Post by furandfeathers on Aug 31, 2011 17:31:44 GMT -5
Well, hello. I've been gone a long time, some of you may remember me as Lizz, or Ro. This song has been haunting me screaming "songfic!" for awhile now, and I've finally gotten around to writing one. Pottermore, amazingly, helped. That said:
POTTERMORE SPOILERS AHEAD
If you haven't read Minerva's backstory somewhere, and you don't want to know until you can find out for yourself, click the back button right now.
If you know the story, well, I've altered it, obviously.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Not the characters, not the song, which belongs to the wonderful Mumford and Sons. It's beautiful, go listen to it.
RATING: K+
GENRE: Drama/Romance
Finally, the story. Enjoy! And please do let me know what you think
“Will you marry me, Minerva?”
Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams
Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind
She’d told him she would think about it. He’d looked hopeful; it was a step up from the flat-out ‘no’ it had been several times before. Minerva stood at the window of her office, watching the thunderstorm approaching from the other side of the lake. She wasn’t sure what her answer would be. Every time she thought she had decided one way or the other, she would come up with several more reasons for whichever choice she had not made. Lightning flashed before her tired green eyes, and thunder rumbled soon after, so close now that she could feel it in her feet.
Albus. He was always reasonable, always gave sound advice. She would go and talk to Albus.
It didn’t take her long to reach his office, and the door swung open at her knock.
“Ah, there you are. I was hoping you’d be back from your walk. That’s a nasty storm coming.” Albus Dumbledore sat behind his desk, smiling at his dearest friend.
“Yes, I’m back,” Minerva said, shutting the door behind her, and fully entering the room.
“What’s wrong, my dear? You look troubled,” Albus rose from behind the desk, and guided her over to the sofa in front of the fire.
When they were seated comfortably she told him, “Elphinstone proposed again, while we were walking.”
Albus’ eyes twinkled merrily. “That makes it what, the fourth time?”
“Fifth,” she said softly.
“And I assume you gently declined again?” He asked.
“Not exactly.”
Albus couldn’t stop his eyebrows from shooting up. She’d always said no, still grieving over the life she might have had with Dougal, and it was the only reason Albus tolerated Elphinstone Urquart. Though he’d never confessed to her, Albus had been in love with Minerva for more years than he’d care to admit.
Alone in the wind and the rain you left me
It's getting dark darling, too dark to see
And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems
“You said yes?” Albus asked softly, not trusting his voice to conceal his heartbreak.
“Not exactly,” Minerva repeated. “I told him I would think about it.”
“And have you?” Albus asked after a moment.
“Yes.” She said. “I was leaning towards telling him yes.”
“I see,” said Albus, though he didn’t.
“Do you think I should?” She asked, looking up at him with searching green eyes.
No, Albus thought to himself. Marry me. “I suppose if you love him, then you must.” He said aloud. “Do you love him, Minerva?”
She hesitated. She’d never lied to Albus in all their years together, and she couldn’t bring herself to do it now.
“No.” She told him. “He’s a good man, and he’s been a dear friend to me, but no, I don’t love him.”
“Then why?”
“Companionship, someone to share the burden with, to cook for, why does anyone get married, Albus?” She asked a little more harshly than she meant to. She’d come here for advice, not more questions.
“For love,” he said simply.
Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown
I know you have felt much more love than you've shown
And I'm on my knees and the water creeps to my chest
She stared at him for a long moment, tears filling her eyes. “You know I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t give up my whole life for him.”
“Dougal’s been dead many years, Minerva. You can’t tell me that you, who have such a great capacity to love, have never loved anyone else? Not ever?”
“I have. But I never thought you’d love me.”
The next flash of lightning illuminated Albus’ eyes, full of surprise, hope and love. “You mean…?” He whispered.
“Yes. I’m sorry I…” She tried to apologize, but he interrupted her, seizing her hands in both of his.
“Don’t. Don’t be sorry. I’ve loved you for so long, but I never dared to hope that you’d return my feelings.” Albus told her, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
Plant your hope with good seeds
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds
Rain down, rain down on me
“How long?” She asked.
“Since your first attempt at transforming. You were so adorable with whiskers. I’ll bet you still are.” He told her, squeezing her hands.
She looked down at their hands and shook her head slightly. She lost her fight with gravity, and her tears began spilling over.
“Minerva, my dear, what’s wrong?” He asked, startled by her response.
