Post by gahhMinerva on Jul 18, 2010 20:23:46 GMT -5
So I haven't published any fan fiction in a LONG time (three years), and this is something I've wanted to do for a little while. It is the companion story of "Fallen Lioness," but you don't need to have read that to understand this. (I believe I posted "Fallen Lioness" on here, but if not, you can read it on fanfiction.net - my username is gahhminerva.) Anyway, here we go! I hope you enjoy it, and I do hope that I will be able to update in reasonable time periods.
The Closest Person to Him
Chapter 1: The Toughest Lie to Tell
“I’m sorry, Minerva. It just wouldn’t work out. Nothing is there.”
Albus Dumbledore never thought he would lie to his deputy and best friend. His heart ached to do it, and he could feel his throat tighten as he watched pain etch upon Minerva McGonagall’s face. She looked absolutely crushed, as if her world had ended.
“Are you all right?” he asked softly, though he knew she was not.
Minerva nodded, appearing to fight back tears.
“Of course,” she squeaked in a voice foreign to Albus. “I should go.” She turned toward the door.
Not yet… In his head, he rushed to keep her, if only a little bit longer.
“Minerva.”
He had to rectify this in some way, even if not in the way she wanted. The situation was delicate. He knew he was hurting her, and he didn’t know how to take the pain away without reversing his original decision. But he needed her. She wasn’t just Deputy Headmistress—although their work relationship was important—she was the closest person to him. He couldn’t bear to lose her friendship.
Minerva slowly turned to face him. Her green eyes seemed to show a mixture of hesitation, sadness, and panic.
“Please, let us just pretend this never happened. We mustn’t let our relationship grow awkward,” he said gravely, not knowing the consequences of these words and his actions.
“Right,” Minerva said tersely and instantly flew out the door. Albus could hear her swift footsteps echo down the spiral staircase, and in a second, she was gone.
Albus sank into the chair behind his desk and buried his face into his aged hands.
Pretend. He was certain that was something she did not do. Hell, he did not have much use for pretending, either. He would try his best, if it would fix things. But would she? Could she?
He knew that Minerva would never erase this from her memory. How could she? If he had nerve to admit his feelings to his one true love, the rejection would surely be branded on his mind forever. She was a Gryffindor through and through. As for Albus, he was—
A coward! I’m a coward, he thought. He was too afraid to face what would happen if he took that leap with Minerva. People would learn the news fast. He couldn’t deal with the press; reporters would be all over her. They would claim all kinds of horrible things about her—awful lies suggesting that she had never actually earned any of the successes she reaped, that she had only reached her position by sleeping with him. He couldn’t bear to see the columnists spread rumors and tarnish her reputation—forget his reputation… she was all that mattered to him.
And she was, which was why he couldn’t fulfill her desires. The disappearance of Voldemort by the magic of the infant Harry Potter was no normal occurrence; he could return at any time, for all anyone knew. If anyone knew just how close she was to him, she would certainly be a prime target. Albus could not endanger her like that. As much as it hurt him to deny her, he felt it was better this way. He wanted no one else to harm her, even if breaking her heart was the way to prevent that.
Maybe there will be a day, some day… when the world is safe. Only then could he ensure her safety. Now, there was too much doubt. Her security could be no guarantee if Voldemort returned to power, no matter how powerful the magic on Hogwarts was. Even the greatest wizard in the world couldn’t promise full protection in these uncertain times. And as much as he wanted to promise her his heart, now was not the time to do it. He could never forgive himself if something horrible happened to her because of him. He only hoped that she would be able to forgive him for this.
“Fawkes, what else could I have done?” Albus asked his phoenix, who was perched peacefully in his cage. The bird began to sing softly to his owner, as his twinkle-less eyes expressed fear and regret.
He couldn’t retract his words now. They would have to move on. He hoped their friendship would be strong enough to withstand the strain he put upon it.
