Post by nemi on Feb 7, 2006 5:11:20 GMT -5
It is a truth universally acknowledged that every person, living or dead, has at least once or will in the future feel attracted to a member of the opposite (or same) gender. It doesn’t matter how unlikely it seems, or how many people think it could never happen. Everyone thinks someone is attractive at least once in their lifetime.
I was headmaster of Hogwarts for quite a few years and have been watching what happens in the current headmaster’s office for even longer. I have even conversed with the staff and sometimes the students! Thus, I can tell you that although Albus Dumbledore seems too barmy, Minerva McGonagall seems too strict and insensitive, and Severus Snape seems too… well, just plain mean, each one of them feels attracted to the opposite sex.
And this is what they were discussing, one evening a few days before the graduation ball – the opposite sex and attraction.
‘What a dreadful hot weather we have. It keeps on in a continued state of inelegance,’ Minerva remarked offhandedly. The sun had not yet set in the sky outside the office window, and while the weather was beautiful, I had to agree with Minerva. The hot air that had been wafting through the window for the duration of the day got on my nerves after a while.
‘Oh dear,’ Severus sneered sarcastically. ‘Poor Minerva can’t wear her five layers of velvet robes.’
Minerva glared at him and I did my best not to snigger. It was often a joke with the students that Minerva was too prudent to wear less than five layers of clothing, even when she was a student herself.
‘Shut up, Severus,’ she snapped. ‘In fact I only have two layers on today.’
Severus wrinkled his nose. ‘I don’t want to know how many layers you have on today,’ he said with distaste. ‘However, I’m sure Albus does.’ How true.
‘Severus!’ Minerva gasped. ‘How dare you! I know you don’t know what being attracted to other people feels like – we all know that – but you don’t have to make jibes about other people and whether or not they do.’ I could see a faint blush on her cheeks. Years of sitting in a frame, bored stiff, gives one the skill of observing, as one often has not much else to do. Luckily for her, however, Severus was too enraged at her last comment to notice it.
‘What makes you think I don’t know what being attracted to other people feels like!’ he fumed. ‘I know perfectly well, thank you very much!’
I knew he would regret saying whatever he was going to say, the moment he reached the word ‘think’. And it seems I was right, for he appeared to have suddenly realised his fatal error. Minerva looked quite surprised (and I can’t say I blame her) and a rather amused Albus joined in the conversation.
‘Why, Severus, we had no idea. Perhaps you would like to share with us the object of your affections?’ Albus asked curiously, the infamous twinkle visible in his eye, even from my invariable position in my frame on the wall.
It was one of the… hmm… three times I have ever seen Severus Snape blush. He does not turn bright red like some, or acquire red ears like a certain Ron Weasley I have that happen to seen once or twice. Instead it is the way he moves his head that indicates he is blushing, as well as the very, very faint pink tinge to his cheeks. And I do mean very faint, because it is difficult to see and his face is one of the whitest I know.
‘The object of my affections, as you put it,’ he snarled, ‘is not, was not and never will be any of your business.’
‘Another mistake, Severus,’ Minerva taunted. ‘You could have denied you had one, but instead you chose to admit to Albus’ accusation and tell us it is none of our business. That only makes us even more intrigued, and you know Albus. He’s probably even more determined not to let it drop.’
‘Right you are, Minerva,’ Albus chuckled. ‘Come on, Severus, enlighten us. I already have an idea but I want to hear it from you yourself, and I’m sure Minerva can offer some advice as well.’
‘Minerva?’ Severus scoffed. ‘I’ll bet she’s never had a boyfriend in her life.’
‘I dated Tom Riddle in sixth year,’ Minerva said matter-of-factly.
Severus looked as though his stomach had just dropped out, he was so surprised. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, I thought to myself. ‘Bloody hell,’ Severus muttered.
‘See, Severus. Minerva can easily offer advice,’ Albus declared. ‘Now come on, tell us who the lucky girl is.’