“I came here looking for an answer, not more questions.” She told him, her voice quivering.
Look over your hills and be still
The sky above us shoots to kill
Rain down, rain down on me
“What’s to question?” Albus asked. “As far as I can see your answer to Elphinstone is ‘no.’ And I…hope…that your answer to me will be yes.”
“To you?” She looked up at him, bewildered.
“I know I’m probably not as eloquent as Elphinstone, and a good deal older, but I must ask anyway. Will you marry me, Minerva? Not immediately, of course, but someday?”
She shook her head violently. “No, I can’t, don’t you understand?”
“I’m afraid I don’t.”
“I just can’t.”
“But you love me, and I love you, and a few minutes ago you didn’t love Elphinstone. Surely he isn’t the issue?” Albus held her hands tighter, afraid that if he let go she would run.
“I can’t marry you because I love you,” she tried to explain.
“And you can marry Elphinstone because you don’t?”
“Yes. You said yourself Albus, this war isn’t the end. There will be others, lives will be lost. I couldn’t bear to lose another love. I couldn’t bear to lose your love. It’s better, easier, to have never had it.” Her voice rose, fighting through her tears to be heard.
“Easier perhaps, but not better.” Albus said.
“Both.” She argued.
“Minerva, please…”
“No, Albus. Just…no.” She wrenched her hands from his grip and fled the room. Albus leaned back heavily, staring into the fire as the first drops of rain came pounding down outside. He hadn’t realized it was possible for one’s heart to break more than once in a day.
But I will hold on
I will hold on
Hope
Albus sat for a long time by the fire after Minerva left. For someone who had always been logical and practical, almost to a fault, Albus couldn’t understand how Minerva could really believe what she had said. He knew how hurt she had been about her decision to leave Dougal for a life in the magical world. But that was so long ago, and time heals everything. Perhaps not completely, but it heals just the same. And she had admitted that she loved him. She had said it; it was better to never have his love, than to lose it. He had to make her see that her logic was flawed.
He went to his desk and wrote a quick note on a piece of parchment and turned to Fawkes. The phoenix bobbed his head in agreement, and without further instruction, took the parchment from his friend and disappeared in a flash of flame.
I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones
Let the dead bury the dead, they will come out in droves
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you've made
Minerva was not aware of the phoenix when he reappeared in her rooms. She was asleep, having exhausted herself crying. Fawkes dropped the parchment on the pillow beside her, and nuzzled her cheek gently, careful not to wake her. Then he was gone.
The next morning, Minerva opened her eyes to find a note that had not been there the night before. She picked it up, and read the familiar handwriting. I want you to know that you will always have my love, even if I cannot have yours in return. She sighed aloud, but her heart beat just a little bit faster. She should have just decided on an answer for Elphinstone herself. Going to Albus had ruined everything. She glanced at the parchment beside her again, and almost smiled. He loved her.
She could never go back to pretending that he didn’t.
Plant your hope with good seeds
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds
Albus was standing at the window, unable to concentrate on his work when the door swung open behind him. He turned, and found Minerva in the doorway, staring at him with an unreadable expression.
“Minerva,” he breathed.
“Albus, can you ever forgive me?” She asked, crossing the room to stand in front of him.
“For what?” He asked.
“For treating you so horribly. And lying to you.”
He raised his eyebrows slightly, but remained silent. She took hold of his hands, as he had done the night before, anchoring herself.
“I told you last night that it would be better, and easier, to live without your love than to lose you. I was wrong. Easier, perhaps, but then, living for so long wondering what might have happened with Dougal was awful, too. However, it would most certainly not be better to live without you.”
He smiled gently, reaching up to caress her face lightly. “I was so hoping you’d say that.”
“I’m sorry. I was stupid. But I was afraid, hell, I am afraid to let myself care about someone as much as I care about you.” She confessed.
“Then lean on me, let me shoulder some of that burden. That’s what relationships are for, you said so yourself.” He let go of her hands, and placed his arms around her, drawing her close. She wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to hold her, and rested her head against his chest. He was so warm; she smiled.
“All right,” she agreed.
“Good,” he leaned down to place a light kiss on her forehead. She tilted her head up to press a kiss to his lips.
“I take it this means you told Elphinstone no, again?” He asked, the twinkle back in his blue eyes.
“I had to,” she said, not looking the least bit sorry about it. “You see, I think I’m already engaged to someone else. That is, if he still wants me.”
