Joke Day

[blackmagic]

Joke Day

Characters and Places and all that are not mine. Thank you for the loans J. K. Rowling. I am most acutely aware that I should be ending my other fic, but this idea wouldn’t go away.

Albus has tried to lighten the mood at Hogwarts with a day of laughter, but Minerva is not laughing. This story is set at the start of Harry’s forth year.

***

Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall determined that this had quite possibly been the single worst day she had ever spent at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as she made her way from her chambers in Gryffindor Tower to the Great Hall for dinner. The Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had established the first annual Hogwarts Joke Day and Minerva was glad that she had survived the ordeal. She had to admit, it was a good idea in theory, but in practice it was a far different story. Merriment turned to mayhem and the harmless jests between students and faculty developed a more malicious quality. Honestly, who wouldn’t have a laugh at their professors’ expense after being given a carte blanche to do so from their Headmaster?

If Minerva’s day was any indication, no one could resist that temptation and it had utterly destroyed her usual daily routine. She had awoken two hours early because someone, who she later found out was Poppy Pomfrey, had set her alarm clock ahead. That was harmless, but as the day went on, the jokes got crueler. Her breakfast plate had been levitated just out of her reach for the duration of the meal. She had been bombarded by paper airplanes by her first years. Her second years had replaced her usual correcting ink with invisible ink and had hid after class to take delight from her frustration. She had spent so much time with that infernal ink that she had been later than she had expected to the outdoor lesson she and Hagrid were conducting on the relationship between transfiguration and nature and by the time she got there Hagrid had already dismissed the students and then told her he had cast a sort of invisibility spell on them accidentally. She spent over an hour searching for them. She had not realized the prank that had been played on her until she heard the distinctive laughter of one Ronald Weasley. Everyone was on there way to lunch and she was still out there trying to find her students. These were all harmless good natured jokes. Those were fine, but then other things started to happen.

As she made her way through the intensely crowded hallway, she felt someone’s hands on her back. To her absolute shock they began to unbutton the long row of buttons going down her back. It was too crowded to turn around, but she did manage to move one hand from her side to her back in a successful attempt to halt their progress. She was only given a few moments to relax before she felt the unknown hands slip down her back to the clasp of her skirt. She was nearly in tears by the time she got to lunch.

To Be Continued... Soon. I Promise.

[emeraldeyes]

Aww!! Poor Min!! I love it!! More, Please!!

[Lady Lavendar]

Poor girl. That must have been some day! please write more!

[Jessabelle]

Sounds stressful, write again soon.

[TartanLioness]

oooh, please update! what an awful day day for poor Min!

[angeldust]

Oh poor Minerva you must update soon!

[TheGryffindorSeeker]

poor minerva lol.....cant wait for update. REally good, can't belive you left it on a cliffy, so mean lol

Great fic

[Dr Madwoman]

Awww...poor Minerva! *Whips out wand* Don't worry, I'll help you out...

[ismaco]

I hope you can update soon.
Your story is great. Poor min!
Isabel

[zoeteproet]

I want an update! Who would do something like that to Min?!

[palanfanaiel]

ARgh!!! This is bloody hilarious! I [glow=red,2,300]NEED[/glow] an update ,)

Poor Min though! My guess is on Albie being the perhaps invisible person....

Pal

[blackmagic]

This is The Fic That Doesn't End! I have been a little lacking in the Internet department so I just kept writing. It's still not done (14 chapters later). The good news is that those of you who like it have much more to come.


As she turned into the Great Hall, Minerva felt the clasp of her skirt release and the zipper begin to slide down. It was a fortunate accident that she met Albus Dumbledore in a corner which was, by some miracle, free of others. She immediately told him of her most recent and unsettling practical joke to be played on her. His concern was instantly evident in his eyes. He watched her remedy the problem with her skirt and then try to attempt to re-button the back of her blouse and he was left speechless. She had gracefully slipped out of her emerald green outer robe and as she struggled with the buttons she could not quite reach Albus admired his friend and colleague in a far more intimate way than was proper for either position. He had always been attracted to her, but ever since the Chamber of Secrets had been opened two years before that attraction had grown into a sever case of unrequited love. He longed to take her in his arms, kiss her, and tell her that he would love her and adore her forever. She was perfection in his eyes and he wondered why in the name of Merlin she had been hiding a figure like that for all this years. The black silk blouse and skirt with gathering down the front which made up her inner robes were much more fitted than anything else he had ever seen her in - hugging her large breasts and narrow waist. The A-line skirt accentuated her hips and bottom very nicely as well. With a high collar, long sleeves, and a hem which skimmed the floor they were not at all revealing, and yet as Albus watched her his mind raced with thoughts of her which were very unprofessional to say the least.