‘Do we want to know?’ Minerva muttered, but folded her arms, crossed her legs and resigned herself to listening to the two of them bicker about it. I must say she did have a point. The poor woman was stuck in the middle of two children – one a sulky brat, the other one practically a five-year-old with an endless supply of toys and sweets.
‘I heard that, Minerva, and no, you probably don’t want to know. I’ll just leave.’ He stood up to go, but Minerva flicked her leg and kicked him.
‘Typical,’ she said. ‘If there is anything disagreeable going on, men are always sure to get out of it.’ I wanted to laugh out loud but it would have let them know that I was not, in fact, asleep as all the other portraits were. Minerva was insulting my own sex but, as always, she managed to have a point.
Severus sighed and sat back down. ‘You won’t find it appropriate.’
My eyebrows shot up. Severus could surely not be doing an “Albus” (as the portraits referred to this particular action as) and falling in love with a student! SEVERUS SNAPE? I could hardly believe it. I pricked up my ears, hoping Albus would be able to coax it out of him so I could tell Phineas and the other headmasters later on.
Minerva also seemed intrigued. ‘Go on, Severus, you can admit it to us.’
‘I’m not admitting it to you!’ Severus exclaimed. ‘You’ll either laugh in my face or report me!’
‘I assure you that I will do neither if you tell me now. Albus, you can be witness, although you’re probably too excited to be of any use.’ I smirked to myself.
Severus muttered something inaudible. Albus prompted him, and he said, ‘You could say have been watching a… uhm… student.’
Albus opened his mouth but Minerva got there first. ‘I KNEW it!’ she shouted. ‘I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE STARING AT HER AT BREAKFAST!’
Severus, Albus and I all stared at her. That was a very un-Minerva-like thing to do. Firstly, it was un-Minerva-like of her to shout that loud, and it was also un-Minerva-like of her to actually notice Severus staring at someone at breakfast and not say something sooner.
‘Are you thinking what I am thinking, my dear?’ Albus asked pleasantly.
‘It’s Miss Granger, isn’t it?’
Severus merely glared.
It amazes me how teachers manage to use each other as suitable confidantes, it really does. Everyone knows that if one tells colleagues, the secret does not go further than all of the colleagues (if it goes to Filch or Trelawney at all). It is marvellous how they know that they can trust each other without having to be reassured, but I suppose that when I was headmaster it was the time of the war with Grindelwald and we didn’t know who we could trust. That said, they still confided in each other when Voldemort was on the loose. Even Snape – the spy! I was actually a little stunned that Severus was admitting this to Albus and Minerva so freely, knowing that they wouldn’t let it slip.
‘Amazing,’ Minerva muttered. ‘It gets more shocking every day. The next time we look, Crabbe and Goyle will have boyfriends- I mean girlfriends- no, wait, boyfriends is probably more likely.’
Albus laughed out loud. Severus stared at her incredulously. I was torn between the two.
‘No but really, Severus,’ Minerva continued. ‘I had seen you looking at her, but I was under the impression that you thought of her as an insufferable know-it-all.’
‘She is,’ Severus replied coolly. ‘She knows too much. But I do not criticise to the extent that your biased mind believes I do. Everyone looks for a person to settle down with, and the person, be it a gentleman or a lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. While it becomes annoying when I cannot prove her wrong at any time in a lesson, at least I know that she can provide an intelligent conversation.’
‘Why not ask her to dance at the graduation ball?’ Albus asked amusedly. ‘It will, after all, be graduation.’ His eyes twinkled again.
Severus looked at him incredulously. ‘Surely not, Headmaster. She’ll probably think I’m a savage!’
‘Every savage can dance,’ said Minerva coolly.
‘She is right again, Severus.’ Albus was grinning now, and I was trying my best not to. ‘You should ask her to dance at the graduation ball.’
‘But… won’t she need a warning!’
