Skinny!

[emeraldeyes]

I dunno, maybe it's just me, but has anyone else felt pressure (lately or not) to be skinny? And I don't mean the crap the media throws at us about stars, etc. I mean close friends and family pressuring you. This morning, over breakfast, my mom asked me about a rather expensive dress I bought in the fall for this summer which I'm wearing Monday. Since I haven't been very active this past winter, I've lost a bit of my "figure," but not much has really changed. Either way, she asks me, very incredulously, "Does that dress even fit anymore?!" I was shocked! Here is a woman whom I love and respect, who just took me out for a breakfast and feeds me fast food almost every other day, asking me if I fit into a dress. I know I've gained a bit of weight, but I'm still healthy. I'm not overweight, I just look a little.. Fuller... Around my tummy and hips.

I dunno.. I guess this just made me a bit upset throughout the day. There isn't really a purpose to this, I just wanted to know if any of you have felt the same lately.

Thanks for Reading, Kate

[beMMADfabulous]

I know what you mean! It's bad enough that we as females and young people in general get force fed all of this stuff by the media about "true beauty" meaning being skinny, but there definatly seems to be something wrong when the pressure comes from family and friends as well. I'm sure your mom didn't mean to hurt you by her comments, but we all should watch what we say to those we love. A confidence boost instead would be better welcomed by all.

I know that sounded crazy. lol Sorry about that.

[littlemorgsi]

Actually, I finding things a bit the opposite in some ways, although I don't deny that that pressure is there. In Australia, they changed the sizes of all the women's clothing, (not that there was a regulated women's size to begin with), and now, when I used to sometimes even fit into a medium, even the extra small is too big. But even if I went into the children's section and could actually find something I like, it would too tight around the hips and chest. They already had 'Plus' sizes! Add more! But why should I not be able to find clothes that fit because I'm skinny? I'm not anorexic thin or anything, although I am trying to GAIN weight.

(Sorry, rant over. I feel better now).

[Jessabelle]

I don't believe that there is pressure being put on from the media to be skinny; I believe people put pressure on themselves to look like those in the media. And, I also believe that this infatuation with looking like those in the media spotlight has grown quite a bit lately. There is an obsession with being famous or well-liked by everyone in today's society and as a result we look to celebrities to see what they look like because they are famous and they are well-liked by a lot of people. These famous people, or the younger ones at least, all seem to be skinny. And, another new obsession that has come about in the last couple of years is looking half your age because of the need we cultivate within ourselves to be like these young famous women. For example, lots of people think that Jennifer Lopez is sexy with her curves, but even those who think so don't aim for her look they go for the new Lindsay Lohan look. The voluptuous chest without hips or thighs.
Anyway, to answer Kate's original question: I do believe that not just family members and friends, but the whole woman population, is putting pressure on themselves and each other to obtain and young, skinnier look. As women, we are trying to out due each other with lower weights, darker tans, shinier hair, bigger chests, flatter tummies and smaller thighs. Some of us even skip the chest part and just go for the 70's all-boy look. No ass, no hips, no boobs; what more could a woman want? What I really want to know is why we are all trying to conform to one specific look. Why is it that men want one specific look? Women are making spectacles of themselves. We have forgotten the beauty of changing our bodies for our own wants and needs; instead we have made other people's ideal body images our own.
So, after all this rambling: no, I don't believe the media puts pressure upon us women and yes, I do believe that we are putting pressure on ourselves, our loved ones, and possibly even strangers. In turn the pressure is being out back onto ourselves.
On a more personal note: I don't feel others putting pressure on me, but I do feel that I am starting to pressure myself to lose weight. However there is not a certain amount I have in mind or a certain look I want to achieve. I just want to lose the weight I put on over the winter. I really did hibernate this winter and as a result my tummy is quite a bit flabbier!
- Jess

[childminerva]

Interesting that this has come up...my mom had me join a gym for women a few months ago, January actually, telling me that it was either that or yoga. I chose the gym. Anyway, she did that because I am lazy and do nothing but read. I'm actually quite small. What was a little hurtful was when my dad said I should definitely choose the gym because I didn't have any muscle tone in my legs. True, but still hurtful.
I've been going to the gym since January and I really enjoy it. The weight thing doesn't bother me, which is good because the fat that became muscle has added 4 pounds...!

