Finding What They Lost (Updated June 5) Chp 3 up

[dme0414]

Chapter 1 His Nightmare

Summary- Albus finds himself at Minerva's wedding and is trying to figure out where he went wrong. We follow Minerva and Albus as they try and find their way back into love. Is their love true? or is it just a true disappointment? That's what Albus and Minerva are trying to discover.

Rating- 16+

"I Carrick, take you Minerva Melina McGonagall as the love of my life, as my best friend to someone whom I will never leave your side. I promise you my full devotion, my deepest love and the truest of my affections. I promise to take you in my arms and laugh through our good times and to embrace you even harder in our bad. For without you by my side I could never be complete. I will support you, and help you reach your dreams. For your smile warms my heart and keeps me going. One kiss from you my love is more than one man could ever dream and lets just say my dear that your kisses are more than a dream come true. I love you with my whole heart, and will continue to love you until my last beat is made of my heart that only beats for you. To say that I take you as my wife is an understatement. I take you as my goddess. I goddess who has blessed this undeserving man with her hand in marriage. I love you Minerva Melina McGonagall, I think I always did."

With this he slipped the ring on Minerva's finger and looked deeply in her eyes as he tried to hold back the tears that were surly going to fall as she recited her vows to him.

"I Minerva, choose you Carrick Joseph Gabriel as my best friend, my love for life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care, through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you..."

How could she? How could she stand up there today and give herself away to him, while she knows I m sitting her down in the audience? Does she not know the pain she is causing me? Does she not know my heart has shattered into a million pieces. Does she not know what she is going to do to me when she says those two little words "I Do" She is all i ever wanted. She is all I have ever needed and its killing me to be so far away from her. She was supposed to be mine. I told her that one day she would some running back to me and see I am the best man for her. I guess the joke is on me.

"I promise to love you, to commit to you, and support you. I pledge to respect your unique talents and abilities, to lend you strength for all of your dreams. You have shown me what love feels like and for that I thank you. You are everything I need and at this moment I know all of my prayers have been answered and that all of my dreams have come true. I praise Merlin for you Carrick: for all of your love and constant friendship..."

Where did it all go wrong? I thought she had loved me... I thought all she needed was time, that's what she had said as she kissed me goodbye.

"I know that our love is heaven sent and I promise to be here forever and always. From this day forward, you shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. As I have given you my hand to hold, I give you my life to keep."

With this she slipped the ring on his finger and at the same time they both looked at the minister in anticipation from him to declare what they both wanted to hear. "I know Pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride." With this the teary groom reached up and whipped the falling tears from his beautiful bride and lean into a very passionate kiss. She was now his, he was no hers, who couldn't be happier for them.

I can't look anymore. I can't be here and pretend I am happy for the newly married couple. I thought I could do it for Minerva but I cannot. I don't know why I ever thought I could. I don't know why she ever thought I could. How could she think I would find pleasure in seeing her marry another man. She had broken his heart enough times already. She seemed to re-break it every time he thought he would be able to forget and move on with his life. He was sure that he would never recover from this. He could recover from some gentle soft touches they shared that reminded him of how it used to be, but now things were different. She was different. Every time he would look at her he would know that he had lost his chance, lost his love to another man, and that was something Albus knew he could not live with. At least not for now. As he went to leave he turn back like a fool and caught Minerva's eye. She looked at him with those beautiful eyes that had caused him to fall in love with her so long ago, he shook his head and mouthed he was sorry. With this he took his leave not looking back again, he was to afraid to see what he was leaving behind.

[dme0414]

Please let me know if you like it !!!

[micha]

*wow* the marriage vows you made up are amazing! I like it very much so far - and of course I am very curious to learn the back-story !!!

[dme0414]

Chapter Two Reception

"Minerva my dear what is wrong?" Carrick asked questioningly to his new wife. This was supposed to be the experience of her life. She was supposed to be all smiles and laughter and yet she had barely touched her dinner and was staring off into space as if she was in the deepest of thoughts. Carrick's voice brought her back to reality.

"What are you talking about? I'm fine, and what have I told you about calling me "my dear" you know that I don't like that."

"Well it's just that you have barely touched your food and you have this look of sheer pain on your face. I'm worried about you. Are you having second thoughts already?"

"No, no, of course I am not having second thoughts… it's just I wish…" She knew deep down in her heart the answer to that question. She wanted Albus to be here. She knew that she had hurt him dearly and by hurting him she had hurt herself. She always had pictured herself marrying him one day. Not Carrick, but as she quickly found out things do not always work out how she would wish them to. "you know what never mind." Minerva grabbed Carrick's hand and brought it to her lips and kissed it. She didn't want to hurt him and let him know that she wanted her ex lover to be here. No she would never do that to him.