A confused Severus Snape was quite a sight to behold. Rare as it was, it was something that could be lauded over him if one wanted to. This was only the second, third or fourth time I had seen him look uncomfortable and never would I have imagined it could be about a woman, let alone a student. I was thoroughly enjoying being the only witness to this, and being unnoticed too.
‘Then go and warn her, stupid!’ Minerva snapped.
Severus just narrowed his eyes at her and cleared his throat. ‘What about you, Minerva?’
‘What about me?’ she asked tersely.
‘Who are your love interests?’
I thought I saw a flicker of emotion pass across Minerva’s face, but it was gone too quickly for me to register what exactly it was. It seemed to be a cross between shock and embarrassment. ‘I don’t… have any,’ she said eventually, but it was slow and forced.
‘Of course you have a love interest, Minerva,’ Albus said, and I really did snigger then, but luckily no one heard. Poor, oblivious Albus and Minerva. ‘Everyone has a love interest,’ Albus continued ignorantly. ‘We’ve seen that even Severus has love interests. You must have one.’
Minerva shook her head. ‘No, I’m quite happy… “single”, as the girls nowadays say.’ WHAT A LIE! I felt like shouting.
Severus sniggered. ‘Ha! The students would have a right laugh at you if they knew you weren’t married, Minerva. It would only add to their perception of you. That perception being…’
Minerva stood up straight and nearly knocked her chair over. ‘Oh, SHUT UP, Severus! You have delighted us long enough! Go and delight Miss Granger before I change my mind about not telling the governors to get you sacked for inappropriate fantasies!’
It took all my willpower to stop myself from guffawing as Severus and Minerva glared at each other and Severus stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him in his wake and muttering before he left, ‘I bloody well will and all.’
Rather flustered, Minerva sat back down in her chair. I watched as she frowned for a moment before clearing her throat and turning back to Albus, who was watching her intently. ‘Is there something the matter?’ she asked rather irritatedly.
‘Oh, no,’ Albus said quickly. ‘I was just wondering… Why did you get so worked up about Severus asking you about love? Why did you so badly not wish to talk about it?’
Minerva muttered something under her breath.
Albus leant in closer. I tried not to fidget with exasperation and anticipation. ‘What?’ he said quietly.
‘I said,’ Minerva replied shakily, ‘that if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.’ Albus shot back in his seat with surprise and I waited with bated breath. Minerva looked as though she were about to cry. ‘Albus, I’m sorry, I…’
‘No,’ Albus whispered. ‘Don’t be. I’ve waited fifty years for you to say that.’
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish’s before he leaned forward and kissed her. I was debating whether to watch what we’d all been waiting for for decades, or to look away. My questions were answered when, quite a few seconds later, Albus pulled away and whispered, ‘I believe my bedroom’s a better place for this. We have a lot to catch up on.’
Minerva giggled, a rare occurance, then Albus picked her up (how is he still so strong!) and they disappeared into Albus’ quarters. I breathed a sigh of relief. Who could have thought that they could get together by Minerva arguing with Severus? We’d been waiting for this for so many years. I debated whether Severus knew what he’d done, and opened my mouth excitedly to tell the other portraits what they’d seen.
However, as I began to speak, Phineas beat me to it.
‘Anyone placing bets on how long before they’ll have a kid?’
I’m guessing she’ll break the news in about two to four months. What about you?
Fin
Yay! I haven’t written a oneshot in so long, I’m a little rusty. I hope it wasn’t too bad. Please read and review and tell me what you think; constructive criticism is always welcome.
This story was based on a challenge issued by ArabellaFiggs. The challenge was to write a story with the following lines:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged..."
Pride and Prejudice
"If there is any thing disagreeable going on, men are always sure to get out of it."
Persuasion
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."
