Post by Sensiblyquirky on Oct 18, 2004 23:11:22 GMT -5
Thanks to D.M. (snicker)
Part One:
Minerva McGonagall sighed sadly as she looked around the crowded ball room, and made her way to the back of the hall as was her custom. She had not wanted to attend this “wretched excuse for people to show off,” as she called it but her sister had forced her into coming. The party was being held by old family friends who wanted to celebrate the defeat of Voldemort by the baby Harry Potter.
Minerva scanned the crowd knowing she would not be dancing this evening. It never failed that at every ball or party she would sit to the side, never to be asked to dance unless her sister bribed a man of any age to ask her.
Sitting there alone Minerva wondered why she had ever let Peri talk her into coming, and she regretted it immediately. She could be at the school reading a book by her fire, or playing chess with Albus. Oddly enough, she thought, large parties always made one feel more alone than small intimate parties. At least at Hogwarts she was surrounded by other single people. But sitting there Minerva realized there was a deeper problem: Albus had women all over him, Poppy had some admirers, and so many of the staff members had members of the opposite sex who were attracted to them unlike herself. Minerva had felt ever since she was a teenager that men just didn’t notice or care for her, and that fact was never as obvious as she sat alone.
Pretending to get some punch Minerva made a discreet exit deciding she would not sit there for the next four hours as a wallflower, and she made for Hogwarts. Hoping she could enter the castle without anyone detecting her presence Minerva was disappointed as she literally ran into Albus.
“Oh, I’m sorry, my dear. Are you alright,” Albus asked concerned.
“Yes! Thank you, Albus. I’ll just be going to bed now, good night,” Minerva said hurriedly trying to get to bed as quickly as possible.
“I’ll walk you then,” Albus jovially replied looping her arm through his. “Minerva aren’t you supposed to be at a party tonight,” he asked looking her up and down.
Blushing slightly at his gaze Minerva answered, “I snuck away. You know they really aren’t my things anyway so why stay all night and be miserable?”
“My dear surely you weren’t miserable. If I recall it was a party thrown by some old friends of your families, there should have been dozens of people for you to talk and dance with,” Albus countered as they came to stop at the door to her rooms.
“Well, Albus, no one ever notices I’m there so no one will ever know I’m gone. Watch my sister will contact me later in the week asking when I left, I’ll say midnight and she’ll say ok. No one knew when I arrived, so no one will miss me. Thank you for walking me to my rooms, good night.”
Minerva turned to walk through her now open door, but Albus stopped her, “Minerva, how could they not know you arrived, I don’t understand.”
Sighing Minerva said, “Albus, come in.” Once inside she answered his question, “Because I have never been noticed. At my coming out party I was only asked to dance once, and not a soul noticed. I sit at the back up against the wall, and to be honest I found that to be a rather boring and lonely way to spend the evening so I returned.”
Albus was seated on the couch, and Minerva soon joined him. “But Minerva how could someone not ask you to dance, and you look very lovely this evening, I mean I’m sorry, but I’m not getting how you could be so ignored as you are saying you are.”
Laughing slightly Minerva briefly patted Albus’ knee, “Because I blend in, and few if any men find me worthy of asking to dance,” Minerva answered starting to feel down again. At Albus’ still apparent confusion she went on:
“I’m not beautiful so I don’t catch their eyes, I work too hard, I’m too smart, I walk too fast, I look too purposeful, I’m too opinionated, I’m intimidating, I’m not what they are looking for: in short I’m what the mother wants brought home and not what the son wants to bring home,” Minerva finished desperately trying to contain the sorrow in her voice, and the tears in her eyes.
Knowing she wasn’t finished Albus held his tongue waiting for Minerva to continue, “I’m sick of being told I need to change, I’m not asking for hoards of men to fawn over me, but why is it so hard to find one, just one man who will stick around. One who will fight through the walls, one who is interested in me for me and not just because my sister told him to be, just one man who sees something in me worth the effort and the struggle of getting to know?”
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to walk into a room, and know no one turned their heads? Do you have any idea what it’s like to know if any man ever has feelings for you it is never the man you want to, or it is that one guy you just can’t like? Do you have any idea how it feels to know you can count on one hand the number of men who have ever shown interest in you? I’m over fifty, Albus. Why must this be so difficult, I’m not asking for Prince charming. I just don’t understand why I’m not meant to be loved,” pausing for a moment Minerva took a deep breath before she continued.
“I know I shouldn’t think this way, and people can say all they want, but it makes me feel like I’m so horrible no one could ever love me. All the years add up, and it just feels like something is wrong with me, that the problem in all of these scenarios has been me. Every year I tell myself to stop, to stop worrying, to stop trying to find a man, but each year the fact that I’m alone, have always been alone, and the fear that I will always be alone preys on me, and I give in to it.”