"Well Minerva it's almost time to cut to cut the cake. Have you finished your dinner?" Minerva looked down at her plate and nodded her head. As soon as she had nodded her head Carrick raised his hand and vanished them away. Minerva knew that it was time to move on with her life. She had wasted too many days wishing for Albus to come case after her. To take her in his arms and tell her that he would never let go again, but as much as Minerva wished that day never came. So why not today be the day that she forget Albus Dumbledore and move on with life. She was about to start her new life of with Carrick, why should she worry about Albus. He was a grown wizard and was fully capable to make his own decisions. With this thought in mind Minerva raised from her seat grabbed Carrick's hand and together they made their way over to the cake.


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"What are you doing you fool? Minerva asked you to be at her wedding and you run away like a child. You should be happy for her. She is in love with a wizard that will always be by her side. You knew that a day would come when she would move on with her life and write you off like another chapter in her life. Why most you be so selfish and not grant her this one wish and go to her wedding reception? After all you have put her through, she deserves this from you. She obviously wanted you to be there for her. She wants your approval. Don't you see that?"

Armando Dippet was one of Albus oldest and dearest friends. He had known of everything that had gone on between those two. He had always known Albus true feelings for the young witch even before he had realized them for himself.

"Armando please, I already feel like a fool. I left the alter, right after it was official. Right after they had kissed, and if that isn't bad enough when I was leaving I turned and looked at her one more time and of course in that moment she had to look at me. I feel ashamed that I am not man enough to be able to watch her find happiness in her life, it hurts me too much to stand there and put a fake smile on my face and act as if everything is fine. That I don't care that she is married to another man. She knows that I wanted to be the man she married she knows that I will never be able to give my heart to another women. She knows all of this and yet she still asks me to attend her wedding. Old friend I did the best I could. My heart can only take so much beating in one day."

Abus looked up at Armando, he had tears on the rims of his eyes, but Armando knew that Albus would not let them fall. Armando had always felt sorry for his dear friend. He had the weight of the wizarding world on his shoulders with no one else to help him carry his burden. He always was the man that could never show anyone his weaknesses, because everyone had always looked to him for strength. No Albus would not cry, but Armando understood how much pain his friend was in.

"Albus, I understand your pain of losing her as your lover, I can see the pain that she has inflicted on your heart, but will your heart be able to survive losing her again? Not as your lover, but is it going to be able to stand the idea of losing her forever? Can you stand the idea of losing her as your friend?"

"Why would you say I have lost her as a friend? She knows that is all I have left to hang on to. She knows that is the only thing keeping me sane in these terrible times. Why would you say she would do that to me?" Albus looked puzzled over at his friend. He didn't understand where he was going with this.

"You know for all your brilliance, sometimes you miss the most simplest of things. You will lose her as a friend if you are not able to accept her relationship with Carrick. He is now her husband and best friend. She will always choose him over you know. Minerva is no longer single. She is bond to someone, and if you cannot accept that you are going to lose her completely."

"Maybe it is best that I leave her alone, maybe it's time for me to disappear out of her life. Thank you Armando for your support but I would like to be alone right now. I have much to prepare for."

"Ok old friend, but do not do anything that you might regret. I hate to see you in pain."

Albus looked up and gave his friend a weak smile. "You know Armando better than anyone else that any day without Minerva in it is a day of pain for me."

Armando nodded his head and left the room. Albus watched the door shut and let his held back tears fall freely to the floor. He had lost her for good. He knew this. That is why he had made his decision to go after Grindelwald. He wanted to make this world safe for Minerva, even if he was not to be included in her life. Maybe one day later on in their lives they would become friends again. Maybe one day.

[dme0414]

A/N: In my story Albus is only 20 years Minerva's senior. My story my rules!

Chapter 3-Saying Goodbye

It had been fifteen minutes since Armando had left the room and Albus was already growing restless. He wanted to be there for Minerva. Show her that no matter what he will always love her and be her biggest supporter. Yes Albus wanted to be able to do this for Minerva but he seriously doubted that he could.

"What is wrong with you?" Albus asked himself aloud. "She wants you there, Merlin only knows why, but none the less she wants you there. You have already lost everything. What more do you have to lose?" With this in mind Albus Dumbledore gathered all of his strength and courage and made his way to Minerva's reception. He doubted that he would be able to stay long, but being there for her a little bit was better than not being there at all.

"And now our Newly Weds would like you to join them on the dance floor and really start their marriage off on the right foot. Cut a rug everyone!"