Emma
"You have delighted us long enough"
Pride and Prejudice
"The person, be it a gentleman or a lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
Northanger Abbey
"Every savage can dance"
Pride and Prejudice
"What a dreadful hot weather we have. It keeps on in a continued state of inelegance"
Jane Austen
Well, that’s another fic over with that I’ve written instead of my other stories. Hope you liked it ^^ I should probably put more oneshots up in future... ahem... and other stories... ^^"
I was headmaster of Hogwarts for quite a few years and have been watching what happens in the current headmaster’s office for even longer. I have even conversed with the staff and sometimes the students! Thus, I can tell you that although Albus Dumbledore seems too barmy, Minerva McGonagall seems too strict and insensitive, and Severus Snape seems too… well, just plain mean, each one of them feels attracted to the opposite sex.
And this is what they were discussing, one evening a few days before the graduation ball – the opposite sex and attraction.
‘What a dreadful hot weather we have. It keeps on in a continued state of inelegance,’ Minerva remarked offhandedly. The sun had not yet set in the sky outside the office window, and while the weather was beautiful, I had to agree with Minerva. The hot air that had been wafting through the window for the duration of the day got on my nerves after a while.
‘Oh dear,’ Severus sneered sarcastically. ‘Poor Minerva can’t wear her five layers of velvet robes.’
Minerva glared at him and I did my best not to snigger. It was often a joke with the students that Minerva was too prudent to wear less than five layers of clothing, even when she was a student herself.
‘Shut up, Severus,’ she snapped. ‘In fact I only have two layers on today.’
Severus wrinkled his nose. ‘I don’t want to know how many layers you have on today,’ he said with distaste. ‘However, I’m sure Albus does.’ How true.
‘Severus!’ Minerva gasped. ‘How dare you! I know you don’t know what being attracted to other people feels like – we all know that – but you don’t have to make jibes about other people and whether or not they do.’ I could see a faint blush on her cheeks. Years of sitting in a frame, bored stiff, gives one the skill of observing, as one often has not much else to do. Luckily for her, however, Severus was too enraged at her last comment to notice it.
‘What makes you think I don’t know what being attracted to other people feels like!’ he fumed. ‘I know perfectly well, thank you very much!’
I knew he would regret saying whatever he was going to say, the moment he reached the word ‘think’. And it seems I was right, for he appeared to have suddenly realised his fatal error. Minerva looked quite surprised (and I can’t say I blame her) and a rather amused Albus joined in the conversation.
‘Why, Severus, we had no idea. Perhaps you would like to share with us the object of your affections?’ Albus asked curiously, the infamous twinkle visible in his eye, even from my invariable position in my frame on the wall.
It was one of the… hmm… three times I have ever seen Severus Snape blush. He does not turn bright red like some, or acquire red ears like a certain Ron Weasley I have that happen to seen once or twice. Instead it is the way he moves his head that indicates he is blushing, as well as the very, very faint pink tinge to his cheeks. And I do mean very faint, because it is difficult to see and his face is one of the whitest I know.
‘The object of my affections, as you put it,’ he snarled, ‘is not, was not and never will be any of your business.’
‘Another mistake, Severus,’ Minerva taunted. ‘You could have denied you had one, but instead you chose to admit to Albus’ accusation and tell us it is none of our business. That only makes us even more intrigued, and you know Albus. He’s probably even more determined not to let it drop.’
‘Right you are, Minerva,’ Albus chuckled. ‘Come on, Severus, enlighten us. I already have an idea but I want to hear it from you yourself, and I’m sure Minerva can offer some advice as well.’
‘Minerva?’ Severus scoffed. ‘I’ll bet she’s never had a boyfriend in her life.’
‘I dated Tom Riddle in sixth year,’ Minerva said matter-of-factly.
Severus looked as though his stomach had just dropped out, he was so surprised. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, I thought to myself. ‘Bloody hell,’ Severus muttered.
‘See, Severus. Minerva can easily offer advice,’ Albus declared. ‘Now come on, tell us who the lucky girl is.’
‘Do we want to know?’ Minerva muttered, but folded her arms, crossed her legs and resigned herself to listening to the two of them bicker about it. I must say she did have a point. The poor woman was stuck in the middle of two children – one a sulky brat, the other one practically a five-year-old with an endless supply of toys and sweets.