Hopefully Minerva will want our friendship to continue, he thought. He loved her. He really did. He couldn’t bear to live without her in his life. But what was her perspective? She wanted more, and she hit a wall. He built that wall. Would she be willing to climb over it? Albus wanted to help her in any way he could.
“Albus, what did you do?” a voice from behind asked.
The headmaster whirled around and faced one of his predecessors. Most of the previous headmasters had left their portraits to allow Albus and Minerva to have some privacy. A few were sound asleep, or at least they pretended to be. Dippet was one who had left, and now he returned to find a very troubled man.
“I hurt someone I love, Armando.”
Dippet raised his old eyebrows slowly and encouraged the current headmaster to elaborate.
“She told me she cared about me, in the way I had hoped she would for so many years. And I… I told her that I didn’t share the same sentiments. I lied to her, Armando. I lied to my closest friend.”
“Dumbledore, I know you’re a very intelligent man, but sometimes, I swear…” The older wizard in the portrait sighed. “Please explain yourself, because I don’t understand. What in Merlin’s name were you thinking?”
“I just want to protect her. I couldn’t live if anything were to happen to her as a result of being with me. It’s too dangerous.”
“…You just turned down the woman you have loved for decades because you were concerned about risking her safety? Albus, my boy, I think you have had a grievous error in judgment. Who do you think is going to hurt her? You-Know-You, from the other side?”
Dumbledore felt he was almost being mocked by his friend, but he stood his ground.
“Armando, I have told you countless times that despite my joy at Voldemort’s disappearance, I am also disturbed by it. I cannot let down my guard. I do not wish to imagine what would happen if I did.”
Armando frowned. Indeed, this conversation about Voldemort and the war was not a new subject for the two wizards. Despite his obvious disagreement with his decisions tonight, he did not press further. Albus Dumbledore, of all people, could certainly handle the consequences of his actions, and surely he would see reason soon.
“I do hope that you have not destroyed something good, Albus,” Dippet said solemnly, for he knew the headmaster too well, and his friendship with Minerva McGonagall was one of the things he most cherished.
“Me too. Me too…” Dumbledore echoed softly. He turned to retire to his bedroom as Professor Dippet’s eyes followed him out the door.
Albus shut the door behind him when he entered his bedroom. Like his office, this room mirrored his unique personality. It was bright, warm, and inviting, and the decoration seemed to speak of every aspect of his entire being. Books on every subject lined a whole wall, and they were just a small collection from his personal library, which was in a connecting room. Everything from alchemy to history of magic to transfiguration to Muggle fiction was represented in his inventory.
Throughout the room, there were photographs on the walls, shelves, and dressers: pictures of him and Aberforth at the Hog’s Head, the Hogwarts staff at the annual Christmas party. Since his days as Head of Gryffindor, he kept photos of the Gryffindor Quidditch team in the years that they won the Cup—and Minerva made sure to help him continue the collection when she became Head of House. He also had thick, leather photo albums of each graduating class since he became Headmaster. But his favorite picture was on his nightstand, and it was always one of the last things he saw before falling asleep.
It was a particular photograph of him and Minerva from a few Christmases past. At the time, he didn’t know that anyone was taking his picture. The two of them were chatting and laughing animatedly, and Minerva looked as happy as Albus had ever seen her. This was the moment—the only moment—that she would try one of his lemon drops.
Filius Flitwick, the Charms professor, was the unseen photographer. He had apparently also thought it was a great picture of the two of them, and he gave to the Headmaster on New Year’s Day. Albus wondered if Minerva also possessed a copy of the photo.
Tonight the picture looked different. Her smile had faded, if ever so slightly, but Albus had observed it enough to know the difference. Her eyes didn’t seem to glow in the way they typically did. Albus sighed and replaced the picture in its frame on the night stand, the surface of which was shaped like a crescent moon.
