Post by Karlynne on Jun 15, 2005 4:19:52 GMT -5
I couldn't decide where to put this one so I placed it here. I was looking for a laugh and at two in the morning this struck me as funny. Once again it's a story from Karlie and I would say the rating is precautionary for a couple of swear words and the summary is: Minerva recalls an incident from her school days. I hope you enjoy it. Krys.
Career Options
“Minerva, what made you decide to become a professor?” Albus was finally finished with the letters sent by various Ministry departments and he decided a short break was in order.
Minerva tilted her head while she thought. “I don’t think there was one defining moment. I remember having the desire to make my mark on the world. There is little room in the crowded hero section for even me so I thought it might be best to help those that would become heroes.”
Albus frowned. This didn’t sound like Minerva, not the Minerva he knew.
“You backed down from your dreams?”
Minerva chuckled richly and Albus listened to the musical tones embedded in her laughter.
“You impressed me greatly after your defeat of Grindelwald but no, I did not want to step into your shoes.”
Usually Albus would have directed the conversation into less personal areas but he really wanted to know what Minerva’s desires had been and if she were satisfied with her life’s choices.
Minerva stared at Albus for a moment before indulging his wishes.
“My fourth year at Hogwarts was a restless one for me. You know what budding hormones, rebellion, and a strong will can do to a young lady.”
Albus nodded. Fourth and Fifth year students were prone to outbursts and confrontations that often seemed unpredictable and unwarranted.
Minerva leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She could remember the event as if it happened yesterday.
“Poppy Pomfrey and Hestia Jones were good friends of mine. We were dorm mates and typical Gryffindors….”
“This school is such a crock!” exclaimed Hestia. “Did you see the notice in the dorm room this morning? All students are reminded that kissing is a punishable offense.”
Poppy rolled her eyes. “Kisses are nothing! They need to teach us something useful instead of forbidding everything.”
Minerva hooted. “Right. I can see it now. Come ladies, next class will be Oral Sex.”
Hestia’s eyes grew round. “Oral sex?”
Poppy shook her head. “A blow job, Hestia. Don’t you know anything?”
Hestia colored.
“Leave her alone, Poppy. It isn’t her fault she was brought up by uptight grandparents.”
Hestia’s face still resembled a tomato but she smiled gratefully at Minerva.
“We’ve been here four years now and it’s the same old thing; classes, classes, and more classes. They aren’t even teaching us things we need to know.”
“After we take our OWLS we will learn a lot more,” offered Hestia.
Minerva snorted. “Don’t you know that all the time we’re wasting here will not be recaptured? We will never have yesterday again.”
Poppy and Hestia both nodded. “What can we do about it, Minerva?”
“We can be brilliant! We can stop following mindless rules and blaze our own path!”
Poppy and Hestia kept nodding and Minerva suddenly stopped speaking and stared at the wall.
“Minerva?”
“Come with me,” she hurried out of the common room and raced through the castle. It took several minutes to reach the front doors but within seconds of reaching it the trio was racing to the far side of the lake.
They stood off to one side so that the games keeper’s hut would block them from view.
“What are you going to do, Minerva?”
“I’m going to try out that spell I’ve been creating.” She answered them quietly while she tried to concentrate. “She had been working on a spell that would make plants grow instantly so that fruit and vegetables could be harvested within a day or two of planting.
Minerva pointed her wand at a small plant that held small purple and red berries.
“Constricticum Engorgio!” Blue light flew from her wand and hit the plant at its base. The girls smiled as the plant began to grow. It had doubled its size within fifteen minutes and Minerva was smiling as her friends patted her on the back.
“When will it stop growing?” asked Hestia, a little worried.
“A small flame will erupt and when it goes out, the plant will burst forth with fruit.” Answered Minerva. “Unfortunately, the plant will probably not produce fruit anymore but I’ll keep working on the spell.”
Poppy gave an exclamation as tiny flames began to lick at the roots of the plant.
“You two are my witnesses. I want the ministry to know what happened after its perfected,” Minerva added.
A flame leapt away from the plant and Hestia stamped it out. A moment later another flame a few feet away sprang up and this time Poppy extinguished it with her shoe.
A few seconds later more flames were popping up and the three girls were running around trying to stamp them out. They had forgotten the charm that would make water pour forth from their wands and had to resort to stamping out the flames.
“We’re going to burn the school down,” exclaimed Hestia.
“We better get out of here,” shouted Poppy.