‘I heard that, Minerva, and no, you probably don’t want to know. I’ll just leave.’ He stood up to go, but Minerva flicked her leg and kicked him.
‘Typical,’ she said. ‘If there is anything disagreeable going on, men are always sure to get out of it.’ I wanted to laugh out loud but it would have let them know that I was not, in fact, asleep as all the other portraits were. Minerva was insulting my own sex but, as always, she managed to have a point.
Severus sighed and sat back down. ‘You won’t find it appropriate.’
My eyebrows shot up. Severus could surely not be doing an “Albus” (as the portraits referred to this particular action as) and falling in love with a student! SEVERUS SNAPE? I could hardly believe it. I pricked up my ears, hoping Albus would be able to coax it out of him so I could tell Phineas and the other headmasters later on.
Minerva also seemed intrigued. ‘Go on, Severus, you can admit it to us.’
‘I’m not admitting it to you!’ Severus exclaimed. ‘You’ll either laugh in my face or report me!’
‘I assure you that I will do neither if you tell me now. Albus, you can be witness, although you’re probably too excited to be of any use.’ I smirked to myself.
Severus muttered something inaudible. Albus prompted him, and he said, ‘You could say have been watching a… uhm… student.’
Albus opened his mouth but Minerva got there first. ‘I KNEW it!’ she shouted. ‘I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE STARING AT HER AT BREAKFAST!’
Severus, Albus and I all stared at her. That was a very un-Minerva-like thing to do. Firstly, it was un-Minerva-like of her to shout that loud, and it was also un-Minerva-like of her to actually notice Severus staring at someone at breakfast and not say something sooner.
‘Are you thinking what I am thinking, my dear?’ Albus asked pleasantly.
‘It’s Miss Granger, isn’t it?’
Severus merely glared.
It amazes me how teachers manage to use each other as suitable confidantes, it really does. Everyone knows that if one tells colleagues, the secret does not go further than all of the colleagues (if it goes to Filch or Trelawney at all). It is marvellous how they know that they can trust each other without having to be reassured, but I suppose that when I was headmaster it was the time of the war with Grindelwald and we didn’t know who we could trust. That said, they still confided in each other when Voldemort was on the loose. Even Snape – the spy! I was actually a little stunned that Severus was admitting this to Albus and Minerva so freely, knowing that they wouldn’t let it slip.
‘Amazing,’ Minerva muttered. ‘It gets more shocking every day. The next time we look, Crabbe and Goyle will have boyfriends- I mean girlfriends- no, wait, boyfriends is probably more likely.’
Albus laughed out loud. Severus stared at her incredulously. I was torn between the two.
‘No but really, Severus,’ Minerva continued. ‘I had seen you looking at her, but I was under the impression that you thought of her as an insufferable know-it-all.’
‘She is,’ Severus replied coolly. ‘She knows too much. But I do not criticise to the extent that your biased mind believes I do. Everyone looks for a person to settle down with, and the person, be it a gentleman or a lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. While it becomes annoying when I cannot prove her wrong at any time in a lesson, at least I know that she can provide an intelligent conversation.’
‘Why not ask her to dance at the graduation ball?’ Albus asked amusedly. ‘It will, after all, be graduation.’ His eyes twinkled again.
Severus looked at him incredulously. ‘Surely not, Headmaster. She’ll probably think I’m a savage!’
‘Every savage can dance,’ said Minerva coolly.
‘She is right again, Severus.’ Albus was grinning now, and I was trying my best not to. ‘You should ask her to dance at the graduation ball.’
‘But… won’t she need a warning!’
A confused Severus Snape was quite a sight to behold. Rare as it was, it was something that could be lauded over him if one wanted to. This was only the second, third or fourth time I had seen him look uncomfortable and never would I have imagined it could be about a woman, let alone a student. I was thoroughly enjoying being the only witness to this, and being unnoticed too.