He was brought back to reality by a soft touch on his hand and the low, velvety voice of Minerva McGonagall. "Albus, are you alright?" He looked into a pair of emerald green eye which were filled with concern and more than a little confusion. "I am quite well, my love. May I be of assistance?" he smiled warmly. "What?" she stepped closer as he realized what exactly he had called her. He had to come up with something quick. "I do apologize, my dear. I had been meaning to tell you how lovely you look today and my two thoughts seem to have merged in a manner most embarrassing for me. I hope that my comment did not offend you." "Of course not," she said, "I understand." Albus breathed a small sigh of relief - she'd bought it. He was behind her now and Minerva felt him begin to close the remaining buttons on her blouse. "Why didn't you just use a spell?" he asked. "Why didn't you?" she retorted.

An awkward silence fell over the two. As Albus once again began to work on those buttons, Minerva felt her heart beat faster and her mind began to wander as she did her best to maintain her facade. He could never love her - she was sure of this. He had not meant what he had said - his love. She longed to be his love and hearing him say that he had merely misspoke hurt her more than she cared to admit. He had, through no fault of his own, played the cruelest of jokes on her. She closed her eyes and savored his touch, imagining he was lightly rubbing her back and saying he loved her softly. "My love," she murmured, a twinge of sadness in her voice.

"Minerva?" She opened her eyes to see Albus looking over her shoulder looking awfully confused. "It's nothing. I was just thinking about your mistake. I never thanked you." "Whatever for?" he asked a bit surprised. "Well, you had said that I look lovely and I have yet to thank you. I don't often get compliments and that would make it all the more discourteous if I failed to do so, so thank you, Albus, that's very sweet of you. As to your earlier question about the spell, I really just wasn't thinking. Sorry. Thank you for your help as well." She smiled but her eyes betrayed the hurt within her and it did not go unnoticed by Albus. "Not at all, my dear," he said as he gave her a soft pat on the back. Albus did not pressure her to tell him what had her so upset. He assumed that it had something to do with the fact that someone had unbuttoned her clothing in the middle of a crowded hallway. She would surely tell him when she was ready. He helped her put her outer robe back on. "Shall we go to lunch, my dear and lovely Minerva?" Albus said as he offered her his arm. Minerva blushed a lovely shade of pink. "A woman as stunning as you should hear compliments more often," he whispered smiling and with blue eyes twinkling. Her blush deepened as she took his arm.

[palanfanaiel]

Bugger, it couldn't have been Albus then!!!

Anyways, lovely chapter, you have just made my day - and you say you've got loads of chapters yet.. That sounds wonderful..

P

[Jessabelle]

Good chapter! Albus was very flirtatous! I really like the way you had Albus cover up his "mistake", it was a very believable to accept that Minerva took it as the truth. More often then not I find that haveing Albus saying something kind of stupid or just mumbling and having Min believe it is kind of out of character for both of them, depends on the fic. Anyways, great update! Please post again soon!
- Jess

[angeldust]

Lovely chapter but who is the perosn who did that to Min!!! Though it brought flirtiness (YAY!) it was still bang out of order.

[BlazeFourPaws]

Absolutely great.

[idealrain]

Perhaps someone is trying to give them a hint? this is very intiguring...

[blackmagic]

I am pleased that you all seem to enjoy my endless fic. I am also quite amused by the impatience surrounding certain events. I do promise that all will be answered by the end (whenever that may be), but until then I will continue to toy with you all.

Before the meal, Albus made an announcement concerning Joke Day. “We must all remember that our rules regarding proper conduct still apply. Crossing the line from fun to mistreatment will result in the deduction of house points and disciplinary action. Also, I would like to remind all of you that Joke Day ends at the start of dinner.” Returning to his seat, Albus took Minerva’s hand, startling her. He leaned in close and whispered “The rest of your day should go smoothly now, my dear.” He looked at her and noticed her blush. He smiled and was surprised when she did not smile in return. In fact, she looked even more upset and had turned away from him. “You know I’m always here for you when you need me, Minerva,” he said giving her hand a final squeeze before turning his attention to the food in front of him. Surely she would confide in him in due time.

Minerva’s heart was breaking. Why was he sending such mixed messages? He had told her he had merely misspoken but his comments and touches felt so sincere and loving. “Why am I torturing myself?” she thought. “He will never be anything more to me than a dear friend. He does not feel that way for me. He said so himself. This must be his joke to play on me. Oh why does it hurt so badly? Why is he being so cruel?” Minerva was unaware of the tear beginning to slide silently down her cheek. “Minerva, what’s the matter, my love? Why are you crying?” he said softly as he placed one hand on hers and the other on her shoulder.