“Someone once told me, Minerva you are at the top of the tree and you have to wait for the right man to come along; the man who is willing to climb all the way to the top. Well I’m sick of waiting. Why do I have to wait for one man to grow up enough, or to get over some fear he has, he gets to play around and then when he’s done I’ll be there. We “good girls,” or “ladies,” or “great dames,” have to spend half of our lives waiting because they haven’t grown up enough,” Finishing with a half-yelled question Minerva turned to Albus and asked, “Damn it! Why does it have to hurt so much?”
Pulling her into his arms Albus didn’t really know what to say, and decided that now he just needed to hold her. Minerva buried her face in his shoulder and cried. It wasn’t long before she had cried herself to sleep, and Albus gently carried her into the bedroom. Undoing her hair, and removing her of her shoes Albus covered Minerva, and moved to lie beside of her. He realized he might get hexed into next year in the morning, but he did not want to leave her alone. So propped up on one elbow Albus watched his best friend as she slept.
Minerva awoke the next morning surprised to find Albus in bed beside of her, still propped up but with his eyes closed. Gently touching his shoulder Minerva shook it slightly, “Albus?”
Opening his eyes Albus said, “I didn’t want to leave you alone last night, Minerva. Forgive me if I have overstepped any bounds.”
“No, I was just hoping to forget last night,” Minerva softly replied sitting up.
Albus softly smiled, “I’m honored you felt comfortable enough to tell me how you feel, and I will never forget what you said, Minerva. But I must say this, and I know you are tired of hearing it, but you are indeed at the top of the tree Minerva, the very top. I’ll leave, and let you get ready for the day.” Before he left Albus stopped to kiss the top of Minerva’s head, which left a rather flustered witch in his wake.
Over the next few weeks Albus started to pay more attention to Minerva, and in doing so he started to really notice her. They had been friends for a very long time, and Albus realized he had started to take her for granted, and that was going to stop. At meals he filled her plate when she was late, looped her arm through his without asking as soon as they moved out into the hall, asked her to go on walks, and shifted their weekly chess game to a bi-weekly event.
Minerva had noticed the change in Albus’ behavior and chalked it up to his just trying to be nice to her after she had poured her heart out to him, and she refused to get her hopes up that there was anything more to his actions.
Part One:
Minerva McGonagall sighed sadly as she looked around the crowded ball room, and made her way to the back of the hall as was her custom. She had not wanted to attend this “wretched excuse for people to show off,” as she called it but her sister had forced her into coming. The party was being held by old family friends who wanted to celebrate the defeat of Voldemort by the baby Harry Potter.
Minerva scanned the crowd knowing she would not be dancing this evening. It never failed that at every ball or party she would sit to the side, never to be asked to dance unless her sister bribed a man of any age to ask her.
Sitting there alone Minerva wondered why she had ever let Peri talk her into coming, and she regretted it immediately. She could be at the school reading a book by her fire, or playing chess with Albus. Oddly enough, she thought, large parties always made one feel more alone than small intimate parties. At least at Hogwarts she was surrounded by other single people. But sitting there Minerva realized there was a deeper problem: Albus had women all over him, Poppy had some admirers, and so many of the staff members had members of the opposite sex who were attracted to them unlike herself. Minerva had felt ever since she was a teenager that men just didn’t notice or care for her, and that fact was never as obvious as she sat alone.
Pretending to get some punch Minerva made a discreet exit deciding she would not sit there for the next four hours as a wallflower, and she made for Hogwarts. Hoping she could enter the castle without anyone detecting her presence Minerva was disappointed as she literally ran into Albus.
“Oh, I’m sorry, my dear. Are you alright,” Albus asked concerned.
“Yes! Thank you, Albus. I’ll just be going to bed now, good night,” Minerva said hurriedly trying to get to bed as quickly as possible.
“I’ll walk you then,” Albus jovially replied looping her arm through his. “Minerva aren’t you supposed to be at a party tonight,” he asked looking her up and down.
Blushing slightly at his gaze Minerva answered, “I snuck away. You know they really aren’t my things anyway so why stay all night and be miserable?”
“My dear surely you weren’t miserable. If I recall it was a party thrown by some old friends of your families, there should have been dozens of people for you to talk and dance with,” Albus countered as they came to stop at the door to her rooms.
“Well, Albus, no one ever notices I’m there so no one will ever know I’m gone. Watch my sister will contact me later in the week asking when I left, I’ll say midnight and she’ll say ok. No one knew when I arrived, so no one will miss me. Thank you for walking me to my rooms, good night.”