‘Then go and warn her, stupid!’ Minerva snapped.
Severus just narrowed his eyes at her and cleared his throat. ‘What about you, Minerva?’
‘What about me?’ she asked tersely.
‘Who are your love interests?’
I thought I saw a flicker of emotion pass across Minerva’s face, but it was gone too quickly for me to register what exactly it was. It seemed to be a cross between shock and embarrassment. ‘I don’t… have any,’ she said eventually, but it was slow and forced.
‘Of course you have a love interest, Minerva,’ Albus said, and I really did snigger then, but luckily no one heard. Poor, oblivious Albus and Minerva. ‘Everyone has a love interest,’ Albus continued ignorantly. ‘We’ve seen that even Severus has love interests. You must have one.’
Minerva shook her head. ‘No, I’m quite happy… “single”, as the girls nowadays say.’ WHAT A LIE! I felt like shouting.
Severus sniggered. ‘Ha! The students would have a right laugh at you if they knew you weren’t married, Minerva. It would only add to their perception of you. That perception being…’
Minerva stood up straight and nearly knocked her chair over. ‘Oh, SHUT UP, Severus! You have delighted us long enough! Go and delight Miss Granger before I change my mind about not telling the governors to get you sacked for inappropriate fantasies!’
It took all my willpower to stop myself from guffawing as Severus and Minerva glared at each other and Severus stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him in his wake and muttering before he left, ‘I bloody well will and all.’
Rather flustered, Minerva sat back down in her chair. I watched as she frowned for a moment before clearing her throat and turning back to Albus, who was watching her intently. ‘Is there something the matter?’ she asked rather irritatedly.
‘Oh, no,’ Albus said quickly. ‘I was just wondering… Why did you get so worked up about Severus asking you about love? Why did you so badly not wish to talk about it?’
Minerva muttered something under her breath.
Albus leant in closer. I tried not to fidget with exasperation and anticipation. ‘What?’ he said quietly.
‘I said,’ Minerva replied shakily, ‘that if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.’ Albus shot back in his seat with surprise and I waited with bated breath. Minerva looked as though she were about to cry. ‘Albus, I’m sorry, I…’
‘No,’ Albus whispered. ‘Don’t be. I’ve waited fifty years for you to say that.’
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish’s before he leaned forward and kissed her. I was debating whether to watch what we’d all been waiting for for decades, or to look away. My questions were answered when, quite a few seconds later, Albus pulled away and whispered, ‘I believe my bedroom’s a better place for this. We have a lot to catch up on.’
Minerva giggled, a rare occurance, then Albus picked her up (how is he still so strong!) and they disappeared into Albus’ quarters. I breathed a sigh of relief. Who could have thought that they could get together by Minerva arguing with Severus? We’d been waiting for this for so many years. I debated whether Severus knew what he’d done, and opened my mouth excitedly to tell the other portraits what they’d seen.
However, as I began to speak, Phineas beat me to it.
‘Anyone placing bets on how long before they’ll have a kid?’
I’m guessing she’ll break the news in about two to four months. What about you?
Fin
Yay! I haven’t written a oneshot in so long, I’m a little rusty. I hope it wasn’t too bad. Please read and review and tell me what you think; constructive criticism is always welcome.
This story was based on a challenge issued by ArabellaFiggs. The challenge was to write a story with the following lines:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged..."
Pride and Prejudice
"If there is any thing disagreeable going on, men are always sure to get out of it."
Persuasion
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."
Emma
"You have delighted us long enough"
Pride and Prejudice
"The person, be it a gentleman or a lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
Northanger Abbey
"Every savage can dance"
Pride and Prejudice
"What a dreadful hot weather we have. It keeps on in a continued state of inelegance"
Jane Austen
Well, that’s another fic over with that I’ve written instead of my other stories. Hope you liked it ^^ I should probably put more oneshots up in future... ahem... and other stories... ^^"
I loved Severus blushing... and I also loved how you used the lines. 
x