Albus tightened his arms around her. “Always.”
Rain down
Rain down on me
POTTERMORE SPOILERS AHEAD
If you haven't read Minerva's backstory somewhere, and you don't want to know until you can find out for yourself, click the back button right now.
If you know the story, well, I've altered it, obviously.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Not the characters, not the song, which belongs to the wonderful Mumford and Sons. It's beautiful, go listen to it.
RATING: K+
GENRE: Drama/Romance
Finally, the story. Enjoy! And please do let me know what you think
Thistle and Weeds
“Will you marry me, Minerva?”
Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams
Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind
She’d told him she would think about it. He’d looked hopeful; it was a step up from the flat-out ‘no’ it had been several times before. Minerva stood at the window of her office, watching the thunderstorm approaching from the other side of the lake. She wasn’t sure what her answer would be. Every time she thought she had decided one way or the other, she would come up with several more reasons for whichever choice she had not made. Lightning flashed before her tired green eyes, and thunder rumbled soon after, so close now that she could feel it in her feet.
Albus. He was always reasonable, always gave sound advice. She would go and talk to Albus.
It didn’t take her long to reach his office, and the door swung open at her knock.
“Ah, there you are. I was hoping you’d be back from your walk. That’s a nasty storm coming.” Albus Dumbledore sat behind his desk, smiling at his dearest friend.
“Yes, I’m back,” Minerva said, shutting the door behind her, and fully entering the room.
“What’s wrong, my dear? You look troubled,” Albus rose from behind the desk, and guided her over to the sofa in front of the fire.
When they were seated comfortably she told him, “Elphinstone proposed again, while we were walking.”
Albus’ eyes twinkled merrily. “That makes it what, the fourth time?”
“Fifth,” she said softly.
“And I assume you gently declined again?” He asked.
“Not exactly.”
Albus couldn’t stop his eyebrows from shooting up. She’d always said no, still grieving over the life she might have had with Dougal, and it was the only reason Albus tolerated Elphinstone Urquart. Though he’d never confessed to her, Albus had been in love with Minerva for more years than he’d care to admit.
Alone in the wind and the rain you left me
It's getting dark darling, too dark to see
And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems
“You said yes?” Albus asked softly, not trusting his voice to conceal his heartbreak.
“Not exactly,” Minerva repeated. “I told him I would think about it.”
“And have you?” Albus asked after a moment.
“Yes.” She said. “I was leaning towards telling him yes.”
“I see,” said Albus, though he didn’t.
“Do you think I should?” She asked, looking up at him with searching green eyes.
No, Albus thought to himself. Marry me. “I suppose if you love him, then you must.” He said aloud. “Do you love him, Minerva?”
She hesitated. She’d never lied to Albus in all their years together, and she couldn’t bring herself to do it now.
“No.” She told him. “He’s a good man, and he’s been a dear friend to me, but no, I don’t love him.”
“Then why?”
“Companionship, someone to share the burden with, to cook for, why does anyone get married, Albus?” She asked a little more harshly than she meant to. She’d come here for advice, not more questions.
“For love,” he said simply.
Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown
I know you have felt much more love than you've shown
And I'm on my knees and the water creeps to my chest
She stared at him for a long moment, tears filling her eyes. “You know I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t give up my whole life for him.”
“Dougal’s been dead many years, Minerva. You can’t tell me that you, who have such a great capacity to love, have never loved anyone else? Not ever?”
“I have. But I never thought you’d love me.”
The next flash of lightning illuminated Albus’ eyes, full of surprise, hope and love. “You mean…?” He whispered.
“Yes. I’m sorry I…” She tried to apologize, but he interrupted her, seizing her hands in both of his.
“Don’t. Don’t be sorry. I’ve loved you for so long, but I never dared to hope that you’d return my feelings.” Albus told her, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
Plant your hope with good seeds
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds
Rain down, rain down on me
“How long?” She asked.
“Since your first attempt at transforming. You were so adorable with whiskers. I’ll bet you still are.” He told her, squeezing her hands.
She looked down at their hands and shook her head slightly. She lost her fight with gravity, and her tears began spilling over.
“Minerva, my dear, what’s wrong?” He asked, startled by her response.
“I came here looking for an answer, not more questions.” She told him, her voice quivering.
