Post by ginger newts on Sept 16, 2004 19:51:11 GMT -5
“Minerva, I want to see Hagrid in my office as soon as possible. Also – if she will consent to come – Madame Maxime.” ~~ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire pg 711
Minerva went out to Hagrid’s hut, relieved that she didn’t meet anyone else along the way, and told him that Dumbledore wanted to see him and Madame Maxime in his office right away. After she answered as many of Hagrid’s questions as she could and assured him that Harry was fine he agreed to speak with Olympe and meet with Albus. She turned and walked back into the castle. Minerva could feel herself shaking and knew from the warmth that her face was still flushed, mentally berating herself for losing control like that she made her way back to her rooms. Leaving the room dark, Minerva began to pace. There were so many emotions boiling inside her: anger, hurt, guilt, frustration, and if she was totally honest fear.
Minerva was angry with Fudge for his actions tonight, for his refusal to believe the truth, for bringing that dementor into the castle and letting it administer the kiss to Barty Crouch Jr. She was angry with herself for not stopping the dementor, for losing her control in the hospital wing and making such a scene in front of everyone, for not protecting Harry this year. She was angry with Crouch for what he had done this year, for keeping Alastor locked in his trunk in a weakened state, for putting Harry in danger, for causing Cedric’s death.
She was hurt at the way Albus had snapped at her so often tonight, first when she suggested Harry go straight to Poppy, then for leaving Crouch alone. She knew he didn’t mean it, but it had been painful, especially when he said he was surprised at her and accused her of neglecting a duty he had given her. When had she ever failed to do something he requested? Never. Minerva sighed, she had to stop thinking like that. Albus was very upset about what happened tonight and she knew he didn’t mean to speak harshly to her. It was probably the effects of all the other emotions making her sensitive to his words.
Minerva gave a growl of frustration. She had felt so helpless all year, watching Harry go through the Triwizard Tournament, wanting to help him and being unable to. When she had taken him to the first task, she had wanted nothing more than to pull him tight to herself in a hug and never let go. But that wasn’t the role she played. Minerva never let herself show her affection for students, never let the students know that under the stern exterior was a woman who watched over them and worried about them like any mother or grandmother would. Thinking about Harry and Cedric, Minerva’s shoulders slumped. How had she not realized that she wasn’t working with the real Moody? She had known Alastor for years and this madman had fooled them all. Guilt like she had rarely felt before filled her now; guilt for not seeing the signs, for not rescuing an old friend and protecting her students. For Merlin’s sake, she had watched the imposter turn a student into a ferret! Shouldn’t that have been a dead give-away? She also feared for the future, not for herself so much as for the students, the Order members since she knew Albus would recall them, and for Albus. She was so scared for Albus. No! She wouldn’t allow herself to think about that now. Fear and worry didn’t help anyone. Ever.
As she turned to begin another circuit of her room, Minerva felt her knees give way. That’s when she realized how completely exhausted she was. Sleep had been very elusive in the days preceding the third task, she was much too worried to sleep, and after tonight’s roller coaster ride of emotions Minerva felt like she didn’t have a drop of energy left in her body. Giving in to her body, she allowed herself to sit down on the couch. Eventually, her brain just stopped working, most likely due to complete overload, and she just sat staring into nothingness unseeing and unthinking, for how long she had no idea. The sound of the door opening woke Minerva out of her stupor somewhat and she slowly turned her head to look at Albus who had just entered her rooms. He looked like she felt. Minerva rose from her place on the couch and walked slowly to Albus where he stood just inside the door. Automatically, they fell into each others arms and upon feeling his strong arms encircling her Minerva couldn’t hold back anymore and she started to cry. Loud sobs racked her body as all the pent up emotion of the school year finally came flooding out, she barely registered the fact that they had sunk to the floor still tangled up in each other.
Albus just held Minerva as she sobbed, his heart breaking for the thousandth time that night, he was so exhausted but knew there was no way he would ever sleep. He waited until Minerva had cried all her tears and gotten her breathing somewhat under control again before he spoke.
“I’m so sorry if I was harsh with you tonight, Minerva. I didn’t mean to be,” he sounded so pained.
She looked up at him, “I know you didn’t. Though I can’t say it didn’t hurt, I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with myself for allowing such a scene, and with Fudge for everything he did tonight. Oh, Albus, I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop that dementor. It was terrible, watching it do that to Crouch...I know he was a fiend, but no one deserves that.” She was about to start crying again.
“I know, love. I’m so sorry you had to see that, and then I yelled at you for it.” His voice darkened, “I too am angry with Fudge, and with Crouch, with everyone who had anything to do with tonight’s disaster. I am so thankful that Harry made it back to us in one piece. I wish I could turn back time and keep him from this suffering, but the knowledge he brought us tonight will be a great help in the days ahead. Now we can begin working immediately to thwart Voldemort, maybe stop him from gaining as much power as he did the first time. Hagrid and Olympe have agreed to go to the giants; Severus has agreed to take up his duties as a spy again, I only hope I haven’t sent him to his death; Sirius has managed to contact many of the Order and has offered his family’s home as a headquarters; and the Weasleys have agreed to join us, Arthur is well placed within the Ministry to reach others there. It’s a good start, but I fear it may not be enough. Without the cooperation of the Minister...” he trailed off, not needing words to express to her his concerns.
Minerva sniffled and looked up at him, cupping his face in her hand. Suddenly, Albus bent down and kissed her hungrily. She felt her own needs brimming up almost uncontrollably and kissed him back with equal passion. It had been the kind of night where no ordinary measures of comfort would suffice, there had been too much death and destruction. They craved a comfort and a closeness that could only be gained through one course of action; their bodies crying out with a primal need to take action that would make them feel alive, action that would drive all other concerns out of their minds and leave them numb and perhaps able to sleep.