After changing into his pajamas—purple with a pattern of Chocolate Frogs—he sank heavily onto the bed, immersing himself beneath the deep blue and silver sheets. Sleep would not come easily for him tonight, as he pondered how he could make things right with Minerva. The memory of the pain overtaking her face was all that his mind could see.
I can hope—I can only hope—that she will be all right.
The Closest Person to Him
Chapter 1: The Toughest Lie to Tell
“I’m sorry, Minerva. It just wouldn’t work out. Nothing is there.”
Albus Dumbledore never thought he would lie to his deputy and best friend. His heart ached to do it, and he could feel his throat tighten as he watched pain etch upon Minerva McGonagall’s face. She looked absolutely crushed, as if her world had ended.
“Are you all right?” he asked softly, though he knew she was not.
Minerva nodded, appearing to fight back tears.
“Of course,” she squeaked in a voice foreign to Albus. “I should go.” She turned toward the door.
Not yet… In his head, he rushed to keep her, if only a little bit longer.
“Minerva.”
He had to rectify this in some way, even if not in the way she wanted. The situation was delicate. He knew he was hurting her, and he didn’t know how to take the pain away without reversing his original decision. But he needed her. She wasn’t just Deputy Headmistress—although their work relationship was important—she was the closest person to him. He couldn’t bear to lose her friendship.
Minerva slowly turned to face him. Her green eyes seemed to show a mixture of hesitation, sadness, and panic.
“Please, let us just pretend this never happened. We mustn’t let our relationship grow awkward,” he said gravely, not knowing the consequences of these words and his actions.
“Right,” Minerva said tersely and instantly flew out the door. Albus could hear her swift footsteps echo down the spiral staircase, and in a second, she was gone.
Albus sank into the chair behind his desk and buried his face into his aged hands.
Pretend. He was certain that was something she did not do. Hell, he did not have much use for pretending, either. He would try his best, if it would fix things. But would she? Could she?
He knew that Minerva would never erase this from her memory. How could she? If he had nerve to admit his feelings to his one true love, the rejection would surely be branded on his mind forever. She was a Gryffindor through and through. As for Albus, he was—
A coward! I’m a coward, he thought. He was too afraid to face what would happen if he took that leap with Minerva. People would learn the news fast. He couldn’t deal with the press; reporters would be all over her. They would claim all kinds of horrible things about her—awful lies suggesting that she had never actually earned any of the successes she reaped, that she had only reached her position by sleeping with him. He couldn’t bear to see the columnists spread rumors and tarnish her reputation—forget his reputation… she was all that mattered to him.
And she was, which was why he couldn’t fulfill her desires. The disappearance of Voldemort by the magic of the infant Harry Potter was no normal occurrence; he could return at any time, for all anyone knew. If anyone knew just how close she was to him, she would certainly be a prime target. Albus could not endanger her like that. As much as it hurt him to deny her, he felt it was better this way. He wanted no one else to harm her, even if breaking her heart was the way to prevent that.
Maybe there will be a day, some day… when the world is safe. Only then could he ensure her safety. Now, there was too much doubt. Her security could be no guarantee if Voldemort returned to power, no matter how powerful the magic on Hogwarts was. Even the greatest wizard in the world couldn’t promise full protection in these uncertain times. And as much as he wanted to promise her his heart, now was not the time to do it. He could never forgive himself if something horrible happened to her because of him. He only hoped that she would be able to forgive him for this.
“Fawkes, what else could I have done?” Albus asked his phoenix, who was perched peacefully in his cage. The bird began to sing softly to his owner, as his twinkle-less eyes expressed fear and regret.
He couldn’t retract his words now. They would have to move on. He hoped their friendship would be strong enough to withstand the strain he put upon it.
Hopefully Minerva will want our friendship to continue, he thought. He loved her. He really did. He couldn’t bear to live without her in his life. But what was her perspective? She wanted more, and she hit a wall. He built that wall. Would she be willing to climb over it? Albus wanted to help her in any way he could.
“Albus, what did you do?” a voice from behind asked.
