Post by Sensiblyquirky on Aug 3, 2004 18:16:40 GMT -5
WALLS
Disclaimer: I own nothing. J.K. Rowling owns it all.
Ok, this is my first fanfic. So one let us hope it is decent, and second I'm not sure if I posted correctly. hmmm i suppose we shall see.
Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore were sitting in his office one afternoon not long after Harry and company’s fifth year. Minerva had spent the last fifteen minutes trying to get Albus to talk to her about what happened, and she was pacing now. She just wanted to help him couldn’t he see that?
“Let down your walls Albus, let me in.”
“I thought you were the one that constructed the walls, Minerva.” As soon as it left his mouth Albus Dumbledore regretted saying it, and he let his eyes drop to his lap.
“That may be but you hide behind yours as well, Albus. I’m not sure you have ever let anyone really see who you are, you hide behind the calm exterior, and the ever present smile and twinkle afraid to feel and to face the amount of emotion that is burning inside of you. You are burning yourself alive, because you refuse to let one living being behind those walls, one person to help you carry all your burdens.”“I don’t know which of us is sadder. I have my walls, Albus, and I know half the students and the staff hate me thinking I am some ice queen that can’t feel. But I can feel Albus, in fact I feel more than half the people who criticize me for having no feelings. I care so much, for my students, for the children I’ll never teach, for you that I can’t stand it sometimes. There are times when I think I’m going to die from the sheer weight of it all, constantly worrying and hoping but never really showing it. When I saw you after last year all I wanted to do was throw my arms around you and never let go. When I saw Mr. Potter I wanted to hold him, just hold him and rock him till he feel asleep. But I can’t that isn’t what people expect from me, and I know I’m to blame but at the end of the day, Albus, I cry. I cry myself to sleep some nights; I face the loneliness, and the utter agony of it all. But you, you hide not just from other people but also from yourself. You stay so calm all of the time, when is the last time you yelled out in anger or frustration? When is the last time you cried, and I mean cried, not let a tear or two slip from behind your glasses, when is the last time you let yourself feel completely every emotion that is stifling you behind that wall you have so carefully built around your soul??She was crying now, and Albus had raised his eyes to look at her, just to look, and to stare. She was on a roll and didn’t even realize the next words out of her mouth. “I love you so much it kills me. Kills me that I can’t be the one person you will show your real self to, that I can’t take all the pain from you, and that you can’t possibly return my love in any way because no one could ever love me. I face that every night Albus, all of it, but do you face your own fears? Your own failures, and mistakes? Do you face them on your own or only when they are staring you in the face and forcing you to deal with them? I want to help you so much Albus, let me help you, please.” It wasn’t a demand or even a simple request. It was a plea, a plea from the very depths of her soul.
As if snapped out of a trance she realized what she had said, all of it. She had never told anybody, especially the man in front of her, about her love for him. For a second she didn’t think she could breathe, but then she ran. She ran out of his door, down the steps, through the deserted halls of Hogwarts now empty and desolate but eerily peaceful from the lack of students, she ran out those majestic doors, and onto the grounds. Then she stopped, and collapsed on the knowledge and the fear of what she had just said to the man she had loved for over 50 years.
The last thing Minerva expected was the pair of strong and oh so familiar arms the encircled her. Albus Dumbledore had followed her, a good ten seconds after she left he had gone racing after her, and when he saw her on the ground in a heap those carefully constructed walls came crashing down. This woman, the friend and the loyal companion, had described him perfectly, but there was one flaw in her description. A flaw she desperately needed to be aware of.
“Minerva, almost everything you said in my office is true, but the one thing you got wrong is the most important for you to understand. I hide Minerva, hide from the weight of what I feel, afraid to face it like you do, but I don’t hide from all of it, all the pain, the longing, the need, and the desire. Every night I am painfully aware that the one thing I want, the one thing I long to have with every fiber of my being is you. I love you just as much as you love me, Minerva, please believe me.” Minerva started to cry harder when he said that. Tears streaming down his face he continued: “Please don’t cry, Minerva, I hate it when you cry especially when I am why you are crying. Please, please believe me Minerva. I love you so much, the walls are down Minerva, the walls are down, please come in. I’m begging you, please.”