They ran several feet into the forest so they could skirt around to the other side of the lake. Minerva tripped and went sprawling across a low row of bushes. Her arms and legs were scratched and her robe was caught in the briars.
“Help,” cried Minerva.
The two girls ran back and tried to help Minerva out. Poppy eventually removed her robe and Minerva was almost able to free herself from the bushes. Her underpants were still snagged on the small thorns.
“Just rip them off, Minerva!” Hestia was watching to see if anyone had noticed the fire yet and heard the rip of material as Minerva was finally free. Her skirt and blouse were full of thorns but at least she was out of the bushes. The girls ran the entire length of the lake and stopped to catch their breath.
They could hear shouts from far away and knew the fire had been spotted.
“We can sneak into the castle through the house elf lounge,” suggested Poppy. “They never use it.” The girls knew that an assembly of all students would be called after the fire was put out. It had grown too large and there would be trouble now.
The girls ran to the far side of the forest and sprinted from the trees to stand in front of a large tree. It was three stories high but the branches and limbs were sturdy. Poppy scaled the tree in seconds and stood on a limb that was right next to a third floor window. Minerva and Hestia watched as she used her wand to open the window and stepped inside.
“Hurry up,” called Poppy. “Even if they don’t call an assembly, class starts in a few minutes.”
Hestia began to climb but Minerva was hesitant. She never liked heights. Fear of punishment was the only thing that got her moving and she began to mimic Hestia’s moves.
On the second branch Minerva stopped. “This is hurting me. I’m getting scratched up.” Without any underwear, every time she sat the rough bark scraped her bottom.
“Use your tie, Minerva.” Poppy’s practical advice was a godsend and Minerva removed her red Gryffindor tie and made a diaper of sorts to cover her poor rear. It took a considerable amount of struggling but soon Minerva was behind Hestia again.
Hestia crossed the broad limb first and scuttled through the window.
“Hurry, Minerva.”
Minerva took a deep breath and started across. She couldn’t walk across like the other two. She crawled on her hands and knees. Everything was fine until halfway across. Minerva looked down and immediately felt sick. She froze in fear.
“I can’t do this,” wailed Minerva.
A breeze blew and lifted Minerva’s skirt. It billowed out like a sail on a frigate and left her pale white cheeks, bisected by a red strip of material, exposed to nature and the world.
“Minerva, in three minutes the sixth year Slytherins will be coming out to take Herbology and they will have a great view of your bottom,” hissed Hestia.
Minerva remained frozen.
“If you don’t get your scrawny ass into this castle I’ll go down and get the Slytherins myself,” announced Poppy.
That did it. Minerva shot into the room like a bullet and collapsed on the floor in a quivering mass.
“We don’t have time for this Minerva! We have to get to class or they’ll suspect us.” Poppy was already headed for the door. She tossed Minerva her robe and left.
They made it to class on time but only because all the teachers were putting out the fire and most of the students were watching.
“I am mortified,” moaned Minerva.
“I should have taken a picture,” said Poppy.
As soon as the fire was out, a general announcement was made for all students to meet in the Great Hall.
The entire hall was quiet as Headmaster Dippet strolled into the room. Many of the Professors followed in his wake. Headmaster Dippet strolled to the Head table and faced the sea of students. He lifted his hand high in the air and waved a pair of white underpants.
“A female student appears to have been the perpetrator of the fire that was started outside. I don’t have to tell you that it was a very dangerous prank. I want the guilty person to confess by tonight. You are dismissed.”
The girls hurried to the dorm room and Minerva quickly changed into a new pair of underpants.
“That was you!” Albus knew his eyes were twinkling madly. “That was my very first year teaching and you certainly made it memorable. None of the staff could keep a straight face the rest of the year. Armando was determined to find the culprit.”
Minerva blushed. “The fire was an accident.”
“I’ve often felt our students have far more excitement in their lives than we imagine,” said Albus.
Minerva agreed. That was just one of many adventures she had during her Hogwarts years.
“How did this make you decide to become a professor?” asked Albus curiosity written all over his face.
Minerva tried to form words to make him understand. “I decided I wouldn’t conform to someone else’s rules if I didn’t agree with them. I didn’t like the curriculum and I didn’t agree with some of the methods that were used as teaching aids. I learned that day that I could lie without remorse and I didn’t feel guilty about not confessing my crime. I thought someone like that would be able to spot trouble from others in a second.”
