus asked.

“Two. I think we’ll use the Room of Requirement. Perhaps it will be easier on us.”

“Well, I always enjoy your ….teachings on the subject. I’ve learned a great deal from certain, shall we say, hands on experimentation.” Albus said with a leering grin.

“That’s not on the lesson plan. It’s mainly birth control.” At this Albus laughed. Minerva growled. “Yeah, I know. Shut up. It’s your fault we are in this situation.”

“It takes two to tango, dear.” Albus, in almost fifty years of marriage, still didn’t know when to shut up.

“Well, you will be dancing alone, Headmaster, for the rest of the week!” Minerva stormed off.

Albus sighed. He really should invest in a better couch.

At one fifty-five the door to the room of requirement blew open, with a surly Severus stomped into the room.

“I hate the fact you are friends with my wife.” He growled.

“I wasn’t jumping for joy when she married you, either.” Minerva returned.

“Should we just give them the basic information and don’t answer what they don’t ask?” Severus suggested.

“Fine.”

The room was silent with each professor contemplating the subject at hand.

[littlemorgsi]

What a great idea. But what about the questions they do ask?
I love how you weave the smaller plots into one big one. You do it very well.

[idealrain]

don't know. what questions should they ask? pm me!

[Trulyamused]

This should be good. Can't wait.

Truly

[idealrain]

Finally Minerva broke the silent.

“I asked my Gryffindors to stay after to answer questions about the pregnancy.”

“I haven’t told the Slytherins that Xio is expecting.” Severus almost looked scare.

“They don’t know about the marriage, right?”

“No. They will tell their Deatheater parents and after I caused her to lose our child…” Severus closed his eyes.

“Severus, she forgave you. We all make mistakes.” Minerva’s eyes clouded over.

“Min?” Severus started to ask when the door opened.

“Professor McGonagall, I thought Gryffindors were brave.” Severus snickered seeing the scared faces.

“We are but sex is scary. You know that. I have seen your bedroom. Tell me which torture hurts more Xiomara’s or Voldemort?” She quietly hissed

“Um, well, they had different practices and results.” Severus blushed.

Minerva snorted.

“ You are answering anything questions about S&M”

“Oh? I suppose you’ll answer questions about having sex while in animagus forms.”

“Um, Professors?” Hermione interrupted them.

“Miss Granger?” They asked in unison.

“While this has been enlightening, perhaps too much, could we get on with the lesson?”

[gingerkitten]

That was great! I loved Minerva's comment about not being wild when Xiomara married Severus. Way too funny.

[littlemorgsi]

*Snicker*. Who needs teenagers when you have the heads of two rival houses teaching sex ed together?

[bl paul is lazy tonight]

Oh, this ought to be good. I cant wait to read the next installment...

[BlazeFourPaws]

More! Love it!

[idealrain]

“Fine.

Severus started to explain the physical experiences, taking the students through the physical aspect.

“Sir, isn’t it true that some women have problems adjust to the size of a man?” Draco asked smirking.

“Some do. There are potions to make entry easier and it helps to have the woman aroused before.” Severus answered.

Not that you’ll have that problem, Draco. He thought. He continued going through the basic physical aspects of the course leaving the emotions aspects to Minerva, which she quickly covered.

Then the box was passed around for anonymous questions. Minerva had charmed the box to disguisted handwriting. Please don’t ask anything too embarrassing. She chanted.

”How is possible to guard against pregnancy?” She asked out loud, not bothering to look at Severus, knowing a smirk was on his face. “Well, the best way is to not have sex. When that isn’t possible there are potions and spells to prevent pregnancy. These aren’t fool proof. (Severus snorted.) One must make a conscious effort to avoid pregnancy and use birth control. You’ll be learning the potions and charms in class next year.” I’ll be happy not to teach them.

[LadyJolly]

interesting..heheh ehheeh aren't you happy this chapter is done? I'd say it must be very hard to write ehehhehe Hope to read more soon

Lady Jolly

[littlemorgsi]

"I'll be happy not to teach them." lol. You always make me laugh.

[bee.]

Hahaha! "Not that you'll have that problem, Draco." Well I basically fell of my chair in giggles.
-b

[idealrain]

Minerva picked up the next question and her eyes narrowed. She glanced around the room searching for something.

“Mara has this weekend free doesn’t she?” She muttered to Severus out the corner of her mouth.

“Yes, along with Poppy and Pommie. I think they were going shopping in Hogsmeade. Why?”

“Look at this question. ‘I heard the new Thunderbolt broomstick was made for sex. How does one go about this activity?’ Only people who test brooms know about the Thunderbolt being release. I only know because Mara was moaning about not being to test it this week.”

“What question is it Professor McGonagall?” asked Ginny innocently.

“Well, it’s about having sex on a broom, which in public is very illegal, and in private very uncomfortable.”

“It’s illegal?!” Ginny gasped.

“Yes. Public sex is illegal.” Minerva said, wondering why Ginny turned pale and Harry was looking at the ground.

“How illegal?” He muttered. Minerva stared at her godchildren. Oh, Molly is going to kill someone if Ginny gets pregnant. I just hope it’s not me.

“Very, very illegal. “ Minerva hissed. Severus looked confused. It was illegal but it wasn’t going to put someone in Azkaban.

“You’ll get a fine in some countries and jail time in others.” Severus answered praying no one asked him how he knew that. His honeymoon was quite adventous. Fifteen countries in two weeks and they were in jails of ten countries for lewd behavior.

A snicker broke the silence in the room. Interestingly enough it came from unoccupied corner of the room. Minerva raised an eyebrow.

“But actually the person you should ask about the subject is Madam Hooch. I’m sure she has tales about the subject.” Minerva grinned, “And you know, she doesn’t get that many visitors during her office hours.”

“But one assumes that people would need to find this out for themselves.” Severus hastily added.

[Alesia]

Okay this scene has waay more visuals in it then I was expecting.

[Lazy Blaze]

Mwahahaha. Yay Broomsex.

[littlemorgsi]

Somehow I think Harry might be getting another talk about sex-ed later on.

[idealrain]

~This chapter contains some adult situtations and mentions of slash. If this is not your cup of tea, I'll work on chapter 19 soon~

“Ah, but to get the advice of an expert would be priceless.”

“Minerva…” Severus growled.

“What?” Minerva asked innocently.

“Are you trying to get me maim?”

“Of course not. I just think your students would benefit from Madam Hooch’s wisdom.” She coughed hiding a grin but also secretly noting the invisibility cloak came off of a very visible muddy boot of a certain flying instructor. Ah, Mara is having a bit of fun. I wonder if the other three came to watch us suffer.

“ Ah, next question.” Severus said moving on quickly. “How do you tell someone of same-sex you might be interest in them?” He scowled because the word ‘be’ was misspelled.