Minerva turned to walk through her now open door, but Albus stopped her, “Minerva, how could they not know you arrived, I don’t understand.”
Sighing Minerva said, “Albus, come in.” Once inside she answered his question, “Because I have never been noticed. At my coming out party I was only asked to dance once, and not a soul noticed. I sit at the back up against the wall, and to be honest I found that to be a rather boring and lonely way to spend the evening so I returned.”
Albus was seated on the couch, and Minerva soon joined him. “But Minerva how could someone not ask you to dance, and you look very lovely this evening, I mean I’m sorry, but I’m not getting how you could be so ignored as you are saying you are.”
Laughing slightly Minerva briefly patted Albus’ knee, “Because I blend in, and few if any men find me worthy of asking to dance,” Minerva answered starting to feel down again. At Albus’ still apparent confusion she went on:
“I’m not beautiful so I don’t catch their eyes, I work too hard, I’m too smart, I walk too fast, I look too purposeful, I’m too opinionated, I’m intimidating, I’m not what they are looking for: in short I’m what the mother wants brought home and not what the son wants to bring home,” Minerva finished desperately trying to contain the sorrow in her voice, and the tears in her eyes.
Knowing she wasn’t finished Albus held his tongue waiting for Minerva to continue, “I’m sick of being told I need to change, I’m not asking for hoards of men to fawn over me, but why is it so hard to find one, just one man who will stick around. One who will fight through the walls, one who is interested in me for me and not just because my sister told him to be, just one man who sees something in me worth the effort and the struggle of getting to know?”
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to walk into a room, and know no one turned their heads? Do you have any idea what it’s like to know if any man ever has feelings for you it is never the man you want to, or it is that one guy you just can’t like? Do you have any idea how it feels to know you can count on one hand the number of men who have ever shown interest in you? I’m over fifty, Albus. Why must this be so difficult, I’m not asking for Prince charming. I just don’t understand why I’m not meant to be loved,” pausing for a moment Minerva took a deep breath before she continued.
“I know I shouldn’t think this way, and people can say all they want, but it makes me feel like I’m so horrible no one could ever love me. All the years add up, and it just feels like something is wrong with me, that the problem in all of these scenarios has been me. Every year I tell myself to stop, to stop worrying, to stop trying to find a man, but each year the fact that I’m alone, have always been alone, and the fear that I will always be alone preys on me, and I give in to it.”
“Someone once told me, Minerva you are at the top of the tree and you have to wait for the right man to come along; the man who is willing to climb all the way to the top. Well I’m sick of waiting. Why do I have to wait for one man to grow up enough, or to get over some fear he has, he gets to play around and then when he’s done I’ll be there. We “good girls,” or “ladies,” or “great dames,” have to spend half of our lives waiting because they haven’t grown up enough,” Finishing with a half-yelled question Minerva turned to Albus and asked, “Damn it! Why does it have to hurt so much?”
Pulling her into his arms Albus didn’t really know what to say, and decided that now he just needed to hold her. Minerva buried her face in his shoulder and cried. It wasn’t long before she had cried herself to sleep, and Albus gently carried her into the bedroom. Undoing her hair, and removing her of her shoes Albus covered Minerva, and moved to lie beside of her. He realized he might get hexed into next year in the morning, but he did not want to leave her alone. So propped up on one elbow Albus watched his best friend as she slept.
Minerva awoke the next morning surprised to find Albus in bed beside of her, still propped up but with his eyes closed. Gently touching his shoulder Minerva shook it slightly, “Albus?”
Opening his eyes Albus said, “I didn’t want to leave you alone last night, Minerva. Forgive me if I have overstepped any bounds.”
“No, I was just hoping to forget last night,” Minerva softly replied sitting up.
Albus softly smiled, “I’m honored you felt comfortable enough to tell me how you feel, and I will never forget what you said, Minerva. But I must say this, and I know you are tired of hearing it, but you are indeed at the top of the tree Minerva, the very top. I’ll leave, and let you get ready for the day.” Before he left Albus stopped to kiss the top of Minerva’s head, which left a rather flustered witch in his wake.
Over the next few weeks Albus started to pay more attention to Minerva, and in doing so he started to really notice her. They had been friends for a very long time, and Albus realized he had started to take her for granted, and that was going to stop. At meals he filled her plate when she was late, looped her arm through his without asking as soon as they moved out into the hall, asked her to go on walks, and shifted their weekly chess game to a bi-weekly event.
Minerva had noticed the change in Albus’ behavior and chalked it up to his just trying to be nice to her after she had poured her heart out to him, and she refused to get her hopes up that there was anything more to his actions.
You've done it again my friend.
Excellent work! 
