My mum

[silvertabby]

This is very wierd, but it's getting more like scaryi had to write this searching for help.
I'm here, nowtell me, that does make me hm..not a very normakl boring person, doesn't it. So i'm a wierdo. but so arfe my frends, and i am happy, i have the things that mattar for me. I know who i am, what i like, who my friends are, and i don't wanna be anyone else...until... Until my mum comes home(she's a big directorish something, goes to festivals ) Suddenly...the way she talks about the things i do, my friends...the things that make me happy and my beliefs. I suddenly feel very sick about the things i love, embarassed that my friends aren't cooler, embarassed that my boy friend is a shy silent guy, and the things i love, who i am...they make me feel sick.
for ex: she called maggie smith ugly, old, and she sugested i was atracted to her.
she said that i was atracted to helen mirren too, and she called her very old and then always made understanding faces when she saw me watching any of her films
She made fun of admm
she made fun of minerva mcgonagall
of my writing
of my friends
of the fact that i am a hippy
and she makes my dad hate me by yelling and hitting him about something to do with me
she tells me i have to do whatever she wants me to do for the rest of my live, and that she won't let me leave and live not even when i'm of age
But the scary thing is the efect it has on me. This is why i amn afraid of people and i casn do anything, pain full, dangerous, but not with people. I get those angry bursts, i feel all crazy , i can't do anything, and i hate all the things i'm good at. Last night in bath i found my self planing to kill her. Kill my mum? But it all felt very easy ...very natural, in her sleep make it see
mm suicid...This is nuts. i planned it all and grabbed the knife, i wanted to end it and not go mad, mi was half way to her bed room, when my sences caught uop with me and i realised what i was doing and started praying to god for forgivance and for some opther way of ending this thing. I mean, i'm really good, she comes and then i'm all crazy. i need help! Please

[iheartdinozzo]

Okay. Calm down. You need to talk to your mother. She is meant to be your mother. Mothers appreciate you for who you are. Everytime you think about killing and that....stuff, think of admm. think about how it isn't dorky at all and we all love you here. You will be fine. Don't do anything drastic and talk to your other family members, or the school counsellor. You'll get through it. Just smile, and know that you are special, unique and appreciated. ;D

[iheartdinozzo]

Okay. Calm down. You need to talk to your mother. She is meant to be your mother. Mothers appreciate you for who you are. Everytime you think about killing and that....stuff, think of admm. think about how it isn't dorky at all and we all love you here. You will be fine. Don't do anything drastic and talk to your other family members, or the school counsellor. You'll get through it. Just smile, and know that you are special, unique and appreciated. ;D

[Admiral Sun Wentai]

Okay, take it easy. Don't lash out at your mum, just tell her how much her comments hurts you on the inside. Another thing you can do is, try reaching out for her, go mother-daughter bonding or something. Never let this get to you, I won't forgive you if you try to take your life.

From what I read, is your mum a big corporate executive? It seems that she doesn't have any time to bond with you, I think that's the main problem here, you and your mum clearly lacked bonding time. Don't hesitate to ask for suggestions regarding this, that kind of solid relationship is essential to us girls.

I had this suicidal urges once, but when I think of my family, I suddenly realized how hard it can be for them to mourn for me, instead of being pleased to loose me. I never ever tried matricide, it's a bad thing to do...

Take this from someone who also had mother problems once, but now, my mum and I are closer than ever. We even had funny nicknames for each other, she perfectly understands my Maggie Smith obsessions (She calls her "Nice Old Lady", but definitely not "Fugly old lady").

Be strong, and always pray for reprieve and strength.

And no, you're not a weirdo, for I'm a greater weirdo than you are.