How to annoy a telemarketer

[mmadforever]

i found this online and can't stop laughing!

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they maried?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male:
Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

[tabbyminerva]

HAHAHA!!! These are funny!
I loved 2,4,11,and 12.
My mom once did 14 with a telemarketer. It really was time for dinner and she told them to wait then went back to eating. It was pretty funny.

[silvertabby]

so funny! i loved the last

[MinnieQuill]

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.

Whoever wrote thishas obviously seen 'Seinfeld'. It's an absolutely brilliant scene when Jerry is about to walk out the door and a telemarketer rings and Jerry sounds so sincere ... classic comedy.

I just usually pretend to be from another country and therefore can't speak english very well. That or when it's usually the times that telemarketers ring (ie. anytime after ten o'clock in the morning, though I did get one at eight o'clock once) I answer the phone like Mrs. Bucket on 'Keeping Up Appearances' (another classic comedy.)

Basically: "The English Residence, Lady of the House speaking ..." It's so much fun; and definitely use the most false British accent you can.

[StormAngel]

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

LOL! "Can you get out blood?" It's brilliant. Totally brilliant. ;D

[littlemorgsi]

I haven't done any of these, but my brother once answered the phone and had us all crying we were laughing so hard: He was acting very sincerely, so when they offered him a free whatever, he was like, "Free! You're giving it to me? That's so nice of you." He just kept been really sincere until the joke started getting old and then told them politely that he wasn't interested. Personally I don't have the patience.

[MinervaMcGonagall]

LOL!

#4 could get someone sued for sexual harrassment though.

[iheartdinozzo]

omg that's hilarious omg i love it.....i'll definatley practice some of these....thnx lol

[Katheryn Mae]

Okay ... I am seriously going to do some of these. :]] My parents are gone ALL THE TIME when we get telemarketer calls. Thanks. :]]