Look over your hills and be still
The sky above us shoots to kill
Rain down, rain down on me
“What’s to question?” Albus asked. “As far as I can see your answer to Elphinstone is ‘no.’ And I…hope…that your answer to me will be yes.”
“To you?” She looked up at him, bewildered.
“I know I’m probably not as eloquent as Elphinstone, and a good deal older, but I must ask anyway. Will you marry me, Minerva? Not immediately, of course, but someday?”
She shook her head violently. “No, I can’t, don’t you understand?”
“I’m afraid I don’t.”
“I just can’t.”
“But you love me, and I love you, and a few minutes ago you didn’t love Elphinstone. Surely he isn’t the issue?” Albus held her hands tighter, afraid that if he let go she would run.
“I can’t marry you because I love you,” she tried to explain.
“And you can marry Elphinstone because you don’t?”
“Yes. You said yourself Albus, this war isn’t the end. There will be others, lives will be lost. I couldn’t bear to lose another love. I couldn’t bear to lose your love. It’s better, easier, to have never had it.” Her voice rose, fighting through her tears to be heard.
“Easier perhaps, but not better.” Albus said.
“Both.” She argued.
“Minerva, please…”
“No, Albus. Just…no.” She wrenched her hands from his grip and fled the room. Albus leaned back heavily, staring into the fire as the first drops of rain came pounding down outside. He hadn’t realized it was possible for one’s heart to break more than once in a day.
But I will hold on
I will hold on
Hope
Albus sat for a long time by the fire after Minerva left. For someone who had always been logical and practical, almost to a fault, Albus couldn’t understand how Minerva could really believe what she had said. He knew how hurt she had been about her decision to leave Dougal for a life in the magical world. But that was so long ago, and time heals everything. Perhaps not completely, but it heals just the same. And she had admitted that she loved him. She had said it; it was better to never have his love, than to lose it. He had to make her see that her logic was flawed.
He went to his desk and wrote a quick note on a piece of parchment and turned to Fawkes. The phoenix bobbed his head in agreement, and without further instruction, took the parchment from his friend and disappeared in a flash of flame.
I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones
Let the dead bury the dead, they will come out in droves
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you've made
Minerva was not aware of the phoenix when he reappeared in her rooms. She was asleep, having exhausted herself crying. Fawkes dropped the parchment on the pillow beside her, and nuzzled her cheek gently, careful not to wake her. Then he was gone.
The next morning, Minerva opened her eyes to find a note that had not been there the night before. She picked it up, and read the familiar handwriting. I want you to know that you will always have my love, even if I cannot have yours in return. She sighed aloud, but her heart beat just a little bit faster. She should have just decided on an answer for Elphinstone herself. Going to Albus had ruined everything. She glanced at the parchment beside her again, and almost smiled. He loved her.
She could never go back to pretending that he didn’t.
Plant your hope with good seeds
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds
Albus was standing at the window, unable to concentrate on his work when the door swung open behind him. He turned, and found Minerva in the doorway, staring at him with an unreadable expression.
“Minerva,” he breathed.
“Albus, can you ever forgive me?” She asked, crossing the room to stand in front of him.
“For what?” He asked.
“For treating you so horribly. And lying to you.”
He raised his eyebrows slightly, but remained silent. She took hold of his hands, as he had done the night before, anchoring herself.
“I told you last night that it would be better, and easier, to live without your love than to lose you. I was wrong. Easier, perhaps, but then, living for so long wondering what might have happened with Dougal was awful, too. However, it would most certainly not be better to live without you.”
He smiled gently, reaching up to caress her face lightly. “I was so hoping you’d say that.”
“I’m sorry. I was stupid. But I was afraid, hell, I am afraid to let myself care about someone as much as I care about you.” She confessed.
“Then lean on me, let me shoulder some of that burden. That’s what relationships are for, you said so yourself.” He let go of her hands, and placed his arms around her, drawing her close. She wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to hold her, and rested her head against his chest. He was so warm; she smiled.
“All right,” she agreed.
“Good,” he leaned down to place a light kiss on her forehead. She tilted her head up to press a kiss to his lips.
“I take it this means you told Elphinstone no, again?” He asked, the twinkle back in his blue eyes.
“I had to,” she said, not looking the least bit sorry about it. “You see, I think I’m already engaged to someone else. That is, if he still wants me.”
Albus tightened his arms around her. “Always.”
Rain down
Rain down on me