Carrick was sitting in the corner staring at his wife trying to pretend that he was listening to what his new in-laws had to say about how happy and pleased they are for Minerva and Him. The one thing that he would never be able to figure out is how Albus just let her go. Granted he knew there was more to the story then Minerva let on, but still any man would be crazy to let Minerva, his goddess, slip through their fingers. He knew that Albus was a very brilliant and accomplished wizard, but still with all that brilliance he still wasn't able to figure out a way to win her back. Carrick shock his head, he did feel sorry for him. He could see the love in his eyes when Minerva was near him. Minerva and Carrick had known each other for a very long time. They attended Hogwarts together, same year, only he was a Ravenclaw and she was a Gryffindor. Of course she was a Gryffindor. They were close friends in school. They both were prefects, and in their last year he was Head Boy and she was Head Girl. They spent many nights strolling the halls together. Talking about many things, like what they wanted to be when they grew up, if they wanted family, things like that. Carrick had known for as long as he could remember that he was in love with Minerva. Just as Carrick excused himself from his in-laws to go dance with his bride when he noticed that the door to their party had opened and none other than Albus Dumbledore was standing in the door way. So he decided to show up. Good for him. I know it will mean a lot to Minerva. Carrick thought as he was pulled into another conversation with his mother and father.

Minerva was dancing with the Allan, the best man when she felt Albus around her. No not physically around her but she could feel his magic. She knew that he was somewhere in the room. He had come to the reception after all. She thanked Allan for the wonderful dance and excused herself from him. She wanted to find him, thank him for coming; she knew this would be hard for him. If he was to get married to another woman it would be hard for her as well. It didn't matter that she was married to another man she would always love Albus no matter what. Just as she turned around to go find him, none other than Albus Dumbledore was standing there right behind her. He had a smile on his face but it did not reach his eyes. No his eyes were filed with sadness and Minerva knew she was the cause of it.

"I didn't think you would come." Minerva told him honestly looking down at the floor. She was not able to look the man in the eyes. She never liked it when he was sad.

"Well my dear that makes two of us, May I have this dance?"

"Yes of course," Albus offered his arm out towards Minerva which she quickly took. As they began to dance their song came on. When I saw you.

"Oh, Albus I'm so sorry, I didn't realize this song was in the play-list."

"My dear it is fine, it's just ironic. Out of all the songs it was this song that had to come on when we danced. Merlin must have it out for me." Minerva smiled into his shoulder. That is what she always loved about him. He was always able to turn a bad situation into a joke.

"I'm happy you came, you must think of me as selfish for asking you to come. Well it probably is but I still appreciate it. I don't know if I would be able to if I was in your shoes."

"Oh my dear I would do anything for you, and don't worry about what you would do if you were in my shoes. My heart belongs to one woman, and sadly she doesn't return my feelings." Minerva tried to interrupt to tell him that she loved him, that she always would but Albus put his finger over her lips so she could not say a word. "But today is not about me and my happiness, it is about yours. Are you happy?"

"Yes, I am"

"Well then that is all that matters. Don't you worry about this old fool."

"Will you stop calling yourself old, you are nowhere near old."

"I am older then you."

"You are only 20 years my senior, plus in wizarding years that is only about 5 years older. So if you are old then I must be to."

"Nonsense Minerva you are the picture of youth."

"As are you, no stop and enjoy our dance."

"Yes mam, I've never been one not to listen to a beautiful witch, and today I do not plan to start. By the way Minerva did I tell you that you look beautiful? Carrick is one lucky man."

"Thank you Albus, you've always been so full of complements."

"What can I say, with beauty like yours, it's hard not to hand out complements, plus I've always liked how you blush after everyone I ever gave you. It's like you didn't know you were beautiful and it was the first time someone had ever told you. Such a modest woman you are."

As they danced they both feel into old memories of how it used to be only to be interrupted by Carrick himself, the one man that will always stand between Albus and Minerva.

"May I steal my beautiful wife away from you?"

"Well I would consider you a fool if you didn't"

"Hold on Carrick let me talk to Albus for a few more minutes and then I'm yours for the rest of the night."

As Carrick turned and walked away Albus was puzzled to what she needed to tell him. Especially something that couldn't wait to be told later.

"Albus I want to tell you that I will always love you not matter what. You were always the man that I planned on marrying." Albus tried to interrupt but Minerva kept on going, "Please listen to me when I saw that if you ever need anything I am always just an owl away. Even though I am married to Carrick now, you will always come first. I love you, our timing was just off."

"My dear I am flattered, but I should not come over your husband. He loves you very deeply I can tell by the way he looks at you."

"Like the way you look at me."

"It's still that noticeable?"

"Very"

"Well I need to work on that, anyway I'm afraid my dear this will be the last you see or hear from me in awhile. Please promise me to be safe. I don't know what I would do if anything bad were to happen to you."

"I promise, but you must promise me as well. Where are you going"

"I will do the best I can to keep your promise, but don't worry about where I'm going, go to Carrick, and enjoy your night and life together. I've been selfish and kept you to myself for too long. Goodbye my dear." With this Albus raised Minerva's hand to his face and left a kiss on there then leaned in and kissed her check, before he pulled back all the way he whispered in her ear, "Forever you will be the keeper of my heart. Stay safe Minerva. I love you." With this Albus turned and headed for the door. He couldn't turn around because Minerva was sure to be watching him and he didn't want to ruin her day by letting her see the tears in his eyes.

As Albus reached the door Minerva whispered I love you too, she knew he heard her. He always did.