The realization that she had in fact been crying, something she never did, in front of everyone coupled with Albus’ second slip of the tongue was more than she could take. “A fine joke Albus! Really! Now if you don’t think it too inconvenient, I have some work to do and since the Headmaster’s spending his day being a foolish adolescent, I guess I’ll be running the school as well. Good Day!” As she walked angrily out of the Great Hall, Albus was shocked at his own thoughts. While he was very worried about Minerva, quite curious as to what joke he had apparently played on her, and what the source of her obvious discomfort was, the preveiling thought in his mind as he watched her leave had to do with the shapeliness of her bottom and his disappointment at not being able to get a better look at it. “If only she didn’t have that outer robe on…” he thought aloud. Severus Snape raised an eyebrow as he followed Albus’ gaze. “Surely, Professor, you must be joking,” he said acerbically.

Rolanda Hooch, who had also heard and was shocked by his comment, decided to offer her assistance. With a swish of her wand the offending garment was removed, much to Minerva’s surprise, and was floating in front of the head table. Minerva turned and went back to retrieve her robe. “I will get you for this, Rolanda Hooch!” she thought amid the whistles and catcalls of students who knew they could not be punished for it this one day. If looks could kill, they would all be dead, but Albus would have died happily as she glared icily at him, draped her robe over her arm, and walked out without putting it back on. Albus smiled at both the view before him and the ever so pale blush which he was convinced had graced her cheeks as she turned the corner. "When did she start blusing? She's never been one to blush before," he muttered under his breath. He would run the whole incident by Fawkes later in the day.

[LadyJolly]

heheheheh ;D he talks to Fawkes. I wish I had a pet to talk to...then again..nah. Awesome update! Keep up the great work

Lady Jolly

[angeldust]

Humm well I also talk to my pets and they have always been a great form of comfort ! Wonderful chapter though I do feel rather sorry for Min the poor girl must be totally embarrassed!

[blackmagic]

I was hoping to wait until I got more feedback before I posted another chapter, but, alas, this was not to be. I just outlined another section of my Neverending Fanfic which I have conservativly estimated to be about three more chapters - grand total: 18. This is insane! Please keep leaving feedback because it gives me insentive to write more and I need that now. Enjoy


The second half of Minerva’s day did not go any better. Her forth year class had released all of the mice she used for her class into the classroom. She had needed a few moments to compose herself after lunch which had resulted in her being uncharacteristically late to class. She quickly transformed into her animagus for and began to round up the mice.

She had actually enjoyed catching the mice and was begining to think that Albus may have been right about her day getting better when Draco Malfoy grabbed her and picked her up by the back of the neck. “Let’s see if cats really do land on their feet,” he said heading for the nearest window. “How many floors are we up again?” he laughed. As he held Minerva out the window the class went from joking to pleading for their professor’s safety. It was these cries plus the sound of a frantic cat which got the attention of Professor Dumbledore as he made his way back to his office after a walk. It was a very serious Albus Dumbledore who stormed into Minerva McGonagall’s transfiguration class.

“Bring Professor McGonagall back inside this instant!” Draco did as he was told and as soon as he set her down on the floor Minerva returned to her human form and was immediately hugged by Hermione Granger. She was off balance and she stumbled backward into a set of shelves. She slid awkwardly to the floor. She was frightened and shaking. Albus knelt beside her and pulled her into his arms. He was surprised at the level of her resistance.

In a short time she relaxed and leaned into him. He smiled as she shifted to a more comfortable sitting position which made her easier to hold. He liked that and began to play with a lock of her hair which had come loose from the bun she always wore her hair in. "She doesn't seem to mind," he thought, "maybe this could go further. Maybe she feels something as well... no that's not possible." He refused to hope that she had any sort of attraction to him. He unknowingly pulled her closer and she sighed contentedly.

A bit later he noticed her expression was one of discomfort and embarrassment. She began to wiggle. He began to rub her back in gentle circles in an attempt to soothe her as he reprimanded Draco. “That type of conduct is inexcusable. Animagi have the ability to change into an animal form, however, they may or may not develop all of the abilities which that animal has in nature. Add to that the fact that cats do not land on their feet all of the time, but rather most of the time and I think you will see how very dangerous your actions were. While I do not doubt Professor McGonagall’s abilities as an animagus, I do not wish to put her to the test with a four story fall. Fifty points will be deducted from Slytherin and I am sending you to meet with Professor Snape as soon as an appointment can be arranged. Also, you are to write a twenty page paper on the importance of safety in magical learning. Class is now dismissed unless Professor McGonagall has any objections.” Minerva was still fidgeting and didn’t say a word. She nodded her approval without making eye contact. Albus held Minerva firmly. She was squirming a lot now and he couldn’t understand why she would not look at him. “What’s wrong, dear?” he finally asked. “I’m sitting in something, Albus.”

[angeldust]

Joke day was not a good idea at all poor Minerva it's turned into torture for the poor thing. I HATE DRACO! How could he do that, that inhumane little shit! Good job Albus was there even though I’m sure Minerva could have handled it eventually.