Minerva went out to Hagrid’s hut, relieved that she didn’t meet anyone else along the way, and told him that Dumbledore wanted to see him and Madame Maxime in his office right away. After she answered as many of Hagrid’s questions as she could and assured him that Harry was fine he agreed to speak with Olympe and meet with Albus. She turned and walked back into the castle. Minerva could feel herself shaking and knew from the warmth that her face was still flushed, mentally berating herself for losing control like that she made her way back to her rooms. Leaving the room dark, Minerva began to pace. There were so many emotions boiling inside her: anger, hurt, guilt, frustration, and if she was totally honest fear.
Minerva was angry with Fudge for his actions tonight, for his refusal to believe the truth, for bringing that dementor into the castle and letting it administer the kiss to Barty Crouch Jr. She was angry with herself for not stopping the dementor, for losing her control in the hospital wing and making such a scene in front of everyone, for not protecting Harry this year. She was angry with Crouch for what he had done this year, for keeping Alastor locked in his trunk in a weakened state, for putting Harry in danger, for causing Cedric’s death.
She was hurt at the way Albus had snapped at her so often tonight, first when she suggested Harry go straight to Poppy, then for leaving Crouch alone. She knew he didn’t mean it, but it had been painful, especially when he said he was surprised at her and accused her of neglecting a duty he had given her. When had she ever failed to do something he requested? Never. Minerva sighed, she had to stop thinking like that. Albus was very upset about what happened tonight and she knew he didn’t mean to speak harshly to her. It was probably the effects of all the other emotions making her sensitive to his words.
Minerva gave a growl of frustration. She had felt so helpless all year, watching Harry go through the Triwizard Tournament, wanting to help him and being unable to. When she had taken him to the first task, she had wanted nothing more than to pull him tight to herself in a hug and never let go. But that wasn’t the role she played. Minerva never let herself show her affection for students, never let the students know that under the stern exterior was a woman who watched over them and worried about them like any mother or grandmother would. Thinking about Harry and Cedric, Minerva’s shoulders slumped. How had she not realized that she wasn’t working with the real Moody? She had known Alastor for years and this madman had fooled them all. Guilt like she had rarely felt before filled her now; guilt for not seeing the signs, for not rescuing an old friend and protecting her students. For Merlin’s sake, she had watched the imposter turn a student into a ferret! Shouldn’t that have been a dead give-away? She also feared for the future, not for herself so much as for the students, the Order members since she knew Albus would recall them, and for Albus. She was so scared for Albus. No! She wouldn’t allow herself to think about that now. Fear and worry didn’t help anyone. Ever.
As she turned to begin another circuit of her room, Minerva felt her knees give way. That’s when she realized how completely exhausted she was. Sleep had been very elusive in the days preceding the third task, she was much too worried to sleep, and after tonight’s roller coaster ride of emotions Minerva felt like she didn’t have a drop of energy left in her body. Giving in to her body, she allowed herself to sit down on the couch. Eventually, her brain just stopped working, most likely due to complete overload, and she just sat staring into nothingness unseeing and unthinking, for how long she had no idea. The sound of the door opening woke Minerva out of her stupor somewhat and she slowly turned her head to look at Albus who had just entered her rooms. He looked like she felt. Minerva rose from her place on the couch and walked slowly to Albus where he stood just inside the door. Automatically, they fell into each others arms and upon feeling his strong arms encircling her Minerva couldn’t hold back anymore and she started to cry. Loud sobs racked her body as all the pent up emotion of the school year finally came flooding out, she barely registered the fact that they had sunk to the floor still tangled up in each other.
Albus just held Minerva as she sobbed, his heart breaking for the thousandth time that night, he was so exhausted but knew there was no way he would ever sleep. He waited until Minerva had cried all her tears and gotten her breathing somewhat under control again before he spoke.
“I’m so sorry if I was harsh with you tonight, Minerva. I didn’t mean to be,” he sounded so pained.
She looked up at him, “I know you didn’t. Though I can’t say it didn’t hurt, I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with myself for allowing such a scene, and with Fudge for everything he did tonight. Oh, Albus, I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop that dementor. It was terrible, watching it do that to Crouch...I know he was a fiend, but no one deserves that.” She was about to start crying again.
“I know, love. I’m so sorry you had to see that, and then I yelled at you for it.” His voice darkened, “I too am angry with Fudge, and with Crouch, with everyone who had anything to do with tonight’s disaster. I am so thankful that Harry made it back to us in one piece. I wish I could turn back time and keep him from this suffering, but the knowledge he brought us tonight will be a great help in the days ahead. Now we can begin working immediately to thwart Voldemort, maybe stop him from gaining as much power as he did the first time. Hagrid and Olympe have agreed to go to the giants; Severus has agreed to take up his duties as a spy again, I only hope I haven’t sent him to his death; Sirius has managed to contact many of the Order and has offered his family’s home as a headquarters; and the Weasleys have agreed to join us, Arthur is well placed within the Ministry to reach others there. It’s a good start, but I fear it may not be enough. Without the cooperation of the Minister...” he trailed off, not needing words to express to her his concerns.
Minerva sniffled and looked up at him, cupping his face in her hand. Suddenly, Albus bent down and kissed her hungrily. She felt her own needs brimming up almost uncontrollably and kissed him back with equal passion. It had been the kind of night where no ordinary measures of comfort would suffice, there had been too much death and destruction. They craved a comfort and a closeness that could only be gained through one course of action; their bodies crying out with a primal need to take action that would make them feel alive, action that would drive all other concerns out of their minds and leave them numb and perhaps able to sleep.