Minerva turned in his arms, and he was not afraid to look her straight in the eye, and she saw it, saw it all. Saw the torment from the weight of their world on his shoulders, saw the pain for the mistakes and the lost lives, saw the anguish he had over his failings, and saw the love. The unbelievable amount of love he had for everything, for Hagrid and Harry, all of his students, but most importantly for her. Locked within his gaze she whispered: “I love you Albus. I love you so much.” With that she reached up and gently wiped his tears away, kissing his eyelids as he closed them for her.
It was dark before they moved, neither aware of how long they had sat there on the ground holding each other tight afraid to let go. All the tears were gone now, the pain of being alone was gone, and with that Albus Dumbledore picked his deputy up and carried her to his chambers.
Still holding her he sat down on the sofa in his sitting room. “Do you want anything to eat, Minerva?”
“No. You may eat if you wish.”
“No, I have no appetite for food.”
“What do you have an appetite for then?” she asked as she kissed his neck seductively.
“You.”
“Make love to me Albus, I need you.” She whispered into his ear as she began to suck on his earlobe.
“Not as much as I need you, my dear.”
“Hmmmm I’m not so sure about that, but I am willing to find out.” He had already stood up and was in his bedroom before she had finished her last thought. The light banter so common in their conversations had returned, a familiarity welcomed by the couple especially with the knowledge that it came with so much more.
As the lay upon his bed Albus whispered as he began to take down her hair: “I don’t know how we will do it, but I want to sleep with you every night. I want to wake up with you Minerva.”
“Albus, I’m not sure you have that kind of stamina,” she teased. “Ha! Though not what I meant, you never know my dear after 50 years, you never know” he answered as he nibbled on her neck.
Hmmm she moaned, “Maybe the castle will create new rooms for us or something, but let’s think about that later, love, let’s think about that later.” And with that the couple slipped off into a world all their own. A world built on the love they had for one another, consumed by the passion they no longer denied themselves, and nestled on the hope that tomorrow would be better because they would face it together.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. J.K. Rowling owns it all.
Ok, this is my first fanfic. So one let us hope it is decent, and second I'm not sure if I posted correctly. hmmm i suppose we shall see.
Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore were sitting in his office one afternoon not long after Harry and company’s fifth year. Minerva had spent the last fifteen minutes trying to get Albus to talk to her about what happened, and she was pacing now. She just wanted to help him couldn’t he see that?
“Let down your walls Albus, let me in.”
“I thought you were the one that constructed the walls, Minerva.” As soon as it left his mouth Albus Dumbledore regretted saying it, and he let his eyes drop to his lap.
“That may be but you hide behind yours as well, Albus. I’m not sure you have ever let anyone really see who you are, you hide behind the calm exterior, and the ever present smile and twinkle afraid to feel and to face the amount of emotion that is burning inside of you. You are burning yourself alive, because you refuse to let one living being behind those walls, one person to help you carry all your burdens.”“I don’t know which of us is sadder. I have my walls, Albus, and I know half the students and the staff hate me thinking I am some ice queen that can’t feel. But I can feel Albus, in fact I feel more than half the people who criticize me for having no feelings. I care so much, for my students, for the children I’ll never teach, for you that I can’t stand it sometimes. There are times when I think I’m going to die from the sheer weight of it all, constantly worrying and hoping but never really showing it. When I saw you after last year all I wanted to do was throw my arms around you and never let go. When I saw Mr. Potter I wanted to hold him, just hold him and rock him till he feel asleep. But I can’t that isn’t what people expect from me, and I know I’m to blame but at the end of the day, Albus, I cry. I cry myself to sleep some nights; I face the loneliness, and the utter agony of it all. But you, you hide not just from other people but also from yourself. You stay so calm all of the time, when is the last time you yelled out in anger or frustration? When is the last time you cried, and I mean cried, not let a tear or two slip from behind your glasses, when is the last time you let yourself feel completely every emotion that is stifling you behind that wall you have so carefully built around your soul??She was crying now, and Albus had raised his eyes to look at her, just to look, and to stare. She was on a roll and didn’t even realize the next words out of her mouth. “I love you so much it kills me. Kills me that I can’t be the one person you will show your real self to, that I can’t take all the pain from you, and that you can’t possibly return my love in any way because no one could ever love me. I face that every night Albus, all of it, but do you face your own fears? Your own failures, and mistakes? Do you face them on your own or only when they are staring you in the face and forcing you to deal with them? I want to help you so much Albus, let me help you, please.” It wasn’t a demand or even a simple request. It was a plea, a plea from the very depths of her soul.