[Catekat]

Yay!! I didn't check this story for updates for a few days, and then WHAM! Three! This story is wonderful. It took a very different direction than I thought it would, but it's still great. Please update!

[Dianna B]

I totally love this story, Draco is a poo head though!! Poor Minerva! can't wait for the next update! ;D

[palanfanaiel]

Awww poor Minerva! I wonder what's she's sitting in! ;D

[Jessabelle]

eww .. Sitting in someting? Like what? Please update again soon.

[littlemorgsi]

It just doesn't stop for Minerva does it? Poor woman is probably on the verge of a breakdown.

[Minnie]

Do continue!

[LadyJolly]

Maybe she's sitting on a mouse ehehhe. Poor Minerva. Draco is really one stupid idiot! Hope more is on the way.

Lady Jolly

[blackmagic]

I apologize for my lack of updates, but I've been very busy. Thanks to my stressful lifestyle I am now sick and have been confined to my bed, or a least to a much lighter schedule, for the next 24-48 hrs. Grrrrr. Anyway, thank you very much for the feedback. So sorry for leaving you mid-scene like that. Enjoy.


”I’m so embarrassed,” Minerva said as she hid her face in her hands. He quickly helped her to her feet and saw that her tube of hand cream was on the floor very near where she had been sitting and he pointed it out to her. It was opened. He guessed in must have been knocked off one of the shelves in all the commotion. She must have leaned on the tube when she fell, accidentally squeezing out some of its contents onto the floor before unknowing sitting in it. She cast several cleaning spells on herself and her clothes, but she couldn’t get the stain out of her outer robe so she removed it. “Do I have anything on the back of my skirt or did I get it all off?” a much calmer Minerva asked turning her back to him.

Albus could not believe what was happening. Minerva was asking him to look at her bottom and he was not quite sure he could do as she asked without giving away how he felt. He let his eyes move down slowly over her body and noticed a bit of dust on her skirt. “It looks like there's something there, my dear,” he said and without thinking he placed his hand on her bottom. She inhaled quickly. He rubbed her a little before he realized what he was doing, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he liked how it felt to touch her that way. She was so soft and she seemed to fit so well in his arms … and hands. His thoughts got away from him and he gave Minerva a light, playful grab, which elicited gasped “Oh!” from her. He saw her shock and discomfort and quickly moved his hand. "Umm... it's gone now, dearest," he said with a half hearted smile. He hadn’t been thinking and now he was babbling apologies. She moved away from him and backed herself into a corner. There was a long silence. For Minerva this was painful and awkward. For Albus this was the point at which he made a big decision – he had to tell her how he felt and he had to do it today.

Minerva broke the tension by waking over to a desk between them and picking up her robe. “I’ll have this laundered tomorrow, but for now I guess I’ll have to teach my Yule Ball dance lesson in this,” she said and vanished her outer robe to her bedroom. “I think you look lovely, my dear, and any young man of Gryffindor will be happy to dance with you, though if I may be so bold…” He gathered up all of his Gryffindor courage, took a step nearer, and with a few muttered words her hair was free from its bun and a touch of red lipstick had appeared on her lips. To say she was stunned would be the understatement of the century. “No, Albus, please," she murmured. "No. I…I can’t be late. It’s a double class. Severus needs my help and…” Her voice trailed off as she looked into Albus’ twinkling blue eyes. She found herself unable to break eye contact.

“Now, my dear, where is our dance lesson?” he asked. “Our lesson, Albus?” Her deep green eyes were almost his undoing and he had to resort to thinking about his taxes in order to keep himself from misbehaving any more. Those eyes and the woman behind them were so enchanting - how could she not see that? He had to tell her soon before he did something that would certainly ruin their decades-long friendship – grabbing her and kissing her until he had to come up for air was an idea which had been floating around in his head all day ever since early that morning when he watched a particularly "pleasing" dream about Minerva in his pensieve that morning. Thinking of it made him smile as he spoke. “It has been quite a few years since I’ve done any dancing and I would love to have my refresher course in ballroom dancing taught by such a beautiful woman. Professor McGonagall, will you take me on as a student if I promise to behave myself and not play pranks on you?” He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "There is something I must tell you though, my love," he whispered quietly into her ear as his other arm found its way around her waist as well.This joke had gone far enough for Minerva.

Anger shown on her face. “Stop this! It isn’t funny in the least and, quite frankly, I’m sick of it! Honestly, I don’t know what you’re getting out of this cruel game, Albus! I’m begging you – please stop!” Minerva pulled herself from his arms and left him standing alone in her classroom before he had a full grasp of what had happened. Albus looked at one of the mice in the cage on the shelf next to him. ”Do you know what I did wrong?” he asked. The mouse made no reply.