Albus smiled and reached across his desk to pat her hand. “I must say I am glad you’re on our side. The students already outnumber the staff seventy-five to one.” He took out his wand and waved it over the large filing cabinet in the corner.
Career Options
“Minerva, what made you decide to become a professor?” Albus was finally finished with the letters sent by various Ministry departments and he decided a short break was in order.
Minerva tilted her head while she thought. “I don’t think there was one defining moment. I remember having the desire to make my mark on the world. There is little room in the crowded hero section for even me so I thought it might be best to help those that would become heroes.”
Albus frowned. This didn’t sound like Minerva, not the Minerva he knew.
“You backed down from your dreams?”
Minerva chuckled richly and Albus listened to the musical tones embedded in her laughter.
“You impressed me greatly after your defeat of Grindelwald but no, I did not want to step into your shoes.”
Usually Albus would have directed the conversation into less personal areas but he really wanted to know what Minerva’s desires had been and if she were satisfied with her life’s choices.
Minerva stared at Albus for a moment before indulging his wishes.
“My fourth year at Hogwarts was a restless one for me. You know what budding hormones, rebellion, and a strong will can do to a young lady.”
Albus nodded. Fourth and Fifth year students were prone to outbursts and confrontations that often seemed unpredictable and unwarranted.
Minerva leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She could remember the event as if it happened yesterday.
“Poppy Pomfrey and Hestia Jones were good friends of mine. We were dorm mates and typical Gryffindors….”
“This school is such a crock!” exclaimed Hestia. “Did you see the notice in the dorm room this morning? All students are reminded that kissing is a punishable offense.”
Poppy rolled her eyes. “Kisses are nothing! They need to teach us something useful instead of forbidding everything.”
Minerva hooted. “Right. I can see it now. Come ladies, next class will be Oral Sex.”
Hestia’s eyes grew round. “Oral sex?”
Poppy shook her head. “A blow job, Hestia. Don’t you know anything?”
Hestia colored.
“Leave her alone, Poppy. It isn’t her fault she was brought up by uptight grandparents.”
Hestia’s face still resembled a tomato but she smiled gratefully at Minerva.
“We’ve been here four years now and it’s the same old thing; classes, classes, and more classes. They aren’t even teaching us things we need to know.”
“After we take our OWLS we will learn a lot more,” offered Hestia.
Minerva snorted. “Don’t you know that all the time we’re wasting here will not be recaptured? We will never have yesterday again.”
Poppy and Hestia both nodded. “What can we do about it, Minerva?”
“We can be brilliant! We can stop following mindless rules and blaze our own path!”
Poppy and Hestia kept nodding and Minerva suddenly stopped speaking and stared at the wall.
“Minerva?”
“Come with me,” she hurried out of the common room and raced through the castle. It took several minutes to reach the front doors but within seconds of reaching it the trio was racing to the far side of the lake.
They stood off to one side so that the games keeper’s hut would block them from view.
“What are you going to do, Minerva?”
“I’m going to try out that spell I’ve been creating.” She answered them quietly while she tried to concentrate. “She had been working on a spell that would make plants grow instantly so that fruit and vegetables could be harvested within a day or two of planting.
Minerva pointed her wand at a small plant that held small purple and red berries.
“Constricticum Engorgio!” Blue light flew from her wand and hit the plant at its base. The girls smiled as the plant began to grow. It had doubled its size within fifteen minutes and Minerva was smiling as her friends patted her on the back.
“When will it stop growing?” asked Hestia, a little worried.
“A small flame will erupt and when it goes out, the plant will burst forth with fruit.” Answered Minerva. “Unfortunately, the plant will probably not produce fruit anymore but I’ll keep working on the spell.”
Poppy gave an exclamation as tiny flames began to lick at the roots of the plant.
“You two are my witnesses. I want the ministry to know what happened after its perfected,” Minerva added.
A flame leapt away from the plant and Hestia stamped it out. A moment later another flame a few feet away sprang up and this time Poppy extinguished it with her shoe.
A few seconds later more flames were popping up and the three girls were running around trying to stamp them out. They had forgotten the charm that would make water pour forth from their wands and had to resort to stamping out the flames.
“We’re going to burn the school down,” exclaimed Hestia.
“We better get out of here,” shouted Poppy.
They ran several feet into the forest so they could skirt around to the other side of the lake. Minerva tripped and went sprawling across a low row of bushes. Her arms and legs were scratched and her robe was caught in the briars.