[Apocalypticat]

I agree with Jessabelle that women are watching themselves more than what men want. There is a strong sense of competing with other women in this - and yes, it is quite ridiculous. However, I disagree that the media isn't putting pressure on. I think it is - though not necessarily deliberately. When newspapers salivate over stick-thin models and helpfully point out celebrities who have 'shockingly' gained weight, impressionable young girls are bound to start seeing being thin as being the key to success. There is a subconscious pressure to conform to these impossible images that one sees everywhere.

In response to original post - yes, though mainly been from myself rather than the people around me. However, yes I have had that experience with my aunt telling me that I looked 'chubby' and 'not as attractive' at one point. I was not pleased!

[snowcat]

I agree, I have lost weight over the past year, well, just becouse I felt happy and took walks and stuff and suddenly at a birthday party at my aunts it was: " You have changed so much!"
" Hey, you have lost weight!" You look much more attractive!" I have NEVER ever been so shocked. I was bombarded with this and I renember saying : " But what about me? wasin´t I good enough for you when I was a bit chubby ?. I had noticed that I had lost a little weight, but it was not very important for me. I have noticed all the obsession about losing weight...most of the girls at school don´t talk about much but to go exersising, i should not have eaten that...
There is cery much competicion amongst women about weight, beauty is now, being skinny but not being a lovely person, have a good heart, be happy, smiling...

Lise

[Isabelle]

Kate, I don't think your mom meant for her comment to be derogatory. Sometimes, my mom does the same thing, only it's more along lines of "did you remember to eat today?" I forget to eat quite a lot of the time.

Jessabelle, I really liked how you phrased your opinion. I agree totally with your argument. I am guilty of placing pressure on myself to lose weight, even when I don't need to and I unconsciously compare myself to others. I also think there is a tremendous amount of pressure to lose weight and kick obesity out the door, especially in America due to all these new health studies and reality TV shows like "The Biggest Loser" and "Honey, we're killing the Kids." To me, it is a bit over-dramatized, but I do think it's also a serious issue.

Losing weight for girls is especially strenuous because, as Jessabelle said, we are always trying to compete with each other, especially around the time of Prom. Most girls and even guys now feel that pressure, "If only I lose a little weight to fit a size or two lower than I'm at right now everything will be perfect...." Today, in class we were discussing the importance of eating for our impending backpacking trip and our teacher flat out said forget that diet for prom, keeping your body fueled is more important.

Though, I am never really trying to lose weight per se, I have felt pressure to do and I actually have lost quite a bit of weight since the school year began, mostly because of stress between school and work. I wasn't overweight in the beginning, so it was noticable that I had lost weight. My clothes all of a sudden became really baggy on me and the other day I caught a glimpse of my back in the mirrior and was really sickened and scared by it. I could see almost every vertabrae of my spine and all the tendons/muscles. My pelvic bones, collarbones, and those in my arms also jut out quite a bit now.

Kate, don't worry about trying to be skinny, it's not worth it! Just let it go in one ear and out the other. Trust me, I've gotten quite sick over this past school year from losing so much in a short amount of time, but I've gained back a little of the weight that I lost. From your picture, you look great!

Liz

[AshleyMcGonagall]

i agree with LIZ...i a lot of weight in a short amount of time.. but getting use to the whole high school thing and stress over exams can do that to you!..lol..but at the same time i feel as if i have to be skinny. i don't know why..its not pressure from the media or friends i just feel it.

[ravenhaired]

My mother was border-line annorexic, so I'm more pressured to keep at a decent balance more than anything else.

[beMMADfabulous]

ravenhaired said:

My mother was border-line annorexic, so I'm more pressured to keep at a decent balance more than anything else.

And my mother was bulimic, so I'd much rather be "healthy" than have an eating disorder.