The headmaster whirled around and faced one of his predecessors. Most of the previous headmasters had left their portraits to allow Albus and Minerva to have some privacy. A few were sound asleep, or at least they pretended to be. Dippet was one who had left, and now he returned to find a very troubled man.
“I hurt someone I love, Armando.”
Dippet raised his old eyebrows slowly and encouraged the current headmaster to elaborate.
“She told me she cared about me, in the way I had hoped she would for so many years. And I… I told her that I didn’t share the same sentiments. I lied to her, Armando. I lied to my closest friend.”
“Dumbledore, I know you’re a very intelligent man, but sometimes, I swear…” The older wizard in the portrait sighed. “Please explain yourself, because I don’t understand. What in Merlin’s name were you thinking?”
“I just want to protect her. I couldn’t live if anything were to happen to her as a result of being with me. It’s too dangerous.”
“…You just turned down the woman you have loved for decades because you were concerned about risking her safety? Albus, my boy, I think you have had a grievous error in judgment. Who do you think is going to hurt her? You-Know-You, from the other side?”
Dumbledore felt he was almost being mocked by his friend, but he stood his ground.
“Armando, I have told you countless times that despite my joy at Voldemort’s disappearance, I am also disturbed by it. I cannot let down my guard. I do not wish to imagine what would happen if I did.”
Armando frowned. Indeed, this conversation about Voldemort and the war was not a new subject for the two wizards. Despite his obvious disagreement with his decisions tonight, he did not press further. Albus Dumbledore, of all people, could certainly handle the consequences of his actions, and surely he would see reason soon.
“I do hope that you have not destroyed something good, Albus,” Dippet said solemnly, for he knew the headmaster too well, and his friendship with Minerva McGonagall was one of the things he most cherished.
“Me too. Me too…” Dumbledore echoed softly. He turned to retire to his bedroom as Professor Dippet’s eyes followed him out the door.
Albus shut the door behind him when he entered his bedroom. Like his office, this room mirrored his unique personality. It was bright, warm, and inviting, and the decoration seemed to speak of every aspect of his entire being. Books on every subject lined a whole wall, and they were just a small collection from his personal library, which was in a connecting room. Everything from alchemy to history of magic to transfiguration to Muggle fiction was represented in his inventory.
Throughout the room, there were photographs on the walls, shelves, and dressers: pictures of him and Aberforth at the Hog’s Head, the Hogwarts staff at the annual Christmas party. Since his days as Head of Gryffindor, he kept photos of the Gryffindor Quidditch team in the years that they won the Cup—and Minerva made sure to help him continue the collection when she became Head of House. He also had thick, leather photo albums of each graduating class since he became Headmaster. But his favorite picture was on his nightstand, and it was always one of the last things he saw before falling asleep.
It was a particular photograph of him and Minerva from a few Christmases past. At the time, he didn’t know that anyone was taking his picture. The two of them were chatting and laughing animatedly, and Minerva looked as happy as Albus had ever seen her. This was the moment—the only moment—that she would try one of his lemon drops.
Filius Flitwick, the Charms professor, was the unseen photographer. He had apparently also thought it was a great picture of the two of them, and he gave to the Headmaster on New Year’s Day. Albus wondered if Minerva also possessed a copy of the photo.
Tonight the picture looked different. Her smile had faded, if ever so slightly, but Albus had observed it enough to know the difference. Her eyes didn’t seem to glow in the way they typically did. Albus sighed and replaced the picture in its frame on the night stand, the surface of which was shaped like a crescent moon.
After changing into his pajamas—purple with a pattern of Chocolate Frogs—he sank heavily onto the bed, immersing himself beneath the deep blue and silver sheets. Sleep would not come easily for him tonight, as he pondered how he could make things right with Minerva. The memory of the pain overtaking her face was all that his mind could see.
I can hope—I can only hope—that she will be all right.
want an update soon!!! ;D 't was a great beginning!!! ^^
Update soon!