“Help,” cried Minerva.
The two girls ran back and tried to help Minerva out. Poppy eventually removed her robe and Minerva was almost able to free herself from the bushes. Her underpants were still snagged on the small thorns.
“Just rip them off, Minerva!” Hestia was watching to see if anyone had noticed the fire yet and heard the rip of material as Minerva was finally free. Her skirt and blouse were full of thorns but at least she was out of the bushes. The girls ran the entire length of the lake and stopped to catch their breath.
They could hear shouts from far away and knew the fire had been spotted.
“We can sneak into the castle through the house elf lounge,” suggested Poppy. “They never use it.” The girls knew that an assembly of all students would be called after the fire was put out. It had grown too large and there would be trouble now.
The girls ran to the far side of the forest and sprinted from the trees to stand in front of a large tree. It was three stories high but the branches and limbs were sturdy. Poppy scaled the tree in seconds and stood on a limb that was right next to a third floor window. Minerva and Hestia watched as she used her wand to open the window and stepped inside.
“Hurry up,” called Poppy. “Even if they don’t call an assembly, class starts in a few minutes.”
Hestia began to climb but Minerva was hesitant. She never liked heights. Fear of punishment was the only thing that got her moving and she began to mimic Hestia’s moves.
On the second branch Minerva stopped. “This is hurting me. I’m getting scratched up.” Without any underwear, every time she sat the rough bark scraped her bottom.
“Use your tie, Minerva.” Poppy’s practical advice was a godsend and Minerva removed her red Gryffindor tie and made a diaper of sorts to cover her poor rear. It took a considerable amount of struggling but soon Minerva was behind Hestia again.
Hestia crossed the broad limb first and scuttled through the window.
“Hurry, Minerva.”
Minerva took a deep breath and started across. She couldn’t walk across like the other two. She crawled on her hands and knees. Everything was fine until halfway across. Minerva looked down and immediately felt sick. She froze in fear.
“I can’t do this,” wailed Minerva.
A breeze blew and lifted Minerva’s skirt. It billowed out like a sail on a frigate and left her pale white cheeks, bisected by a red strip of material, exposed to nature and the world.
“Minerva, in three minutes the sixth year Slytherins will be coming out to take Herbology and they will have a great view of your bottom,” hissed Hestia.
Minerva remained frozen.
“If you don’t get your scrawny ass into this castle I’ll go down and get the Slytherins myself,” announced Poppy.
That did it. Minerva shot into the room like a bullet and collapsed on the floor in a quivering mass.
“We don’t have time for this Minerva! We have to get to class or they’ll suspect us.” Poppy was already headed for the door. She tossed Minerva her robe and left.
They made it to class on time but only because all the teachers were putting out the fire and most of the students were watching.
“I am mortified,” moaned Minerva.
“I should have taken a picture,” said Poppy.
As soon as the fire was out, a general announcement was made for all students to meet in the Great Hall.
The entire hall was quiet as Headmaster Dippet strolled into the room. Many of the Professors followed in his wake. Headmaster Dippet strolled to the Head table and faced the sea of students. He lifted his hand high in the air and waved a pair of white underpants.
“A female student appears to have been the perpetrator of the fire that was started outside. I don’t have to tell you that it was a very dangerous prank. I want the guilty person to confess by tonight. You are dismissed.”
The girls hurried to the dorm room and Minerva quickly changed into a new pair of underpants.
“That was you!” Albus knew his eyes were twinkling madly. “That was my very first year teaching and you certainly made it memorable. None of the staff could keep a straight face the rest of the year. Armando was determined to find the culprit.”
Minerva blushed. “The fire was an accident.”
“I’ve often felt our students have far more excitement in their lives than we imagine,” said Albus.
Minerva agreed. That was just one of many adventures she had during her Hogwarts years.
“How did this make you decide to become a professor?” asked Albus curiosity written all over his face.
Minerva tried to form words to make him understand. “I decided I wouldn’t conform to someone else’s rules if I didn’t agree with them. I didn’t like the curriculum and I didn’t agree with some of the methods that were used as teaching aids. I learned that day that I could lie without remorse and I didn’t feel guilty about not confessing my crime. I thought someone like that would be able to spot trouble from others in a second.”
Albus smiled and reached across his desk to pat her hand. “I must say I am glad you’re on our side. The students already outnumber the staff seventy-five to one.” He took out his wand and waved it over the large filing cabinet in the corner.
.