As if snapped out of a trance she realized what she had said, all of it. She had never told anybody, especially the man in front of her, about her love for him. For a second she didn’t think she could breathe, but then she ran. She ran out of his door, down the steps, through the deserted halls of Hogwarts now empty and desolate but eerily peaceful from the lack of students, she ran out those majestic doors, and onto the grounds. Then she stopped, and collapsed on the knowledge and the fear of what she had just said to the man she had loved for over 50 years.
The last thing Minerva expected was the pair of strong and oh so familiar arms the encircled her. Albus Dumbledore had followed her, a good ten seconds after she left he had gone racing after her, and when he saw her on the ground in a heap those carefully constructed walls came crashing down. This woman, the friend and the loyal companion, had described him perfectly, but there was one flaw in her description. A flaw she desperately needed to be aware of.
“Minerva, almost everything you said in my office is true, but the one thing you got wrong is the most important for you to understand. I hide Minerva, hide from the weight of what I feel, afraid to face it like you do, but I don’t hide from all of it, all the pain, the longing, the need, and the desire. Every night I am painfully aware that the one thing I want, the one thing I long to have with every fiber of my being is you. I love you just as much as you love me, Minerva, please believe me.” Minerva started to cry harder when he said that. Tears streaming down his face he continued: “Please don’t cry, Minerva, I hate it when you cry especially when I am why you are crying. Please, please believe me Minerva. I love you so much, the walls are down Minerva, the walls are down, please come in. I’m begging you, please.”
Minerva turned in his arms, and he was not afraid to look her straight in the eye, and she saw it, saw it all. Saw the torment from the weight of their world on his shoulders, saw the pain for the mistakes and the lost lives, saw the anguish he had over his failings, and saw the love. The unbelievable amount of love he had for everything, for Hagrid and Harry, all of his students, but most importantly for her. Locked within his gaze she whispered: “I love you Albus. I love you so much.” With that she reached up and gently wiped his tears away, kissing his eyelids as he closed them for her.
It was dark before they moved, neither aware of how long they had sat there on the ground holding each other tight afraid to let go. All the tears were gone now, the pain of being alone was gone, and with that Albus Dumbledore picked his deputy up and carried her to his chambers.
Still holding her he sat down on the sofa in his sitting room. “Do you want anything to eat, Minerva?”
“No. You may eat if you wish.”
“No, I have no appetite for food.”
“What do you have an appetite for then?” she asked as she kissed his neck seductively.
“You.”
“Make love to me Albus, I need you.” She whispered into his ear as she began to suck on his earlobe.
“Not as much as I need you, my dear.”
“Hmmmm I’m not so sure about that, but I am willing to find out.” He had already stood up and was in his bedroom before she had finished her last thought. The light banter so common in their conversations had returned, a familiarity welcomed by the couple especially with the knowledge that it came with so much more.
As the lay upon his bed Albus whispered as he began to take down her hair: “I don’t know how we will do it, but I want to sleep with you every night. I want to wake up with you Minerva.”
“Albus, I’m not sure you have that kind of stamina,” she teased. “Ha! Though not what I meant, you never know my dear after 50 years, you never know” he answered as he nibbled on her neck.
Hmmm she moaned, “Maybe the castle will create new rooms for us or something, but let’s think about that later, love, let’s think about that later.” And with that the couple slipped off into a world all their own. A world built on the love they had for one another, consumed by the passion they no longer denied themselves, and nestled on the hope that tomorrow would be better because they would face it together.
... *bows head in shame about HER first fic*... great! Sad and deep, but with the kind of happy ending which we all adore ;D!
. It was great, and I think you captured the moment very well. I think we all tend to keep others at arms length from time to time, and it was good to see Albus let her in.