[princessmai101]

My mother did the same thing to me. We were out shopping and she handed me a dress and i tried it on and i couldn't zip it up, so i asked for the next size and she went off on how i shouldn't sit around and eat all day. i dont, i eat a little during the day when i'm home alone and then i cook a big dinner for my family. It's not my fault she pulled me out of dance, my main form of exercise. i dont want to be super stick thin any more, i like having curves, guys like women with curves. i'm not overweight. in fact for my height i'm considered underwieght. You would think that after i was in the hospital for 6 months because of an eating disorder she would lay off. wow i really just went off there.
Maizie

[AshleyMcGonagall]

Its all good mazie.. better to let it out than keep it in. im 5'0 and 98 pounds...i was ana for a long time but i never told anyone...i still have problems with it though. The funy thing is that when i wasn't peoplle thought i was cuz i don't gain weight easily.
ASH

[princessmai101]

I know how it is. i was down to 68 pounds when i went into the hospital. today i am a happy 110. I had one relapse but other then that, i'm doing alot better.

[Jessabelle]

I am glad that this topic has come up. It is nice to read other's opinions that both agree and differ from my own in various ways. There seems to be a mutual agreement between us all that there is pressure being put on about weight. Whether the pressure is to maintain a healthy weight or one that is perhaps a little bit more or less then what may be deemed healthy for each individual, the fact remains that the pressure is there.
What we need to do is figure out how we can alleviate the pressure being put on ourselves and others. What can we honestly do and will the pressure ever go away? It seems that pressure on a woman's looks and behaviour has been around since the beginning of time.
Women before us have overcome a multitude of challenges in various countries. However, these challenges were political, social and based on equal rights as human beings. What we need to do is eradicate the idea that we are objects. This is an age old problem. Back in the day it was accepted in common society that women belonged to their husbands. Although this has changed, men still have a very strong and powerful hold over women. Why else would we “plasticise” ourselves?
What I think a great deal of us have forgotten is that too much of a good thing is bad. Moderation is the key. I have no objection to people getting a touch up here or there, however I myself never will. I don't deem it necessary and I believe that aging is a beautiful part of life that can be annoying or stressful even, but that is ultimately best when not worried about to the point of obsession. With age the average woman wrinkles, gains weight, sags a little and grey's. But why not stall this stuff from happening or try to make these changes minimal through natural means?
It has to do with laziness and a new found need for quick fixes. I will admit that while I truly do find ageing beautiful in most women because it seems to bring about a mature and elegant presence that is not commonly found in youth, I do not jump for joy when considering the changes that will take place. But I don't want to be 40 and aiming for a 20-year-old sized waist. It’s just not realistic and I feel that it is a waste of time.

[princessmai101]

Some women and girls devolp eating disorders, not because they feel pressured by themselves or others to fit a "the perfect body type" mold. Sometimes they go through extreme emotional or physical trauma and these trigger a reaction that ultimately causes them to rapidly lose weight. Even though i am a ballerina, it was never hinted at, or said out right that i needed to lose weight. I'm one of those whose disorder was triggered by trauma. I dont want the "perfect body". I never did.

Jessabelle brought up some interesting points. Women have been pressured since the begining of time to fit into a certian mold. They will continue to be pressured until the end time. Although the pop culture world is telling you that to be 6'2 and 90 pounds is to be beautiful and admired in the eyes of those who see you, especially men, if you ask them they tell you they like a girl with curves. My boyfriend and I were discussing this topic over dinner. ( I ate all mine and half of his) He told me that he and his army buddies, when they go out to a bar or some place, normally go for women who are average. By average, i mean heathly, whether that be a little curvacious or not depending on your body type.

[TartanLioness]

I've never had an eating disorder but a friend of mine has and I knew about it. I kept telling her to try and eat some more, tried to help her, do *something* (but a 14 year old can't really do that much..) . It ended when shepushed me completely away, saying that I was trying to make her fat and ugly. I was told by a mutual friend (who hadn't done anything but watch as our friend got skinnier and skinnier) that she had been in hospital and that she was feeling better. A few months later she called me and told me how sorry she was that she had pushed me away. We're still friends now and she's a lot more healthy thank god.

My older sister has always been the skinny one of us, though she has gained a bit now so she's really pretty, still slender and all. I enerv really minded all that much but lately (with teenage and such) it has meant more and more. I suppose it's the fact that while I stay balanced on the same weight (no comment as to how much ) my mother has been losing weight dramatically. So dramatically, in fact, that she bought a pair of jeans a few weeks ago that were a bit too tight and now they're too big. She has got into this whole health frenzy and it bothers me so much because she keeps verbally poking at me. So with a newly engaged slender and beautiful sister of 18, a mum that's a lot more slender than many of my classmates' mums and a best friend who is really thin as well, I'm starting to feel so incredibly fat, despite knowing that I'm not.

On the other hand, I've always been a lot more clever (school-wise) and she's never got a better grade than me. She had her English exam the day before mine and while she got 8 (that's basically middle-ish... ) I got 13 (which you just never get! 11 is cool [we don't use 12, don't ask me why] but 13 is like the grade you get if you know *more* than you're supposed to know and bla bla... [forgive my bragging, am excited!]) and I could totally see in her eyes how envious she was.

Sometimes I'd love to switch. To have her confidense (and body) for a single day.. oh well... guess I should work harder on losing weight, huh?

Technically no pressure on me to loose weight - except for from myself and sometimes I feel like from my mum as well... huh.

That was a longer response than I had thought it would be.. sorry.

[minervathegoddess]

I don't feel media pressure to be skinny, but I like to exercise daily, eat healthily and look after my body in general. I'm a size 8/6 and my weight doesn't fluctuate or anything, I don't crash diet I just eat stably all the time...I think people who crash diet are the ones that really have the problems. Well done with your English Grade! I came top of my year in Music recently and my teacher said she had never had a score like it before, and it was the same with my English, I came top of my year again! I know how you feel!

[emeraldeyes]

As I sit here eating yogurt (how I detest yogurt...) and reading this, I'm really thankful for all the replies that this topic has gotten, and for the differences of views and opinions. Time again to add my two cents.

I've never been ana or bul. I've never crash dieted, nor dieted, really, except for that time before black belt testing... But that was special. I've watched as the media shows us these skinny girls, these stick women with fake blonde hair (nothing against blondes.. or fakes.) and purse dogs waltzing around in clothes made for them by designers. I know in my heart that one day, that won't be me. If anything, I enjoy having curves, even if it makes me insecure about some boyfriends, etc. I get easily frusterated when I go shopping and see sizes in zeros and ones, and many much larger sizes, and for the short, skinny girls of our generation. At 5'9" and about 130 pounds, I find shopping for jeans almost impossible. I take a size 6, due to my hips, and a long due to my legs. Every once in a while, I find a 6Long in American Eagle jeans, but nothing else seems to fit, and that bothers me. Also, shirts seemed aimed at those on the small or larger side. I don't know why people believe that if you're relatively skinny, you have near to no chest, and if you're larger, you have a larger chest. I'm skinnyish with a large chest. I love shopping, and yet, I hate it.

Finally (I'm on a clothes kick, don't ask me why.) I dislike how the sizes that flatter stick people are made in the generous sizes for the generous women. You would think it logical that if a skinny style works for skinny people, then MAYBE that same syle won't work for someone with rounder hips and thighs, or a more expansive bosom. I think it's a bit inconsiderate, and demeaning on the larger womens' perceptions of themselves, if they try to by nice looking clothes... And can't find anything they feel beautiful in.

I'm not really sure if any of that made sense, or if I might get tossed out on my bum for my thoughts, but that's just what they are. Thoughts. In reply to Jessabelle... What *can* we do? I'd love to put one of our confident, not-stick girls out into the media, and say, "THiS is what being a woman is about!" but I'm not sure we would be able to do that. I don't mean any disrespect, honestly, I just want to hear some opinions. I think it'd be great if we could touch people through a little discussion started on a wonderfully MMAD board....

Ideas?

Thanks for the replies. They are great.

[ravenhaired]

I think a lot of pressure comes from other girls, as well. I know a lot of stick thin girls that will laugh at the more rounded ones.

[emeraldeyes]

That's rather crap of them!! I hate how being thin makes -some people- (not all, mind you!) think they are better than others. It isn't a huge problem at my school, so far as I can tell, but I know that any sort of teasing can cause deep damage. Heck, any teasing flat out sucks!

[ravenhaired]

*nods*

I know what you mean. A lot of people can say things, even in jest, and not realise how much hurt they are actually causing!

[meep]

Is it me, or do some people tend to notice how you look instead of actually talking to you and getting to know you? Because I got "Are you anorexic?" From people at my secondary school when I started, and I'm not. I'm 5ft 10 in, and I weigh about 7.5-8 stone, and it's like they judge you before they know you! That's not right! I was really offended by that comment at the time. The media's vision of beauty is getting way too far out of hand, I mean they Airbrush models to make them seem flawless. That is just projecting a flase image to everyone, when it's just an illusion.

[emeraldeyes]

My cousins are like that. Whenever I see them, it's usually at the family cottage where they basically mass produce food, and I hate that kind. So when I eat, it was something "normal" or ice cream in town, etc. My cousins would pester me so bad! "Are you anorexic?!"

Just because they never saw me eat (I eat a lot, mind you...) they assume that I'm anorexic. That bugged me for a long time...

By the way.. What's "stone?" I mean, I know what it is, but measure wise... Pound wise.. I don't know. lol

[Virtuoso]

I'm pretty sure a stone is somewhere around fourteen pounds, but I could be wrong. My statements are known to turn out that way rather frequently.

A lot of people assume that I'm anorexic because I simply don't eat. It's not that I think I'm fat, or anything - in fact, I get upset when I lose weight (I'm down to 107 from 115) - but I'm just never hungry. When I am hungry, I have the unfortunate tendency to get distracted (usually writing, doing homework, or crocheting) and forget to eat.

The extremely bad thing about my habits, though, is that I'm highly hypoglycaemic and basically on the edge of diabetes, so when I haven't eaten in awhile, I just sort of... keel over. O-o; It sucks, but because of my eating patterns, my stomach is extremely small. Even when I'm hungry, I can only eat a little bit before I start to feel extremely ill. It sucks.

EDIT: Woman, you are just too freakin' tall. I'm a year older than you and five inches shorter. >.>;

EDIT II: And for clarification, I mean Kate. ;D

[meep]

Who me?

[emeraldeyes]

Well... I'm taller. And younger. But Nikki is a little on the short side, although her boyfriend makes up for it with his semi-clown feet. Just kidding; Love you Nikki, and Sean rocks!

[Virtuoso]

We have a step-stool in the bathroom, because none of the three girls who make up our household can reach the top shelf. My mother's the exact same height, weight, and build as me, which is hideously depressing, because it probably means that I'm done growing for the rest of my life. >.<

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is 6'2 and still going, and weighs 190 pounds. The reference to his 'clown feet' is because he wears size 16 shoes.

A lot of people are actually afraid of him on the rare occasion that he gets angry (and good God, you should probably stay out of his way, then...), but anybody who knows him is aware of his puppydog tendencies. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

[emeraldeyes]

I got it again. From my mother. We went shopping and I had a horrible! time because nothing was fitting me right! And she kept dropping hints that I should eat better, work out more, stuff like that.

All of this while she's buying me junky foods for breakfast and greasy food for dinner.

I wish she'd make up her mind. Either she let's me be "unhealthy" or she actually backs up what she says.

Disgusted,
Kate

[princessmai101]

Omg!!!! ok.. i'm at my grams' house and my uncle lives nearby and he always stops buy for lunch. so today i had just finished eating my lunch(sweet and sour chicken..yum) when he got there. i was eating out of my pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. He made so many comments just like he always does. i couldn't even enjoy my Dublin Mudslide. it was really a depressing day after he left. I love him to death, he's my favorite uncle but i want to kill some times for his comments. i felt really fat and kinda ugly after that. ugh.... why cant people make up their minds, my mom says i'm chunky , my grams says i'm to skinny so she been baking and most everyone else in family has opion as well. cant they just leave me well enough alone. i'm healthy and i'm happy with myself. i so cannot wait to move to new york in the fall.
Also Disgusted,
Maizie